Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's... - FML

By Anonymous - 17/2/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

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Vultures

Sewer monster

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 14:01

Free money for me, but not for thee

Today, my dad refuses to let me inherit all of his money, which might just put a roof over my head when I’m older. *His* money? Well, actually, he inherited it. FML

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By lostcar - 26/5/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I parked my car in a garage that cost $13 for every 10 minutes past 10 o'clock. When I came back to the garage at 10, I had forgotten where I parked it and spent an hour looking for it. I paid $78 to lose my car. FML

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By TakenAdvantageOf - 15/9/2017 04:30

Today, my husband asked to borrow money. He couldn't pay his half of the rent or utilities this month, but he did manage to buy a $1,700 radio. FML

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By - 29/2/2020 05:00

Bad encounter

Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a called street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature and we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay and he made my kids cry. FML

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By hitmutefirst - 3/2/2009 10:24 - United States

Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML

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By Cow_girl_cutie - 3/8/2011 07:47 - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. He continued to tell me how he had to piss. We carried on this conversation for about 10 minutes, then I realized that was the most interesting conversation I have had with him in weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2011 09:14 - Australia

Today, my grandpa came over to help paint our house, as we are renovating it. The only paint clothes he decided to wear were his underpants. The neighbours and builders found this quite amusing. FML

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By Sorry - 3/3/2010 16:22 - Canada

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2015 18:29 - United States - South Burlington

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

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By Mewsmash - 1/1/2016 16:23 - United States - Dublin

Today, my father told me he hasn't brushed his teeth for 30 years: he just wipes them with paper towels. I don't know whether to be horribly disgusted, or horribly jealous that he has never gotten a cavity. FML

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By Disappointed Teacher - 10/12/2013 21:32 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I taught a college course with a group of 30 adults. I was educating them on leadership and gave a 25 minute lecture, with examples like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, and how they changed the world. Then I opened the forum to see who inspired them. The response? Donald Trump. FML

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By jadehin - 8/11/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I had a small gathering of family and friends over to celebrate my son's baptism. One of my friends happens to be a police officer. The entire event consisted of him arresting three of my family members. Don't worry, he came back to get some cake. FML

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By BetterThanChocolate - 20/4/2014 23:24 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

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By soapysoap - 10/12/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2014 23:16 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

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By Dangling - 21/6/2016 03:01 - United States - Lizella

Today, as I entered our narrow hallway while leaving the bathroom, my belt loop caught on the knob of a nearby closet. My husband had to come and rescue me as I hung there, my ass in the air. FML

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By betrayed - 19/7/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML

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By Chedder - 26/6/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

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By S.Bunny - 22/1/2010 08:14 - United States

Today, I found out that when you hit the neighbor's dog with your car, they might chase you a mile with a shotgun. FML

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By ivyleaguebabe - 3/6/2009 21:48 - United States

Today, my sister asked me to help her set up for my niece's birthday party. Being the lazy person that I am, I got my niece to blow up the non-helium balloons. Apparently she's allergic to latex and I'll be the one paying for the hospital bill. FML

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By herve - 22/5/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

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By bluebelle - 19/10/2015 11:10 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend brought me a bunny for a house present for moving into our first house. She escaped her cage and bit through the electrical wires, cutting out all our power and electrocuting and killing herself. FML

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By ItchyGirl - 9/10/2016 12:07 - Australia - Geelong

Today, I've got the worst eczema I've had in 25 years. It's spread to the worst possible spot: right where my thighs touch when I walk. FML

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By ashley_skillz06 - 24/1/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef is throwing food at us, I'm getting ready for my turn. He tosses the piece of broccoli at me, I lean back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2013 10:14 - United States

Today, I found out through his Facebook update and a text message that my fiancé demoted me to girlfriend status. I was sitting in the next room. FML

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By yeastly - 9/7/2012 19:54 - United States - Amery

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2018 15:00

Today, I ended up in the hospital due to a severe acid reflux attack. I knew I had acid reflux for years, but was never allowed to get it checked out. Why? My dad told me I was too young to have it and that I was making it up. I now have to see a specialist. FML

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By - 25/1/2009 12:36 - France

Today, a ball rolled up to me, so I picked it up and threw it over the school wall. A little boy who was behind me asked for his ball back. It's Sunday and the school is closed. FML

