Health: Today, is my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 70

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 37

30/04/2009 15:11

Today, is my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens to be the first day of my period. I've spent the whole morning in the fetal position with agonizing cramps, reduced to tears and whimpering while the painkiller refuses to kick in. Happy birthday! Love, my uterus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 502

You deserved it 9 268

Vulture

Phantom pooper

Good boy

Torn

By VaveJessop - 05/05/2020 20:00

Today, my 19-year-old best friend decided she's going to elope with her 30-year-old, alcoholic boyfriend, who she's only been dating for 5 months. She wants me to go with her and be her maid of honor. She says she'll never speak to me again if I don't support her terrible decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 130

09/08/2012 03:29

Today, my son thought it would be a great idea to spray a whole can of spray tan all over my freshly-painted white bathroom walls as an "experiment". He's 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 044

You deserved it 3 338

29/01/2012 19:10

Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 342

You deserved it 3 745

09/12/2013 19:17

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 999

You deserved it 4 021

03/03/2010 05:37

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 739

You deserved it 2 772

17/08/2012 23:33

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 029

You deserved it 26 918

25/06/2010 09:36

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 312

You deserved it 5 672

09/08/2014 03:19

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 271

You deserved it 4 405

10/07/2015 16:52

Today, I had to explain to several young children why asking the new blind girl to play hide and seek with them is inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 916

You deserved it 2 657

19/01/2010 23:18

Spicy

Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my "wanker-stick" was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 036

You deserved it 6 592

06/03/2009 19:04

Spicy

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486 683

You deserved it 106 269

Toxic masculinity

By BigGinge - 10/07/2021 22:01

Today, I'm depressed. After trying to talk to my boss about it, twice, as it has been affecting my work, I've been told to, "Stop thinking about it" and to, "Man up." He has also told me to come to him with any problems I'm having, and to be honest with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 135

Do Not Pass Go

By Rex - 16/09/2017 16:15

Today, I started at a new college. I bought my textbooks and went to my first class only to find out that they changed my schedule without telling me. I'd already opened the book. I could not get $200 back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 596

You deserved it 321

11/09/2009 18:26

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 704

You deserved it 16 802

Weird romance

By Mike - 10/06/2021 08:01

Today, my coworker and I have been sharing the same girlfriend for over a year. She doesn’t know that we each know about the other, but now it’s all over. She blocked both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 831

31/03/2015 10:54

Today, I dislocated my toe while putting on my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 870

You deserved it 5 359

30/01/2009 11:30

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 869

You deserved it 3 429

16/10/2010 02:00

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 700

You deserved it 3 963

22/10/2012 22:34

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 032

You deserved it 2 246

Everybody does

By Bill - 30/05/2021 23:59

Today, I’ve been unemployed for 5 months. My last job was for government in Canada and I was harassed by management, and deemed a threat to the building. Why? Someone complained I cough. I’ve been coughing for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 81

08/01/2011 15:15

Today, while on my break at work, my workmates convinced me to perform my "Indian accent" piece. Everyone laughed while I was doing it. Everyone, that is, but my Indian boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 413

You deserved it 40 716

The joys of public transport

By InPain - 17/10/2019 16:00

Today, while riding the train, some druggie got into a dispute with some random passengers. Even though I didn't even look at them fighting, he decided I was a threat and punched me, a pregnant woman, and some bikers. Now I've got a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 117

17/09/2011 00:25

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying "that's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 736

You deserved it 2 424

01/07/2012 04:22

Spicy

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 027

You deserved it 2 350

21/07/2019 06:01

Today, I was told I have a brother… By a stranger in a parking lot, while leaving my grandfather's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 98

26/05/2012 21:35

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 104

You deserved it 3 278

25/12/2011 06:25

Today, is Christmas day. Normally, I'd spend it with family. However, my boss decided everyone has to work today, despite the fact that there's enough people who want to work to run the place. Apparently it's "fairer" if we all have to do it - except him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 642

You deserved it 2 317

24/01/2013 00:17

Today, I made my first snowman ever, and then cried when my big brother kicked it to pieces. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 002

You deserved it 10 350

12/09/2017 13:00

Today, I had to resign from my job because I tested positive for drugs. I've never taken drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 844

You deserved it 234

12/02/2011 07:50

Today, while shopping in the baby department at a local department store, a woman approached me asking when I was due. I told her that I was due in 4 months. I lied. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 807

You deserved it 28 851

27/12/2009 05:35

Today, my parents bought me an alarm clock that runs away from you while beeping obnoxiously when you hit snooze. I just had ankle surgery and am unable to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 604

You deserved it 2 881

27/11/2010 02:30

Spicy

Today, after having a long and serious talk about maybe having a relationship, the guy I really like told me to send him a "sexy picture." I sent him a picture of me in a bra and a thong. He replied, "Yeah, you're hot!" and signed off after ten minutes of silence. I haven't heard from him since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 512

You deserved it 45 904

02/10/2010 04:28

Spicy

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 395

You deserved it 41 092

25/05/2018 16:00

Today, I broke a tooth. It’s Friday. Not a single dentist office is open. The good news? I might lose those last few pounds as I can’t drink or eat without excruciating pain. Needless to say, it’s going to be a long weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 601

