By comeuntome - 29/11/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML
I agree, your life sucks 22 921
You deserved it 29 760

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TopBanana20 11

It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.


indielove 13

I would be smuggling in drinks instead of toys.

Go to your boyfriends house or just use your fingers maybe?

39, she is at her in laws house, which most likely says she is married, an I highly doubt she would visit in-laws without her husband staying there too.

Battery pack, not batteries. We're not talking AA's here. It's probably hard to find the right battery pack for those things.

Can someone explain to me why OP can't quietly have sex with her husband?

Maybe she can't do quiet. Or him for that matter, stallions usually makes some noise!

105, by the sounds of it I wouldn't be surprised if the parents had OP and her husband sleeping in separate rooms.

Maybe they aren't allowed to sleep in the same room for some personal reason their parents might have. If that's not it then they probably aren't engaging in anything sexual in respect of a request the in-laws made. But you do still have fingers OP.

He doesn't satisfy her.

Lady needs her fun time.

If OP has access to car, they can always drive out to have a smoke or have sex in the car. Or take a walk around, maybe find a cheap hotel or secluded area. You make it sound like a prison.. Be a little adventurous, you should be old enough to go wherever you want.

If its a "holy house", and they are married, what's the problem with it? The bible says you can have sex if you're married

Who ever said it was a holy house? They may just forbid all of that due to personal preferences. Maybe the smell of smoke makes them sick, or one of them is a recovering alcoholic, or they simply don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night by awkward noises. "Holy" has nothing to do with it.

184- OP has said so. Maybe they just don't approve of any of it, besides the sex, no one wants to hear other people have sex.

184- The OP said it was a holy house.

RedPillSucks 31

Makes you wonder how the in-laws ever had kids...

op could always use her fingers

MaydayParadexx 18

162- No, the Bible says you can only have sex while trying to make a baby. Not just because you're married.

FS I really have never read anything about sex being only for procreation. When reading Hebrews 13:4 it says "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral." Sexually Immorral only refers to sodomy, and many Christians branches take "Go forth and multiple" quite seriously. I know of people that would force their wives to have 13 children, or more. So, according to them you should always be having sex, because you should always be procreating. There is the "sin of Onan" which is interpreted by some as it is sinful to have sex not related to procreation, but I myself would think it would just be interpreted as sinful because he refused to get her pregnant when it was his duty. It was very popular for a man to marry his brother's widow, as seen with king Henry when he married Catherine, but after he inadequacy to produce a son, he had their marriage declared wrong because she was his brother's widow. In Corinthians 1, 7 it states "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command," and then later, "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn." Obviously sex without the intentions of procreation is okay if you're a Christian that follows the bible. (This wasn't to be crazy religious, for I'm not a crazy religious person. I just wanted to clear up a false notion, because it would aid to the experience of everyone, and maybe scare away the anti-sexual people that use false notions to support their hate. No, masturbating will not make you blind.)

188 - that is my question exactly.

kaileylovesyew 4

184- You're an idiot! Maybe if you got your head out of uou ass, you would be able to read the FML which actually states that OP is staying in a "Holy House" of which her in-laws own.

kaileylovesyew 4

*your not uou, sorry it was a typing mistake.

holy crap you typed all that out?

I hear people respond with, "The bible says this or that" none of them give the reference in the bible that says it.

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Inheritance 10

All honesty if I was in OPs situation and I was a girl, and I couldn't do any of that stuff, I'd probably go insane. So my guess this is just for more sanity than pleasure.

I wouldn't say disgusting so much as lack of control. You should be able to maintain your desires under control for at least two weeks. Plus you can rub one off in the shower, or in the car, or go to a by the hour motel if it gets really bad.

While I agree that "disgusting" may be a bit over the top, so is the implication that OP would go insane without masturbating. Get a grip.

Well #2, you're only sixteen so I'm just going to guess you've never had a good orgasm before.

Although she doesn't need to judge, but it is only two weeks; should be manageable without any sexual satisfaction

unknown_user5566 26

22- That's a silly assumption to make. Good orgasms can occur at any age, really.

