Intimacy: Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay...

By stoprubbingitinmyface - 21/03/2015 21:59 - United States - Tacoma

Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay at my apartment, cry and eat chocolate in peace. My roommate decided to have loud sex with her boyfriend in the apartment. She refused to quiet down, saying "My body, my rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 420

You deserved it 4 716

Intimacy

Our house, in the middle of our street

This is Kerpal

It's not a phase!

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 18:47 - Ireland

Today, I was taking my architecture project to school. I'd spent days preparing my little model house. I stepped outside with it in my hand, and right at that moment a gust of wind ripped it away. It's currently lying in my neighbour's garden, smashed to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 509

You deserved it 4 094

By Anonymous - 05/02/2017 13:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, the moment after hitting "confirm payment" for my boyfriend's valentine gift (along with some sexy lingerie for the occasion) on a shopping app, my period tracker app popped up to let me know I'll be well into my period on the 14th. I'm getting cockblocked by mother nature herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 331

You deserved it 1 101

By Anonymous - 13/06/2014 09:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 665

You deserved it 6 128

By cock sauce - 09/06/2012 21:15 - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 343

You deserved it 29 555

By ShutTheFuCupcake - 13/05/2014 23:46 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 609

You deserved it 70 733

Happy Birthday!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 385

You deserved it 7 697

By Why? - 05/11/2015 03:57 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, our dog died. My daughter was really upset about it, so my husband tried to cheer her up. "At least she will be doing something that she liked forever: Sleeping!" My daughter continued to cry for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 588

You deserved it 1 971

By i tried so hard - 08/01/2016 15:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried really hard for once on an assignment. I was told it was my worst work yet and that I may as well have turned nothing in at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 762

You deserved it 2 211

By macaroni17 - 10/04/2014 02:33 - United States - New Oxford

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 932

You deserved it 12 755

By ameremanapparently - 26/03/2016 12:27 - United States - Carlisle

Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 013

You deserved it 1 998

Pavarotti next door

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 18:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I had to hear my neighbor whine again through the walls because he can't talk in a quiet voice. You can hear him from across the street, and that's before he gets drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 50

By Anonymous - 02/11/2013 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 853

You deserved it 8 362

Best buds

By anonymous - 23/01/2012 15:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me we've just been fuck buddies for the entire year we've been "together." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't working up the courage to propose to her on our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 887

You deserved it 5 103

By Awkward - 01/12/2012 22:11 - Bahrain

Today, while lighting a cigarette, I learned the hard way that the amount of styling mousse I used to get my curly hair to become manageable, is the roughly same amount that causes it to become highly flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 961

You deserved it 31 875

By Larentiah - 26/02/2012 22:18 - United States

Today, I realized how bad my feelings of inadequacy compared to other women and jealousy are when I started thumbing down songs on Pandora simply because the cover art had a better looking woman than me on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 645

You deserved it 31 439

By Mandy - 20/05/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 099

You deserved it 8 744

By hrtbrkn - 16/07/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "god told him to." What god didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 202

You deserved it 6 182

Sensitive subject

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 10:01 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, whilst working in a law firm, I took a call from a criminal, demanding that we apply for bail as he didn't like being in jail. When I tried to explain no one likes being in jail, he became angry and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 139

Don't get it

By Anonymous - 09/05/2015 19:17 - United States - Bristol

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 133

You deserved it 3 320

By laundryduty - 15/06/2019 20:14

Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 16:04 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 276

You deserved it 6 770

By Anonymous - 13/03/2019 12:00

Today, my ex of 5 years got engaged after 5 months of us "taking a break." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 059

You deserved it 296

By GDBeast - 09/01/2013 23:55 - United States

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 361

You deserved it 6 292

By No name - 18/12/2008 04:43 - Australia

Today, on a thirty minute commute to a job interview, I felt the urge to pee. When I got there, I politely asked the receptionist where the toilets were, and she told me to wait for someone to come show me. After another thirty minutes, someone turned up; the HR manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 265

You deserved it 2 763

By Anon - 13/02/2010 14:53 - United States

Today, I messaged my sister on Facebook chat. We always start our conversations with "HEY SLUT" or "HEY WHORE" etc. It wasn't my sister. However, her boyfriend's mom has a great first impression of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 045

You deserved it 27 064

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 23:02 - United States

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 066

You deserved it 6 599

Eau de toilette

By anon - 05/03/2011 10:15 - United States

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 394

You deserved it 3 096

By Wellthissucks - 06/11/2017 15:26

Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 113

You deserved it 446

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 640

You deserved it 45 152

By erockinthesuburb - 16/10/2013 00:38 - United States - Noblesville

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 144

You deserved it 3 278

By bruh_im18 - 17/09/2016 16:18 - United States - Metairie

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 954

You deserved it 2 549

Where is my mind?

