Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay...

By stoprubbingitinmyface - United States - Tacoma

Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay at my apartment, cry and eat chocolate in peace. My roommate decided to have loud sex with her boyfriend in the apartment. She refused to quiet down, saying "My body, my rules." FML

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34375

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Intimacy

And today, on Dr Phil…

Billy no-mates

Ambien conversations are the worst

By danrocketman - United States

Today, I got a job in my university library. My job title is technical services. My actual job is pulling off the book label for the scanner and putting a new one on. For six hours a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24872

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By James - United States

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31892

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By TowelSinger

Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national anthem outside their rooms each night. I was not informed and took a shower. My roommates opened the door, yanked me out, and locked me out of the room to sing wearing just a towel. The guy down the hall was video taping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26355

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada - Thompson

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12282

You deserved it

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By someone - Denmark

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment were working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40048

You deserved it

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By BadGirlfriend12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually offered me $1000 to break up with him, and to move back to where my family lives 5 hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41304

You deserved it

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By Emily - Canada - Baden

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25727

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By cassidy_smith12 - United States - Medina

Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49394

You deserved it

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By betchyo - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29641

You deserved it

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By DramaQueen - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. As I left his house and began to drive away, I see him chasing after my car barefoot. I stop and roll down the window, ready to listen to the speech he has prepared to win me over with. He takes a moment to catch his breath and says "I want my cellphone back". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12787

You deserved it

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By bruised - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26872

You deserved it

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By InTheDoghouse23 - United States

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17792

You deserved it

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By jf29 - United States

Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9607

You deserved it

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By movingbuddy - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying: "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33911

You deserved it

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By Busted - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31975

You deserved it

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By fired

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47840

You deserved it

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By ughh - United States

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33967

You deserved it

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By xYumix - United States

Today, I was late for an interview. Going into the elevator, a man ran up to the doors but since I was late, I pressed the "close" button. When I arrived to the office, the secretary asked me to wait. The boss walked in to interview me. The man whose face I closed the elevator doors on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7558

You deserved it

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By voyagevoyage - France - Les Montils

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38579

You deserved it

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By Nicole - United States

Today, I discovered my mom had sold all of our summer clothes over the winter on eBay because we're short on cash. However, I am allowed to cut off the sleeves of all my long sleeve shirts and the legs off my jeans to stay cool in the summer. Nothing's more attractive than looking trashy, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks

31824

You deserved it

3102

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bishops Stortford

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30376

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By A. nonymous

Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39863

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Twinsburg

Today, I was pulled aside by my father's new wife and told, "You're not your dad's favorite anymore and you need to stop acting like it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9334

You deserved it

596

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6411

You deserved it

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By ... - Canada - Whitby

Today, I called my mobile phone provider to end my contract. A sales rep spent over half an hour trying to convince me to reconsider, and I kept refusing. I ended up breaking down and accepting a "more economical" contract, which I didn't notice costs almost twice as much as the last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8960

You deserved it

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By Bec - Australia

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37310

You deserved it

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By handyman13 - United States

Today, I found out that I have a warrant for my arrest, because I was fishing without a fishing license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21862

You deserved it

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By DaisyMay - United States

Today, I returned home to find the key to my mailbox missing. I called the post office and was informed that a new key will cost me $15. I have no money, and my paycheck is in the mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37252

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39795

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a message from the girl I like. She told me to never speak to her again and not even look at her any more. Apparently the letter I wrote to her was perverted, vile and nasty. I never wrote her a letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41863

You deserved it

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By poorchild - United States

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34022

You deserved it

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By Stressed Seamstress - United States - Charlotte

Today, my usual 15 minute return trip from the fabric store took almost an hour and a half due to traffic. Once I finally got home, I realized I misunderstood the pattern I'm using and only bought half the fabric I needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3248

You deserved it

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By nali1122

Burned!

Today, I received a text forward from a good friend inviting me to his birthday party. Jokingly, I texted back, "No. I hate you and I don't want to go to your lame party." He replied with an apology for the mix-up, because he'd accidentally sent me the invite. FML

I agree, your life sucks

563

You deserved it

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By saltynutz20 - United States

Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64605

You deserved it

8024

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2019 14:00

Taking pictures

Today, I was teaching a high school calculus class. I wrote a complex formula on the board. As I wrote, students asked if they could take a picture of the board and circulate it. I said yes, and I was pleased as everybody seemed to be taking pictures. Soon, I realized why: my skirt was tucked into my underwear. Within a few minutes, every student in the school had an email with a picture of my ugliest pair of floral-printed panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2113

You deserved it

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By tinydancer - United States - Richmond

Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24121

You deserved it

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By shakira, when the walls fell - Canada

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I cried my eyes out for hours over the guy who dumped me 9 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24445

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By whytho

Because of him

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I also found out I have an STD. I was clean before we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2313

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 05:02 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Can you hear me, Dave?

