Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested... - FML

By porkieworkie - 21/4/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested in, I parked on campus and decided to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58580

You deserved it

9227

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Great boyfriend

Abuse

By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - 13/7/2013 17:33 - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70156

You deserved it

4120

Tweet

Share

By butnotlikethat - 16/3/2013 00:05 - China - Nanchang

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50779

You deserved it

6188

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/4/2012 20:53 - United States - International Falls

Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26239

You deserved it

2000

Tweet

Share

By Broke Mama - 24/12/2011 14:38 - United States

Today, with the cost of craft supplies that ended in a DIY fail, then a costume and overnight shipping, I have now spent $90 to obtain a $10 hat and vest for my daughter to play a cow in the school Christmas play. She will say "Moo" three times with 5 other cows before leaving the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27611

You deserved it

7932

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/1/2016 05:07 - United States - San Diego

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23840

You deserved it

2518

Tweet

Share

By katsaysner - 17/10/2014 17:56 - United States - Unity

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42729

You deserved it

4525

Tweet

Share

By PrettyScared - 29/7/2013 15:07 - United States - Matthews

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68434

You deserved it

5876

Tweet

Share

By AvengdSevenfold - 24/8/2009 14:22 - United States

Today, I was playing Ultimate Frisbee and trying to make new friends since I'm new at my college. I was running after an overthrown frisbee for a touchdown. Everyone cheered me on to keep going. I ran full speed into a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34756

You deserved it

9025

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/3/2016 01:46 - United States

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

I agree, your life sucks

19342

You deserved it

2773

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/3/2010 09:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31606

You deserved it

10002

Tweet

Share

By call me humpty - 30/6/2018 20:30

Today, my dad knocked me down the steps while chasing my brother around the house shouting, "Get back here you pervert!" at the top of his lungs. I have a concussion and a vertebrae fracture because my dad is a religious nutjob and he caught my 22-year-old brother having premarital sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5180

You deserved it

311

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/10/2015 13:45 - Belgium - Herenthout

Today, I told one of my classmates for the third time that I'm not into guys and wasn't interested in going on a date with him. He just looked at me blankly and said "So I'll pick you up at 9?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24216

You deserved it

2164

Tweet

Share

By whatproject - 24/9/2009 09:50 - United States

Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks

11404

You deserved it

50895

Tweet

Share

By andy - 28/1/2013 04:36 - United States - Long Beach

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42986

You deserved it

2822

Tweet

Share

By - 6/1/2017 06:54

Today, I inadvertently gave passers by the middle finger as I tried to stop my glasses from sliding off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6093

You deserved it

1360

Tweet

Share

By Notthatone - 21/4/2015 23:00 - United States - Madison

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35280

You deserved it

3990

Tweet

Share

By singlelady - 26/1/2016 22:24 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, to avoid disappointing my excited great grandmother, I still attended a small family dinner to celebrate my engagement. My fiancé and I split last night, I haven't slept and had to tell her he was caught up at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21771

You deserved it

2118

Tweet

Share

By ewwww - 6/4/2011 19:31 - United States

Today, I discovered that an unmentioned side effect of my new medication is body zits. I now have zits on my neck, my ear, and inside my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36260

You deserved it

3387

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20476

You deserved it

52600

Tweet

Share

By mycar - 20/8/2013 17:40 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54720

You deserved it

6238

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/10/2018 13:30

Today, my manager told my shift that if we didn't have the quota filled for cinnamon rolls by tonight, we were all out of a job. One of the machines we use to wrap cinnamon rolls just started acting up. We also aren't allowed to take over time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2773

You deserved it

145

Tweet

Share

By apparentlyugly - 15/6/2009 19:11 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

54224

You deserved it

15165

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/2/2013 01:47 - Australia

Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14703

You deserved it

52353

Tweet

Share

By Wow - 23/12/2018 16:00

Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2488

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By fryebaby623 - 13/11/2015 05:47 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, I was so tired when I got home from work, I took off my bra without removing my shirt which I've done so often it is second nature. I successfully removed the bra, then snagged the clasp on a loose shirt thread, causing my bra to take on a life of its own and slap me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22083

You deserved it

3177

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 16/4/2013 16:17 - United States - Nashville

Today, for the fifth time since my parents got divorced, my father has decided he doesn't want to pick me up for his weekend because I'm "too responsible to have fun with." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45086

