Miscellaneous: Today, like every day, I had to walk to my bus stop. The only...

By no snow day - 05/02/2014 14:07 - United States - Round Lake

Today, like every day, I had to walk to my bus stop. The only difference today is there was snow and ice over everything. Not only did I slip and fall, soaking both myself and the contents of my bag, the bus driver saw me there at the bus stop and drove straight past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 148

You deserved it 4 014

Miscellaneous

Broken heart

Boozehounds

Weird reason, but OK

By Susan - 28/02/2012 11:55 - Canada

Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 899

You deserved it 6 809

By Anonymous - 15/09/2009 10:53 - United States

Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 837

You deserved it 8 750

By LeaveTheGuyAlone - 29/07/2013 00:18 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that my girlfriend hasn't really been "researching" for work on the Internet; she's actually been tweeting the same pathetic plea to a guy from One Direction asking him to "follow" her. She's 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 399

You deserved it 5 080

By Richard - 25/06/2012 03:03 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said "Yeah, yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 432

You deserved it 6 160

Manipulation

By Anonymous - 01/12/2021 19:58

Today, my eldest son keeps threatening to run away, and I found out that his sister is encouraging him, because she recently found out what ”inheritance” means, and thinks she’ll get more if he’s gone, or at the very least she can have his bigger bedroom and all his cool stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 131

By utensils123 - 09/02/2010 06:40 - Australia

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 281

You deserved it 2 287

By yodada - 10/03/2009 23:03 - United States

Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 450

You deserved it 4 832

By nickyniknaim93 - 11/03/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 608

You deserved it 16 935

By wideawake - 19/07/2010 08:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 217

You deserved it 5 525

Go mom!

By disgusted - 04/10/2012 23:24 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said, "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 619

You deserved it 3 259

By Wet dreamer - 17/01/2018 19:00

Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 836

You deserved it 743

By Joel - 28/10/2018 15:30

Today, I got a ticket for doing 38mph in a 45mph zone. Apparently you can be cited for "impeding traffic" even when you're the only car on the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 882

You deserved it 1 067

By Anonymous - 12/03/2012 04:16 - United States

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 911

You deserved it 4 653

By Anonymous - 14/07/2012 14:43 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 568

You deserved it 5 170

By Wilson - 04/10/2018 22:00

Today, I fractured my tibia, fibula, and tore a tendon in my ankle. How? You might ask. By stepping in a hole at soccer practice. Now I’ll be out for the entire season with months of rehab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 593

You deserved it 198

By jab43 - 23/07/2011 00:57 - United States

Today, after returning home from a camping trip, I found a leech on my love spuds. I ended up having to call my dad in to help me get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 012

You deserved it 5 001

By oops secretary - 26/09/2018 12:00

Today, after I had an excellent one night stand with a guy yesterday, I saw him at work. He was a client my boss was trying to talk into a deal. The guy recognised me and accused my boss of sending me to seduce him into signing the contract. The deal fell apart and my boss is livid with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 244

You deserved it 614

By Shamu - 27/02/2011 19:28 - United States

Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 939

You deserved it 7 059

Bad data

By maida - 02/06/2021 04:01

Today, I discovered my mother has been replacing my chronic pain meds with sugar pills, to prove to me that "the placebo effect is real and works on everyone." No wonder I’ve been in excruciating pain for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 58

Poor little kitty

By Anonymous - 13/01/2022 17:01

Today, I realized the kitten I adopted months ago either has serious attachment issues or the worst case of Stockholm syndrome I've ever seen. Only I can get near him, he can't stand us being over 5 feet apart, he meows until I let him into the bathroom with me, and I feel like a jerk for disliking it. I need space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 249

By mnavy - 28/09/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 472

You deserved it 5 020

Hello, Goodbye

By Anonymous - 01/12/2020 22:02 - United Kingdom - Isleworth

Today, I left my job, fulfilling my one month's notice after receiving a job offer from a much better-paying role. After saying goodbye to everyone, I left the building. Not 2 minutes later, the company who was offering the new job called to say they'd changed their minds, and there was now no longer a job on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 01:39 - United States - Demopolis

Today, my dad made the local news. The business he owns is so run down and overgrown that it's officially a public health hazard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 767

You deserved it 4 793

By Kayt - 03/10/2011 04:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 349

You deserved it 4 634

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 07:39 - Australia - Balwyn North

Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 263

You deserved it 5 113

By Anonymous - 31/07/2016 14:19

Today, I got punched in the face after I beat my stepbrother at Mario Kart. I didn't really get hurt, but he managed to break a finger. My stepmom blamed the whole thing on me, accusing me of being violent and a bad influence on her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 901

You deserved it 869

By heightdifference - 28/11/2013 16:34 - United States - Memphis

Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 971

You deserved it 5 913

By Anonynonynon - 13/02/2015 19:05 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 730

You deserved it 2 433

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the hospital. This lady was calling the Nurses' Station, and I had to go see what she wanted. When I asked her what she needed, she mumbled something. As I leaned in closer to hear what she was saying, she threw up all over my face. Apparently, she was nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 440

You deserved it 4 921

By Wenny - 18/01/2009 12:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 308

You deserved it 2 961

By Anonymous - 17/05/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, I posted my status on Facebook as "slightly hungover." My grandma commented on it with "liar, you were helping me clean last night." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 351

You deserved it 70 133

By ghostyyy - 24/07/2010 23:21 - France

Today, my sister was on television. It would have been great if she weren't being handcuffed for burglary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 905

You deserved it 3 279

Scribble your name across my heart…

By Jennie - 16/06/2020 08:08

Today, I sent a guy in my English class a rose. He's kind of an outcast, so I though it would be a nice gesture. I asked him later how his day was going and he said, "Good. I got a rose this morning, but I could tell it was from a guy. The handwriting was awful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 313

Covidiots

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 19:08 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I had to abandon my shopping after a Covidiot directly sneezed all over it. He took his mask off because he was about to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 179

By starving_freelancer_forever - 18/09/2017 16:00

Today, I found out the works council won't let the company offer me the job for which I was the only applicant because the council requires 3 years experience with the company. I've only been here for 2 years, 10 months, and 26 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 785

You deserved it 209

By Noname - 13/03/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 132

You deserved it 5 307

By Anonymous - 20/02/2012 06:05 - United States

Today, my car key clicker wouldn't let me in. After a few frustrating minutes, I realized that, besides electronic capabilities, it's also an actual key that fits in a hole to unlock my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 633

You deserved it 41 021

OCD FML

By necca - 15/04/2021 23:00

Today, during class, my teacher left a small mark on the whiteboard. When I pointed it out, she simply rolled her eyes and told me to, “let it go.” I have OCD and was completely unable to focus on the rest of the lesson because of the mark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 667

Hello, I love you

By Anonymous - 13/04/2020 05:00

Today, I had a very good-looking guy ask for my number while I was at work, but due to our policies I had to turn him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 325

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 16:32 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I ran into my favorite teacher from high school, the one that really inspired me to become one myself. I told her that I'm in my last year of college preparing to become a teacher, to which she replied, "Wow, they really are letting anyone have a crack at being a teacher these days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 361

You deserved it 4 891

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