Miscellaneous: Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35143

You deserved it

2585

Tweet

Share

Sorry…

They targeted gamers. GAMERS.

The geyser

By sambo99 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37512

You deserved it

3204

Tweet

Share

By jogger - United States

Today, I was jogging when a woman ran out of her house and handed me an invitation for a party. What was the invitation for? A weight loss treatment party. Guess the jogging isn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27318

You deserved it

3041

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Sherborne

Today, my 11-year-old son and I took an IQ test for a laugh. To be honest, I've often suspected that I may have some form of mental retardation, but I didn't expect to get a score of 79, while he got one of 114. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46465

You deserved it

7505

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a shop known for its hardcore sex toys. We happened to run into one of my university lecturers and her wife discussing butt plugs with a member of staff, and then saw my aunt and uncle at the register. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6515

You deserved it

1155

Tweet

Share

By fallsdownplenty45 - Taiwan

Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72759

You deserved it

6693

Tweet

Share

By too young for this - United States

Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68134

You deserved it

5843

Tweet

Share

By nhanley1 - United States

Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML

I agree, your life sucks

65575

You deserved it

6214

Tweet

Share

By Dingbat - United States - Quarryville

Today, I started playing softball again in a league after not playing for about 5 years. My very first time at the bat I whacked a foul ball into the parking lot and hit my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48192

You deserved it

6656

Tweet

Share

By Silent - United Kingdom

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28145

You deserved it

3748

Tweet

Share

By Coco - Denmark - ?lborg

Today, I invited my sister to my wedding. She is not coming, because I didn't reply to her email three years ago. The one she sent to my whole family, saying that I was a dangerous psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21196

You deserved it

1463

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28531

You deserved it

2614

Tweet

Share

By clublulu - United States

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12751

You deserved it

76934

Tweet

Share

By Ksweety_fml

Today, somebody in a store was talking about a girl who had a snake, and while I was walking out the store, an old lady asked me if I was the girl with the snake. I said no, to which she replied, "Oh, because you look like someone who would." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1301

You deserved it

217

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ireland - Kilkenny

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45972

You deserved it

5584

Tweet

Share

By idiot - United States - Wausau

Today, while I was reading on my tablet, my dog wanted to be let outside, so I set down the tablet and let her outside. I returned to the living room to continue reading when I heard a crunch. The tablet had fallen to the floor and I'd stepped on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8709

You deserved it

2749

Tweet

Share

By zstarr - United States - Rome

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15543

You deserved it

32223

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

522130

You deserved it

36761

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Hair of the dog

Today, I spent 15 minutes scrubbing the bathtub, just to have my roommate come home and give their dog a bath in it. They didn't even rinse it or pull the hair out. I don't know what makes it more annoying, that I'm 6 months pregnant and do all the cleaning while working full-time, or that we have a hose outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1430

You deserved it

181

Tweet

Share

By bitch - Australia

Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24479

You deserved it

56481

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Loveland

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54487

You deserved it

3400

Tweet

Share

By Estee1024 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks

47896

You deserved it

5610

Tweet

Share

By - France

Today, I have dark hairs growing on my chest, nipples and stomach... I'm a 19 year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36340

You deserved it

3428

Tweet

Share

By nah - United States - San Antonio

Today, I started my period. Every time I try to open a tampon, my dog goes crazy thinking it's one of his treats. Now I have to open them with my hair dryer on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24273

You deserved it

2924

Tweet

Share

By all tweened out - Canada

Today, I drove alone for the first time since I passed my test. I kept getting weird looks from other drivers and got pulled over by a cop. He said I was clearly underage and was sure my license was fake. Almost half an hour later, he finally let me go. I hate having a baby-face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34667

You deserved it

2710

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25859

You deserved it

3713

Tweet

Share

By grace - United States - New York

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23418

You deserved it

1642

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after three weeks of my boss telling me how much he appreciates my hard work and has submitted my name up for a promotion, he called me into his office to announce I'm being laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29066

You deserved it

2337

Tweet

Share

By Its My BDay I Can Cry If I Want To - United States - Ephrata

Today, all of my friends bailed from the birthday party I was throwing myself. This was also after they had encouraged me for months to have one, knowing I'd never had my birthday celebrated before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15393