You deserved it 235

03/04/2013 18:45

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 802

You deserved it 6 599

09/08/2016 18:01

Today, after calling my bank to see where my paycheck was, and waiting on hold for my entire lunch break, my boss told me she forgot to submit my deposit. I was relying on that money to pay for lunch today as I used all I had for bills. Looks like I eat tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 608

You deserved it 1 127

09/10/2014 17:53

Today, as I was about to leave home for my first sweet taste of freedom at my new apartment, my car died. I'm stuck here for at least the weekend and can look forward to my mom driving me to work. Freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 136

You deserved it 2 895

06/09/2014 22:19

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 938

You deserved it 4 112

19/01/2019 14:00

Today, I stopped and helped a young lady stuck on the side of the road. Guess who got accused of forcing myself and got charged with impersonating a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 453

You deserved it 251

Domestic bliss

By Emma - 08/12/2015 17:23

Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 202

You deserved it 1 561

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Top comments

ultravioletbaby 0

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Thursday 30 April 2009 21:17

Oh honey, I know exactly how you feel. I get them worse than anyone I know. Feel better. =[

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Thursday 30 April 2009 21:18

Oh goodness, I've had my period (with crippling cramps and nausea) on my birthday pretty much every year since I got my period. It's hell. I know how you feel...it does suck. Oh and #3...I think she means the first day of THIS particular period.

Comments

Thursday 30 April 2009 21:16

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 4:39

oh man it's great to be a dude.

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Monday 18 July 2011 21:45

you don't get it, the FML isn't about having her period, it's about having her period on her birthday.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 3:22

sweetie you dont get it if you arent a girl... having cramps is like having a little person in your body beating the hell out of your organs between your bellybutton and you know what..

Vert90 11

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Sunday 1 April 2012 7:54

Bitch please. Do you know how much it hurts to get kicked in the balls? It's like being electrocuted, run over by a steamroller and raped by a viking, ALL AT ONCE.

irishpassion16 6

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Monday 2 July 2012 4:32

Don't call her a bitch you asshole. I bet you dont get kicked in the balls every single month! Cramps are living hell and "come with the package." Getting kicked in the balls happens when arrogant people like you piss people off.

MissCharlotte_fml 26

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Friday 16 August 2013 7:08

Bitch please!! Do YOU know what its like to have cramps? No?? Then please shut the FUCK up and when you know what it is like to feel like a person is punching you inside and outside of your stomach and back while also stabbing you in the uterus, let us know how great it feels.

ultravioletbaby 0

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Thursday 30 April 2009 21:17

Oh honey, I know exactly how you feel. I get them worse than anyone I know. Feel better. =[

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Thursday 22 July 2010 1:53

good luck with your birthday sex! 

doyougiveacrap 0

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Thursday 19 May 2011 11:30

aww feel better soon

Thursday 30 April 2009 21:18

you're 21 and you got your first period? that can't be normal

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:41

how is that not normal?!

me_8o 1

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 10:42

I think she means that its the first day of that particular period, not first one ever

rends 0

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 4:48

252 hasn't had their period yet

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Sunday 28 November 2010 14:58

actually 273 she probably didn't know what 257 said so y dnt u STFU!!!

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Thursday 7 July 2011 1:44

I love how u wrote "I don't like stupid people" while u are pretty stupid yourself..

Kazze 31

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Friday 13 March 2015 9:23

This comment thread made me feel genuinely sad. Jesus Christ...

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Monday 21 December 2015 8:32

Read the FML.

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Thursday 30 April 2009 21:18

Oh goodness, I've had my period (with crippling cramps and nausea) on my birthday pretty much every year since I got my period. It's hell. I know how you feel...it does suck. Oh and #3...I think she means the first day of THIS particular period.

CrazyLaughs4Me 17

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Sunday 29 June 2014 1:31

I feel awesome, hearing all these people bitching about period cramps and nausea and whatnot, while my period is a breeze. >.

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Thursday 30 April 2009 21:18

#1 - it may be nature, but it's still a FML since it's on her 21st Birthday. Nature's a bitch. #3- She never said it was her first period ;) Anyway hun, hope the painkillers kick in soon and (hopefully) have a happy birthday! (:

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Thursday 30 April 2009 21:19

#3, she didn't say it was her first period ever, she said it was the first day of her period for the month. Reading comprehension is awesome.

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Thursday 30 April 2009 21:21

I hate that :( This is a real FML for sure...

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Thursday 30 April 2009 21:21

i get these all the time, except they're not related to my period (i'm a guy), just bad stomach cramps

conversechick98 2

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 4:23

That doesn't even compare to the pain dude.

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Friday 16 September 2011 4:40

Not even close my friend.

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Thursday 30 April 2009 21:21

you posted @ 11:11. :D and that sucks, but happy birthday.

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Thursday 30 April 2009 21:22

FYL? No. Some people have real problems

thewhiteninja 0

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Wednesday 16 March 2011 9:39

yes.