Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to...

By ObviousBooty - 17/7/2016 07:31 - United States - Kankakee

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

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Intimacy

Work name

The best cat

Live dumping

By Anonymous - 20/3/2020 03:30

Yeah, that probably wouldn't work

Today, a coworker was telling me he was lonely and needed someone special in his life. I replied, "Why don't you find yourself a girlfriend?" He looked at me weird and said, "I'm gay." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2014 15:14 - United States - Portland

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

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By trainE - 30/3/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

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By ap84 - 27/2/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, after soccer practice, I was walking to the car with my dad. My team mates waved and said "Bye POTHEAD!" They call me that because they think my head is shaped like a pot. Of course, my dad didn't believe me. I'm grounded now because I have an abnormally-shaped head. I've never smoked pot. FML

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By Donnie - 18/7/2019 06:00

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

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By EternalBlossom - 14/7/2015 05:03 - United States

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

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By he's mine - 14/11/2012 07:46 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, I found my sister's wedding book. Inside it was a list of potential grooms; she'd written down all of my ex-boyfriends. And my fiancé. We're getting married in three weeks. FML

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By SolaceInRage - 20/3/2013 23:53 - United States - Wilmette

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

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By PunchingKennyLoggins - 15/3/2010 13:33 - United States

Today, the satellite radio at work went on the fritz, playing one song over and over. Management wouldn't turn it off, though, because then customers would miss out on all those upcoming-sale announcements that run intermittently. Meanwhile, I got to listen to "Footloose" for eight hours. FML

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By Ryan - 7/2/2010 14:18 - France

Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML

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By idontgetit - 12/6/2012 23:39 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML

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By dpap - 18/1/2013 23:03 - United States - Waukee

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML

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By girlie5445 - 13/2/2010 08:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy. After picking me up, he started to play on repeat, and sing to me, 'Happy Together' by The Turtles. For the entire 20 minute ride. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2014 07:49 - Australia - Southport

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML

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By scot - 2/9/2012 15:38 - United States - Granby

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

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By annabellatrix - 14/9/2015 18:20 - Hungary

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

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By prince232 - 4/5/2016 04:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after having a second interview with a club I want to work for, the interviewer ignored my work references. Instead, he told me he was going to call the only manager I never got along with, for reference in a job I left 5 years ago, because he knows her personally. FML

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By Redhottt6 - 5/8/2016 01:24

Today, I received a friend request from a boyfriend I hadn't talked to in 20+ years. A few minutes later he messaged me a picture of himself with a young woman at a strip club. My daughter. FML

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By clarakipper - 25/9/2013 07:19 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

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By mhmohyeah - 10/11/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - Wrexham

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

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By martyn28 - 13/8/2013 14:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked past a girl giving out leaflets for a nightclub. She ignored me the first two times. I dismissed it cynically, thinking she was only giving them to good looking young people. The third time she gave one to a balding 40-year old guy with his pre-teen kid. She still ignored me. FML

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By Tiffer27 - 25/1/2016 18:02 - United States

Today, I went to a very important job interview. I was so nervous that I passed out right in front of the interviewer's desk. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2011 17:16 - Canada

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

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By biggs sprhro - 10/10/2015 04:25 - United States - Bryan

Today, my friends were right about me being whipped. My girlfriend now has me setting an alarm for 3 hrs after she's fallen asleep, all so I can uncover her feet so she doesn't get too warm. FML

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By ElaborateScheme - 14/8/2016 20:52 - United States - Palm Beach Gardens

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2012 20:59 - Canada

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone while I was crossing the road. Luckily, it survived the fall. Not so luckily, an oncoming bus steamrolled it into oblivion. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2015 03:29 - United States - Dallas

Today, the last thing I remember before getting the shit beaten out of me at the bar, was my dipshit brother saying to me, "Dude, I'm not a racist, but" and then ranting about how non-whites should get out of America. FML

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By MissAggravared - 19/11/2014 08:27 - United States - Meridian

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

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By musicalkitcat - 5/10/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

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By a - 6/12/2012 06:15 - United States - Clarksville

Today, as my friend was rudely rummaging through my phone, she saw a picture of the pottery I've painted her for Christmas. Not only did she see it, but she also declared it ugly. That's probably the present I'm the most proud of this Christmas. FML

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By heatherfeather22 - 31/7/2014 03:28 - United States - Ottumwa

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

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By kill me - 31/1/2009 15:30 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