LiterOfCola 16

14: ~I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that only and all Republicans are judgmental.~ You are the epitome of ignorant and it's sad that people thumb you up. You're judging that guy and an entire group based off of a stereotype; behavior you'd never get away with if it were stereotyping anyone else. You realize the only reason that whole planned parenthood controversial decision by Mitt, the only reason I can think of for your comment, was made was because of the idea that taxes shouldn't go to people's sex lives, not because its "disgusting" to have a sex life. (Personally, I wouldn't have said that about planned parenthood by the way. But clearly you misinterpreted the reasoning behind that decision and think you know the answers) Honestly, just shut up. You're the type of person that perpetuates judgements so don't try to make claims about them.

honeybadgerr 9

22- while your comment can be argued quite extensively.. It made me lol like a motherfuck

I wouldn't say it's disgusting. However, now it's time that OP get acquainted to five of her closets friends: Thumb, Index, Middle, Ring, and Pinky. If she's feeling really extreme, I hear that each one of those friends have a twin o_0

LiterOfCola 16

I'm sorry, are you forgetting that there are two political parties dedicated to "agreeing with each other?" I'm not sure if you're aware, but the gay-hating community makes up a small percentage of the republican platform. I've no problem with gays. I do, however, have a problem with people like you generalizing and using your sexuality as an excuse. Is it okay for a black person to call white people racists since they know a white guy that's racist? No, so stop talking.

47- couldn't agree with you more. Stereotypic comments and stereotypes in general are becoming everyday things, which is childish and an over all bad thing. And as hard as your comments are to thumb up, I made the extra effort :)

One, two, three, four, I declare a flame war.

LiterOfCola 16

By the way, you literally couldn't live further in the south than I do in the United States mainland, and I can assure you that none of my republican friends or family would judge you for being gay. The fact that you use that as an excuse to make slanted comments would offend though.

LiterOfCola 16

62: Thanks! Haha sorry for the long comments. I hate not being able to find the thumbs in a long comment. They're so elusive

#2 Its nice that you feel that way. A sixteen year old that's not a whore and think its disgusting that people are weak and can't go 2 weeks without that stuff. A better choice of words couldve been used but I'm happy at your "maturity". Bring on the thumbs down because I support her not being all over the place (from what I got) :)

myeviltwin 20

You do realize op is a woman?

Well that escalated quickly! But seriously how did a comment about sex go to politics?

myeviltwin 20

It is not that she can not go without for two weeks. But who are her inlaws to tell a married couple to do so??????

Buy some duh

Yes, duh is quite cheap, or so I hear.

CharresBarkrey 15

I hear Walmart's got a sale on duh.

KiddNYC1O 20

Got some duh on Cyber Monday.

siickman 7

What duh hell is going on? No wait, i think i did that wrong. :c

can you get me some of that duh? they sold out on black friday

You leave so many questions to be answered here, #3! What kind of duh should she purchase? Cookie duh? Pizza duh?

131, neither. We want duhnuts. And coffee. Better get some duhnkin duhnuts brand.

Can't get enough of that wonderful duh

The best turn-around from a bad comment I've ever seen.

If you're gonna buy duh with duh, you might as well keep the duh you already have. DUH.

168- yo duhwg....

171- You killed it.

Duh,duh,duh,duuuuuuh I'm loving Duh.

I'm so proud of all duh comments above!!

they sell pretty nice duh on ebay, some are pretty worn out though

It's fine. You will survive

Is there another kind of Gollum face?

Or maybe even a creepy Gollum face.

Why are you guys worried about this when THEY'RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISANGARD!

To Isangard! To Isangard! They're taking the Hobbits to Isangard! Great... That'll be stuck in my head for the next week. :)

#146, #154, how did you BOTH manage to spell Isengard wrong? ;-; (Cue the thumb-downs)

mrz1177 11

And that's an FML?

TopBanana20 11

It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.

majorjeneral 0

I agree, OP should be able to control her urges. At the same time, maybe "forbidden fruit" is what makes it so desirable.

She called it her "quietest toy". Well, now it's even quieter.

See # 2 said the same thing just in a different way but got thumbed down. I agree she can survive.

FML is doubleplusgood.

LiterOfCola 16

I wish #2 wasn't deleted. Ignorance was exposed! That being said, 1+3=5

I don't blame her I mean it's just something you have to do

TopBanana20 11

That 1984 reference made my night! and I think 2 got thumbed down because she said it was "disgusting". I don't think it's disgusting, but I do think you can survive 2 weeks without your "quietest" toy. :)

Honestly. can't anyone control themselves anymore? You would think OP would be able to, at least out of respect to her in-laws.

Normally two weeks would be annoying, but managable, I agree. But she has to deal with these people throught the whole day; she might need some relaxation to go to sleep.

There's no need to report her to the thought police. They already know. Big brother is watching.

BlueFlatts 20

1. Your fingers are quieter than your quietist toy. 2. Staying at your In-laws house for two weeks, depending on the state of things someone might need a release or two. 3. If you can't escape them, well 2 can play at that game. 4. Don't do anything too reckless.

