Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML
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By
TopBanana20
| 11
It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.
By
AninOnin
| 24
Go buy some?
COMMENTS
By
AninOnin
| 24
Go buy some?
Reply
indielove
| 13
I would be smuggling in drinks instead of toys.
Reply
FurryPride
| 9
Go to your boyfriends house or just use your fingers maybe?
Reply
sux4u121
| 10
39, she is at her in laws house, which most likely says she is married, an I highly doubt she would visit in-laws without her husband staying there too.
Reply
ClassyCommando
| 13
Battery pack, not batteries. We're not talking AA's here. It's probably hard to find the right battery pack for those things.
Reply
happle
| 21
Can someone explain to me why OP can't quietly have sex with her husband?
Reply
sniken
| 14
Maybe she can't do quiet. Or him for that matter, stallions usually makes some noise!
Reply
Carmstro
| 13
105, by the sounds of it I wouldn't be surprised if the parents had OP and her husband sleeping in separate rooms.
Reply
SpicyDuck
| 22
Maybe they aren't allowed to sleep in the same room for some personal reason their parents might have. If that's not it then they probably aren't engaging in anything sexual in respect of a request the in-laws made.
But you do still have fingers OP.
But you do still have fingers OP.
Reply
Meettitan
| 14
He doesn't satisfy her.
Reply
Harpy20
| 24
Lady needs her fun time.
Reply
SuperPizzaMan_fml
| 11
If OP has access to car, they can always drive out to have a smoke or have sex in the car. Or take a walk around, maybe find a cheap hotel or secluded area. You make it sound like a prison.. Be a little adventurous, you should be old enough to go wherever you want.
Reply
killmoose
| 5
If its a "holy house", and they are married, what's the problem with it? The bible says you can have sex if you're married
Reply
AninOnin
| 24
Who ever said it was a holy house? They may just forbid all of that due to personal preferences. Maybe the smell of smoke makes them sick, or one of them is a recovering alcoholic, or they simply don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night by awkward noises. "Holy" has nothing to do with it.
Reply
Synistiel
| 14
184- OP has said so. Maybe they just don't approve of any of it, besides the sex, no one wants to hear other people have sex.
Reply
BeanBrick
| 10
184- The OP said it was a holy house.
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RedPillSucks
| 31
Makes you wonder how the in-laws ever had kids...
Reply
cinamonkoko
| 15
op could always use her fingers
Reply
MaydayParadexx
| 18
162- No, the Bible says you can only have sex while trying to make a baby. Not just because you're married.
Reply
MP78_fml
| 7
FS I really have never read anything about sex being only for procreation. When reading Hebrews 13:4 it says "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral." Sexually Immorral only refers to sodomy, and many Christians branches take "Go forth and multiple" quite seriously. I know of people that would force their wives to have 13 children, or more. So, according to them you should always be having sex, because you should always be procreating. There is the "sin of Onan" which is interpreted by some as it is sinful to have sex not related to procreation, but I myself would think it would just be interpreted as sinful because he refused to get her pregnant when it was his duty. It was very popular for a man to marry his brother's widow, as seen with king Henry when he married Catherine, but after he inadequacy to produce a son, he had their marriage declared wrong because she was his brother's widow. In Corinthians 1, 7 it states "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command," and then later, "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn." Obviously sex without the intentions of procreation is okay if you're a Christian that follows the bible. (This wasn't to be crazy religious, for I'm not a crazy religious person. I just wanted to clear up a false notion, because it would aid to the experience of everyone, and maybe scare away the anti-sexual people that use false notions to support their hate. No, masturbating will not make you blind.)
Reply
your_face
| 15
188 - that is my question exactly.
Reply
kaileylovesyew
| 4
184- You're an idiot! Maybe if you got your head out of uou ass, you would be able to read the FML which actually states that OP is staying in a "Holy House" of which her in-laws own.
Reply
kaileylovesyew
| 4
*your not uou, sorry it was a typing mistake.
Reply
2psv1
| 5
holy crap you typed all that out?
Reply
CTPope74
| 13
I hear people respond with, "The bible says this or that" none of them give the reference in the bible that says it.
By
Ainarr
| 29
Comment moderated for rule-breaking..
Show it anyway
Reply
Inheritance
| 10
All honesty if I was in OPs situation and I was a girl, and I couldn't do any of that stuff, I'd probably go insane. So my guess this is just for more sanity than pleasure.
Reply
cristy91
| 33
I wouldn't say disgusting so much as lack of control. You should be able to maintain your desires under control for at least two weeks. Plus you can rub one off in the shower, or in the car, or go to a by the hour motel if it gets really bad.
Reply
Batterypost
| 23
While I agree that "disgusting" may be a bit over the top, so is the implication that OP would go insane without masturbating. Get a grip.
