Miscellaneous: Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

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There's no helping some people

Walk on the wild side

Kids are hard work

By Anonymous - 21/1/2021 04:59

Nostalgia goggles

Today, I found out my ex broke up with me after 3 years because he's still in love with his ex, who he hasn't spoken to in 6 years. And she dumped him for the same reason. FML

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By pumboc - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, I thought I was home alone. Likewise, my visiting grandfather thought he was alone. You can imagine the mutual surprise when I caught him stealing money from my sister's bedroom. FML

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By Bes - Canada

Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

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By Catherine - United States

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with vision problems. The nurse was helping my mom fill out the paperwork. When asked for her employer, my mom started trying to sell the nurse Aflac, and got into a serious 10 minute conversation about it, all while I'm going blind in my left eye. FML

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By yumx24 - United States

Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got married to the love of my life, with whom I've been with for 5 years. It's also one of the 3 times a year where he's got so drunk that, instead of puking in the bed like last time, he puked all over the side of my car while I was driving us home. FML

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By Flubber - Australia

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML

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By Laura - United States

Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I'm there, I act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man's voice. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2021 08:01

Detection

Today, after falling head over heels for a guy I've been crushing on for the past few months; I discovered that he's gay, dislikes children and I stand absolutely no chance. This isn't even the first time this has happened. I have the worst gaydar. FML

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By Anonymous - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I told my boss I'm going to quit, after months of being abused, doing meaningless work, and working late every day. I was soon given so many new projects that I didn't even have time to write my resignation letter. FML

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By bad luck skier - United States - Albany

Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Paragould

Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML

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By Gollumapparently - 13/1/2021 05:01

My precious

Today, my friend and I took an online quiz to find out what character from Lord of the Rings we look like. She got Arwen. I got Gollum. FML

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By VoiceMail - Australia

Today, when I picked up my repeat subscription of anti-anxiety medication, they had changed the packaging to be more 'child safe'. Now it's so hard to get the pills out that I had an anxiety attack trying to take one. FML

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By shameonme - United States - Nampa

Today, I found out one of my friends had never seen the "Two Girls, One Cup" video, so I loaded it up and told him to watch it. I knew he was squeamish, but I didn't expect him to actually pass out. He cracked his head on the side of my desk and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

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By garrett - United States

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

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By - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had a meeting with HR that resulted in me being dismissed for poor performance. I was confused because up until that point, my line manager had said my performance was exemplary. Turns out it wasn't, and he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be stressed. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 11:01

Bad day?

Today, after waking up to a spilled bottle of juice on my clothes, I heard my ex died. Whilst baking cookies to distract myself, I melted my work laptop on the toaster. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

ACAB

Today, I got pulled over by a cop and got slammed with a ticket for expired tabs on my motorcycle. The DMV was literally across the street. I was heading there to get new tabs. FML

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By SwimmingInFear - United States - Havertown

Today, I found out where my surprise honeymoon is; it involves swimming with dolphins. I have a huge fear of dolphins, whales and sharks. FML

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By slightlyfamous - Canada - Port-menier

Today, my dick of a roommate was moving out. She didn't actually tell us she was moving out and took the wifi, modem and all, while my other roommate was on a Skype call and I was watching a show. All with no warning. It's Saturday, I have an online assignment due Sunday. FML

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By Flopera

Today, I treated my out of town family to a surprise opera experience as a belated Christmas present. When we arrived, there were people already in our seats. Upon checking the tickets, I realized that I had purchased them for the following Friday instead of today. FML

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By nanall - United States

Today, my 24-year-old brother tried to convince me that Hogwarts is real, because there is no way a person could have written that based on imagination. My parents agreed with him. FML

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By womanlover12345 - Spain

Today, I finally told my girlfriend of four months that I love her. Her response was, "Uh... thanks?" FML

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By gedderdunn - Reserved

Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML

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By boyfriendisatoss - Australia

Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML

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By Murlocmurk - United States

Today, at school, I have to do a 45 minute presentation with a girl who has panic attacks so bad that she cries, runs out of the room, and sometimes passes out. This presentation terrifies her and it's a major part of my final grade. FML

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By illuminatzi - United States - Temple

Today, I was running late for work. I forgot my name tag and work hat at home, but my boss is pretty laid back, so I wasn't worried about it. Five minutes into my shift, the district supervisor walked in for a surprise employee inspection. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Grandville

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

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By badluckdrew - United States

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

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By drfeelgood93 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the cinema with a girl I like. Knowing she has a bit of a soft spot for me, I was keen to sit in the back row. Too bad her sister tagged along, insisted that we sit somewhere else, and scolded me every time I so much looked at her. I ended up paying for the unwanted guest as well. FML

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By notfatanymore - Germany

Today, the guy I've recently started seeing confided that he's relieved I'm on the heavier side, and that he has a thing for watching chubby women eat. I just reached my ideal weight after losing 40 pounds. FML

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By Seriously? - United States - Irvine

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

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By aragmir - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML

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By pdnne - United States

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

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By kaynotentirelywrong - Canada - Repentigny

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

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By flipraff101 - Australia

Today, I was at home and my boyfriend called me and said that I'd left my G-string at his house. I only have one G-string and I was wearing it. FML

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By anonymous - Canada - Saint John's

Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML

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By Eric

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

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Top comments

By flockz | 19

#3581921 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:14

it's ok you don't need detergant. i'm sure the smell of water will make them smell fine.

