Health: Today, me and some friends had home-made burgers for lunch. The... - FML

By HungerStrike - 29/12/2013 23:28 - Czech Republic - Hostivice

Today, me and some friends had home-made burgers for lunch. The guy who did the cooking later insisted that spitting in a frying pan is a perfectly acceptable way of guessing the right time to add the oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 107

You deserved it 3 553

Taking stock

Mother of the year

Everybody does

By Unfortunate - 27/12/2009 05:41 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend had a Christmas party for all of our friends. He asked me not to get "too drunk". I think throwing up on the floor while simultaneously peeing your pants fit his definition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 817

You deserved it 45 299

By jordan.marie97 - 09/08/2015 06:27 - Australia

Today, my parents told me they were getting divorced, at the beginning of a family road trip, adding that this'll be the last thing we ever do as a family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 708

You deserved it 1 664

Don't care

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 01:00

Today, I realized that I'm a horrible uncle, I have two nephews and I don't know their age nor birthday. They are twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 1 547

By hopeless - 06/07/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend got a job was so that he could buy weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 781

You deserved it 6 986

Today, on Judge Judy…

By thanks ma - 29/05/2020 02:00

Today, all of my credit cards were frozen due to fraud. The culprit? My own mother. She rationalized it by saying I "owed" her for raising me. She didn’t even raise me. My grandma did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 959

You deserved it 101

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 08:08 - United States

Today, I got a call from my grandmother. Turns out my father found out about my elopement with my husband through my stepmother, because someone she works with told her. We were planning on it being a surprise, and telling people on Christmas. My father won't even talk to me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 308

You deserved it 29 406

By Patrick - 23/02/2010 01:29 - United States

Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 883

You deserved it 7 406

By Anonymous - 01/07/2013 14:39 - United States

Today, I realized that getting wasted before finals is not a good idea. I sat down in the test hall, reached into my bag for a pencil, and found instead three baby carrots and a spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 652

You deserved it 64 546

By fuck you retail - 27/05/2013 20:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 514

You deserved it 4 515

By Yellowsmellow - 22/09/2016 17:57 - Canada - Windsor

Today, and for the past two weeks, the people living directly above me have decided to add rearranging their furniture to their daily routines. Not only that but apparently, 6 a.m. is the most optimal time for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 300

You deserved it 671

By whovian221b - 25/08/2015 22:46 - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 859

You deserved it 2 121

By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 179

You deserved it 13 133

By an unlucky man - 05/08/2016 09:37 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 890

You deserved it 3 079

By but cum to think of it... - 03/07/2015 21:29

Spicy

Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 207

You deserved it 2 256

RIP

By widow - 19/10/2010 22:58 - United States

Today, I received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday. He has been dead for four years now, and the cards were from our two children, who live several states away. This is the fourth time it's happened, and neither of them answer my calls. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 341

You deserved it 3 773

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 15:12 - United States

Today, I met up with an old high school friend who I used to make fun of because he put so much effort into his studies. Turns out he makes my annual salary in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 094

You deserved it 97 286

By Hoobfoob - 19/06/2017 04:00

Today, my car was totaled. It was so new, I haven't even made the first payment on it yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 636

You deserved it 571

By lug_nut - 06/01/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 198

You deserved it 3 302

Deadbeat

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 07:01 - Ireland

Today, exactly a year after he ended our relationship days before our son's first Christmas and told me he would always be in mine and our sons lives, I learned my ex got a new girlfriend several months ago, who more than likely is the reason he stopped calling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 109

What ARE you doing?

By grounded - 03/01/2010 16:40 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 939

You deserved it 28 048

By Beeisc00l - 05/10/2011 18:58 - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 538

You deserved it 22 448

My life is average

By Kohsukeff - 07/12/2020 08:02 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, as a single, 24-year old college graduate working temp jobs outside his field, the only thing I look forward to in my day is what I get to eat for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 108

By anonymous - 24/05/2016 03:41 - United States - Manchester

Today, I got put in a speech impediment class because apparently I have a lisp. No, my tongue is just swollen, and I can't talk very well because of it. I've talked normally for the past 17 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 145

You deserved it 735

By CatLady - 06/01/2014 19:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 142

You deserved it 9 623

By toni405 - 21/07/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 701

You deserved it 11 444

Loving is the hardest thing you'll ever do

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 14:00 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today my life revolves around nutrition mixes, feeding times, blankets, tooth problems, and the eternal question of what caused the diarrhea. Infants, right? Well no, actually: Very, very old horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 174

Right in the snowglobes

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Tilehurst

Today, my sister kicked me in the balls just before I went into the bathroom, as she wanted to use the shower first. Later, when I came out of the bathroom, she kneed me this time in the same spot because apparently I always make a mess in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 156

Littered

By Anonymous - 19/04/2020 14:00

Today, I'm on crutches and wearing an orthopedic boot because a 22.5 pound box of cat litter fell out of my back hatch onto my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 234

