Miscellaneous: Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college... - FML

27/10/2014 16:44 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 376

You deserved it 3 332

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Phone call anxiety

"Life is unfair…"

17/11/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, I told my boss about a coworker that had been hitting on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I was afraid that would happen. He's a bit of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 100

You deserved it 5 154

11/02/2013 08:57 - United States - Meadville

Today, I was talking to an attractive guy, but I was so nervous that I got tongue-tied and then blurted out, "Stupid autocorrect." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 886

You deserved it 31 404

05/12/2013 19:10 - United Kingdom - Washington

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 577

You deserved it 8 746

16/09/2018 03:30

Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the 3rd time." I had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 943

You deserved it 188

09/11/2009 05:47 - New Zealand

Today, I found out that my friend uses pictures of me to motivate her to work out. They are accompanied by sayings such as "you don't want to turn out like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 383

You deserved it 5 555

14/11/2013 15:17 - Ireland

Today, my trusty old car decided that it no longer needed its back passenger window-pane, and that in fact the window would look a lot better smashed to pieces by the roadside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 553

You deserved it 3 327

07/12/2012 17:06 - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 428

You deserved it 2 279

21/01/2009 17:56 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom and didn't realize my skirt was tucked in my ugliest underwear until I reached the elevator. Thanks for not telling me girl-in-the-yellow-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 371

You deserved it 5 068

01/07/2016 20:12 - United States - El Dorado

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 466

You deserved it 5 254

28/02/2009 07:59 - United States

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 460

You deserved it 65 399

07/08/2011 09:52 - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 463

You deserved it 5 859

11/10/2017 21:45

Today, I found out that my mom uses my incredibly expensive conditioner to wash her two dogs every single weekend. No wonder they smell so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 313

You deserved it 384

Invaded

By Anonymous - 17/08/2020 02:00

Today, I put solar lights in my yard to finally figure out what my dog has been chasing over the fence at night. It's rats. She's been chasing rats that have invaded my backyard every night for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 107

22/06/2019 22:08

Spicy

Today, I was laying in bed completely naked, uncovered and waiting for my husband to walk in. He laid down in bed and starting playing with his phone instead of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 205

28/09/2014 22:55 - Ireland

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 229

You deserved it 6 536

17/09/2013 14:21 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my grandfather that Canadians aren't evil by reminding him that he's Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 186

You deserved it 2 795

24/04/2011 01:02 - Canada

Today, I played Angry Birds for two hours. I got so into the game, I failed to remember that I was sitting on a public toilet. I only realized this when the janitor came to check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 042

You deserved it 52 843

24/08/2013 05:28 - United States - Turlock

Today, I'm watching a TV show about horrible germs in hotel rooms that you can catch from a bed... while I am stuck in a hotel room... on the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 291

You deserved it 7 966

14/08/2010 17:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I made lists of what celebrities we're interested in. The first one she listed wasn't a celebrity - it was my brother. He's spending the weekend with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 794

You deserved it 4 045

14/12/2016 23:27 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 169

You deserved it 542

Chainsaw

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 07:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after a very poor night's sleep, I've had to stay awake and do housework while my husband, who slept like a baby last night, keeps on sleeping because he "didn't sleep well." He was snoring all night long, the reason I didn't sleep well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 103

28/08/2018 23:30

Today, my brother stole my hard drive and wiped it. My hard drive had a 10-page school project on it. The project is due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 283

You deserved it 246

Alexa, play "Charmless Man" by Blur

By Scaredafffff - 12/05/2021 14:03

Today, I accidentally changed the radio station in my boyfriend’s car. He threw a humongous fit and started driving recklessly, almost causing an accident on several occasions. He then dropped me off at a stop sign and told me to, "walk home, you need to lose weight anyway, fat bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 168

02/04/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 062

You deserved it 69 083

05/11/2012 11:36 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom talking on the phone with my sister about how much they hate my fiancé. My wedding is in two weeks and my family has been pretending to like my future husband for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 039

You deserved it 2 116

15/01/2016 04:51 - United States - Burbank

Spicy

Today, I was going to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. He couldn't get hard and pouted about it for nearly two hours. When I went to comfort him, he said "Man, I hope I'm not gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 267

