Miscellaneous: Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

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Understandable

BO Central

Furry family

By Just Set Me On Fire

Nope.

Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2020 10:01

Bonjour!

Today, in a job interview I confirmed I could speak French, as I lived in France for 6 years and became fluent, but I was so nervous that when my interviewer started speaking French, I froze up and the entire French language exited my brain like it was escaping a fire. I was kicked out for lying. FML

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By SarahNB - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

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By Judy69 - United States - Dekalb

Today, things were getting heated between me and the guy I like, and we were about to have sex. I told him to turn the TV off so we can get started. His response? "But I like this show." FML

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By maddie - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

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By nj - United States

Today, in basketball practice my coach was putting is in teams to run drills. He points to me and says, "You, go babysit my son by the stage." FML

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By thisbethed - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss made up a rumor that I was quitting my job so I wouldn't get the promotion that was coming up. There goes that raise I've been wanting for six months. FML

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By Sam - Canada

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

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By gottaflossmoreoften - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

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By TooInnocent - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I was told that I was no longer being considered for the Prison Officer job I have been interviewed for, because a social media check showed I had liked a picture of drugs, so my character is inappropriate. I thought it was a picture of candy. I've never even tried weed. FML

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By publicenemy - United States

Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML

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By Loveless - Canada

Today, I bought a dog to make me feel less lonely. He ran away. FML

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By antwhite1987 - United States - Chicago

Today, my 5 year-old daughter saw me getting ready to sit down in a fold-out camp chair, and told me, with a big smile on her face, "Daddy, you're too fat to sit in that chair. You'll break it with your big butt." Out of the mouths of babes, I guess. FML

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By adc2502

That was short-lived.

Today, after getting my first debit card, I spent £60 on porn online. My mum made me print off a statement at the ATM as she wanted to know where my money had gone. She saw everything and cut up my card. FML

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By poopiter - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

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By - France

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

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By maximus - United States

Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went to an Honors Convocation for my school. I received a letter a few weeks earlier telling me I received an award. Surprised and proud, I invited my family to join me to see what award I was receiving. I couldn't find my name in the program. I was invited by mistake. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a letter of complaint from my landlord. It said my loud, obnoxious trampling is disturbing my downstairs neighbor, and I have to stop. I'm small and hardly weigh anything, but it seems that if I want to keep my lease, I'll have to master the art of levitating. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - North Easton

Today, my sister-in-law pooped with the bathroom door open until my husband had to tell her to close it, then she came out with unwashed hands and started rooting through the cookies. This isn't even the most unhygienic thing she's done today. FML

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By occam's pube-razor - United States - Buena Vista

Today, I parked my car, went to pay for my spot, and returned to my car only to find a parking violation ticket tucked under the windshield wipers. This all happened in less than a minute. FML

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By fannyfitel123 - United States

Today, I corrected my mom in front of our family while she was ragging on my 12 year old cousin who got a piercing. She said, "You don't understand you don't have kids, but on the other hand you probably never will!" I have Polycystic ovary syndrome, she is right, I probably never will. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview with a man that I got drunk with at a bar on Saturday night. He spent an hour telling me things I did that I don't even remember. FML

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By nikkrissa_04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

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By quitfuckingalready! - 4/9/2020 08:00 - United States

Let me go

Today, my request to move apartments was once again denied. My next door neighbor’s constant marijuana smoke wafts over every day, and the woman upstairs is pregnant with her sixth child. It’s like a herd of elephants living above me. They won’t let me out of my lease unless I pay a huge amount. FML

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By Rothaar - United States

Today, I was at the gym and as I was pulling out my earphones and getting off my treadmill, I heard the girl behind me say to her friend on the treadmill next to her, "Wow, there have no cute guys today." Her friend replied, "None at all. It's like everyone suddenly got gay or ugly." FML

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By LD - United States - Nampa

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn't distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

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By Baileyy - United States

Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2020 17:02

Corporate ass

Today, I found out that my boss would rather give grant money back than give it to any of his employees as any sort of bonus for working through the pandemic. Two of us have worked for him for over 20 years. So much for loyalty I guess. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML

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By Grace - 14/11/2020 23:02

Don't touch me, bitch

Today, I found out that when you try to pick up my cat, its response is to let out the most stinky fart it can. FML

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By Ugly_Broke_Medussssssa

Today, while working at my job in a luxury retail store, a woman left me a business card. It was for a plastic surgeon. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 20:58 - Philippines

Life imitates art

Today, my hypochondria is getting worse. I think it's because of watching too much Grey's Anatomy. FML

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By retard99 - Canada

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML

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By Bacular - United Kingdom

Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked to stand up and be introduced to a company director. I had a hard on. FML

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By toomuchwork

Today, as I was leaving for a 2-week vacation after working my ass off for 2 years, my area manager handed me a project. It's a 3-week job, and he told me he needs it when I get back. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

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Top comments

By flockz | 19

#3581921 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:14

it's ok you don't need detergant. i'm sure the smell of water will make them smell fine.

By shortstuff9519 | 0

#3581856 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:09

At least they got wet?