No, you wouldn't. May want to try weaning yourself off your own prick if you think you can't last that long without.

Says the 18 year old who is probably a virgin.

98 - I also saw a picture on someone's FML. Not only did it say 1+3=5, but. 1+1=3... if you don't wear a condom. Anyone else remember seeing that?

Their house, their rules. Seems reasonable to me. Plus, it's only two week.

They won't allow anything remotely sexual. You know how sexual walking out the house is?

What I don't get is "nothing remotely sexual" yet they had to have sex to have OPs partner...I mean I get its their house but I'm kinda wondering if theyre aloud to have that stuff but just wants to watch the daughter-in-law squirm.

24 was supposed to be a reply for 8. Daaaang it.

78, if its due to religious values and its the religion I'm thinking about, the act of sex is purely reproduction. No pleasure. I believe that's the concept. If my assumptions are right.

130- ._. That's probably why people stop being religious.

I don't know about you, but the entire world didn't just lose their religion. I think most of the world still has a religion they hold sacred; not all, but some. And that's their choice.

Or maybe they realize how silly the concept of god is.

Your assumptions are wrong:/ sex is actually viewed as "a gift from god" to be highly enjoyable to both involved. It's just meant to be enjoyed with the bonds of marriage.

you could still use it. you don't NEED it to vibrate

Why can't you go to the store and buy some? Do they have you on house arrest too?

Sometimes you can only buy battery packs when you buy the device, for example a camera that you need a special battery for. Besides buying another special battery pack would be pricey

unknown_user5566 26

Wait. They are going to forbid you from sexual relations with your spouse? Everything else seems somewhat reasonable, but I don't see how they should be able to tell you what you and your husband can or can't do behind closed doors (assuming your husband is with you, that is).

I tend to agree with you about the 'behind closed doors' sentiment but if the door is under the parents roof I would say it's reasonable that they have some say. Even if her parents were fine with it I'm not sure I feel comfortable messing around with my girlfriend at their house.

unknown_user5566 26

34- The keyword in your post is "girlfriend". That dynamic is much, much different than a husband and wife.

loveingit 7

Do they have a closed door? My in-laws stick us in the living room. I can see asking someone to stay dressed if you might have to walk past them to get a glass of water. But the no drinking and smoking added to it just sound like the parents want to be in control. Renting a hotel room might make for a better trip.

myeviltwin 20

Actually I can understand the no smoking thing better than the no sex. I smoke, but do not do or allow it in my house. But asking a married couple to abstain from "relations" (as long as it is in private and does not disturb others) there is no reason for that. Unlike smoking it does not affect anyone else in the house (providing the in private and does not disturb qualifiers are met).

juturnaamo 29

OP never gives any indication of her age. The fact that they have no option but to stay at his parents house makes me think they're young, we don't even know she can legally drink. Also, a good number of smokers are really bad about butt disposal.

Personally, I think it would be rude for them to be have sex in his parents house, especially if they could be possibly within earshot. If they want a night, then they can get their own place. Just like you wouldn't want your parents doing it in your home.

Regardless if OP is married, it isn't their house. If the owners of the house don't want you to have sex, you respect their wishes and just don't, or go somewhere else to do the deed.

I'm always a bit funny about these 'their house, their rules' because I can see both sides of the story and think it somewhat depends on the rule. However, I have to put this out there right now 34 - if you believe 'their house their rules' being married should have nothing to do with it. It's ridiculous. Lots of people don't get married now. I intend to marry my boyfriend but I know it won't be for about 5 years because we simply don't have the money. I hate how some people look down on a relationship and treat it like a teenage fling just because someone's not wearing a ring.

Likewise, some people get married despite having a bad relationship ship or get married after like a few months and their relationships are actually worse than a teenage fling. So yeah, it's not such a different dynamic.

102- She's old enough to be married, because she's staying at her inlaw's house. Inlaws meaning her spouse's parents. Re- Read the FML.

170, the legal age where I am for marriage is 18. I could get married but I still can't drink.

RedPillSucks 31

Some places, it's 16, and possibly younger with parental consent. Priscilla was 14 when she married Elvis, I think. Maybe the In-Laws are Amish?

WhisperSoflty 20

Did anyone ever consider that maybe said in laws just don't want to wash sexed-up sheets? Sex can be messy, and when my hubby and I stay at his parents we abstain from sex because we don't want his parents having to deal with nasty bedding.

Knightchaser27 25

They could just wash their own bedding.

At least they didn't forbid nutella =).

majorjeneral 0 good it is sinful.

Or bacon... That would be the worst.