You deserved it 2 432

03/07/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for dating a co-worker. There's no policy forbidding it; he just thought it was unfair that I could get with the "hottest girl who works here" but he can't. I live in an at-will employment state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 571

You deserved it 3 256

07/09/2018 01:30

Today, I tried to get a job at Walmart. My mom was the hiring manager. She turned me down due to lack of work experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 995

You deserved it 428

11/10/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 951

You deserved it 2 328

20/10/2010 07:11 - New Zealand

Today, I discovered that my son has an allergy to cats. My partner of two years, not wanting to fight, suggested a compromise: that my son and the cat take turns sleeping outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 630

You deserved it 5 860

07/09/2015 20:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 691

You deserved it 2 404

14/02/2013 20:06 - United States - Hickory

Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 823

You deserved it 6 017

08/02/2017 00:54 - United States - Tracy

Today, my boyfriend gave me grief about my drinking. This would be fine, if he were sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 058

You deserved it 781

30/07/2012 04:40 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went to the store to buy some new shirts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shirts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put my original shirt back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 202

You deserved it 24 819

22/02/2011 07:07

Today, I had to fake fall down the stairs so my mom would stop texting and actually pay attention to what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 477

You deserved it 14 130

11/04/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I was sitting at my computer, listening and singing along to some music. I started singing louder, thinking that I was pretty good. Just then, my mom comes barging through the door in a frenzy saying, "Are you all right? Are you hurt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 970

You deserved it 14 723

16/01/2012 20:02 - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 995

You deserved it 4 200

13/06/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 355

You deserved it 3 865

20/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when he asked if it was okay to finish on my back. Not only did he do that but he also got it on my neck, the side of my face, and my hair which I'd just gotten done at the salon for almost $200 and can't wash for 2 days. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 094

You deserved it 2 081

25/11/2015 17:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 768

You deserved it 2 421

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Nederlander95 14

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:01

Hey at least that shows how much she cares about you that despite losing so much of her memory, she still remembered your birthday! Besides, lots of people that care about me wouldn't remember my birthday without some reminder!

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:01

A mother never forgets. Sorry about your mom op.

Comments

Nederlander95 14

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:01

Hey at least that shows how much she cares about you that despite losing so much of her memory, she still remembered your birthday! Besides, lots of people that care about me wouldn't remember my birthday without some reminder!

sayyestothedress 24

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:35

With Facebook and Twitter and all those reminder shits, it's hard to forget!

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:53

nowadays the real impressive feat is if you have their phone number memorized

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:55

precisely #1 and OP happy birthday! cheers and don't be sad, be glad for those who remember it.

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:56

15 year olds get way better presents than 20 year olds anyway.

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 October 2014 2:29

My sister and I were discussing this a little while ago. When you're young, you get tun, cool birthday gifts. when you're around 20 and up, you're lucky if you get money so you can pay your bills/gas :(

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:02

28 not everyone pays attention to those. Most of my reminders get buried in a bunch of other stuff do I never see them till it's to late

garrett_8614 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:53

I think the FML here is that no one else remembered OPs birthday. At least that's what it looks like to me

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:01

At least she remembered!!

Mattlozano12 15

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:01

Sucks :/

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 October 2014 5:07

c'mon man you couldn't put more effort then "sucks" in a comment?

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 October 2014 5:15

there is a button for tgat you know...

warsun 27

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 October 2014 7:17

He did, ":/"

Mattlozano12 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 October 2014 13:18

You guys make me cry everytime

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:01

A mother never forgets. Sorry about your mom op.

sarahxwasxhere 23

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:02

its cause she loves you :)

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:02

You go to college and everyone forgets about you.

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:32

so true. when you leave for college is when you realize who your true friends are

ThePaperDragon 31

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:03

At least she remembered! Be more optimistic and hug your mommy! ^_^

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:04

I'm sorry about your mom, but it goes to show how much she cares!! Happy birthday!!

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:04

Well you're 15 again, might be a good thing, no? I hope your mum gets better. Perhaps your family didn't want to throw anything in case it upset your mum in her confusion.

Send a private message

Monday 27 October 2014 22:05

Very sorry to hear about your mother, I hope she has a quick recovery :)

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 380

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 69