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By NoBikesForYou - 26/9/2013 22:56 - Israel - Ramla

Today, I was showing my 6-year-old son how easy and safe it is to ride a bike. I didn't notice a pebble, bust up my leg and my son is now terrified of bicycles. FML

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By killme - 29/12/2012 22:33 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I was at church, when my mom's phone went off during the sermon. As if that wasn't humiliating enough for me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song. FML

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By tracy4191 - 18/9/2016 05:21 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

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By uglywoman - 14/12/2010 08:21 - Australia

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

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By Cherie - 7/12/2010 18:25 - United States

Today, my daughter told my son that Santa is not real. Of course, being a child, he started to cry. My only problem is, my son is 11 and my daughter is 6. FML

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Top comments

By CrazyFastRapper | 7

#6651872 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:33

*Has to pee the whole time*

By Jezterking | 15

#6651878 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:44

Caught one-handed... Dun dun dun

Comments

By CrazyFastRapper | 7

#6651872 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:33

*Has to pee the whole time*

_Adog2645 | 24

#6651945 - Sunday 17 July 2016 21:43

What does that red pepper next to op's name mean?

SecundusSecunda | 27

#6651947 - Sunday 17 July 2016 21:44

I think it means that it's a "hot" FML

AmyPond17 | 33

#6651949 - Sunday 17 July 2016 21:46

@24 It means it's not safe for work

By Welshite | 39

#6651877 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:42

I didn't realize watching porn was serious enough to be worth blackmailing over.

I guess I'll have to destroy all my tapes and get rid of the cameras in my neighbors' bedrooms.

By Jezterking | 15

#6651878 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:44

Caught one-handed... Dun dun dun

By heatherrr17 | 19

#6651881 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:47

I'm hoping you're a guy!

Jumbled_Mess | 7

#6651884 - Sunday 17 July 2016 18:59

Wait, how does the gender of the OP have any relevance what so ever?

Jumbled_Mess | 7

#6651891 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:03

Seriously, downvotes for me? I'm the only one who thinks it would be just as bad to catch your father masturbating as catching your mother masturbating?

Tripartita | 44

#6651895 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:15

That's nothing, #5; I'm hoping the OP is two little people under a trench coat. Get on my level.

moondoglou420 | 17

#6651907 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:32

For whatever reason it definitely seems more traumatic if OP was a girl. Not sure why.

babs22291 | 15

#6651926 - Sunday 17 July 2016 20:25

I guess if his daughter caught her father masturbating that would definitely be way more awkward than being a teenage boy and catching your father.

ObviousBooty | 14

#6651977 - Sunday 17 July 2016 22:54

Alas, I am indeed a girl.

FYlife604 | 18

#6652041 - Monday 18 July 2016 1:11

fairly attractive one at that.

AngusEcrivain | 18

#6652061 - Monday 18 July 2016 2:05

Fairly? lol don't go too crazy with your compliments there...

heatherrr17 | 19

#6652785 - Monday 18 July 2016 22:54

Because it would be more awkward if you were a girl

Jay18 | 22

#6656815 - Sunday 24 July 2016 19:31

Sweet Home Alabama

By vikky538 | 28

#6651885 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:00

Pron and prank does go HAND in HAND

gabimk23 | 13

#6651918 - Sunday 17 July 2016 20:00

looks like your dad won that one

By toolazytotype99 | 18

#6651886 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:01

Why didn't you just jump out and scare him as soon as he walked in?

808andheartbreak | 16

#6651899 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:21

terribly constructed prank!

By Jumbled_Mess | 7

#6651887 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:01

My first thought was "why didn't you jump out of hiding as soon as it came on rather than enduring the 'full session'?" Then I realized that you probably froze. An that it might have been, um, "too late".

Jay18 | 22

#6656817 - Sunday 24 July 2016 19:33

would've been better if he did it while he was whacking it

By KingLewisII | 34

#6651888 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:02

plot twist he knew you were there so he turned the porn on, on purpose.

By danm_1 | 28

#6651898 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:21

seems like the prank is on you! But I'm sorry, OP! That must have sucked so bad. I hope you're not too scarred by what you heard/saw

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6651902 - Sunday 17 July 2016 19:26

If the choices were A) Jump out straight away explain the situation or B) sit in the same room as a porn watching, masterbating (assuming) father and you opted for the latter... Sorry OP but you're an idiot and YDI