Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I... - FML

By not_very_smart - 24/7/2013 06:44 - United States

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

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White line fever

The student becomes the master

You snooze, you lose

By moose - 14/11/2016 19:17 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I bought myself a new perfume. Now, there's a sulky husband lying next to me in bed who can't get it up because I smell like his mum. FML

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By mojolady - 16/2/2011 14:26

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

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By sarah - 14/7/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I've recently gained weight so I bought an exercise video. I started it right away in my room on the top floor. My younger sister screamed and ran outside a few minutes later. She thought it was an earthquake. FML

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By Oops - 11/1/2018 20:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while celebrating my birthday, my friends hired a few escorts to make the party more interesting. This was a really bad way to learn that my sister is a prostitute. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML

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By workwork - 5/8/2019 14:00

Today, I got a threatening email from my manager, saying my job is in jeopardy if I call off again. Somehow, my leaving early to drive my mom to the ER is inexcusable, yet it's perfectly fine for the same manager to leave early to take her dogs to the groomers. FML

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By reedcarter - 4/12/2012 02:14

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

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By jerk_ex_boyfriend - 21/4/2013 13:33 - United States - Narberth

Today, I overheard my boyfriend talking to his mom about me. It sounded like they were planning something for me, like a marriage. They were planning how to break up with me. FML

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By jkin47 - 4/8/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

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By Pregnant - 14/4/2011 18:28 - United States

Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2012 19:54 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I work for the local fire department. I had a long call and I was hot and sweaty. I decided to skinny dip in my pool because it was still dark out. Everything went great untill my flood light went on and my dad ran out with a bat. I got smacked in the side with a baseball bat. FML

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By heather - 20/6/2011 22:25 - Canada

Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML

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By joe rogan fucking sucks, dude - 27/4/2014 20:51 - Australia - Warwick

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

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By HaleyIsabelle - 8/3/2010 20:54 - France

Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2013 00:21 - United States - Matteson

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

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By Depressed - 17/5/2016 23:16 - United States - Collierville

Today, I got a call from the head of my school dance committee saying that the dance was cancelled and the services originally hired were still expecting to be paid. The reason the dance got cancelled? One of the girls on the committee's parents wouldn't let her buy her dream dress. FML

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By thx. - 4/8/2016 20:35 - United States - Denver

Today, I told the girl working the scanner that half the documents I was indexing from her were upside down. Now ALL of them are upside down. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2010 05:39 - United States

Today, after weeks of allowing my parents to borrow money, I got a check for $2000. I took it to the bank only to find out it was fake. FML

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By UsedForSurgery - 28/10/2017 01:30

Today, after having surgery, I called my family to tell them I was out, safe, and on my way home. The first thing they asked was if they could "borrow" some of my pain meds. FML

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By f4444 - 21/12/2015 05:38 - United States - Highland Park

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

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By tnh - 17/11/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, just like every other day, I was woken up 2 hours earlier than I needed to be, by the alarm belonging to my upstairs neighbors. They won't wake up until their real alarm goes off: me, pounding the walls and yelling in frustration. FML

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By Shawn Bennight - 10/6/2020 08:07

Alexa, play "I Won't Share You" by The Smiths

Today, my wife of 23 years said she wanted a divorce, that she didn't love me anymore and is moving out. Why? I told her I didn't want us to date and have sex with other people. FML

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By Sudokori - 7/9/2017 01:30

Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML

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By ohsugarxo - 31/8/2009 17:21 - United States

Today, I was at my only sister's wedding. She gave a speech about the person who means the most to her. She said, "She is my favorite sister who has always been there for me." Being her only sister, I got up to hug her. Turns out she was talking about her slutty sorority sister. Not me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2013 10:30 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I spent three hours painstakingly installing and configuring some parental control software on my 11-year-old son's laptop after I caught him watching porn. Barely an hour after returning the laptop, I caught him watching yet more porn on it. FML

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By manda8484 - 1/11/2016 05:12 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I've been crushing on for a while. When he dropped me off, I said thank you and that we should do it again sometime. He replied, "Yeah, maybe next Halloween." FML

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By RuinedTheMood - 21/9/2014 05:11 - United States - Tomball

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2013 07:45 - United Kingdom - Burnham

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 06:21

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

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By Jason the flasher - 15/9/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

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By scratchy - 8/12/2010 14:56 - Israel

Today, my boyfriend refused to have his hair treated against lice, because "men don't have lice". FML

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By FingerBang - 21/10/2009 06:32 - Australia

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

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By creepystalkerguy - 14/10/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

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By laxguy23 - 21/4/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML

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By TheIrony - 19/7/2016 21:50 - United States

