Work: Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 42

09/02/2011 07:32

Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 115

You deserved it 7 513

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Real life

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

04/12/2012 00:53

Spicy

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 762

You deserved it 3 929

Warrior

By Anonymous - 21/09/2015 13:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when halfway through, he leaned over to grab his cup of hot coffee off the nightstand. He then attempted to drink it and spilled most of it on me. He never stopped thrusting the whole time, and wanted to continue after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 392

You deserved it 3 272

Badass

By zzz - 09/08/2021 11:52

Today, I was nicknamed "Sandman." Not after the badass Spider-Man villain but rather because my personality is so boring it puts people to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 914

You deserved it 4 366

23/06/2009 06:12

Today, my daughter used pledge to clean the wooden staircase. I found out when I tried to walk down them in socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 112

You deserved it 5 045

23/11/2011 16:48

Spicy

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 195

You deserved it 20 319

17/01/2009 11:31

Today, I went to an underwear shop, and an employee recommended me a push-up bra. I was wearing one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 008

You deserved it 2 556

05/10/2016 11:29

Today, recent construction has created a manhole that cars slam over every single morning. This normally starts at 4 a.m. as people make their early commute on my busy street. With every car that hits it, there's a huge echoing slamming noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 601

You deserved it 905

08/01/2011 05:22

Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 266

You deserved it 4 151

15/02/2012 17:50

Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 397

You deserved it 3 332

16/09/2018 12:30

Today, I just landed in Washington, DC. Unfortunately, I also took off from Washington DC an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 542

You deserved it 171

12/04/2019 20:00

Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 355

07/07/2019 12:00

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip, just so that she wouldn't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 274

Thanks for the pranks

By jellybeans - 21/03/2021 21:31

Spicy

Today, I've been sexting a mysterious guy from New Jersey. I was getting hot, so I decided to say, "I want you to be my first." Suddenly, my officemate who was two desks away from me waved her phone in hand and shouted, "You're a virgin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 453

You deserved it 579

31/07/2009 08:05

Today, I was at the Polish border when I found my passport was gone. I contacted the last place I stayed at and the owner said he would handle it. I reluctantly agreed as I was being charged international rates. Apparently, "taking care of it" means telling the embassy I'm retarded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 435

You deserved it 6 342

04/11/2016 13:59

Today, I really didn't want to go to work. Still, I showed up for work early on the busiest night of the week and stayed back until past 10 p.m. Exhausted, I went to sign off the roster when I realised that, in fact, I was not rostered on for today at all. I'm on tomorrow, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 812

You deserved it 3 500

09/12/2011 12:23

Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 001

You deserved it 2 560

11/04/2009 07:38

Spicy

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 335

You deserved it 112 142

27/12/2010 19:51

Today, I realized that not only did my parents not get me anything for Christmas, they also stole the $500 my grandparents gave me to buy a computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 016

You deserved it 2 842

01/07/2009 04:08

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 856

You deserved it 2 746

19/11/2012 07:13

Today, my girlfriend of 6 months yelled at me for not comforting her while she was crying because her ex got a new girlfriend, and "it's just not fair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 897

You deserved it 2 628

20/12/2009 19:42

Today, I woke up to a quite frigid room, which wasn't out of the ordinary since my building's heat is broken. But I realized that the extra cold I was feeling was due to the snow piled up on my bed. It had snowed 20 inches last night. My mom had apparently opened my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 881

You deserved it 2 865

01/01/2015 08:52

Spicy

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 593

You deserved it 4 788

Boozing on the job

By paulcorrea95 - 21/09/2019 06:07

Today, I was at work, cleaning up a construction site. I picked up a beer can and accidentally spilled some of it on me. My boss came in to check on me and thought I was drunk. Instead of getting a raise, I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 180

Where d'you come from?

