Kids: Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting... - FML

By Jessica - 15/05/2009 00:03 - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 878

You deserved it 47 391

Good kid

I'm just saying…

Pseudoscience [gone sexual!!]

By maxmess - 21/06/2016 21:39

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. I'm obsessive about cleanliness and neatness. They're candidates for a certain show about hoarders. I want to shower in bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 001

You deserved it 1 105

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Spicy

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 826

You deserved it 20 583

By Anonymous1221 - 21/11/2016 07:12

Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 077

You deserved it 1 436

It's just a ride

By fatherof4 - 26/07/2021 04:01

Today, I realized that this is it. We are here for the blink of an eye, then dead. What if God doesn’t exist, then nothing has any meaning. I’ve been almost frozen in terror at this thought for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 511

By pokie - 30/08/2009 05:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 785

You deserved it 9 354

Oh no!

By AnnoyedandAutistic - 01/06/2017 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were eating breakfast at my strict Christian grandparent's house when he said that it was impossible for anyone bigger than a grapefruit to be swallowed by a whale. My grandmother asked him, "What about Jonah?" to which he replied, "Oh, that's just a myth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 932

You deserved it 609

By messyvictor - 28/01/2012 16:19 - United States

Today, my mom told me to clean the house up because she wants to make good impression on the cleaning lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 327

You deserved it 3 068

By squirt - 05/07/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger and squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 986

You deserved it 3 542

By heartbroken - 30/03/2011 00:15 - United States

Today, I managed to convince the girl of my dreams to stop being so shy, and put herself out there to get her crush to make a move. It worked. And yet as it turns out, I'm not her crush after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 459

You deserved it 13 758

By Crystal - 08/03/2010 21:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I showed my fiancé the darling Tinkerbell hoodie I'd bought myself during the weekend. Instead of liking it as I'd hoped, he told me my childish wardrobe was embarrassing, and he wasn't going to be seen in public with me until I wore something different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 890

You deserved it 51 821

By oh my dad - 13/02/2013 16:45 - United States - Florence

Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 314

You deserved it 28 925

Burned!

By nali1122 - 22/10/2019 12:00

Today, I received a text forward from a good friend inviting me to his birthday party. Jokingly, I texted back, "No. I hate you and I don't want to go to your lame party." He replied with an apology for the mix-up, because he'd accidentally sent me the invite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 2 506

By Tim - 03/08/2011 07:40 - United States

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 818

You deserved it 6 134

By Anonymous - 29/05/2018 15:00

Today, I fell and impaled my leg on a steel rod at work. The first guy to respond to my agonised cry for help must’ve been a total moron because he thought it was a prank and yanked on the rod to see how it worked. Then he asked if I did it on purpose to get a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 686

You deserved it 215

Cute

By eyesightfail - 21/11/2009 23:02 - United States

Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 429

You deserved it 15 475

By Anonymous - 01/10/2013 20:25 - Canada - Dollard-des-ormeaux

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 484

You deserved it 3 314

By noname - 03/01/2009 03:26 - France

Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 434

You deserved it 2 495

Cool

By daisythebunny1988 - 21/03/2020 00:01

Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 184

By doomeddaddy - 03/08/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 188

You deserved it 3 218

By preggersmcgee - 22/10/2012 16:09 - United States - Nixa

Today, I finally found a cute dress that hugged my curves and hid my imperfections. I wore it to my friend's house, and was feeling pretty good about myself, until some pregnant woman walked into the room wearing the exact same thing. It was a maternity dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 555

You deserved it 7 243

By you fuckhobbit - 23/12/2012 22:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on my favourite forum when I saw a guy ranting at some pro-lifer fanatic. For fun, I replied "umad bro?" apparently moments after the forum founder also left an angry reply. I'm now banned for a month for "trolling the founder" and all my posts have vanished without a trace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 025

You deserved it 36 435

By Anonymous - 05/05/2009 10:32 - United States

Today, I was insulted online by a teenager who said that I was probably a fat loser that still lives with their mother and a couple of cats. They were right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 190

You deserved it 58 269

By Anonymous - 01/04/2018 05:00

Today I went in for an STD test. The Q-tip broke off in my urethra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 390

You deserved it 412

By lk07 - 12/07/2019 16:00

Today, when I bent down to get something off a low shelf at the grocery store, I felt my shorts split wide open at the butt. All my husband did was make jokes about "that's not how you do the splits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 213

Thanks but no thanks.