You deserved it

6065

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was hanging out at a friend's house. Her adorable 5 year old sister came up, gave me a hug, and said, "You're fat. When are you going home?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

59666

You deserved it

6033

Tweet

Share

By That Girl with the Amazon Parrot - 4/1/2014 07:21 - United States

Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49146

You deserved it

4222

Tweet

Share

By stinkyhair - 19/12/2011 17:48 - United States

Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35722

You deserved it

2821

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/10/2010 09:41 - United States

Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2am. This old man pulls in and asks me if I would like to join him for some dinner. I said no, and told him I was working. He replies, "How much do you charge?" Apparently, even in sweats I look like a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33949

You deserved it

6649

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/9/2009 09:35 - Australia

Today, my husband decided it was time to tell me he had a 3 year old son. We have been married for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56233

You deserved it

3104

Tweet

Share

By Odds in my favour - 14/3/2018 15:00

Today, I put out a public ad for a dancing buddy. No pictures, just a brief description of what I was looking for. A guy answered and we started chatting. The more he revealed, the more familiar he sounded. Yep! That's him! My stalker from 10 years ago. Guess I have to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4597

You deserved it

367

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/7/2015 18:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22869

You deserved it

9079

Tweet

Share

By Rae - 4/5/2012 21:09 - United States - Chicago

Today, after weeks of intense studying with the intent of pulling my grades up, I saw that in fact, they've all gone down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25741

You deserved it

3360

Tweet

Share

By life// - 8/1/2013 23:56 - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30549

You deserved it

5155

Tweet

Share

By mike - 4/9/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I was digging in the backyard when my mom came out, nodded her head approvingly, and with a straight face told me it was good practice for when I inevitably go to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29045

You deserved it

4496

Tweet

Share

By someonepleasehelpme - 18/7/2014 16:49 - United States - Centreville

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74634

You deserved it

5882

Tweet

Share

By ziggers10 - 7/4/2013 03:19 - United States

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52909

You deserved it

9866

Tweet

Share

By Cyberella - 17/7/2009 05:36 - Australia

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44101

You deserved it

9607

Tweet

Share

By katie876 - 14/1/2012 13:34 - United States

Today, I had a band concert and my mum got kicked out. She screamed "BORING!" in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31039

You deserved it

3391

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By piderman13 | 0

#130074 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 20:08

I'm kinda just imagining this guy with a freaky-ass expression as he is eating his subway foot-long and just staring at this girl as if it's the first girl he has ever seen (;

By Ell363 | 0

#130075 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 20:08

Should've pulled out your phone again and called her and described to her what she was wearing.

COMMENTS

By iluvuxinfinityn1 | 0

#130041 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 20:02

hahahhaha let's hope she didn't see you.

Reply

colton_colton | 49

#5846990 - Sunday 2 February 2014 23:17

Id'd pray she didn't see him!

Reply

mellajella | 14

#6221562 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 20:33

Ueaj

By DizzyDemon0 | 9

#130052 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 20:03

rofl. good impression creepy ass mo' fucka

By Morty_fml | 0

#130061 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 20:05

If you're on campus it aint that odd...

By I_am_stupid_also | 6

#130071 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 20:07

Wave and say hi.

See, that wasn't hard.

By piderman13 | 0

#130074 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 20:08

I'm kinda just imagining this guy with a freaky-ass expression as he is eating his subway foot-long and just staring at this girl as if it's the first girl he has ever seen (;

Reply

10_4Franky | 0

#1169186 - Sunday 1 August 2010 4:41

Chewing slowly....

Reply

Sarra88 | 4

#1291842 - Monday 23 August 2010 23:04

LMAO!! Oh, that's epic!

By Ell363 | 0

#130075 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 20:08

Should've pulled out your phone again and called her and described to her what she was wearing.

By jayfx | 0

#130076 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 20:09

i don't see whats the big deal

By Kitty34_fml | 0

#130077 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 20:09

That sucks, but it's really funny. You probably looked like such a creeper. I hope she didn't see you :(

By Rodjmeister | 0

#130090 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 20:11

Ohhhhh damn. i hope she understood.

By SirAndrew | 0

#130093 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 20:13

Just wave and say "Funny seeing you."

Definitely not an FML. You just made her think the Fates want you to be together.