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By danii - 4/10/2011 01:19 - Reserved

Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML

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By Elmo - 16/2/2009 22:42 - United States

Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

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By ouch - 1/7/2015 13:35 - Canada - Saint Marys

Today, the only reason my husband agreed to marriage counselling is because he finds our therapist attractive. FML

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By HotelClerk - 22/1/2010 06:37 - United States

Today, somebody stopped by the front desk at the hotel I work at to report a vehicle had its headlights on. I wrote down the info, including the plate. Hours later, after my shift was over, I finally realized that it was MY vehicle. The battery was dead. FML

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By lala7 - 20/8/2011 23:02 - United States

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot whispering "jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

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By moodyreallyrocks - 1/11/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, my friend took me and a bunch of other guys out to a nice dinner. This was his way to say thank you for helping him move to a new apartment. He got the cheque, excused himself to go to the restroom and never came back to pay. FML

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By Noname - 2/3/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, I went to Tiffany's to exchange a bracelet my boyfriend had given me for our year anniversary. It was the first gift that he actually spent money on me for. The sales lady then told me that the bracelet was not a real Tiffany's item. FML

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By gasbrain - 5/9/2020 20:06

Buyer's market

Today, after being unemployed for a couple of months, I got a call back from a security job I did for a week. But with a new condition: besides the security work, one day in the week they want me to cut grass, paint and clean up the grounds for the same minimum wage. FML

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By Whatthehell - 22/10/2017 05:00

Today, my husband's mistress purposely and dangerously induced her own labor so that she would have the baby on my birthday. Yes, I'm divorcing him. FML

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By Single - 4/12/2012 16:17 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

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By khlonnae - 21/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Dayton

Today, while hanging out with my boyfriend, I started getting ready for bed. As I grabbed my face wipes, he said, “Wait, don't take off your makeup because then you'll be ugly.“ FML

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By poopsthegame - 3/12/2012 07:36 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML

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Top comments

By FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#865648 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:58

Nooo, it's all part of the surprise!
You go to take the trash out, and someone has parked a car amongst the rubbish!
But no, you can't accept it when someone does something nice.

By KurouTenshi | 0

#865658 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:01

well on my bday I lost my job, got a bday card that informed me my rent was due, and then I only got to eat cold ravioli (which, incidentally, is just as good cold, as it is cooked)

COMMENTS

By elchiclebubalu | 2

#865623 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:53

hey first and haha ur life sucks.
aybe u should remind them it's ur birthday

Reply

xxjona777xx | 0

#865651 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:00

why is an fml?! u have nice parents! I wish my frends parents gave me pancakes on my bday :(

Reply

Wogg_fml | 0

#865667 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:04

They were singing to her friend.. not to her

Reply

Tripout | 0

#865717 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:20

WAIT.... what if they know it's her bday, but they're growing a surprise bday party? Ever thought about that OP?

Reply

damienwatkins | 0

#865811 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:47

they wouldn't have posted it if that happened

Reply

DakodaC | 0

#866326 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 21:09

more like good best friend!!

Reply

Epicfailz01 | 0

#866455 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 21:48

well did you take it out?

Reply

chloe2114 | 4

#866645 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:14

hppy b-day!!;-). 0(this means Im horny)and Im drunk

Reply

FUDGELOVESME | 0

#866777 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:52

she's saying when it was her friends birthday her parents sang happy birhday to her friend not to her smart one

Reply

wilderraw | 0

#867582 - Thursday 18 February 2010 4:02

some parents are stupid once in a while

Reply

fmlalldayxxx | 0

#867594 - Thursday 18 February 2010 4:04

at 6 idiot pancakes were for her friend

Reply

BoarderBoy15 | 0

#867736 - Thursday 18 February 2010 4:37

wow am I the only one that actually understands this fml

Reply

baby_val | 0

#871503 - Friday 19 February 2010 6:52

agreed!
why didn't ur so called "best friend" do somethin for uu when Uu woke up

Reply

FMLowLife | 0

#878319 - Sunday 21 February 2010 10:28

Awww.... what nice parents! (sarcasm)

Simple solution so that never happens again:
Move out of your parents' house and rent one with a buddy or two. At least there will be no happy birthday screams!