You deserved it

842

Tweet

Share

By Marcus

Today, my keys disappeared out of my car door during the 50 foot walk to the trash can. When I finally went to security after trying to find them, they said someone drove off with my car right as I walked in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2231

You deserved it

865

Tweet

Share

By cough - Canada - Toronto

Good initiative

Today, I was choking on an apple and asked my sister to get me some water. She got some. Then drank it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1661

You deserved it

209

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the student tutor my son advised me to hire was my son's girlfriend. I have been paying her $20 an hour for the last 3 weeks to make out with my son in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36201

You deserved it

16718

Tweet

Share

By 3-wheeler - United Kingdom

Today, I left my car in a disreputable area. After picking it up later on, I heard a strange "clonking" sound. The clonking suddenly stopped when my wheel fell off; someone had stolen my wheel nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25283

You deserved it

4416

Tweet

Share

By FMAhole - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33630

You deserved it

4119

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31965

You deserved it

3748

Tweet

Share

By firecrotch - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13760

You deserved it

35339

Tweet

Share

By lorahayes - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38685

You deserved it

10200

Tweet

Share

By Courtney - Reserved

Today, I tried to inconspicuously hock a loogie. It went down my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8423

You deserved it

34544

Tweet

Share

By Hailey

Today, I had to awkwardly explain in a conference with HR, management, and my coworkers that the occasional bruises, cuts, welts, and choke marks are from consensual BDSM sex and NOT domestic violence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5428

You deserved it

3027

Tweet

Share

By Anonyme - France - Saint-di

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45791

You deserved it

6113

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my coworker cornered me in the office bathroom and insisted that, because she's been watching me, I use the bathroom too quickly and must not be washing my hands, and that I have to wash them from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11196

You deserved it

1218

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#865648 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:58

Nooo, it's all part of the surprise!
You go to take the trash out, and someone has parked a car amongst the rubbish!
But no, you can't accept it when someone does something nice.

By KurouTenshi | 0

#865658 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:01

well on my bday I lost my job, got a bday card that informed me my rent was due, and then I only got to eat cold ravioli (which, incidentally, is just as good cold, as it is cooked)

COMMENTS

By elchiclebubalu | 2

#865623 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:53

hey first and haha ur life sucks.
aybe u should remind them it's ur birthday

Reply

xxjona777xx | 0

#865651 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:00

why is an fml?! u have nice parents! I wish my frends parents gave me pancakes on my bday :(

Reply

Wogg_fml | 0

#865667 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:04

They were singing to her friend.. not to her

Reply

Tripout | 0

#865717 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:20

WAIT.... what if they know it's her bday, but they're growing a surprise bday party? Ever thought about that OP?

Reply

damienwatkins | 0

#865811 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:47

they wouldn't have posted it if that happened

Reply

DakodaC | 0

#866326 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 21:09

more like good best friend!!

Reply

Epicfailz01 | 0

#866455 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 21:48

well did you take it out?

Reply

chloe2114 | 4

#866645 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:14

hppy b-day!!;-). 0(this means Im horny)and Im drunk

Reply

FUDGELOVESME | 0

#866777 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:52

she's saying when it was her friends birthday her parents sang happy birhday to her friend not to her smart one

Reply

wilderraw | 0

#867582 - Thursday 18 February 2010 4:02

some parents are stupid once in a while

Reply

fmlalldayxxx | 0

#867594 - Thursday 18 February 2010 4:04

at 6 idiot pancakes were for her friend

Reply

BoarderBoy15 | 0

#867736 - Thursday 18 February 2010 4:37

wow am I the only one that actually understands this fml

Reply

baby_val | 0

#871503 - Friday 19 February 2010 6:52

agreed!
why didn't ur so called "best friend" do somethin for uu when Uu woke up

Reply

FMLowLife | 0

#878319 - Sunday 21 February 2010 10:28

Awww.... what nice parents! (sarcasm)

Simple solution so that never happens again:
Move out of your parents' house and rent one with a buddy or two. At least there will be no happy birthday screams!

