Intimacy: Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to...

By ObviousBooty - United States - Kankakee

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

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Intimacy

Late term

Bit on the side

People are people

By Anonymous

Today, I woke up early to weird scratching and smacking noises. After gathering enough courage to check what it was, I found out it was just an ant stuck on a piece of paper. FML

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By Workhorse - United States - Athens

Today, my boss called me to inform me that I'm being laid off. In my ensuing fit of rage, I deleted the recent project I've been working on for weeks. Pretty soon after, he called me back to let me know it was a prank. FML

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By dani0810 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

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By PNeil

Time wasting

Today, after having spent all of last night studying for an algebra test, I find out that the test was on a completely different chapter of my textbook. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to my roommate's friend rustling in the attic without permission to be there. When I asked how he got in with all doors and windows locked, he simply said, "It's a secret." FML

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By fuckstudentloans - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Phillipsburg

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2021 07:58

Missing the point

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I checked his phone. The reason I did so was to get his mum’s number so I could arrange to send her his Xmas present in a parcel, as a surprise as I wouldn't be with him. He found out when he asked me how I managed it, and I told him honestly. FML

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By angry - United States

Today, I went to go get a new ID because my wallet was stolen, which had my social security card in it as well. I found out that to get your ID you have to have your social security card, and to get your social security card, you need your ID. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, after having been told that I looked horrible for the last five months, I decided to give myself a make-over. As soon as the make-up artist was done, I told her I didn't like it, and that I still didn't like how I look. She simply replied: ''Well, I'm a make-up artist, not a magician!'' FML

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By themonkeyman - United States

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML

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By Nikki - Canada

Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off divorce attorney fees. It was a collective gift. FML

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By Spotted - Canada

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

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By nootnoot - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, some people in my class here in New Zealand found out that I'm from Canada, then spent the rest of the period asking if I had a pet moose and whether or not I lived in an igloo. They were completely genuine questions. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spencer

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

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By w_t_f - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML

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By whymegirl - United States - Worcester

Today, my cousin is coming home after his honeymoon. His gift to his new wife was a puppy, which I said I would take care of while they went away. I sneezed last week and scared the puppy. She ran off. This was ten days ago, and I still haven't found the dog. FML

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By Youknowwho - Australia

Today, I was in a toilet cubicle, when I overheard two of my friends at the sink talking about how ugly and skinny I was. FML

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By kinky pinky - 2/9/2020 05:02 - United States

Lowkey

Today, my husband threw a fit because I dyed my hair bright magenta. Funny, I actually dyed it three days ago. He literally just noticed. Shows how much attention he pays me. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

The Terror

Today, it's my first day off in over two months. My colleagues disagree - they won't stop calling me. I'm not allowed to turn my phone off. FML

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By Karen - United Kingdom

Today, I was hurrying for the bus home from work. It was raining and I had my umbrella up. As I hurried by two women, I felt my umbrella hit one of them on the head. I turned to apologise and saw her standing with her hands on her newly bald head. My umbrella had lifted her wig off her head. FML

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By Kathleen Verhaegen - 5/3/2020 21:00

Pale AF

Today, I went to get a double conch piercing. Afterwards, the lady asked me whether I was feeling well, because I was looking so pale. I had to explain that it's my normal skin tone. I'm just pale as fuck. FML

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By OhJoy - United States

Today, I got an e-mail from a girl, asking if my boyfriend was indeed my boyfriend. I sent back a gushing message about how much I loved him and how well he treated me. She replied "Yeah, I know. He was supposed to be my boyfriend, too." FML

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By notanightowlanymore - United States - Clyde

Today, my grandfather showed up at my house in a panic. He rushed over, with a gun, because I wasn't answering his texts and he thought something had happened to me. I was asleep. FML

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By gaggin - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

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By really - Australia

Today, after telling my boss about my hearing problem, she simply told me to "listen harder". FML

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By Bob - United States

Today, I went to the orthodontist. The lady took a break and went to use the restroom. Apparently she didn't bother to take her gloves off, and they smelled like straight up pee. She had her hands in my mouth for over an hour. FML

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By shots shots shots - United States - Redlands

Today, my needle-phobic mother took me to get a shot. She fainted. FML

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By welp, time to become an assassin - United States - Rowlett

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

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By BlueSuit - United States - New York

Today, my boss gave me some mentorship. She told me, "You need to learn to let people do things for you. Until then, I'm going to micromanage your project because I want it done my way." FML

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By anonymous

Today, after almost a year of having threesomes with my “best friend” and her husband, they both confessed that neither of them actually even like me. They just went along with it because they thought it’s what the other wanted. Now they won’t even talk to me. FML

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By Ashley

Fire…?

