Today, my 25 year old brother ran into my room very excited at... - FML

By MessyMal - 25/12/2009 15:30 - United States

Today, my 25 year old brother ran into my room very excited at 8am. "Wake up! We got a new puppy!" he told me. I was so excited so I jumped out of my warm bed. When I asked him if he was serious he said "No, but we have to go to church, so get dressed." FML

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British Broadcasting Corporation

Banished

Weird kid

By Anonymous - 10/5/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying, "I can come over today. She thinks I've got work." I think he had the wrong number. FML

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By hunchback of notre bite - 9/8/2013 22:23 - Korea, Republic of

Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all went to hell; I slipped and fell, bringing down with me the curtain and grooming products, and putting my back out. There goes my sex life. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I wrote "I love you" on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She completely freaked out and accused me of being "too clingy" and that I'm starting to feel more like a stalker than a boyfriend. FML

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By Toothy - 2/4/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

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By allycat - 25/7/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, after a year of suspicion, I finally found out my sister is in a cult. My family's response? "It will be good for her." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 21:13 - United States

Today, I met my brother for the first time in 20 years. Everything was going great, until he tried to make out with me. FML

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By JacksWag4 - 16/8/2013 22:21 - United States - Romulus

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

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By photogirl - 30/8/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, my external hard drive broke. My husband tried to fix it, and the computer told him he needed to format it. Apparently he didn't know what formatting does, so he did it. I'm a wedding photographer and had a full summer of unfinished wedding photography on there. FML

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By JessMelodique - 14/12/2016 03:01

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

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By lectro - 24/11/2008 06:08 - France

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

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By Alex - 7/3/2012 00:34 - United States

Today, I had to get out my birth certificate to prove to my dad that today is my birthday. This has happened before. FML

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By Distraught - 1/3/2011 21:08 - Reserved

Today, the day before I was going to move in with my army fiancé, he was told he would be deployed very soon. I can't pay for the apartment without him, and now have to move back in with my parents until he returns from active duty. FML

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By Me - 12/9/2011 07:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents used all of the college money I have been saving up for 8 years to buy a beach house. The reason they waited until now to tell me? A tree fell on it, and they need more money for repairs. FML

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By wheezy - 3/12/2013 17:28 - United States - Bay Springs

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2017 16:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years thinks my chemotherapy sessions are the perfect opportunity to sleep with other girls. FML

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By Alejandroc - 20/1/2012 01:46 - Honduras

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

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By big mouth - 26/9/2012 11:40 - New Zealand - Northland

Today, at work, I saw a van in our car park with "Hurlz Wagon" painted on its side. Laughing, I told the customer who owned it that I loved the name, and I asked was there a funny vomit story behind it. She didn't laugh, and told me it was her family name. FML

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By steph - 20/4/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

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By Jay - 2/8/2010 17:23 - United States

Today, I discovered our AOL billing information. Turns out we've been paying for dial-up via automatic bill paying that we thought we cancelled in 2000. $1,800 later, we called to cancel. Customer service congratulated us on being loyal members for over 13 years. FML

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By Lexi - 4/9/2019 12:00 - United States

Waiting For Godot 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, my muscles are sore in my arm. I told my boyfriend I think I slept on it wrong. Truth is, it's from masturbation. He won't have sex until we're married. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2012 16:20 - United States - Palmdale

Today, my boyfriend of several years, and father of our one-year-old child, finally proposed. He was making idle conversation from twenty feet away and casually said, "By the way, you wanna get hitched?" This is as romantic as my life will ever get. Yay. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2014 05:24 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

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By oopsiecoffee - 9/4/2009 06:40 - Canada

Today, I went into a small coffee shop. In line, a guy came up to me and was like "I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" and I replied with "Oh, no I've lived here for years. The coffee here is crap, though, so I only come here when Starbucks is full" He's the owner of the shop. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2013 04:13 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, some guys were doing construction on my house, when one of them came over and started asking me about my "hot sister". That "sister" is my 13-year-old daughter. FML

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By Username - 17/3/2010 00:46 - France

Today, at a debate tournament based on domestic abuse, my partner yells out, "Has anyone considered that maybe the women DESERVED to be beaten?" FML