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 23:01

Today, as someone with a large chest, I'm used to sometimes finding food in my clothes at the end of the day. However, when I took off my bra off, I found half of a dead grasshopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 113

26/11/2012 05:27

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 626

You deserved it 2 822

30/12/2008 09:35

Today, I was at a job interview at McDonalds. All was going well until the manager told me that I'd have to remove the piercing that I have on my eyebrow. I didn't think that my mole would be so confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 881

You deserved it 2 295

06/02/2013 13:59

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 483

You deserved it 4 791

09/01/2009 05:18

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 826

You deserved it 2 781

23/10/2014 01:33

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 909

You deserved it 4 116

09/11/2012 04:02

Today, my crazy bitch of a boss fired me for inappropriate conduct. Apparently my "fake Nazi accent" is "offensive to our Jewish coworkers." I'm German. I have no way to change the way I speak, or to pay this month's bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 950

You deserved it 2 000

12/02/2010 02:14

Today, I bundled up to shovel my car out of almost 2 feet of snow, only to find my car was gone. I ran into the nearby police station to report my stolen car. The policeman trudged down with me to get a report. I had parked my car on the other side of the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 333

You deserved it 31 432

21/05/2009 03:08

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 782

You deserved it 70 990

Comfortably…

By MrZach - 21/11/2009 23:21

Today, I had a tooth pulled. An hour or so later, I removed the gauze from my mouth, because I thought the bleeding had stopped. I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see that I had drooled blood all over the keyboard, and didn't know because my mouth was numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 858

You deserved it 33 867

11/07/2019 04:00

Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 524

You deserved it 293

17/10/2013 22:57

Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 712

You deserved it 4 900

10/05/2014 13:35

Today, my mom made a Facebook post about me starting my period and for everyone to be nice to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 044

You deserved it 4 860

02/09/2009 00:04

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 965

You deserved it 3 065

27/03/2015 13:12

Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 421

You deserved it 4 062

02/06/2013 06:11

Today, my friend made an effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 727

You deserved it 4 713

09/08/2009 00:02

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 941

You deserved it 3 524

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:15

on my first day as a cashier I was so excited I forgot to count so don't worry lol

Kcek 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:13

professional.

Comments

Kcek 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:13

professional.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 14:08

op don't be such a numbskull!

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 14:18

but why were your pants off!

swaggintothamax 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 February 2011 10:51

lol agreed

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:14

great first impression what's in line for day 2??

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:17

Coming into work naked.

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:40

That might get her promoted.

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 17:03

Well depending on how good she looks naked?

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 22:36

didn't anyone read the comment "whats in line for the 2nd day"

AMagicalLeoplura 0

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 6:43

76- dipshit, look the comments under this post and it shows someone replied and they're replying to his post.

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:15

on my first day as a cashier I was so excited I forgot to count so don't worry lol

LADYGAGAGOOGA 0

Send a private message

Friday 11 February 2011 7:29

on my first day I killed a guy so no problem. don't worry about it

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:18

I didn't mean y'all were poor. I just thought kfc was a southern u.s. restaurant

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:21

congrats now they think they just hired a retard who cracks under small pressure haha

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 15:56

I hired an egg once too. It didn't end well, but it was over easy enough! Humpty Dumpty was his name! So Humpty Dumpty, bit too much shell and not enough yolk, gets this bright idea to ditch work and sit on a frikkin wall! What a fun guy, right?! Well now Humpty, in the midst of all this inane wall-sitting, gets hit by an alien frisbee, and loses his balance! Unfortunately for him, this terrible accident causes him to fall tumbling to the ground, scrambled instantly. Well I, like a boss, a good boss, fetch him a fucking king, with a bunch of horses and men and stuff! Ungrateful bastard that Humpty is, he wouldn't even be put back together again! Moral of the story: don't waste your time with eggs in the workforce! Once they crack, you're screwed. Tasty though...

instnt1nfction 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 21:42

48, that's not funny

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 23:25

It's not supposed to be.

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 8:20

48 - You should've ended your post after the second sentence. I kind of trailed off after that.

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:22

Aww, I hate when your nerves get the best of you. FYL :(

IStoleTheCookies 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:25

When your boss said 'You'll be smashing' I don't think that's what they had in mind..

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:25

yeah, that sucks. hope you keep the job :D

Send a private message

Friday 11 February 2011 0:02

MINECRAFT!!! :D

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:33

That sucks, just tell them something got into your eyes?.

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 12:41

Ohh don't you worry. I think everyone knows you have some serious problems now. Get your head straight and try again, otherwise you are going to have a tough time joining the work force. Alternatively you could always claim this as a disability and go on benefits. Stupid is a disability right?

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 13:01

everything is nowadays

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 10:53

Well if it was our country would be poor. Oh wait..