Miscellaneous: Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage... - FML

By Dana - United States

Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML

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Messed up

Sorry…

Thanks, Marley

By jsmills92 - United States - Cranston

Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML

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By Gracie-Ann - United States - Portland

Today, my fiancé paid a visit to my parents so he could ask my dad's permission to marry me. My dad responded with, "Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?" FML

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By happytuckerhappy - United States - Chandler

Today, I set up a profile on a dating app, stating that I'm awkward amongst other things. Within minutes, a guy messaged me. I was thrilled, until he started threatening me because he has Aspergers, and according to him, only they are "allowed" to be awkward. I had to delete my profile. FML

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By disciplinaryaction - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

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By awkward drunk - Canada

Today, while trying to act sober in front of my parents when I got home, I threw up on my mom's shoe. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got rear-ended on my way home from the pet store, causing my pet food to open up and go flying all over the floor of my car. My pet is a snake, and his food is live mice. FML

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By Venus

Today, despite the fact that I live with my parents and pay rent, my mom decided the best spot for my brother, his wife and one-year-old son was my bedroom. So I'm sleeping on the couch, because it would, "take too long to clean her room." FML

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By Tech Savvy - United States

Today, my ex, whom I haven't seen in two years, contacted me. She was great company back in the day, wild in bed, the most attractive person I've ever dated, and totally uninterested in a serious relationship. She wants me to fix her computer. FML

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By Anonymous

Small comforts

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend admitted to having an affair. To comfort me, he said, "But you have bigger boobs, so you have nothing to worry about." FML

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By niccy - United States

Today, my neighbor came up to me, lowered her voice and said, "I suggest you buy some drapes for your bedroom dear..." When she started to walk away, she added, "...and a gym membership." FML

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By Anonymous

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got piss drunk off two glasses of wine and kept telling me how I'm "so... ROUND...!" FML

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By angry mama

The Headmaster Ritual

Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML

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By MonsterInLaw - United States - Lincoln

Today, my 21-year-old girlfriend finally got the courage to tell her mom that she wanted to move in with me. It turns out she was right to be afraid; during the talk, her mother yelled at us, calling her a slut and saying she was too young to be "shacking up with some guy." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 08:08

Vicious

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years after finally realizing I'm a lesbian. He then outed me to my very religious and conservative family. FML

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By TheodoreFinches - United Kingdom

Today, on the bus ride home from work, two women behind me kept pulling my hair. I turned around and told them to, "cut it out." When I got home, I realized they'd took it literally. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2021 10:59 - China

You'll get some eventually

Today, my mom woke me up from a wet dream, because I was moaning too loudly. I'm a 32 year-old virgin. FML

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By sketchball - United States

Today, my landlord informed me that from now on, she'd prefer if I paid my rent in cash each month. Apparently, I "look sketchy" and she didn't "ever want to deal with the hassle of a bounced check." FML

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By Anonymous

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

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By jdrew32 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, after nearly 5 months of trying for a baby, I found out my wife has continued to take the pill as it gave her a better idea of her cycle and thus when she'd be "most fertile". FML

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By jballer - United States

Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML

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By crazymirrors - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that we should go to the carnival in the Bizarre House place where there were a lot of crazy mirrors. I checked myself out in one of the mirrors. Then my boyfriend says "That will probably be the only time you will ever look that skinny." FML

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By holly10350 - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to practice driving in my car. As she began to let the car roll forward, she looked at me and very seriously asked, "Brakes is the right pedal, right?" FML

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By smh - Canada

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of 5 adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules: No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML

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By Etrius - United States - La Grande

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

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By My Daughter Fails at Life - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML

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By Goiter - United States - Fort Washington

Today, I was telling my fiancée about my Hashimoto's symptoms when my MIL to-be said, "You must be drinking too much alcohol. My aunt had a goiter and it only swelled when she drank, usually bourbon or beer." She then walked out of the room, perfectly content with her "diagnosis." FML

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By getmeoutofthiscountry - United States

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

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By ShelbyIsAwesome - 4/3/2021 17:01

Who are these people ?