Reply
artiststatement
| 21
Well #2, you're only sixteen so I'm just going to guess you've never had a good orgasm before.
Reply
DudeEvil
| 22
Although she doesn't need to judge, but it is only two weeks; should be manageable without any sexual satisfaction
Reply
kyleekay
| 25
22- That's a silly assumption to make. Good orgasms can occur at any age, really.
Reply
LiterOfCola
| 16
14: ~I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that only and all Republicans are judgmental.~ You are the epitome of ignorant and it's sad that people thumb you up. You're judging that guy and an entire group based off of a stereotype; behavior you'd never get away with if it were stereotyping anyone else.
You realize the only reason that whole planned parenthood controversial decision by Mitt, the only reason I can think of for your comment, was made was because of the idea that taxes shouldn't go to people's sex lives, not because its "disgusting" to have a sex life. (Personally, I wouldn't have said that about planned parenthood by the way. But clearly you misinterpreted the reasoning behind that decision and think you know the answers)
Honestly, just shut up. You're the type of person that perpetuates judgements so don't try to make claims about them.
You realize the only reason that whole planned parenthood controversial decision by Mitt, the only reason I can think of for your comment, was made was because of the idea that taxes shouldn't go to people's sex lives, not because its "disgusting" to have a sex life. (Personally, I wouldn't have said that about planned parenthood by the way. But clearly you misinterpreted the reasoning behind that decision and think you know the answers)
Honestly, just shut up. You're the type of person that perpetuates judgements so don't try to make claims about them.
Reply
honeybadgerr
| 9
22- while your comment can be argued quite extensively.. It made me lol like a motherfuck
Reply
newbiehere99
| 6
I wouldn't say it's disgusting. However, now it's time that OP get acquainted to five of her closets friends:
Thumb, Index, Middle, Ring, and Pinky. If she's feeling really extreme, I hear that each one of those friends have a twin o_0
Thumb, Index, Middle, Ring, and Pinky. If she's feeling really extreme, I hear that each one of those friends have a twin o_0
Reply
LiterOfCola
| 16
I'm sorry, are you forgetting that there are two political parties dedicated to "agreeing with each other?"
I'm not sure if you're aware, but the gay-hating community makes up a small percentage of the republican platform. I've no problem with gays. I do, however, have a problem with people like you generalizing and using your sexuality as an excuse. Is it okay for a black person to call white people racists since they know a white guy that's racist? No, so stop talking.
I'm not sure if you're aware, but the gay-hating community makes up a small percentage of the republican platform. I've no problem with gays. I do, however, have a problem with people like you generalizing and using your sexuality as an excuse. Is it okay for a black person to call white people racists since they know a white guy that's racist? No, so stop talking.
Reply
permannator
| 10
47- couldn't agree with you more. Stereotypic comments and stereotypes in general are becoming everyday things, which is childish and an over all bad thing. And as hard as your comments are to thumb up, I made the extra effort :)
Reply
ClassyCommando
| 13
One, two, three, four, I declare a flame war.
Reply
LiterOfCola
| 16
By the way, you literally couldn't live further in the south than I do in the United States mainland, and I can assure you that none of my republican friends or family would judge you for being gay. The fact that you use that as an excuse to make slanted comments would offend though.
Reply
LiterOfCola
| 16
62: Thanks! Haha sorry for the long comments. I hate not being able to find the thumbs in a long comment. They're so elusive
Reply
Metallica36176
| 16
#2 Its nice that you feel that way. A sixteen year old that's not a whore and think its disgusting that people are weak and can't go 2 weeks without that stuff. A better choice of words couldve been used but I'm happy at your "maturity". Bring on the thumbs down because I support her not being all over the place (from what I got) :)
Reply
myeviltwin
| 20
You do realize op is a woman?
Reply
LolPieRofl
| 11
Well that escalated quickly! But seriously how did a comment about sex go to politics?
Reply
myeviltwin
| 20
It is not that she can not go without for two weeks. But who are her inlaws to tell a married couple to do so??????
By
BadApple88
| 29
Buy some duh
Reply
TourettesGuyFTW
| 25
Yes, duh is quite cheap, or so I hear.
Reply
CharresBarkrey
| 15
I hear Walmart's got a sale on duh.
Reply
KiddNYC1O
| 20
Got some duh on Cyber Monday.
Reply
siickman
| 7
What duh hell is going on? No wait, i think i did that wrong. :c
Reply
MizzKilljoy69
| 11
can you get me some of that duh? they sold out on black friday
Reply
BulldogHoops
| 14
You leave so many questions to be answered here, #3! What kind of duh should she purchase? Cookie duh? Pizza duh?
Reply
andiewithlove
| 21
131, neither. We want duhnuts. And coffee. Better get some duhnkin duhnuts brand.
