Miscellaneous: Today, it was the premiere of a huge play I've worked on for...

By lol123 - Norway

Today, it was the premiere of a huge play I've worked on for months. The latest week we've practised a lot, resulting in little sleep. In one of the scenes I'm just lying there pretending to be asleep. Guess who actually fell asleep? FML

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Instadrama

Don't shoot the messenger

By sunflowercake - Canada

Today, I made a very pretty sunflower cake that I woke up incredibly early to make. It took me hours and a lot of money. It was for my grandparents anniversary and my whole family was invited. We only got to see the remains because the waiter gave it to the wrong family, and they ate it. FML

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By Becca Velveeta

Easy mistake to make

Today, my mother's boyfriend sent me pictures of my mom sucking him off. FML

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By Kay - India - Nagari

Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked past two guys on the street. I heard one of them whisper, "Jeez, that girl looks like Donald Trump." FML

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By whyeventry? - United States - Neenah

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

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By CapeRanger - South Africa

Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML

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By no spank - 11/8/2020 20:01

The Breeders

Today, my family once again mocked and insulted me for being the only one to not spank my kids. Apparently, they’ll grow up entitled and in prison if I don’t. Odd, seeing as my kids are 10 times better behaved than their kids, who get spanked on a regular. Ah well, here’s to hitting kids I guess. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was too tired for sex, which she interpreted as me confessing to not wanting to have sex with her because I’m having sex with other women. FML

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By shitless88 - United States

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

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By wearingshorts - United States

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

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By newkid

Today, I was so lonely, I dragged out a conversation with a lady who called to get me to make an appointment to give blood. FML

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By notababymama - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years saw baby wipes in my bathroom and assumed I had a kid. He broke up with me. I use baby wipes to take off my makeup. FML

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By mainey92 - United States

Today, I heard a rumor about myself going around my high school that I am pregnant, I've dropped out of school, and that my belly is showing. I'm not actually pregnant. I've been severely depressed, so I've missed a few days of school and I've been eating too much apparently. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to slowly explain to my slightly ditzy roommate that no, I will not grow testicles due to taking testosterone supplements. FML

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By prin - United States

Today, someone asked my fiancée and I how we met. She said, "Well, it was just supposed to be a one night stand!" and laughed, right as I was about to take her hand and say, "It was love at first sight!" FML

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By boinger - United States

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

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By Frouse

Today, I was on the worst blind date ever, so I tried to secretly request an Uber to get out of there. My date then picked up his phone, receiving my request. Turns out he's an Uber driver and he was looking for a reason to get out of the date too. FML

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By Thanks Trump - United States - New York

Today, my mom parked in a handicapped space because, "the Spanish people are taking over everything." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML

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By JC12345 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebees for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked "How was it?" he says "It was terrible", to which I said "The food was that bad?" He replies "No, the sex". FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, one of my friends thought it would be funny to tell my psycho clinger of an ex that I still like her. It had only been a few months since she finally stopped stalking me. FML

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By gotthewrongman - United States

Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML

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By frenchpop1960 - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2020 08:08

Keep schtum

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Last week my coworker, who I sit next to 5 days a week, returned to work after bereavement maternity leave. FML

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By mmv - United States

Today, I took my car into the shop to get a minor problem fixed. I left several hours later, without my car. Why? The mechanic crashed it while out on a test drive to make sure he'd fixed the problem. FML

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By Don'tjudgeabook

Today, a man reminded me five times how much of a "nice guy" he was during our first conversation, saying also that I seem the sort to date the "bad guys" because I looked sweet and innocent. Then, without waiting for me to say something, he sighed and walked away, muttering that he always finished last. FML

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By fuck Star Wars! - 31/5/2020 08:00

In a galaxy far, far away

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a massive argument. I suggested we have a movie night. He suggested an all day/night Star Wars marathon. I’d be OK, if it wasn’t for the fact that we’ve done that at least five times in the last two months. He says I’m the one being unfair. FML

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By NotYourToy - United States - Binghamton

Today, a customer scared me for the sole purpose of watching my breasts jiggle when I jumped in surprise. I know because his head moved as they did, and he said, "Nice." before walking away. FML

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By imanidiot - United States

Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML

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By Thebestman123 - United States

Today, my mom was screaming at me and said, "I wish I'd never adopted you." I guess I'm adopted then. FML

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By the other man - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

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By Icy

Lost

Today, I was writing to my girlfriend on MSN when her roommate answered, "Sorry, this isn't Marie, she's at her boyfriend’s." Really? I've looked everywhere in my apartment, and I can’t find her. FML

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By dumbfriend - United States

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

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By driven_crazy - United States - Newark

Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

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By wtf did i do?? - Canada - Thornhill

Today, trying to be sweet, I told my girlfriend that I'm so happy we met one another. She muttered, "Well, that makes one of us." FML

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By omfgnooo - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

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By rkaneki

Twice error

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he did not want to pursue a relationship with me after over 2 months of talking. He did the exact same thing to me 7 years ago. I fell for him twice. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Kilkeel

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

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By Konstantine - New Zealand

Today, I saw photos of my boyfriend at his 25th birthday party. The one he told me was cancelled. FML

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By Angel

Today, while out to dinner with my adult daughter, I told her I look at her Twitter because it helped me to feel close to her since she rarely calls or visits. When I got home from dinner and looked at her Twitter, she had set it to private. FML

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Top comments

By Maddoctor | 10

#384575 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:02

And that's what you call irony.