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

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By Bonnie and Clyde - United States - Humble

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

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By badplannning - United States - Naperville

Today, my date suggested we go to 10:30 p.m. movie so we could "talk" in the car afterwards, when the parking lot was empty. Thus, at 1 a.m., I thought we were going to make out. However, he only asked where I get my car air freshener from, had me write down the scent, and then suggested we go home. FML

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By branwen5 - United States

Today, I had my final divorce proceeding. The judge denied my divorce because my husband is unemployed. I can't get a divorce until he gets a job to pay child support. He hasn't had a job for 3 years. FML

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By hehe

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML

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By Casey - United States

Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML

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By mnote - United States - Sapulpa

Today, I didn't make dinner fast enough so somebody had a yelling and screaming temper tantrum. It would be understandable if the person who threw the tantrum was a child, and not my 57-year-old father. FML

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By bakergirl - Australia

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

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By unwed - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

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By over and over it - 19/3/2021 16:30 - United States

The receipts, the tea

Today, I found out a guy I used to date is trying to get me fired from my dream job. He found an old flip phone with a text argument we had nearly 17 years ago. He wants me punished for things I said when I was an angry 15 year old-kid. HR is now looking into the whole thing. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, it was my first ever live piano performance. It went all great until the end, when I stood up, slipped, and smashed face-first into the keys. I've lost half a tooth and all my dignity. FML

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Top comments

By swaneh | 0

#808352 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:46

I love how the idiots on here look for just about any reason to say YDI. ;)

By Nic_hole | 0

#808355 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:48

awee you didn't deserve that!!

COMMENTS

By relyo | 0

#808247 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:18

That'll show you. YDI

Reply

MetroidSlayer01 | 8

#808359 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:50

That'll snow you ;)

Reply

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#808582 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:34

what exactly will that show her? that it's wrong to do a good deed?

Reply

Poke_Her_Face_fml | 0

#809001 - Saturday 30 January 2010 6:59

@#11 wowww..

Reply

Eviktion | 0

#810320 - Saturday 30 January 2010 21:20

stfu bitch, she was trying to be nice, here in ny we get some pretty crazy storms

Reply

ShananaginsLOL | 13

#5345276 - Tuesday 29 January 2013 6:40

Wtf? Is ur problemo?

By lulu256 | 0

#808258 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:20

FYL maaaan D:

Reply

lolzboy | 0

#808583 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:35

hoot im just saying.

By singer4life666 | 0

#808261 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:21

No good deed goes unpunished.

Reply

FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#808378 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:56

Exactly.
You know what you're talking about.

Reply

tb15 | 0

#808841 - Saturday 30 January 2010 4:36

That seems to be a common FML theme. some other common themes are...
Crazy b#*@h meets karma
[email protected] meets karma
ridiculous boyfriend/ girlfriend
getting called either fat or ugly

It's nice to see a totally undeserved FML

Reply

pipp360 | 0

#808980 - Saturday 30 January 2010 6:43

fuck u 3

By caboose626 | 0

#808264 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:21

4th?

Reply

fkdUPbruhz | 0

#809399 - Saturday 30 January 2010 15:13

Fop, grow a dik u tool haha who givs a fk about apostrophes! Meejee, well played my frend, well played. . . But bad luck about the trash smashing u and all that's just plain unlucky

By mellie1029 | 0

#808316 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:34

who told u to b soo nice ydi

By butlerreid | 0

#808337 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:42

now you know to never be a nice person

Reply

youdidwhatnow | 0

#808348 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:45

lmfao

By swaneh | 0

#808352 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:46

I love how the idiots on here look for just about any reason to say YDI. ;)

By Nic_hole | 0

#808355 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:48

awee you didn't deserve that!!

By trebla3193 | 0

#808362 - Friday 29 January 2010 23:51

haha smashed? hahahahahaha

By ZipaDeeDoDa | 0

#808438 - Saturday 30 January 2010 0:24

How does wind smash you? Just wondering . . .

Reply

ninetyninebiatch | 0

#808441 - Saturday 30 January 2010 0:25

I agree, haha

Reply

CYNNER | 0

#808486 - Saturday 30 January 2010 0:51

#15 SMASHED IT meaning the trash. it smashed into her and she fell over.