Today, my dad started Skype-ing with his long-distance friend. They’re both almost 90, barely have their hearing, and can't stop shouting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1005

You deserved it

168

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By supersplatoon - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21938

You deserved it

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Top comments

By haileyrows | 26

#6239891 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:31

"My half the rent check, my rules too"

By ThatLobster | 24

#6239892 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:31

Just say "my body, my rules" back at her and stand in their room, or sit!

COMMENTS

By Cass_x | 22

#6239871 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:15

Great roommate you got there.. The least she could do is take your feelings in consideration and be a bit more quiet :/

anonymous100000 | 17

#6240647 - Monday 23 March 2015 3:53

I would invite her parents over:)

zykrithium | 22

#6242484 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 3:04

Well... she's not wrong...

By extrasnipes | 22

#6239872 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:15

You could go out with friends to get it off your mind and have fun maybe? But trying to cry and stuff your face works to.

SMHsohard | 22

#6239947 - Sunday 22 March 2015 13:45

Way to completely miss the point of the FML while still managing to judge the OP.

extrasnipes | 22

#6239966 - Sunday 22 March 2015 14:32

Im not judging im just stating its obvious shes not going to quiet down. May as well actually go out and be with her friends.

a1_z9 | 10

#6240089 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:47

Don't get why it's judging, staying home and crying may be most people's first reaction, but getting out of the house to spend time with people who care about you can work wonders!

By fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#6239876 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:18

"My body, my rule" has nothing to do with having loud sex. Your roommate is not only inconsiderate but vulgar and pretty dumb.

kaed | 16

#6240005 - Sunday 22 March 2015 15:37

But in this particular context, "My body, my rule" was not a good slogan.

DARKDAY07 | 16

#6240147 - Sunday 22 March 2015 18:06

I'm not sure why number#28 is being down voted I believe he was saying the fml ruined the slogan not #3s comment

By VoldooPed | 20

#6239877 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:19

It's incredibly inconsiderate but she does kinda have a point...

ProgMetalMan | 8

#6239956 - Sunday 22 March 2015 14:16

No she doesn't. It's a complete non-sequitur.

miss_amphetamine | 24

#6239958 - Sunday 22 March 2015 14:19

No, it's just inconsiderate.

natashamilan | 13

#6240079 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:39

No she doesnt. What her roommate is doing is completely selfish.

brookiesawr | 11

#6240354 - Sunday 22 March 2015 21:33

so her roommate isn't allowed to have awesome sex just because op got dumped? sometimes you can't be quiet.

By CandyPewPewPew | 29

#6239882 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:26

Just shove the chocolate into her mouth and say "My hand, my rules."

JohnTheDonJuan | 11

#6239917 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:55

Ever heard the phrase "don't threaten me with a good time..."?

By haileyrows | 26

#6239891 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:31

"My half the rent check, my rules too"

By ThatLobster | 24

#6239892 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:31

Just say "my body, my rules" back at her and stand in their room, or sit!

Cassandra2015 | 21

#6239938 - Sunday 22 March 2015 13:20

That would be more awkward , watching them have sex .

AndrewMoreira14 | 19

#6240014 - Sunday 22 March 2015 15:52

It would be more awkward if the roommate didn't care if she was watching and continued to have sex

trtnt25 | 19

#6240081 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:41

44 some people are into being watched

annihil8or | 15

#6240093 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:54

Right #7, because I'm sure her roommate left the door wide open or unlocked while having sex

Cortezthe1st | 23

#6240286 - Sunday 22 March 2015 19:59

And then tell her boyfriend if she's being that loud, then she's faking it.

howard007 | 18

#6240498 - Monday 23 March 2015 0:25

Sounds like the start of a porno

By Squygm | 7

#6239893 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:31

I would sit in the room with them, and if they object, it's your body and you can sit it wherever you please.

JohnTheDonJuan | 11

#6239920 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:56

Except that if they split the rent, it's not her room.

Tthug | 34

#6239924 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:59

#16, she just said "in my apartment". For all you know they're banging everywhere: living room couch, both beds, i the shower, kitchen counter, etc. OP, I recommend you just leave, go get coffee or something.

By TomeDr | 21

#6239898 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:42

Time to look for a new roommate.

By flyingmind_fml | 17

#6239899 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:42

u r such a drama queen !! y would u cry ?

doctorhook86 | 24

#6239907 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:47

#10: Just a guess, but I think it's because she got dumped. But what do I know? I only read the FML.

Fall3nAngel | 22

#6239908 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:48

Because she got dumped..

JohnTheDonJuan | 11

#6239923 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:59

#10 has a point here... Who actually plans to cry and eat chocolate? Ok, everybody needs a good cry every now and then, but planning on stuffing your face is just going to drive your dating stock into the dirt.

miss_amphetamine | 24

#6239960 - Sunday 22 March 2015 14:24

Crying over the end of a relationship does not mean she is a "drama queen." Plus, OP said it's only been a week. The fact that she's hurting means it's totally normal to cry.

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6241254 - Monday 23 March 2015 18:33

Plus they could've been dating for years. In which case it's completely normal not to be over that in a week.