By spamme | 0

#384631 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:21

and the audience were astounished with the great actress on the stage!

COMMENTS

By Maddoctor | 10

#384575 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:02

And that's what you call irony.

randomdude1234 | 0

#384861 - Friday 10 July 2009 18:27

I fail to see how that's ironic. I hate when people don't understand the concept of irony. Men det er synd for det OP. Folka fikk en god led i fertfal(sp? lenge siden jeg har bod i norge).

sadistmonkey | 19

#384930 - Friday 10 July 2009 19:03

it's ironic because she failed as a result of her efforts not to fail

bgukusa00 | 0

#385116 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:34

hahaa does that mean that u screw up the play??

Alexgoesfml | 3

#385221 - Friday 10 July 2009 21:12

Actually #50 it is ironic.

Seti_fml | 0

#385576 - Friday 10 July 2009 23:41

its actually not a case of irony, its simply coincidental.

pigscantswim | 0

#386597 - Saturday 11 July 2009 6:54

I agree! We had a whole lesson on irony vs coincidence in my English class haha.

Maddoctor | 10

#388537 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:07

Definition of irony: Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs.

She didn't expect to fall asleep, and yet she actually did.

It's ironic, deal with it.

Maddoctor | 10

#388541 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:09

And how in the world did #85's comment get buried?

pigscantswim | 0

#389191 - Sunday 12 July 2009 5:30

mmm i think the way #16 says it counts as ironic, but her not expecting to sleep doesn't make it ironic... If i don't expect my friend to come over suddenly and he does, that's not ironic. that's just a surprise,

urface132 | 0

#979181 - Tuesday 13 April 2010 1:01

*practiced

By augustdanielle | 0

#384576 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:03

Haha, seriously. That's funny. [x

Nomad609 | 0

#385175 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:53

I didnt find it funny =[ I hate it when the OP let's the people guess who? I mean who fell asleep? the janitor? the ant in Malaysia? or the lights person who got your play ruined? I know its you but just effin say it.

redbluegreen | 40

#385322 - Friday 10 July 2009 22:03

Way to kill the suspense.
I really thought it was going to be the ant in Malaysia that fell asleep.

By fyourlife33 | 0

#384578 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:04

stupid fml and nice spelling on practice by the way

Life__suxx | 0

#384584 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:06

Shut up, you think your smart because you can spell a word, no one cares she typoed 1 letter.

static_378 | 0

#384616 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:16

Actually, it says that OP is from Norway, which is in Europe. In Europe, "practice" is spelled with an "s".

iKaite | 0

#384646 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:25

And this is an FML because?

Martyrio14 | 0

#384692 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:48

#3 : He is norwegian

Men sykt kjipt det der azz :S

chazstah | 0

#384713 - Friday 10 July 2009 17:00

what an idiot no.3
and wow.. that must Suck big time.
FYL hard

fyourlife33 | 0

#384720 - Friday 10 July 2009 17:06

damn i should have written first in my comment so a few more people would feel the need to reply

hundremeterhekk | 0

#384761 - Friday 10 July 2009 17:27

jeg liker salami på brødskiven

Hazy_fml | 0

#384776 - Friday 10 July 2009 17:34

#3
Get the hell off of your high horse. Nice capitalization by the way, tool.

grungecat | 0

#384902 - Friday 10 July 2009 18:49

The OP did use the correct usage of the word. Practice is a noun, practise is a verb. That's in every country, wherever English is used. Including the unfortunate country that has to put up with you.

fyourlife33 | 0

#384970 - Friday 10 July 2009 19:34

anyone else having the urge to inform me of how lesser countries use the word "practice" can save it and inform #66 and #63... and the "unfortunate" country is the U.S. where we don't use the practise version

fyourlife33 | 0

#384980 - Friday 10 July 2009 19:41

martyrio you are 15 and have a pretty good 0 for 7 record with fml posts

Nomad609 | 0

#385167 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:50

its an FML because she fell asleep during on a play she worked hard on.

Kyu_fml | 0

#386612 - Saturday 11 July 2009 7:02

#55 is correct. Most people don't realise that words like "advice" and "practice" are nouns, but "advise" and "practise" are verbs.

regalarius | 0

#392984 - Monday 13 July 2009 18:07

#55 - Glad to see cultural centricism isn't restricted to America. The English-speaking country that I'm from does not, in fact, use the spelling "practise" for anything at all. It comes up as an error in my spell-checker in fact.