Reply
ohSNAPyall
| 26
Can't get enough of that wonderful duh
Reply
Paris25_fml
| 11
The best turn-around from a bad comment I've ever seen.
Reply
fsomelife
| 26
If you're gonna buy duh with duh, you might as well keep the duh you already have. DUH.
Reply
gc327072
| 29
168- yo duhwg....
Reply
newbiehere99
| 6
171- You killed it.
Reply
anythingmustbe
| 18
Duh,duh,duh,duuuuuuh I'm loving Duh.
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TourettesGuyFTW
| 25
I'm so proud of all duh comments above!!
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zaynakins
| 11
they sell pretty nice duh on ebay, some are pretty worn out though
By
gummybear1996
| 13
It's fine. You will survive
Reply
ClassyCommando
| 13
Is there another kind of Gollum face?
Reply
mfischer
| 17
Or maybe even a creepy Gollum face.
Reply
sens3sfailing
| 24
Why are you guys worried about this when THEY'RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISANGARD!
Reply
SerendipityRose
| 26
To Isangard! To Isangard! They're taking the Hobbits to Isangard!
Great... That'll be stuck in my head for the next week. :)
Great... That'll be stuck in my head for the next week. :)
Reply
Rumbelle_fml
| 22
#146, #154, how did you BOTH manage to spell Isengard wrong? ;-;
(Cue the thumb-downs)
(Cue the thumb-downs)
By
mrz1177
| 11
And that's an FML?
By
TopBanana20
| 11
It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.
Reply
majorjeneral
| 0
I agree, OP should be able to control her urges. At the same time, maybe "forbidden fruit" is what makes it so desirable.
Reply
ClassyCommando
| 13
She called it her "quietest toy". Well, now it's even quieter.
Reply
Metallica36176
| 16
See # 2 said the same thing just in a different way but got thumbed down. I agree she can survive.
Reply
ClassyCommando
| 13
FML is doubleplusgood.
Reply
LiterOfCola
| 16
I wish #2 wasn't deleted. Ignorance was exposed!
That being said, 1+3=5
That being said, 1+3=5
Reply
poindexter25
| 5
I don't blame her I mean it's just something you have to do
Reply
TopBanana20
| 11
That 1984 reference made my night! and I think 2 got thumbed down because she said it was "disgusting". I don't think it's disgusting, but I do think you can survive 2 weeks without your "quietest" toy. :)
Reply
WritingWrongs
| 8
Honestly. can't anyone control themselves anymore? You would think OP would be able to, at least out of respect to her in-laws.
Reply
rebelliousshroom
| 12
Normally two weeks would be annoying, but managable, I agree. But she has to deal with these people throught the whole day; she might need some relaxation to go to sleep.
Reply
SammyS2012
| 21
There's no need to report her to the thought police.
They already know.
Big brother is watching.
They already know.
Big brother is watching.
Reply
BlueFlatts
| 20
1. Your fingers are quieter than your quietist toy.
2. Staying at your In-laws house for two weeks, depending on the state of things someone might need a release or two.
3. If you can't escape them, well 2 can play at that game.
4. Don't do anything too reckless.
2. Staying at your In-laws house for two weeks, depending on the state of things someone might need a release or two.
3. If you can't escape them, well 2 can play at that game.
4. Don't do anything too reckless.
Reply
laden_swallow09
| 34
No, you wouldn't. May want to try weaning yourself off your own prick if you think you can't last that long without.
Reply
beclaurela
| 17
Says the 18 year old who is probably a virgin.
Reply
Teyros
| 24
98 -
I also saw a picture on someone's FML. Not only did it say 1+3=5, but. 1+1=3... if you don't wear a condom. Anyone else remember seeing that?
I also saw a picture on someone's FML. Not only did it say 1+3=5, but. 1+1=3... if you don't wear a condom. Anyone else remember seeing that?
Reply
Glambert_lover
| 5
Lol nice! XD
By
bandofsand
| 10
Their house, their rules. Seems reasonable to me. Plus, it's only two week.
Reply
MrSassypants
| 32
They won't allow anything remotely sexual. You know how sexual walking out the house is?
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Metallica36176
| 16
What I don't get is "nothing remotely sexual" yet they had to have sex to have OPs partner...I mean I get its their house but I'm kinda wondering if theyre aloud to have that stuff but just wants to watch the daughter-in-law squirm.
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MrSassypants
| 32
24 was supposed to be a reply for 8. Daaaang it.
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chellyX92
| 8
78, if its due to religious values and its the religion I'm thinking about, the act of sex is purely reproduction. No pleasure. I believe that's the concept. If my assumptions are right.
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happle
| 21
130- ._. That's probably why people stop being religious.
