Health: Today, it has got to the point that I don't even have to ask... - FML

By Cian_1 - 28/12/2015 18:30 - United Kingdom - Herne Bay

Today, it has got to the point that I don't even have to ask for my booze in the local off-licence, they just hand me my bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 292

You deserved it 6 534

BO Central

Another great day to be alive

Bye bye love

By Anonymous - 11/09/2012 07:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in a mall bathroom when two girls started making out in the stall next to me. Before I could leave, they got really into it and caused our shared wall to tear from its hinges and collapse on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 127

You deserved it 3 043

By Sapphirlinda - 03/07/2010 23:25 - Netherlands

Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore. I've spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she's pregnant and couldn't herself. I just finished the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 740

You deserved it 3 258

By sickness_sucks - 15/06/2012 06:19 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I learned that if you're going to use vicks vapor rub for a cold, you should remember to wash your hands before changing your tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 989

You deserved it 17 097

By rejected - 02/10/2014 08:56 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, I thought I was finally over my anxiety problem, and confidently went to my first ever job interview. Halfway through, the manager tells me that if I didn't stop being so nervous, he couldn't give me the job. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 319

You deserved it 5 011

By OhNo - 02/03/2013 13:31 - United States - Castlewood

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 755

You deserved it 5 920

By ineedayob - 18/05/2013 20:36 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 842

You deserved it 3 748

Charming...

By Anonymous - 01/06/2018 15:00

Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 291

You deserved it 379

By ohokay - 24/01/2013 02:59 - United States - Bronx

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 674

You deserved it 5 258

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 10:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "Thats not my nipple, its a pimple." I felt up a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 106

You deserved it 43 713

Who the fuck are you?

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 02:02

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to send a message to the girl I've been crushing on for years. I'm now blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 174

By Annienomous - 09/10/2015 06:44 - United States - Marion

Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 171

You deserved it 5 327

Erm, thanks, I guess

By HeatedHeat - 29/03/2021 11:00

Today, I went to a store to buy a 43-inch TV that was on sale. The sale was so good that they sold out on the floor. I went to guest services and asked the employee if they had any in the back. She literally went to the back of the room, let out this god awful fart, came back out and said, “Sorry, we don’t.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 333

By wipeoffincircles - 27/05/2017 03:00 - United States - Gresham

Today, at work, my manager thought I needed to be showed how to use Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 447

You deserved it 478

By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 15:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got let go from my job, because my personal cell phone doesn't always have signal, so I missed an important call from work. My contract specifically said I'd get a work phone, which never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 212

You deserved it 1 557

By Monkey - 31/07/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I woke up to my English bulldog standing over me, getting ready to pee. I didn't move in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 598

You deserved it 5 476

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I was accepted to college and received a scholarship equal to almost half the tuition. After sharing this news with my parents, I spent the next 35 minutes getting yelled at about how I wasn't allowed to go there because my boyfriend might go there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 698

You deserved it 2 478

Rules are rules

By Anonymous - 24/03/2020 08:00

Today, as I was leaving a night shift at McDonald’s, a woman wanted to use the toilets. I explained our doors didn’t open until 7 a.m. now due to COVID-19. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and as I went to walk off, I got a swift knee in the nuts for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 135

By Oblivious - 25/09/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, I fell off my desk chair. Why? I failed to notice that the screws I'd been finding on the floor around my room for the past few months belonged to said chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 469

You deserved it 31 942

Smile!

By Anonymous - 21/11/2017 15:00

Today, some official photographs went live on our company website. As I took a closer look, I realised I was in the background of one photo unloading boxes from a van. My trousers were halfway down my ass, flashing my butt crack for the whole internet to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 836

You deserved it 1 406

By mtorres8789 - 27/06/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'. The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 844

You deserved it 80 464

By Infected - 20/02/2011 17:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 885

You deserved it 19 860

By poorhamster - 23/10/2010 06:22 - United States

Today, I found my pet hamster that escaped yesterday, wet and soggy, next to my pet dog. My dog chewed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 008

You deserved it 3 904

By Halloweenie - 16/10/2009 08:44 - United States

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 077

You deserved it 5 422

By raquel - 17/07/2015 16:40 - United States

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 061

You deserved it 10 126

By ouch - 05/10/2015 19:20 - United States - Stockton

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 812

You deserved it 3 736

The more the merrier

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 17:02 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I apparently I created a group chat with the four guys I saw any potential with, ruining every single one of the possible future relationships all at once because they now know about each other. I give up on dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 1 658

By James - 26/08/2011 18:29 - Canada

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 570

You deserved it 3 694

By deeenalynn - 18/07/2011 16:22 - Canada

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 800

You deserved it 4 256

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, I found out that it is never, ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis, because eventually you will have to take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 971

You deserved it 53 038

By Anonymous - 04/08/2010 21:08 - United States

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 674

You deserved it 9 413

By Anonymous - 25/03/2016 19:07 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I spent a lot of money buying a birthday gift for a close friend, only to find out I'm not even invited to the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 319