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 16:00

Today, as my husband and I were leaving our wedding reception, my mother-in-law hugged me and whispered in my ear, "You're gonna do great tonight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 388

You deserved it 466

By grossedout - 22/05/2015 15:02 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had to ask one of my coworkers if we were supposed to return a client's teeth to her. I work at a jewellery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 872

You deserved it 2 211

Honest

By fml1977 - 04/03/2010 06:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 255

You deserved it 7 955

By Anonymous - 10/09/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. I ran off the road, taking out a fence and totaling my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded, "My tom-tom told me to turn left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 284

You deserved it 2 618

By "jojolovesyou134" - 31/03/2019 14:00 - Australia

Today, I decided to stand up to my bosses for making me lose money and work with heat stroke... while my co worker got to go home early I had to work 2 hours later. Turns out I got a supervisor in trouble for making me work when there was help allocated. Now I have to walk on eggshells, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 101

You deserved it 219

By Anonymous - 10/05/2014 17:56 - United States

Today, I was looking at some cellphones with my dad, when an assistant asked if we needed help. My dad said, "Yeah, does this have parental controls? My son watches some freaky stuff, some damn freaky stuff." I don't watch anything weird, but thanks for humiliating me, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 439

You deserved it 4 541

By :| - 26/09/2015 04:10 - New Zealand - Nelson

Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 645

You deserved it 4 242

By overlandparkmommie - 14/05/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 353

You deserved it 3 716

By mr_loveless - 11/02/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 242

You deserved it 10 641

By alicia75 - 26/03/2014 23:45 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my teacher told us at least 7 different stories about his cat, Jeremy, and how much he eats. And he wonders why we never get anything done in his class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 027

You deserved it 3 542

The grind mindset

By How?! - 06/10/2021 02:00

Today, after enduring chemo, radiation treatments and several surgeries in order to beat cancer, being immunocompromised and catching Covid, I haven’t been able to work for years. Despite all that, I still get told I’m lazy and need to "just go get a job" when I try to get social security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 59

By shake666 - 04/12/2015 17:50 - United States - Fremont

Today, I presented my assigned chapter for a book we're currently reading in my English class. I really like the book, so I've been reading ahead. When I summarized the chapter, I accidentally spoiled a major plot twist that was actually in the next chapter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 059

You deserved it 13 052

By kdeeeceee - 09/11/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 439

You deserved it 4 555

By disappointed - 23/09/2011 03:08 - United States

Today, after having saved up my money for months to buy my college-bound son the car of his dreams, I got a phone call telling me it had been totalled during a drag-race. I only gave him the keys two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 176

You deserved it 14 085

By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 04:43 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I learned that my favorite book series is coming to the end. I had to leave the store and sit in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 114

You deserved it 9 029

User review

By Anna - 06/07/2011 06:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my ex-boyfriend posted on my boyfriend's Facebook wall. Apparently, I give awful blowjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 050

You deserved it 11 654

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Top comments

EmbalmingTheatre 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:23

O my god, fuck your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*

24788 6

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:33

What the fuck? Fuck your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.

Comments

EmbalmingTheatre 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:23

O my god, fuck your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*

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Wednesday 10 March 2010 13:54

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:37

your a fag for saying "2nd", but omggg ! that sucks! lol.

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Friday 2 April 2010 10:56

LOL ydi.

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Sunday 25 April 2010 4:28

looks like you have a problem to deal with

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 12:04

#162 your only about 160 off

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:27

lock her in her room like a bad dog. (no raging clue joke... just no.)

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:30

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

raptorjesus94 0

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:01

nice cleavage, btw.

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Sunday 4 July 2010 7:50

lol yeah agreed

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Tuesday 6 March 2012 3:55

Titties!

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Monday 20 August 2012 2:02

sloooot

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Friday 28 September 2012 23:06

Uhmmm.... I think you need to go back to 1st grade English class.

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:32

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

longtimesunshine 4

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 7:09

a bit harsh, no? they need to be open with her and explain she needs to stop doing this motion; simply grounding her and locking get in her room will confuse her. stop treating children like animals.

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 15:57

ground the six year old? are you twelve? you don't know anything. six year olds don't know what privacy is.

verlorenerFall 8

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Thursday 22 September 2011 22:41

The girl is SIX not sixteen.. Harsh much?

rinzlerkitty94 31

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Monday 28 December 2015 18:01

You don't know much about children, do you? You don't ground a 6 year old for walking into your bedroom, especially if you're stupid enough to have sex without locking the door. Just put her in a time out until the guests leave, and then explain to her that she shouldn't be doing things like that.

24788 6

Send a private message

Friday 15 May 2009 10:33

What the fuck? Fuck your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.

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Wednesday 23 February 2011 13:45

grow up

simpleplan239999 1

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Monday 2 May 2011 23:28

whoaa your abs areee reallllyyy hot

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Monday 30 May 2011 2:37

dude, its sex, not freaking... well i dont know, i dont think anything could make me cut my own eyes out, and im not the kinda person who's afraid to poke em ;D

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Thursday 11 August 2011 22:55

Nice body,(;

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:37

This is why you chain yo- hire a babysitter.

Rachelxxx13xxx 0

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Monday 21 February 2011 15:47

lmao !

DegrassixDigimon 5

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 13:34

LOL.

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:37

Mmmmmmmm... kinky!!! Love your daughter!!!

boyslikegirls97 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 17:18

creep.... she's 6

Blanadestroyer 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:38

No big deal if the guest are coming for a swingers party!

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:39

hhahahhaha best FML i've read in so long

aback 4

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:40

Better learn how to make her mind, or there'll be hell to pay when she's a teenager.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 15

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 57

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 254