Today, while driving I saw a police car riding along next to me. Thinking about the news recently, I decided to give him a quick thumbs up and a smile to lighten up his day. He looks back, smiles, flips on his siren, and pulls me over for not paying attention to the road. FML

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By RyanM - 10/3/2010 15:00 - France

Today, I found out what people really think about the beard I've been proudly growing for over a month. It appears that my face now looks like an unshaven ballsack. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2009 07:27 - Canada

Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 15:30

Today, I bought a new vacuum cleaner after having to go several months without one. Immediately, I wanted to try it out. I must have underestimated how powerful it was, as it sucked up my socks and then broke. FML

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By james88 - 7/1/2013 21:39 - United States - Altoona

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

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Top comments

By isallwaysme | 27

#5595729 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:23

i have never seen anybody sweat that much before. i would assume you were literally sweating enough to fill buckets

By isallwaysme | 27

#5595736 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:27

for your consideration; the following comments have/will never been/be funny;--Shitty situation--sticky situation--slippery situation--etc..please stop posting comments like these for the sanity of others. thank you very much.

Comments

By fakedsincerity | 32

#5595717 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:15

That's a slippery situation.

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5595736 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:27

for your consideration; the following comments have/will never been/be funny;--Shitty situation--sticky situation--slippery situation--etc..please stop posting comments like these for the sanity of others. thank you very much.

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5595761 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:50

touché

Reply

daniel_0084 | 14

#5595785 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 13:11

Haha

Reply

Ambient25 | 24

#5595857 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 14:23

I find this whole situation emasculating

Reply

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5596196 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 18:47

I'm flabbergasted by these comments. It behooves me that words such as emasculated are being uttered in such divine fashion

By noelasis94 | 18

#5595719 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:18

Remember safety first.

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#5595800 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 13:25

Bring a towel...

Reply

Uramonkey | 11

#5595916 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 15:20

And take a shower...

Reply

ironichalibut | 24

#5595918 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 15:21

And no running around the pool

Or bringing towels that only want to get high.

Reply

ilianaaa | 8

#5596183 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 18:39

Honestly, I've done this. but I never got a concussion, I just slipped and caught myself lol

By roro_superloser | 13

#5595722 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:20

Sorry OP. that blows.

Reply

daniel_0084 | 14

#5595774 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:59

You deserve it. Who the hell falls in their own sweat.

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5595780 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 13:04

yeah like really, YDI for sweating, freak.

Reply

daniel_0084 | 14

#5595793 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 13:17

He doesn't deserve for sweating. He deserves it because he was dumb enough to fall in it.

Reply

DaDezza244 | 31

#5595926 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 15:31

22, OP is a girl you imbecile

Reply

daniel_0084 | 14

#5596414 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 21:40

35 So are you calling me retarded or a criminal. Because last I checked, OP doesn't mention their gender once in the FML.

Reply

xplicitkontent | 18

#5596647 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 23:51

The female gender sign is located right next to the OP's username.

By missfrenchie | 11

#5595723 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:20

There's as lip and slide at your gym cool! but remember ! Wear a helmet ;)
But in all seriousness, hope you feel better :)

Reply

rocker_chick105 | 31

#5595850 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 14:16

A lip and slide huh? Sounds kinky ;)

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5596042 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 16:36

Sounds like a blowjob.

Reply

missfrenchie | 11

#5596437 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 21:59

Uuurrghh -.- I meant SLIP and slide... I was typing too fast

By tenac71 | 6

#5595724 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:20

bummer man.

Reply

GoBoulder | 20

#5596950 - Thursday 25 July 2013 6:07

OP is female.

By isallwaysme | 27

#5595729 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:23

i have never seen anybody sweat that much before. i would assume you were literally sweating enough to fill buckets

Reply

ironichalibut | 24

#5595919 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 15:22

Or a pool..

Reply

outoftown | 26

#5596860 - Thursday 25 July 2013 3:43

I've seen it. Wished the guy had put towels on the floor around the machine.
"Clean-up at step machine 3!"

By venus89 | 17

#5595731 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:24

At the doctor didn't tell you that you smelled. :)

Reply

radmuffin | 12

#5596082 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 17:05

It's like she's trying to speak to me!?

Reply

Zen_Mei | 17

#5596344 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 20:15

#7 Your English teacher didn't teach you how to construct proper sentences?

By purebliss_fml | 19

#5595733 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:24

You must sweat a lot. Sounds like you had a good workout!

By tj5810 | 21

#5595734 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:24

Time to invest in either better shoes or a better gym...

By azwethinkweiz87 | 11

#5595745 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 12:36

You didn't have a mat down on the floor when you were working out? And no air conditioning yeouch!

Reply

ironichalibut | 24

#5595897 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 14:58

Maybe they did, but it sank to the bottom of the pool! :o