Reply

COUNTRYCOWGIRL | 0

#934945 - Thursday 11 March 2010 5:09

my friends parents gave HER pancakes mine made me do chores all day and not even mine. I love living on a ranch/farm but it is way hard work. So yea anyways it basically aint an FML I was just pissed so I put that up.

Reply

COUNTRYCOWGIRL | 0

#934951 - Thursday 11 March 2010 5:12

Had to :-|

Reply

nateypooo | 0

#1146754 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:05

ohh wait so ur op?

Reply

monkeybanana | 7

#2627588 - Monday 6 June 2011 4:07

thats my life right there lol

Reply

guyfawke | 5

#5135337 - Saturday 10 November 2012 18:18

it sort of sounds like something my parents would do.

By catastrophicsock | 0

#865635 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:54

Normally, I YDI this stuff because its selfish, but if they did it for your friend, then its only fair to do it to you. Sorry. Oh, and @1: STFU. No one cares

Reply

trizzieb | 0

#865696 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:13

Completely agree with #2. Can't YDI although I usually do. FYL.

Reply

Horney4her69 | 0

#865772 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:34

agree.. sucks, too bad.

Reply

RandomGuy1234 | 0

#869899 - Thursday 18 February 2010 22:35

sucks for her. seriously if that was me i would be pissed off and not talk to them for awhile. i mean they are all happy and jolly and shit for her friends bday and not for their own family? Oh well better luck next year

By iRod | 0

#865638 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:55

D: welp, happy birfday anyway..! only gets worse when you get older! haha..

Reply

rowanator | 0

#865657 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:01

Hehe. I guess you're right... but "Happy Birthday"s on FML are kinda meaningless, considering they're just pixels from people you'll never meet... Happy Birthday, anyway, OP. :-)

By Shmeaty | 0

#865642 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:56

Man I hate ppl who think birthdays actually matter. Quit being selfish.

Reply

afarr | 0

#865806 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:44

ummm. if they didn't matter noone would be vorn, isnt that right sirin?

Reply

afarr | 0

#865809 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:46

born, im not dracula

Reply

ThatOneAdamKid24 | 0

#865823 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:52

so you hate people who celebrate something that's been a human tradition for years? why are you such a hateful person? cheer up braaahhhhh

Reply

batosai33 | 0

#866015 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 18:18

too late, we got you now. now where did i put that stake?

Reply

sam411411 | 0

#866919 - Thursday 18 February 2010 0:41

lmao afar, win

Reply

apfunction | 0

#867854 - Thursday 18 February 2010 5:12

#4: birthdays do matter dipshit. especially her 18th.

Reply

Boddmon | 0

#869775 - Thursday 18 February 2010 21:47

You're just mad at the world because no one ever remembers your birthday; or cares to celebrate it.

Reply

afarr | 0

#870292 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:07

thanks and NEVAR i will feast on twifans blood!

By FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#865648 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:58

Nooo, it's all part of the surprise!
You go to take the trash out, and someone has parked a car amongst the rubbish!
But no, you can't accept it when someone does something nice.

Reply

lickmyjock | 0

#865736 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:25

and if all else fails you
can kiss her mouth and
shove her down south.

Reply

davemania | 0

#866103 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 19:19

can lickmyjock plz change his/her pic!!! :/
for the love of god do!

Reply

nmsm | 1

#866425 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 21:39

Please

By KurouTenshi | 0

#865658 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:01

well on my bday I lost my job, got a bday card that informed me my rent was due, and then I only got to eat cold ravioli (which, incidentally, is just as good cold, as it is cooked)

By xoppx | 0

#865661 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:01

I hate it when I'm woken up while sleeping.

Reply

Starfire22 | 5

#865756 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:30

me too! stupid work, making my alarm go off! bah!

Reply

davemania | 0

#865787 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:37

lol

Reply

sierraleone | 0

#866050 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 18:34

23: WIN! lol

By je_suis_mied | 0

#865682 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:09

XD niiiice #10.

By youthink_fml | 0

#865684 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:10

If someone screamed at you to take the trash out first thing in the morning, you're probably a typical teenager that was supposed to do that yesterday and now it's piling up while someone tries to make breakfast for your birthday.

By mp73 | 0

#865699 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:15

well happy birthday to you