Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage... - FML

By Dana - 29/1/2010 18:59 - United States

Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML

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Out of it

Season finale

Gas giant

By lizownsvirgy - 7/7/2011 19:49 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my step brother trying to put his tongue in my mouth. FML

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By save the koalas? uhh - 8/4/2013 14:08 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

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By plasticfantastic - 25/4/2009 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I met this guy I really liked at a party. We got chatting and then hit the dance floor. We had a "moment" and I went in to kiss him. He shot forward with his tongue already out. His eyes were open. FML

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By khfhjfsb - 5/2/2014 00:41 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, the guy I was sexting asked me to stop including my face in the pictures. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2015 21:23 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML

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By ari - 19/3/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, I found out why teenage boys have "Keep out" and "Please knock" signs on their bedroom doors. FML

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By Smash_Mouth - 8/3/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

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By gotta love my momma - 28/8/2014 05:08 - United States - Folsom

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

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By Blamethepostman - 16/9/2016 15:10

Today, I bought stamps to send a letter. For some unknown reason, instead of putting the stamp on the letter, I posted the letter and the stamp booklet into the postbox. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 05:00

Get out

Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and said, "You want in, bitch?" I then had to prevent his jealous, half-naked girlfriend from murdering me. FML

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By Roses are Red - 7/3/2013 06:07 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML

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By Cat lover - 23/12/2017 01:30

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

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By iluvcoconutrough - 2/7/2009 04:34 - New Zealand

Today, at school I was sitting with a friend outside, talking about irregular periods and unshaven legs. Ten minutes into the conversation, a teacher sticks her head out the window above us and tells us to leave. We were distracting a classroom who were trying to finish a test. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2014 17:44 - Netherlands - Haarlem

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML

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By phonebaby - 18/11/2014 01:04 - United States - Stamford

Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a chinese restaurant, only to get nervous and hang up. FML

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By Jehovah God - 7/3/2014 18:51 - United States - Richmond

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML

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By Malpal - 23/1/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, I woke up and rolled out of bed. I'm on the top mattress of a bunk bed. We have tile floors. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 12:49 - Canada

Today, I was shopping in an upscale store. As I was changing, I heard one of the snobby saleswomen say to mine "You shouldn't bother. She isn't going to buy anything." Determined to "show her", I purchased everything I'd tried on. It came to around $500. My credit card was declined. FML

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By artsmart1 - 6/3/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2020 20:08

Cash dispenser

Today, my daughter is engaged to her soon-to-be fifth husband. She's 32 and refuses to believe she's the problem in relationships, and she wants me to pay for this wedding. FML

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By Fireguy92 - 1/2/2013 04:39 - United States - Dewitt

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

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By rubmytummy - 10/6/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I was helping my church clean up a park. I was given a sledgehammer and told to break up a concrete picnic table so we could haul it off. About half way through I swung the sledgehammer REALLY hard, completely missed the table, and hit myself in the shin. FML

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By TheHam - 5/9/2019 18:00 - Sweden

Restrictions

Today, the school called my dad telling him they want to put me on a diet, because they're worried about my weight. FML

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By moose - 14/11/2016 19:17 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I bought myself a new perfume. Now, there's a sulky husband lying next to me in bed who can't get it up because I smell like his mum. FML

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By BigBallah93 - 5/7/2009 15:23 - China

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 19:08 - United Kingdom

Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML

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By cap - 9/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Manhattan

Last trip

Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 18:32 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML

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By Lauren Davies - 17/9/2019 06:00

Paper-thin walls

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

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By Quincy_Ethan - 29/8/2014 21:22 - United States - Killeen

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

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By Failure - 9/11/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, I was taking a final test online that would account for 65% of my final grade. I had worked extremely hard in that class. I had one submission for the test. My roommate thought it would be funny to click the "Submit All" Button while i was getting a glass of water. I got a 13%. FML

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By ;_; - 19/12/2013 22:13 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 23:50 - Brazil

Today, I had a going-away party because I am leaving the country forever. Out of the 130 people invited, 60 were a resounding "Yes! of course I will go!". After paying $300 for everything needed at the party, 2 ended up coming. And left because nobody else was there. FML

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By Breath of fresh air - 3/8/2020 17:01

Wear your masks

Today, after 3 months of no Coronavirus in my state, two stupid cunts have to failed to self-isolate and restarted the lockdown. FML

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By howprofessional - 6/9/2013 21:23 - United States - Dearborn

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

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By wilmerjean - 8/9/2011 20:47 - United States

Today, I had to spend the morning and afternoon waiting for my uncle to take a crap after his hernia surgery. It never happened, and in the end I drove home, only to find the highway just as backed up as my uncle's colon. FML

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By lordtimbit - 15/3/2015 15:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML

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By bonesniffer - 16/9/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I crawled into bed naked, wanting to get some and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass and said 'oh' then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

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Top comments

By swaneh | 0

#808352 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:46

I love how the idiots on here look for just about any reason to say YDI. ;)

By Nic_hole | 0

#808355 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:48

awee you didn't deserve that!!

COMMENTS

By relyo | 0

#808247 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:18

That'll show you. YDI

Reply

MetroidSlayer01 | 8

#808359 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:50

That'll snow you ;)

Reply

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#808582 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:34

what exactly will that show her? that it's wrong to do a good deed?

Reply

Poke_Her_Face_fml | 0

#809001 - Saturday 30 January 2010 6:59

@#11 wowww..

Reply

Eviktion | 0

#810320 - Saturday 30 January 2010 21:20

stfu bitch, she was trying to be nice, here in ny we get some pretty crazy storms

Reply

ShananaginsLOL | 13

#5345276 - Tuesday 29 January 2013 6:40

Wtf? Is ur problemo?

By lulu256 | 0

#808258 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:20

FYL maaaan D:

Reply

lolzboy | 0

#808583 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:35

hoot im just saying.

By singer4life666 | 0

#808261 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:21

No good deed goes unpunished.

Reply

FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#808378 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:56

Exactly.
You know what you're talking about.

Reply

tb15 | 0

#808841 - Saturday 30 January 2010 4:36

That seems to be a common FML theme. some other common themes are...
Crazy b#*@h meets karma
[email protected] meets karma
ridiculous boyfriend/ girlfriend
getting called either fat or ugly

It's nice to see a totally undeserved FML

Reply

pipp360 | 0

#808980 - Saturday 30 January 2010 6:43

fuck u 3

By caboose626 | 0

#808264 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:21

4th?

Reply

fkdUPbruhz | 0

#809399 - Saturday 30 January 2010 15:13

Fop, grow a dik u tool haha who givs a fk about apostrophes! Meejee, well played my frend, well played. . . But bad luck about the trash smashing u and all that's just plain unlucky

By mellie1029 | 0

#808316 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:34

who told u to b soo nice ydi

By butlerreid | 0

#808337 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:42

now you know to never be a nice person

Reply

youdidwhatnow | 0

#808348 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:45

lmfao

By swaneh | 0

#808352 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:46

I love how the idiots on here look for just about any reason to say YDI. ;)

By Nic_hole | 0

#808355 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:48

awee you didn't deserve that!!

By trebla3193 | 0

#808362 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:51

haha smashed? hahahahahaha

By ZipaDeeDoDa | 0

#808438 - Saturday 30 January 2010 0:24

How does wind smash you? Just wondering . . .

Reply

ninetyninebiatch | 0

#808441 - Saturday 30 January 2010 0:25

I agree, haha

Reply

CYNNER | 0

#808486 - Saturday 30 January 2010 0:51

#15 SMASHED IT meaning the trash. it smashed into her and she fell over.