COMMENTS

By shortstuff9519 | 0

#3581856 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:09

At least they got wet?

Reply

Olovio | 5

#3581929 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:14

That's what she said.

Reply

shortstuff9519 | 0

#3581940 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:15

Ohhhh yeah

Reply

leadman1989 | 15

#3582098 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:29

4 You gonna give us a little donkey show? :D

Reply

grmnxsensati0n | 4

#3582402 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:22

like like like like like

Reply

Shy_Anne | 10

#3582410 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:23

I want to laugh... but I've actually done this before :(

Reply

theguy33 | 1

#3583069 - Monday 14 November 2011 5:32

Five loads in one day not bad.

Reply

nava1210 | 12

#3583235 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:11

Five hoes in one day not bad.

Reply

bjr1208 | 3

#3583353 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:34

I'm sick of this bakery store shit!

Reply

Choose_Wisely | 5

#3583387 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:48

reading this fml on laundry day REALLY makes me say yeah, fyl

By evilplatypus | 38

#3581863 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:10

First world problems...

Reply

grmnxsensati0n | 4

#3582394 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:20

dumbass

By flockz | 19

#3581921 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:14

it's ok you don't need detergant. i'm sure the smell of water will make them smell fine.

Reply

robincakes94 | 8

#3582194 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:43

I think Dryer sheets would be a better alternative, but water is also a good scent...

Reply

tarabelle | 7

#3582292 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:01

Water doesn't have a smell.

Reply

robincakes94 | 8

#3582327 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:08

I'm not smell deficient, I know that! I was commenting on flockz sarcasm with sarcasm... Ugh for now on I'll label all of my sarcasm. :)

Reply

tarabelle | 7

#3582352 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:12

Haha sorry! I wasn't sure. I showed this to my little sister, and she said "Lindsey, you're stupid. Water has a smell. It smells like..ummm...I don't know actually. It doesn't smell like anything but it has a smell."

Yup. There's a 9 year old for ya(:

By Rainbow_dumpster | 27

#3581930 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:14

FYL!

Next time, Put detergent BEFORE you add your load into the washer.

Reply

clw1740 | 0

#3582749 - Monday 14 November 2011 4:11

No shit.

Reply

CowOven | 7

#3582774 - Monday 14 November 2011 4:23

Wouldn't that be a YDI?

Reply

frankboy | 0

#3583827 - Monday 14 November 2011 9:39

Well i'll be.. Thanks boss. So helpful

Reply

Alexis2742 | 31

#6486163 - Wednesday 16 December 2015 5:13

Lol duh ...?

By jmk1469 | 5

#3581937 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:15

psh. who needs detergent?

Reply

TheCarChanel | 0

#3582259 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:55

What's detergent do?

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3582266 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:57

Penetrates and removes stains with added fragrance. -Mr. Clean.

Reply

AshleighNason | 24

#3582365 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:16

ew

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3582406 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:22

34- What's so revolting in this thread?

Reply

eviIpotato | 0

#3583178 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:00

GER THE FUCKING FUCK OFF MY SCREEN BAKERY STORY!!!!!!!
Sorry for my outburst, but it pisses me off!

OP I can understand 1 or 2, but 5? Really?

Reply

livlafluv100 | 2

#3583228 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:10

Whoa guys. We're dealin with a badass over here.

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3583284 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:20

71- Yes! What's up with the new whole-screen-ad shit? It sucks balls...

By haw008 | 14

#3581947 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:15

And you noticed this after the fifth load? Way to go.

By leadman1989 | 15

#3581982 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:17

It's ok as long as there weren't any cats involved.

By Strafeh | 9

#3581984 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:18

Tide - 1
oP - 0

Reply

ThreeSheetsGone | 12

#3582160 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:37

OP's water company-1
OP-0

Reply

Strafeh | 9

#3582504 - Monday 14 November 2011 2:55

Overused Joke - 2
Strafeh - -1

Reply

TheClumsiest | 0

#3582847 - Monday 14 November 2011 4:43

Lays- 0
Doritos- 1

Reply

flockz | 19

#3582960 - Monday 14 November 2011 5:11

sex-0
hand-1

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#3583010 - Monday 14 November 2011 5:25

Chocolate - 1
Pizza - 0

Reply

nolarboot | 10

#3583310 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:24

Power level - >9000
Argument - (not valid)

Reply

dumboears | 8

#3583449 - Monday 14 November 2011 7:15

Combo: 0
Breaker: 1
...wait a minute.

Reply

slushpup9696 | 12

#3583948 - Monday 14 November 2011 10:24

object 1: 1
object 2: 0

By crazyrunnergirl | 7

#3581991 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:18

I think it's safe to say you'll live

By salsa324 | 0

#3581995 - Monday 14 November 2011 1:19

Haha SUCKS FOR YOU!!!

Reply

salsa324 | 0

#3582729 - Monday 14 November 2011 4:02

Oh come on just a joke.

Reply

salsa324 | 0

#3583555 - Monday 14 November 2011 7:59

Aw now I have 2 thumbs up what happen to the 3rd one?