Love: Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache...

By dhskkf - 28/08/2013 00:23 - United States

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 519

You deserved it 7 332

Love

Sorry…

Taking stock

Broken heart

By Sarah - 26/01/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 195

You deserved it 2 460

By Username - 24/07/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 620

You deserved it 3 928

Quick reflexes

By fml9124 - 20/03/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 671

By LivingInMisery - 12/04/2017 21:00 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, I was supposed to have my advising appointment for my next semester of college. When I got to campus, it was windy and raining so heavily that my clothes were sopping wet within a minute of stepping out of my car. My advisor didn't show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 910

You deserved it 256

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 21:40 - United States - Lusby

Today, my boss made me play golf with some executives of a company we're hoping to secure a business deal with, despite me having no golf training. My first swing ended up with me being rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 203

You deserved it 4 847

By Rebecca - 13/06/2012 23:50 - Australia - Dural

Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 254

You deserved it 34 702

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 22:08

Today, I was reading a book, and my severe OCD makes it impossible for me to look up from reading if I haven't finished the page. This includes times like when my mother is frantically calling for help after falling off a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 975

By Nico - 12/11/2011 15:42 - France

Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 727

You deserved it 3 653

By WOWreally - 25/09/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid and my husband says "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 914

You deserved it 12 063

By Damn - 06/05/2012 13:53 - Australia

Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 187

You deserved it 4 238

By purpleskylight - 27/06/2012 05:29 - United States - Lexington

Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 052

You deserved it 22 591

By Anonymous - 17/04/2015 19:50 - Argentina

Today, my boss showed me a two-page letter from a customer, complaining about me because I couldn't honor a coupon that expired in 2009. He agreed that I did the right thing by refusing it, but said it would be a black mark on my record anyway due to the complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 269

You deserved it 1 935

Shopping fun

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 22:59

Today, my boyfriend talked me into wearing vibrating underwear in public and of course we bumped into my mom shopping, and of course he chose that moment to turn them on with the remote. The vibrating was way louder than we were expecting, and my mom just walked away shaking her head at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 1 877

Try to do a nice thing…

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 04:01 - United States

Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 116

By alhummel21 - 12/02/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181 456

You deserved it 51 919

That's worth $0.30 at GameStop!

By maystar - 26/05/2018 15:00

Today, it's my birthday. My mom and three other relatives each bought me a copy of Diablo 3 for my birthday. A video game that I didn't ask for, for a console I don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 812

You deserved it 292

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 23:47 - United States

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 097

You deserved it 5 236

By CessnaPilot - 13/12/2011 03:47 - United States

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 870

You deserved it 6 436

By anonymous - 11/08/2010 19:19 - Canada

Today, after saving up my money for weeks, I went to see my favorite artist in concert with my friends. Two songs in, I passed out, hit my head, and had to have someone drive me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 883

You deserved it 7 224

Assumptions

By Wathaveidone - 12/07/2021 02:01

Today, I saw a sketchy looking person frustratingly trying to open a BMW in the parking lot where I work. I ran outside to confront him and call the cops. Turns out, not only was he the owner of that vehicle, but he was one of our company’s biggest donors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 1 174

By stillhungry - 27/06/2015 18:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 351

You deserved it 3 948

By catpeecathy - 14/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 558

You deserved it 5 400

By wallbanger - 07/02/2010 12:31 - Australia

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 403

You deserved it 2 404

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, after playing on the same basketball team for eight years with the same coach, he kicked me off the team to make room for my younger brother, who I taught to play basketball in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 662

You deserved it 4 252

Baby's high

By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 17:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I think my cat is getting high. Whenever she finds her drug of choice, she sniffs it, then rolls around in it, purring ecstatically. Typical catnip reaction, right? Wrong. It’s my dirty underwear she's into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 124

By lopsided - 06/09/2011 16:22 - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, "Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 912

You deserved it 2 739

By Anonymous - 15/08/2015 15:20 - United States

Today, just as I was putting my contacts in, a gnat landed on it. Its guts got squished between my eyeball and the contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 729

You deserved it 1 902

By DopeDickDover - 26/10/2015 15:50 - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 307

You deserved it 2 548

By MgmEboy - 19/09/2009 21:36 - Canada

Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 294

You deserved it 268 504

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 17:28 - United States - Sharon

Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 641

You deserved it 3 709

By Yubi - 11/01/2009 15:22 - Belgium

Today, my mother told me: "If you didn't exist, I wouldn't stay with your father". So it's MY fault if she's having problems with him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 077

You deserved it 2 349

Runner up

By milamadeleine243 - 22/10/2020 14:00

Today, I finished a huge project for work. It took 3+ days and I was very proud of it. Except when I submitted it to my boss, he said that he'd already asked another person to do it. He used that person's project, not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 315

By Anonymous - 30/09/2010 13:25 - United States

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 991

You deserved it 5 451

By Nancy - 10/03/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, I came home and noticed that sometime while I was at school, someone cut off half of my ponytail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 831

You deserved it 4 480

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 091

You deserved it 10 978

By his word vs mine = me suspended - 10/08/2013 18:41 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 918

You deserved it 3 066

By aunty_social - 25/08/2018 14:30

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 242

You deserved it 300

You light up my life

By Anonymous - 06/01/2021 02:01

Today, I can’t sleep because the moon is full. No, wait, that’s actually the floodlight from the neighboring farm shining in my window. Apparently, they thought it a good idea to hook the thing up to a motion detector, so the cats and mice can play disco lights at midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 68

By Anonymous - 03/12/2013 00:56 - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 703

You deserved it 6 183

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 04:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 002

You deserved it 27 037

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Top comments

GrinchFu1 27

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 9:59

I hope you didn't post this right after you woke up while your wife and family were all waiting for you!

zahra_786 19

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 9:59

Its always best to put on several alarm clocks too! I hope everyone understands, and you manage to rearrange a new date. I hope your brother didn't do it on purpose !

cinamonkoko 15

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 9:57

runaway groom

bobak_can_ani 7

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 9:58

Honey, we need to talk!

GrinchFu1 27

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 9:59

I hope you didn't post this right after you woke up while your wife and family were all waiting for you!

jojj351 12

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 14:59

oh Crap, my wedding is now, hold on I gotta post an fml first

Legendslayer222 26

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 22:50

Honestly he probably didn't even submit this on the same day.

zahra_786 19

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 9:59

Its always best to put on several alarm clocks too! I hope everyone understands, and you manage to rearrange a new date. I hope your brother didn't do it on purpose !

Carmstro 13

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 10:10

I struggle to understand how his brother would have forgotten, since he probably went to the wedding. Unless he forgot about the wedding altogether? I imagine he would have explained once people started making assumptions.

zahra_786 19

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 10:13

Yeah that's what I was confused about! Maybe he was so busy getting ready himself and then made his way to the venue and it must have clicked to him suddenly what he was supposed to do! I hope OP provides a follow up.

snowby2 15

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 16:53

Exactly. You'd think that as soon as the wedding was going to start and people were wondering where OP went his brother would remember he was napping.

askingandy 23

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Thursday 29 August 2013 0:33

My best guess is that the brother was busy helping out with the wedding/getting ready himself and just lost track of time.

Eule 7

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 10:02

Screw the others, it's more important that your wife knows that you didn't run away. Sleeping through your wedding is bad but it wasn't your fault.If she loves you she will hopefully forgive you :) good luck op.

GenH2105 14

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 17:51

Please explain how it isn't his fault.

bandeek 30

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 19:57

Would you like to go through a wedding ceremony with a massive headache? He needed the nap.

gidgiddonihah 11

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 21:25

There are those amazing, caffeine based migraine pills that work miracles. The generic brand isn't all that expensive either. I would have gone with one of those and a cup of coffee before a nap. I wouldn't trust my brother :). Or an alarm for that matter. Once I nap I'm out cold for hours.

ViviMage 38

Wednesday 28 August 2013 10:03

Tell me someone at the wedding had a phone with an alarm!! For me, fluids, rest, cold and dark help the most for a headache.

Wiz_Of_Oz 17

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 10:04

Make sure your in-laws know that your brother is mentally challenged and that the blame rests entirely with him. Well, that or the truth.

meggieeee92 15

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 10:07

Why wouldn't you set an alarm instead of relying on someone else? It was YOUR wedding...not his.

DjeePee 24

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 10:08

God, didn't it cross your mind that it's a little risky to give that responsibility to only one person? It's your fucking wedding, man, that's not the time to take risks.