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By sadday - 20/11/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML

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By Nakdnathan - 16/9/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I got written up for not making a drink right. While getting yelled at by my boss, my co-worker made the drink the same exact way I made it. I pointed it out. My boss responded with, "He is allowed to because I like him, I don't like you." FML

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By RyanM - 13/2/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

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By AfraidOfToxicity - 21/7/2020 02:02

Hypocrisy

Today, I had a friend quit every friend group we shared, all because I refused to show him favouritism in my D&D campaign, after I changed the rules to reduce favouritism between everyone, because he'd complained. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2012 00:29 - United States - Bellingham

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

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By coffeeshopgirl - 8/5/2012 00:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

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By Bad Mother - 8/10/2015 11:53 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

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By FoodyFood - 19/3/2012 04:59 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 18:28 - Israel - Petah Tiqwa

Today, I was showing the Instagram of my crush to my cousin. He double-tapped the picture, thinking it would zoom it in. It was posted 5 months ago. FML

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By me - 4/8/2012 19:14 - Canada - Debert

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to ride a bike with no training wheels. After comforting her and assuring her that she'd be fine, I gave her a big push. She fell forward over the handlebars and scraped her chin on the front wheel. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2012 18:29 - Canada - York

Today, I asked my best friend if he would do me the honour of becoming my son's godfather. He replied, "Um, that's just rude. You know I'm an atheist." Huh? FML

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By howaboutthemcarrots - 14/4/2015 15:08 - Finland - Laajalahti

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

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By thatonekid - 27/7/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

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By cpmagnusox - 17/3/2020 08:30

Sharing is caring

Today, my girlfriend and I are so close that we both describe our poops in detail to each other. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. FML

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By anamota89 - 11/5/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

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Top comments

By stewietm | 0

#736219 - Friday 25 December 2009 19:56

your bro has a sense of humor that's amazing

By JimmyIOCS | 2

#736295 - Friday 25 December 2009 20:43

I occasionally read the comments on here and they're like "That's not an FML, stop whinging.", but imagine if the only ones posted were actually awful ones. It would just be fucking depressing. While this might not be a true "FML", at least it's light hearted and might make you smirk. I'd rather that than summat along the lines of "Today, I had to have both hands amputated. FML".

COMMENTS

By justme21 | 0

#736218 - Friday 25 December 2009 19:55

Well its not like your life is fucked

By stewietm | 0

#736219 - Friday 25 December 2009 19:56

your bro has a sense of humor that's amazing

By lesab734 | 0

#736234 - Friday 25 December 2009 20:02

your life is fucked becaue you had to wake up at 8 and your bro has a sense of humor. wow you have it BADD. get the hell over it

Reply

expen_dable | 0

#736438 - Friday 25 December 2009 22:50

"Well, my brother rubbed raw meat all over my body and then sent in wild dogs to wake me up for Christmas, and then raped my presents, and you think you have it bad OP???"

but seriously saying "AHHH UR SO UNGRATEFULZZ!!" all the time gets really annoying; why does one come to a website about complaining and then complain about people complaining

By instantfail | 0

#736235 - Friday 25 December 2009 20:02

Oh wow, you have to get up in the morning. Your life is so f-ed.

By jibjunkie17 | 0

#736238 - Friday 25 December 2009 20:03

thats really funny, sounds like something i would do

By xCrackerx | 3

#736248 - Friday 25 December 2009 20:07

I don't see why Christianity chose to associate Jesus with Saturnalia. I'll say FYL.

By wyld3fyr3 | 3

#736255 - Friday 25 December 2009 20:12

FYL, Christianity sucks

By Back_In_Action | 18

#736259 - Friday 25 December 2009 20:15

Ah, the classic FMLs that really put life in perspective. I mean, really. Getting up in the morning. Remember us in therapy. I'm assuming this went through because it "made the moderators laugh and it was funny". I'll go with that. Cool story, bro.

By sulhaq | 4

#736261 - Friday 25 December 2009 20:16

Do you even know what FML stands for? GOD!

How does this GARBAGE get on the front page!!!?

By namhowell | 6

#736263 - Friday 25 December 2009 20:17

Make him get one tomorrow.