By shortstuff9519 | 0

#3581856 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:09

At least they got wet?

COMMENTS

By shortstuff9519 | 0

#3581856 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:09

At least they got wet?

Reply

Olovio | 5

#3581929 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:14

That's what she said.

Reply

shortstuff9519 | 0

#3581940 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:15

Ohhhh yeah

Reply

leadman1989 | 15

#3582098 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:29

4 You gonna give us a little donkey show? :D

Reply

grmnxsensati0n | 4

#3582402 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:22

like like like like like

Reply

Shy_Anne | 10

#3582410 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:23

I want to laugh... but I've actually done this before :(

Reply

theguy33 | 1

#3583069 - Monday 14 November 2011 5:32

Five loads in one day not bad.

Reply

nava1210 | 12

#3583235 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:11

Five hoes in one day not bad.

Reply

bjr1208 | 3

#3583353 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:34

I'm sick of this bakery store shit!

Reply

Choose_Wisely | 5

#3583387 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:48

reading this fml on laundry day REALLY makes me say yeah, fyl

By evilplatypus | 38

#3581863 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:10

First world problems...

Reply

grmnxsensati0n | 4

#3582394 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:20

dumbass

By flockz | 19

#3581921 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:14

it's ok you don't need detergant. i'm sure the smell of water will make them smell fine.

Reply

robincakes94 | 8

#3582194 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:43

I think Dryer sheets would be a better alternative, but water is also a good scent...

Reply

tarabelle | 7

#3582292 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:01

Water doesn't have a smell.

Reply

robincakes94 | 8

#3582327 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:08

I'm not smell deficient, I know that! I was commenting on flockz sarcasm with sarcasm... Ugh for now on I'll label all of my sarcasm. :)

Reply

tarabelle | 7

#3582352 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:12

Haha sorry! I wasn't sure. I showed this to my little sister, and she said "Lindsey, you're stupid. Water has a smell. It smells like..ummm...I don't know actually. It doesn't smell like anything but it has a smell."

Yup. There's a 9 year old for ya(:

By Rainbow_dumpster | 27

#3581930 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:14

FYL!

Next time, Put detergent BEFORE you add your load into the washer.

Reply

clw1740 | 0

#3582749 - Monday 14 November 2011 4:11

No shit.

Reply

CowOven | 7

#3582774 - Monday 14 November 2011 4:23

Wouldn't that be a YDI?

Reply

frankboy | 0

#3583827 - Monday 14 November 2011 9:39

Well i'll be.. Thanks boss. So helpful

Reply

Alexis2742 | 31

#6486163 - Wednesday 16 December 2015 5:13

Lol duh ...?

By jmk1469 | 5

#3581937 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:15

psh. who needs detergent?

Reply

TheCarChanel | 0

#3582259 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:55

What's detergent do?

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3582266 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:57

Penetrates and removes stains with added fragrance. -Mr. Clean.

Reply

AshleighNason | 24

#3582365 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:16

ew

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3582406 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:22

34- What's so revolting in this thread?

Reply

eviIpotato | 0

#3583178 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:00

GER THE FUCKING FUCK OFF MY SCREEN BAKERY STORY!!!!!!!
Sorry for my outburst, but it pisses me off!

OP I can understand 1 or 2, but 5? Really?

Reply

livlafluv100 | 2

#3583228 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:10

Whoa guys. We're dealin with a badass over here.

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3583284 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:20

71- Yes! What's up with the new whole-screen-ad shit? It sucks balls...

By haw008 | 14

#3581947 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:15

And you noticed this after the fifth load? Way to go.

By leadman1989 | 15

#3581982 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:17

It's ok as long as there weren't any cats involved.

By Strafeh | 9

#3581984 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:18

Tide - 1
oP - 0

Reply

ThreeSheetsGone | 12

#3582160 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:37

OP's water company-1
OP-0

Reply

Strafeh | 9

#3582504 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:55

Overused Joke - 2
Strafeh - -1

Reply

TheClumsiest | 0

#3582847 - Monday 14 November 2011 4:43

Lays- 0
Doritos- 1

Reply

flockz | 19

#3582960 - Monday 14 November 2011 5:11

sex-0
hand-1

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#3583010 - Monday 14 November 2011 5:25

Chocolate - 1
Pizza - 0

Reply

nolarboot | 10

#3583310 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:24

Power level - >9000
Argument - (not valid)

Reply

dumboears | 8

#3583449 - Monday 14 November 2011 7:15

Combo: 0
Breaker: 1
...wait a minute.

Reply

slushpup9696 | 12

#3583948 - Monday 14 November 2011 10:24

object 1: 1
object 2: 0

By crazyrunnergirl | 7

#3581991 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:18

I think it's safe to say you'll live

By salsa324 | 0

#3581995 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:19

Haha SUCKS FOR YOU!!!

Reply

salsa324 | 0

#3582729 - Monday 14 November 2011 4:02

Oh come on just a joke.

Reply

salsa324 | 0

#3583555 - Monday 14 November 2011 7:59

Aw now I have 2 thumbs up what happen to the 3rd one?