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SammyS2012
| 21
I don't know about you, but the entire world didn't just lose their religion. I think most of the world still has a religion they hold sacred; not all, but some. And that's their choice.
Reply
alyssamorgan
| 1
Or maybe they realize how silly the concept of god is.
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cellonerd646
| 1
Your assumptions are wrong:/ sex is actually viewed as "a gift from god" to be highly enjoyable to both involved. It's just meant to be enjoyed with the bonds of marriage.
Reply
Spyingcheeseman
| 8
you could still use it. you don't NEED it to vibrate
By
BeccaHugs
| 17
Why can't you go to the store and buy some? Do they have you on house arrest too?
Reply
teresee
| 8
Sometimes you can only buy battery packs when you buy the device, for example a camera that you need a special battery for. Besides buying another special battery pack would be pricey
By
kyleekay
| 25
Wait. They are going to forbid you from sexual relations with your spouse?
Everything else seems somewhat reasonable, but I don't see how they should be able to tell you what you and your husband can or can't do behind closed doors (assuming your husband is with you, that is).
Everything else seems somewhat reasonable, but I don't see how they should be able to tell you what you and your husband can or can't do behind closed doors (assuming your husband is with you, that is).
Reply
zango1
| 15
I tend to agree with you about the 'behind closed doors' sentiment but if the door is under the parents roof I would say it's reasonable that they have some say.
Even if her parents were fine with it I'm not sure I feel comfortable messing around with my girlfriend at their house.
Even if her parents were fine with it I'm not sure I feel comfortable messing around with my girlfriend at their house.
Reply
kyleekay
| 25
34- The keyword in your post is "girlfriend". That dynamic is much, much different than a husband and wife.
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loveingit
| 7
Do they have a closed door? My in-laws stick us in the living room. I can see asking someone to stay dressed if you might have to walk past them to get a glass of water.
But the no drinking and smoking added to it just sound like the parents want to be in control. Renting a hotel room might make for a better trip.
But the no drinking and smoking added to it just sound like the parents want to be in control. Renting a hotel room might make for a better trip.
Reply
myeviltwin
| 20
Actually I can understand the no smoking thing better than the no sex. I smoke, but do not do or allow it in my house. But asking a married couple to abstain from "relations" (as long as it is in private and does not disturb others) there is no reason for that. Unlike smoking it does not affect anyone else in the house (providing the in private and does not disturb qualifiers are met).
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juturnaamo
| 29
OP never gives any indication of her age. The fact that they have no option but to stay at his parents house makes me think they're young, we don't even know she can legally drink. Also, a good number of smokers are really bad about butt disposal.
Reply
LollipopDragon
| 4
Personally, I think it would be rude for them to be have sex in his parents house, especially if they could be possibly within earshot. If they want a night, then they can get their own place. Just like you wouldn't want your parents doing it in your home.
Reply
chellyX92
| 8
Regardless if OP is married, it isn't their house. If the owners of the house don't want you to have sex, you respect their wishes and just don't, or go somewhere else to do the deed.
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doodlecloud
| 26
I'm always a bit funny about these 'their house, their rules' because I can see both sides of the story and think it somewhat depends on the rule. However, I have to put this out there right now 34 - if you believe 'their house their rules' being married should have nothing to do with it. It's ridiculous. Lots of people don't get married now. I intend to marry my boyfriend but I know it won't be for about 5 years because we simply don't have the money. I hate how some people look down on a relationship and treat it like a teenage fling just because someone's not wearing a ring.
Reply
doodlecloud
| 26
Likewise, some people get married despite having a bad relationship ship or get married after like a few months and their relationships are actually worse than a teenage fling. So yeah, it's not such a different dynamic.
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NeonPopRocks
| 14
102- She's old enough to be married, because she's staying at her inlaw's house. Inlaws meaning her spouse's parents. Re- Read the FML.
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ebonyirony
| 29
170, the legal age where I am for marriage is 18. I could get married but I still can't drink.
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RedPillSucks
| 31
Some places, it's 16, and possibly younger with parental consent.
Priscilla was 14 when she married Elvis, I think.
Maybe the In-Laws are Amish?
Priscilla was 14 when she married Elvis, I think.
Maybe the In-Laws are Amish?
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WhisperSoflty
| 20
Did anyone ever consider that maybe said in laws just don't want to wash sexed-up sheets? Sex can be messy, and when my hubby and I stay at his parents we abstain from sex because we don't want his parents having to deal with nasty bedding.
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Knightchaser27
| 25
They could just wash their own bedding.
By
mea_iloveskiing
| 26
At least they didn't forbid nutella =).
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majorjeneral
| 0
Mmm...so good it is sinful.
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stary1722
| 6
Or bacon... That would be the worst.
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mea_iloveskiing
| 26
Haha :).