Kids: Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As... - FML

29/06/2015 21:52 - United States - Tupelo

Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 964

You deserved it 1 797

Dysfunctional

The smell detective is on the case

Are you sure you're OK?

28/09/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, after coming home from hanging out with a few friends, my mom told me that I shouldn't hang out with them any more. Why? Because "they are way hotter than I am and I'll never get a boyfriend if I'm always the ugly one in my group." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 652

You deserved it 3 406

OCD FML

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 06:01 - Germany

Today, my teeth feel dirty. Just go brush them, right? Actually, I just did. Thoroughly and meticulously, for several minutes, until both my arm and my gums hurt. Yep, still feel dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 194

06/11/2013 17:27 - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 619

You deserved it 4 771

14/05/2010 04:33 - Canada

Today, after taking a pregnancy test and carefully disposing of all the evidence so no one would find out, I realized I left the receipt for it on the bathroom counter. I noticed too late as I watch my mom step out of the bathroom, and my step-father go in right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 071

You deserved it 32 280

The long goodbye

By yupimher - 12/10/2019 22:00

Today, I found out my job is trying to get me to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 141

8 out of 10 orthopedists

By Anonymous - 15/05/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, I had a talk with my orthopedist about getting back to fitness training. However, according to her, all my favorite exercises, although taught to me by professionals, are "things one should never do" and "very very bad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 83

31/08/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 570

You deserved it 7 859

02/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Spicy

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 433

You deserved it 6 760

22/10/2014 00:36 - United States - Owings Mills

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 582

You deserved it 28 187

09/02/2019 02:00

Today, I had a dream where I was imagining myself hooking up with a really hot girl. Not a sex dream. A dream where I was sitting in a room alone and imagining myself hooking up with this really hot girl. Even in my dreams I can only imagine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 171

You deserved it 234

05/04/2012 20:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got my license. Instead of congratulating me, my buddies created a betting pool for when I get into a serious accident. Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 779

You deserved it 3 811

17/03/2010 12:48 - France

Spicy

Today, the guy I hooked up with last weekend texted me that I needed to "landscape my front lawn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 035

You deserved it 28 651

03/12/2010 17:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother asked me to drill a hole in one of the studs in her ceiling. Finding it a little odd, I asked her about it. It turns out she's installing the sex swing her boyfriend bought her, and I got to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 426

You deserved it 3 134

06/07/2009 06:49 - United States

Today, I was skating with my friends and I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was "Look out!" I am now with twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 953

You deserved it 8 846

30/09/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 322

You deserved it 3 213

08/07/2009 14:01

Today, I sat on an elevator for 10 minutes thinking I was stuck. After waiting awhile I looked at the screen to see what floor I was stuck on, only to realize I hadn't pressed a button so I had just stayed on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 249

You deserved it 63 804

26/10/2018 12:00

Today, I went commando for the first time at school. It went really well until gym class, when I got distracted and changed like I normally do. I didn’t realize my mistake until my friends started laughing. I accidentally stripped in front of my whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 2 804

Pampered

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 02:00

Today, I'm 25-years-old and I need to wear an adult diaper as I have lost my bladder control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 122

08/05/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, my mom and I were watching this movie in which some girls start making out. My mother calls them "sinners" and that they will "burn in hell twice". Then she says "God doesn't like gays". I'm a lesbian. I picked out this movie as a way of coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 670

You deserved it 17 047

15/04/2009 18:18 - United States

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 911

You deserved it 6 006

18/03/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 787

You deserved it 14 961

17/06/2016 07:04 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I was buried in texts from two of my bridesmaids about how much they hated their dresses. Dresses they helped pick. I can either be a bridezilla, put up with this for 4 more months, or ruin two friendships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 667

You deserved it 1 168

Nice try

By hkbaer - 27/09/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, my dad tried to charge me $3000 for a car that my dead grandma, his mother, left to me in her will. I have to live with this asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 106

29/04/2013 16:09 - Netherlands

Today, I had a big party planned. All but one of the guests cancelled. See you at 7, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 109

You deserved it 3 945

22/12/2012 08:06 - United States - Mankato

Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 657

You deserved it 3 193

19/10/2018 17:30

Today, I discovered that my dog knows how to lock doors. This wouldn't have been a problem if anyone in my house every carried a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 309

You deserved it 602

11/03/2016 10:03 - United Kingdom - Swadlincote

Today, my boyfriend told me on the phone that he thought we were too poor for value-pack bacon. When I got home, I found he had gone to work leaving two lights and the TV on, and that the shower was running. He said, "Turning things on and off takes too much time! Who cares about money?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 795

You deserved it 2 039

Self serving

By PartTimePrincess - 10/09/2013 14:56 - United States

Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to skydive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 131

You deserved it 4 144

Goldfinger

By Anonymous - 24/07/2020 02:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 172

06/10/2018 14:00

Today, it's the third day in a row that my classmate next to me has brought green bean casserole to eat in class. The last two days I could hold back my vomit, but today I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 356

You deserved it 503

12/01/2015 05:03 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 569

You deserved it 3 307

11/09/2018 22:00

Today, while delivering pizza, a customer got mad at me and accused me of not having a GPS, then cussed me out and hung up. The address he gave me was a parking lot with 6 cars, none of which were his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 700

You deserved it 145

04/08/2016 00:48 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 012

You deserved it 16 077

Red flag

By LeftAndAbandoned - 11/08/2021 16:01

Today, my fiancé called off our wedding, all because I wouldn’t tell him how much my life insurance is worth. Apparently, “Lovers don’t keep secrets from one another” and, “If you’re hiding that God knows what else you could be hiding.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 331

10/04/2016 04:20 - United States - Hanford

Spicy

Today, I was both sexting with my girlfriend and texting my professor about an upcoming essay. I accidentally sent a dickpic to my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 358

You deserved it 39 819

16/10/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 646

You deserved it 4 005

06/02/2016 06:28 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, just signed a lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 530

You deserved it 1 925

22/09/2009 09:36 - United States

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 640

You deserved it 5 570

23/09/2018 17:30

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 964

You deserved it 166

16/02/2010 10:46 - South Africa

Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 075

You deserved it 5 168

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:18

Didn't you know squats make your booty nicer? The wasp just wanted a piece, you can't blame him.

Cassandra2015 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:23

Sounds like mom deserves a glass of wine after those misfortunes !

Comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:15

I hate wasps

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:52

Cool story.

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 12:19

You hate em bee-cause they sting?

whycantisignup 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 14:32

#17, buzz off

Domlovesyou1108 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:16

ouch :(

_awwhellnaw_ 45

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:16

That was a wild ride from beginning to end.

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:18

Didn't you know squats make your booty nicer? The wasp just wanted a piece, you can't blame him.

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 12:03

You don't get a piece by stabbing someone with a poison stinger repeatedly.....

False_Stupidity 41

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 20:57

You don't? Damn, I've been doing it wrong all this time!

4WheelBurnout 14

Send a private message

Thursday 2 July 2015 20:54

Sounds like a shitty situation

StickyPickles 33

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:22

The joys of parenthood. . .

Cassandra2015 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:23

Sounds like mom deserves a glass of wine after those misfortunes !

chinaski7628 32

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 20:32

Or dad. There's no gender listed, but I know a lot of fathers who take a wasp sting in the ass for their kids. Either way, this parent deserves a reward :)

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:24

I'm sorry OP. Life was just not letting you have a break.

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:24

Goodluck mom

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:28

Nobody deserves those two problems all at once. Sorry to hear it OP.

EclipseCandy6 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:43

Well you have the worst luck ever, sorry OP

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 222

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 69