By brainfart - 19/09/2020 10:01

Today, I was put on a medication for severe migraines. One of the side effects is difficulty concentrating and word recall. I was writing a paper and sat there trying to remember how to spell "isn't." This medication better work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 76

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 04:04 - United States

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 790

You deserved it 6 175

By can you read? - 08/04/2016 19:55 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for driving without insurance. I gave the cop my insurance information, but he said it was invalid because it didn't show an expiration date. When I pointed out the information he was looking for, he ignored me and gave me a ticket anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 942

You deserved it 1 657

By Mylifeisaboldandbeautifulepisode - 06/12/2017 15:00

Today, I was telling a close friend about the devastating discovery of my husband’s cheating. Turns out, she may be giving my children a half-sister for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 591

You deserved it 334

Potholing

By limpdick9 - 19/11/2014 18:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because, "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 284

You deserved it 7 108

By FMLimsomad - 29/12/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, I looked outside and I saw that my new car had been snowed on. Sadly the snow had frozen onto the car, so I spent the entire day getting it off. I came inside. By 8pm, my car had snow all over it again, and this time I left the window open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 559

You deserved it 38 226

By Anonymous - 11/12/2012 18:16 - United States

Today, I had to get to class at 9:00 to take a test. I woke up at 6:00, and figured I could wait a few minutes before getting ready. The next thing I knew, it was 10:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 073

You deserved it 25 229

By samantha246 - 11/05/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was pulling out of my driveway and was watching out for the flowers I'd just planted. I moved my head to look out of my window to avoid them, not realizing my window was up. I then hit my head, broke my nose and drove all over the flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 592

You deserved it 43 154

By thickly - 19/09/2016 17:31 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself since they last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 518

You deserved it 1 880

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Top comments

haileyrows 26

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:31

"My half the rent check, my rules too"

ThatLobster 24

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:31

Just say "my body, my rules" back at her and stand in their room, or sit!

Cass_x 22

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:15

Great roommate you got there.. The least she could do is take your feelings in consideration and be a bit more quiet :/

anonymous100000 17

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Monday 23 March 2015 3:53

I would invite her parents over:)

zykrithium 22

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Wednesday 25 March 2015 3:04

Well... she's not wrong...

extrasnipes 22

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:15

You could go out with friends to get it off your mind and have fun maybe? But trying to cry and stuff your face works to.

SMHsohard 22

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Sunday 22 March 2015 13:45

Way to completely miss the point of the FML while still managing to judge the OP.

extrasnipes 22

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Sunday 22 March 2015 14:32

Im not judging im just stating its obvious shes not going to quiet down. May as well actually go out and be with her friends.

a1_z9 10

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Sunday 22 March 2015 16:47

Don't get why it's judging, staying home and crying may be most people's first reaction, but getting out of the house to spend time with people who care about you can work wonders!

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:18

"My body, my rule" has nothing to do with having loud sex. Your roommate is not only inconsiderate but vulgar and pretty dumb.

kaed 16

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Sunday 22 March 2015 15:37

But in this particular context, "My body, my rule" was not a good slogan.

DARKDAY07 16

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Sunday 22 March 2015 18:06

I'm not sure why number#28 is being down voted I believe he was saying the fml ruined the slogan not #3s comment

VoldooPed 20

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:19

It's incredibly inconsiderate but she does kinda have a point...

ProgMetalMan 8

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Sunday 22 March 2015 14:16

No she doesn't. It's a complete non-sequitur.

miss_amphetamine 24

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Sunday 22 March 2015 14:19

No, it's just inconsiderate.

natashamilan 13

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Sunday 22 March 2015 16:39

No she doesnt. What her roommate is doing is completely selfish.

brookiesawr 11

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Sunday 22 March 2015 21:33

so her roommate isn't allowed to have awesome sex just because op got dumped? sometimes you can't be quiet.

CandyPewPewPew 29

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:26

Just shove the chocolate into her mouth and say "My hand, my rules."

JohnTheDonJuan 11

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:55

Ever heard the phrase "don't threaten me with a good time..."?

haileyrows 26

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:31

"My half the rent check, my rules too"

ThatLobster 24

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:31

Just say "my body, my rules" back at her and stand in their room, or sit!

Cassandra2015 21

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Sunday 22 March 2015 13:20

That would be more awkward , watching them have sex .

AndrewMoreira14 19

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Sunday 22 March 2015 15:52

It would be more awkward if the roommate didn't care if she was watching and continued to have sex

trtnt25 19

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Sunday 22 March 2015 16:41

44 some people are into being watched

annihil8or 15

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Sunday 22 March 2015 16:54

Right #7, because I'm sure her roommate left the door wide open or unlocked while having sex

Cortezthe1st 23

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:59

And then tell her boyfriend if she's being that loud, then she's faking it.

howard007 18

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Monday 23 March 2015 0:25

Sounds like the start of a porno

Squygm 7

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:31

I would sit in the room with them, and if they object, it's your body and you can sit it wherever you please.

JohnTheDonJuan 11

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:56

Except that if they split the rent, it's not her room.

Tthug 34

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:59

#16, she just said "in my apartment". For all you know they're banging everywhere: living room couch, both beds, i the shower, kitchen counter, etc. OP, I recommend you just leave, go get coffee or something.

TomeDr 23

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:42

Time to look for a new roommate.

flyingmind_fml 17

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:42

u r such a drama queen !! y would u cry ?

doctorhook86 24

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:47

#10: Just a guess, but I think it's because she got dumped. But what do I know? I only read the FML.

Fall3nAngel 22

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:48

Because she got dumped..

JohnTheDonJuan 11

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:59

#10 has a point here... Who actually plans to cry and eat chocolate? Ok, everybody needs a good cry every now and then, but planning on stuffing your face is just going to drive your dating stock into the dirt.

miss_amphetamine 24

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Sunday 22 March 2015 14:24

Crying over the end of a relationship does not mean she is a "drama queen." Plus, OP said it's only been a week. The fact that she's hurting means it's totally normal to cry.