Transportation: Today, me and couple of friends were driving around town and... - FML

By mbrooke - United States

Today, me and couple of friends were driving around town and saw a lady who had accidentally backed her car up onto a concrete wall. Laughing, we all turned to look as we passed and I drove straight into a parked police car at 30 that had stopped to help her. FML

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Understandable

Stir crazy, part 16

Catch 22

By story of my life. - Switzerland

Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML

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By Random dog owner

Today, I realized I've been hit in the balls more in the past two years than the rest of my life. Why? My dog is always happy to see me and his tail is just the right height. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

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By sleepy - United States

Today, I had a Biochemistry quiz. I studied all night but took a nap to get some rest because my quiz was in the morning. I woke up at 10 feeling very confident. My quiz was at 9. FML

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By iNearlyHurled - United States

Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving past as I sat on a street bench. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, at work, after a visit to the bathroom, the lock broke in my hand and the door was jammed. I called the janitor on my cellphone and told him about the situation. He told me to fill out a complaint and leave it in his post box. He then hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Richmond

Today, my future sister-in-law cancelled my invitation to her and my brother's wedding. Her reason was that I was incredibly rude to announce my pregnancy to my family at a time like this, because it took all the attention away from her. FML

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By fat girl - United States - North Pole

Today, my coworkers decided to throw me a surprise baby shower. I'm not pregnant. FML

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By bailey1389 - 26/8/2020 02:02 - United States

Slippery slope

Today, I slipped on my son's Hot Wheels cars and fell onto a building made out of Lego. I now have a fractured tailbone and a broken wrist. I called my husband to tell him what happened and all he could do was laugh. My son didn't leave them on the floor, my husband did. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking up sexy clothes for me to wear while role-playing. I saw something I liked and asked him if we should get it. When he saw the model wearing it in the picture, he asked "Does it come with the girl?" FML

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By ZaraAce - United Kingdom

Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML

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By AmberHavoc - United Kingdom

Today, I got so drunk that I decided it was a good idea to get naked and jump on a trampoline in the back of a neighbour’s garden. Said neighbour is a police officer. FML

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By Oblivious - United States

Today, I fell off my desk chair. Why? I failed to notice that the screws I'd been finding on the floor around my room for the past few months belonged to said chair. FML

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By PizzaNIF - United States - Henderson

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

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By *SuperCringe*

Today, I was matched with my boss on Tinder. FML

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By Juliet - United States - Inglewood

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

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By Y_Y - United States

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

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By ashdk

Today, my fiancé and I just moved into our first apartment together. Our neighbor across the hall? My ex-boyfriend who I've had to file three separate restraining orders on. FML

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By Patricia - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

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By ohmy - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

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By rattrap - United States

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time my cats haven't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

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By Andiii - United States

Today, I got a surprise call from LA Fitness saying I've been signed up for a two week pass. It's from my boyfriend. Didn't see this one coming. FML

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By caught - United States

Caught red-handed

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

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By anonymous - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was told I needed to start carrying bandaids with me at work because practically every day I hurt myself. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” Everyone laughed at me. FML

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By SwingingChili

Today, to prove a point to my brother that playing the lotto isn't a sure thing. I got a $10 scratcher. Thinking I'd get nothing or maybe just another scratcher, I ended up winning a free scratcher plus $100. The second scratcher I got an additional $50. Now he's even more confident to win every time. FML

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By MistofAvalon - 24/4/2020 14:00

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2020 17:00

Outdoorsy romance

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the marina nearby. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind the lighthouse. FML

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By peoplesuck - United States

Today, I stayed up all night to study for my anatomy final at 9 a.m. I studied outside the testing room in the hall all night. Apparently I feel asleep with my headphones as my friend woke me up after walking out of the test asking how I did. 300 classmates walked by and no one woke me up. FML

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By 2broke4ajoke

Today, after starting my new career as a server, two women were kind enough to leave a $5 tip... while still owing $6.84 on their bill. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 17:00

Baller

Today, my popular friend stole another girl's boyfriend. She didn't keep him very long, though. In fact, she only kept him until I finally got together with my crush. Then she decided she had to have HIM. She succeeded, too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Southfield

Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote me a beautiful poem that almost everyone at my school saw and liked. It was about how we'd never be together. FML

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By 42 - Canada

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

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By "Sarah-Louise James"

Today, I was told by one of my bridesmaids that she can't afford the travel costs to get to my wedding, after telling me that she didn't need me to organize alternate free travel for her. I'm getting married in less than two weeks. FML

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By gassy - United States - Kirkland

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Munich

Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the reason I don't want to stay overnight at his house is because I still occasionally wet the bed. FML

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By Natalie - United States - Odessa

Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML

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By Bunsofpain - United States

Today I got sunburned on my cheeks. This wouldn't be too bad if they were the ones on my face. FML

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By J.O.S - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML

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Top comments

By Unre4l | 0

#52242 - Monday 23 March 2009 12:26

Karma's a bitch...

By Sone_fml | 0

#52245 - Monday 23 March 2009 12:29

Haha you totally deserved that. I agree with #1

COMMENTS

By Unre4l | 0

#52242 - Monday 23 March 2009 12:26

Karma's a bitch...

Reply

ColonelCusswords | 24

#5999724 - Sunday 6 July 2014 18:25

especialy if you rubberneck

By Sone_fml | 0

#52245 - Monday 23 March 2009 12:29

Haha you totally deserved that. I agree with #1

By luxor21221 | 0

#52253 - Monday 23 March 2009 12:35

HAHAHA SUCKER

By RLJJ | 0

#52254 - Monday 23 March 2009 12:35

Did the cop write "+1" on his door ?

By karleigh | 0

#52271 - Monday 23 March 2009 12:53

Goodjob, asshole.

By valuemeal2 | 1

#52273 - Monday 23 March 2009 12:53

Karmic retribution FTW!

By Jimboom | 11

#52283 - Monday 23 March 2009 13:05

Ha ha!! Owned!
But you deserved that.

By kingnor | 0

#52294 - Monday 23 March 2009 13:13

No karma needed. Learn to drive.

By idrivefast | 0

#52305 - Monday 23 March 2009 13:26

That's why you need to pay attention to the road!
I swear, friends kill. Too busy talking to them to pay attention to where the bloody hell you're going

By troubledshampoo | 0

#52312 - Monday 23 March 2009 13:28

Totally deserved that one.