You deserved it 1 839

By Indiana - 16/01/2010 05:14 - Canada

Today, I was getting off the bus, when these two guys behind me started commenting on my bag, oblivious to the fact that I could hear them say, "Look at his ugly man-purse," and "It that looks like the satchel that Indiana Jones has". I'm a girl. Who is planning majoring in fashion studies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 996

You deserved it 9 018

By Anon - 13/06/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 474

You deserved it 7 300

By Anonymous - 24/11/2016 13:17 - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 683

You deserved it 2 239

By Joey - 11/03/2012 06:51 - Canada

Today, while DJing at a jumpin' wedding reception, my speaker system conked out. I hadn't brought any backup equipment, and 500 guests had the unfortunate luxury of dancing to the sounds of a portable CD player someone brought in from their car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 789

You deserved it 30 515

By Jamie - 20/09/2013 00:47 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 213

You deserved it 13 873

By Chronicus Ironia - 17/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 012

You deserved it 332

By SG - 24/03/2012 12:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 385

You deserved it 37 287

Ghosted

By Di Da - 06/07/2020 23:02

Today, my boss came to my desk and asked me how the work is going, then he just walked away in the middle of me explaining a problem in the project. When I wanted to make an appointment with his secretary, she told me he isn't going to have any time this and next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 106

By Noname - 16/03/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438 428

You deserved it 103 099

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:23

there was one case where an old lady would order the same pizza everyday for three years without fail to the point where they would cook it before she even phoned. One day when she didn't call the driver went to her house to check on her and found she suffered a stroke. moral of the story: your alcoholism could one day save your life!

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:04

Now might be a time to get some help bud....

Comments

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:04

Now might be a time to get some help bud....

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:23

Exactly! It's a good thing OP recognized this issue when they did. Get help now before it gets worse.

sillygirl247 14

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:33

Just because they realize it doesn't mean they will get help. It's sad..

Nessco 36

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 0:34

Congratulations - you've finally made it.

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 2:51

I walk into my regular liquor store once a week at max, and they recognize me every time I come in. Maybe OPs case is more severe, buy some store clerks just recognize faces easier.

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 3:33

lite. Get it? Budlite? I'll see myself out.

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:04

You have a problem but the world accepts you

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:05

Maybe that might mean you go there too much OP! Think about you're actions, maybe you could change some things.

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:08

The one time someone finally uses "you're"... And it's wrong

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:41

Disliked for incorrect use of 'you're'

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 2:26

instead of shitting on the guys spelling how about just accept the fact he has a good point and isnt being a knob!

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 5:53

36, how could you expect rationality and equitable discourse on this site? He used the wrong "you're"; burn him at the stake! It must be noted that I am usually the most passionate about syntax and grammar, especially when I see things like "your an idiot" tossed around on forums, but the guy made a point, and is being lambasted because he blundered on one word. :/

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 15:10

Haha thanks! I hate it when people use the wrong "your" so I don't know what I was thinking that day!

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:05

You might wanna get some help for that

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:13

So you're an alcoholic. What's the problem?

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 0:41

That he's an alcoholic, this should be apparent...

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 3:56

Why is that a problem? Live and let live.

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 4:37

No, he's a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

MariaGiovanni 25

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 4:47

because being an alcoholic can kill him, hurt his family, and via bad decisions (such as drunk driving) hurt or kill innocent bystanders...

Elban 20

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 5:54

Or maybe they drink, relax and have a fun time instead of killing people.

Red_Curls1995 28

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:13

You may want to get some help.

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:20

Accepting is the first step! Take the next... Goodluck!

Feklfekl2222 32

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:21

I'm more impressed you aren't constantly changing to wherever it's on offer

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:23

there was one case where an old lady would order the same pizza everyday for three years without fail to the point where they would cook it before she even phoned. One day when she didn't call the driver went to her house to check on her and found she suffered a stroke. moral of the story: your alcoholism could one day save your life!

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:33

#11, I don't think alcoholism will save OP's life...

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:34

I ordered pizza like that once a week for 2 years... Moved away came back after 3 years and they remembered.... It was kinda shocking

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 5:06

lol. Crazy story #11. Thanks for sharing! ;)

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 5:06

What the F*** kind of logic is that??? Keep drinking until you're on dialysis, then some random person MIGHT think about trying to help you?

Tomato_Cheese 22

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 5:49

Hey I did an essay on that article!

daniel271 13

Tuesday 29 December 2015 7:19

How the fuck will that help anybody.

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Wednesday 30 December 2015 18:44

I think eating pizza every day for three years is what gave her the stroke. Just saying.

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Sunday 3 January 2016 23:18

You stole that from an old news article

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:31

Might be time to quit.

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 0:51

only quiters quit. don't be a quiter

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 5:04

Quit being quite

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 10

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 167

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 93