By Dumbfuck - 25/09/2009 04:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 720

You deserved it 26 491

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 861

You deserved it 18 711

By Wanted - 19/08/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Salford

Today, I got a letter summoning me to court for leaving the scene of a car accident I had in London. I live in Manchester and don't own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 14:53 - United States - Pekin

Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 134

You deserved it 7 837

Between a rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 25/10/2021 04:59 - Canada - Enderby

Spicy

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 98

Interference

By mommycooks - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family came over for Thanksgiving. We were supposed to have had dinner hours ago, but my mom kept sneaking into the kitchen and dialing down the temperature on the oven, claiming I was going to overcook everything. At this rate, we'll be lucky to have eaten by midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 830

You deserved it 1 883

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 22:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, My family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters of naked women everywhere on the way to dinner. At the restaurant, my dad asks me if that was the first pair of boobs I have seen. My mom butted in saying, "Nah, remember all that porn we found?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 672

You deserved it 27 267

Hellworld

By hannahnator - 02/12/2020 07:04 - United States - Racine

Today, it's the first day of our 2-week quarantine. Today, my 3 year-old also discovered Blippi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 136

Deep desire

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 21:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for almost a year. I finally have a good chance to get pregnant this month, and I'm ovulating today for the first time in 3 months. My husband has the flu, he's highly contagious for the next 24 hours, and has been asleep since I got home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 241

By Melissa Barrios - 15/07/2019 16:00

Today, my son, who has ASD, told a woman how gigantic her butt was. While trying to remind him that some things are not nice to say, he screamed that her butt is the "giantest butt ever," like it was an accomplishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 00:53 - United States - Taunton

Today, I worked such a long shift at Panera that when my boyfriend called later, I answered, "It's a fresh day at Panera Bread in [town], this is [name] speaking. How may I help you?" He thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 900

You deserved it 2 343

What a catch

By VoodooPriestess - 28/11/2020 14:02

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years responded to my opening up about how I felt like I was always put on the back burner, was to ghost me for a week, and break up via text. Don't worry though, we can still be friends and maybe later, when he's ready, start the relationship again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 171

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

oj101 33

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:23

Or alternatively, he could test the pan by putting one drop of oil. Mind = blown.

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 6:53

Am I the only one around here who grills burgers instead of frying them?

Comments

oj101 33

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:23

Or alternatively, he could test the pan by putting one drop of oil. Mind = blown.

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:39

bacon

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:40

or water works too

the_zero_article 15

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:46

Water? Let's be real: That makes too much sense, and who has time for that nowadays? Ain't nobody.

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 6:53

Am I the only one around here who grills burgers instead of frying them?

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 12:25

Apparently so 34

Chris93Jones 20

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 14:54

grilled burgers are way better but it's cold as shit outside.

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 15:29

63- as a Floridian, I'd like to know what the hell this "cold" thing is, it sounds interesting

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 15:55

#63 - Better come to Australia, some parts have crazy weather.

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 16:33

I just use my George foreman usually.

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 19:46

it sucks you don't want it

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 December 2013 2:37

Oil won't work. Water will, though.

Carebeareatu 23

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:24

That's so gross... o.o

TunaFireStarter 16

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 8:32

Now I'm just taking a wild guess here, but that might, just maybe, have been the point. Maybe.

skilova4lifezzz 19

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 13:56

#2 actually even though the thought of it is gross, if the temperature were actually right for the oil to be added then it would be hot enough to boil the saliva faster than germs could spread. Thus, disgusting but sanitary.

RedPillSucks 31

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:24

Spit on his face and tell him you're just taking his temperature

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 6:36

Beat the shit out of his face and fry it

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 7:47

Well now, that's slightly different...

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:24

Those burgers might have a little bit of a different taste now...

anonymous_kenie 7

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:24

So I thought burgers made their own grease?

eatmorewaffles 9

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 7:46

I have never used oil no matter how I've cooked them, but maube it is cultural thing. Who am I to judge?

clrichmond2009 24

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 8:10

that was my thought...

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 11:42

I usually cook with oil, but why wait to add the oil? It's not as if it goes bad when it's lukewarm.

Faff 20

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 12:36

If the oil is not hot enough, the food will suck it up like a sponge and that can make you feel really nauseous.

chocolatefrog28 29

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:24

Wait, it isn't?

ironmany_fml 23

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 21:11

yeah, I always thought that that's how you do it... my whole life has been a lie...

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:25

Oouch... I wonder what test he did on the veggies...

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:25

Adds that hint of flavor that you couldn't get if you were eatting anywhere with standards.

oj101 33

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:25

On the plus side, at least there's plenty of enzymes of break down the meat to ensure a smooth, tender quality to it.

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 5:26

did he eat something yummy the meal before? it's like a marinade!

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 18

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 149

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 102