Reply

COUNTRYCOWGIRL | 0

#934945 - Thursday 11 March 2010 5:09

my friends parents gave HER pancakes mine made me do chores all day and not even mine. I love living on a ranch/farm but it is way hard work. So yea anyways it basically aint an FML I was just pissed so I put that up.

Reply

COUNTRYCOWGIRL | 0

#934951 - Thursday 11 March 2010 5:12

Had to :-|

Reply

nateypooo | 0

#1146754 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:05

ohh wait so ur op?

Reply

monkeybanana | 7

#2627588 - Monday 6 June 2011 4:07

thats my life right there lol

Reply

guyfawke | 5

#5135337 - Saturday 10 November 2012 18:18

it sort of sounds like something my parents would do.

By catastrophicsock | 0

#865635 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:54

Normally, I YDI this stuff because its selfish, but if they did it for your friend, then its only fair to do it to you. Sorry. Oh, and @1: STFU. No one cares

Reply

trizzieb | 0

#865696 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:13

Completely agree with #2. Can't YDI although I usually do. FYL.

Reply

Horney4her69 | 0

#865772 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:34

agree.. sucks, too bad.

Reply

RandomGuy1234 | 0

#869899 - Thursday 18 February 2010 22:35

sucks for her. seriously if that was me i would be pissed off and not talk to them for awhile. i mean they are all happy and jolly and shit for her friends bday and not for their own family? Oh well better luck next year

By iRod | 0

#865638 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:55

D: welp, happy birfday anyway..! only gets worse when you get older! haha..

Reply

rowanator | 0

#865657 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:01

Hehe. I guess you're right... but "Happy Birthday"s on FML are kinda meaningless, considering they're just pixels from people you'll never meet... Happy Birthday, anyway, OP. :-)

By Shmeaty | 0

#865642 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:56

Man I hate ppl who think birthdays actually matter. Quit being selfish.

Reply

afarr | 0

#865806 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:44

ummm. if they didn't matter noone would be vorn, isnt that right sirin?

Reply

afarr | 0

#865809 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:46

born, im not dracula

Reply

ThatOneAdamKid24 | 0

#865823 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:52

so you hate people who celebrate something that's been a human tradition for years? why are you such a hateful person? cheer up braaahhhhh

Reply

batosai33 | 0

#866015 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 18:18

too late, we got you now. now where did i put that stake?

Reply

sam411411 | 0

#866919 - Thursday 18 February 2010 0:41

lmao afar, win

Reply

apfunction | 0

#867854 - Thursday 18 February 2010 5:12

#4: birthdays do matter dipshit. especially her 18th.

Reply

Boddmon | 0

#869775 - Thursday 18 February 2010 21:47

You're just mad at the world because no one ever remembers your birthday; or cares to celebrate it.

Reply

afarr | 0

#870292 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:07

thanks and NEVAR i will feast on twifans blood!

By FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#865648 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:58

Nooo, it's all part of the surprise!
You go to take the trash out, and someone has parked a car amongst the rubbish!
But no, you can't accept it when someone does something nice.

Reply

lickmyjock | 0

#865736 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:25

and if all else fails you
can kiss her mouth and
shove her down south.

Reply

davemania | 0

#866103 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 19:19

can lickmyjock plz change his/her pic!!! :/
for the love of god do!

Reply

nmsm | 1

#866425 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 21:39

Please

By KurouTenshi | 0

#865658 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:01

well on my bday I lost my job, got a bday card that informed me my rent was due, and then I only got to eat cold ravioli (which, incidentally, is just as good cold, as it is cooked)

By xoppx | 0

#865661 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:01

I hate it when I'm woken up while sleeping.

Reply

Starfire22 | 5

#865756 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:30

me too! stupid work, making my alarm go off! bah!

Reply

davemania | 0

#865787 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:37

lol

Reply

sierraleone | 0

#866050 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 18:34

23: WIN! lol

By je_suis_mied | 0

#865682 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:09

XD niiiice #10.

By youthink_fml | 0

#865684 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:10

If someone screamed at you to take the trash out first thing in the morning, you're probably a typical teenager that was supposed to do that yesterday and now it's piling up while someone tries to make breakfast for your birthday.

By mp73 | 0

#865699 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:15

well happy birthday to you