Today, two out of our three smoke detectors were going off. My grandpa won't call the fire department because he thinks our house will be condemned. The alarms are still going off. FML

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By TeaSea

Today, I told my class I was giving them 60 seconds to do a problem. A girl replied furiously "At least give us one minute!!" I teach a high school honors math class. FML

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By - France

Today, I am spending new year absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with alcohol and strangers. Somehow, I still love her. FML

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By Lauren - United States - New Market

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview with a person named Chris. The entire time I couldn't figure out if Chris was a man or woman. The interview went as good as it could have went. At the end I said, "Thank you very much sir." Wrong gender. FML

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By knowtoomuch - United States - Aurora

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

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By say my name

Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Northampton

Today, my daughter asked me the difference between "their" and "they're". This is the same child I've been spending thousands of dollars on to send to law school. FML

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By Ya_I_said_it

Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML

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Top comments

By CrazyFastRapper | 7

#6651872 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:33

*Has to pee the whole time*

By Jezterking | 15

#6651878 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:44

Caught one-handed... Dun dun dun

COMMENTS

By CrazyFastRapper | 7

#6651872 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:33

*Has to pee the whole time*

_Adog2645 | 24

#6651945 - Sunday 17 July 2016 21:43

What does that red pepper next to op's name mean?

SecundusSecunda | 27

#6651947 - Sunday 17 July 2016 21:44

I think it means that it's a "hot" FML

AmyPond17 | 33

#6651949 - Sunday 17 July 2016 21:46

@24 It means it's not safe for work

By Welshite | 39

#6651877 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:42

I didn't realize watching porn was serious enough to be worth blackmailing over.

I guess I'll have to destroy all my tapes and get rid of the cameras in my neighbors' bedrooms.

By Jezterking | 15

#6651878 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:44

Caught one-handed... Dun dun dun

By heatherrr17 | 19

#6651881 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:47

I'm hoping you're a guy!

Jumbled_Mess | 7

#6651884 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:59

Wait, how does the gender of the OP have any relevance what so ever?

Jumbled_Mess | 7

#6651891 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:03

Seriously, downvotes for me? I'm the only one who thinks it would be just as bad to catch your father masturbating as catching your mother masturbating?

Tripartita | 44

#6651895 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:15

That's nothing, #5; I'm hoping the OP is two little people under a trench coat. Get on my level.

moondoglou420 | 17

#6651907 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:32

For whatever reason it definitely seems more traumatic if OP was a girl. Not sure why.

babs22291 | 15

#6651926 - Sunday 17 July 2016 20:25

I guess if his daughter caught her father masturbating that would definitely be way more awkward than being a teenage boy and catching your father.

ObviousBooty | 14

#6651977 - Sunday 17 July 2016 22:54

Alas, I am indeed a girl.

FYlife604 | 18

#6652041 - Monday 18 July 2016 1:11

fairly attractive one at that.

AngusEcrivain | 18

#6652061 - Monday 18 July 2016 2:05

Fairly? lol don't go too crazy with your compliments there...

heatherrr17 | 19

#6652785 - Monday 18 July 2016 22:54

Because it would be more awkward if you were a girl

Jay18 | 22

#6656815 - Sunday 24 July 2016 19:31

Sweet Home Alabama

By vikky538 | 28

#6651885 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:00

Pron and prank does go HAND in HAND

gabimk23 | 13

#6651918 - Sunday 17 July 2016 20:00

looks like your dad won that one

By toolazytotype99 | 18

#6651886 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:01

Why didn't you just jump out and scare him as soon as he walked in?

808andheartbreak | 16

#6651899 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:21

terribly constructed prank!

By Jumbled_Mess | 7

#6651887 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:01

My first thought was "why didn't you jump out of hiding as soon as it came on rather than enduring the 'full session'?" Then I realized that you probably froze. An that it might have been, um, "too late".

Jay18 | 22

#6656817 - Sunday 24 July 2016 19:33

would've been better if he did it while he was whacking it

By KingLewisII | 34

#6651888 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:02

plot twist he knew you were there so he turned the porn on, on purpose.

By danm_1 | 28

#6651898 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:21

seems like the prank is on you! But I'm sorry, OP! That must have sucked so bad. I hope you're not too scarred by what you heard/saw

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6651902 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:26

If the choices were A) Jump out straight away explain the situation or B) sit in the same room as a porn watching, masterbating (assuming) father and you opted for the latter... Sorry OP but you're an idiot and YDI