Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped...

By Vkaz - 2/10/2014 18:20 - United States - Tampa

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

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Miscellaneous

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Vultures

Business savvy

By microlovin - 28/7/2013 07:45 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

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By audreyav - 30/6/2012 08:10 - United States - Dallas

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

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By dBLIZZARD - 5/11/2015 03:32 - United States

Today, my fiancée thought that lowering the volume on her phone would lower the amount of data being used by her streaming songs. FML

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By shakinmahbuttbutt - 12/1/2014 19:06 - United States

Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML

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By unknown - 21/9/2011 12:40 - Philippines

Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML

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By nomorepetbird - 6/1/2010 03:30 - United States

Today, my pet bird died. He had caught some illness and had been extremely sick for the past few days. He didn't die from the illness though. My dog ate him. FML

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By bad blood, no shit - 3/12/2011 01:35 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

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By p - 28/8/2012 20:38 - Canada - Markham

Today, I had a piano exam. My friend noticed how nervous I was, and recommended that I compliment the examiner for higher marks. When it was time for the exam, without thinking, I told him I liked his hair. Turns out bald people don't like that. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2014 06:09 - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML

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By Groom - 30/11/2008 10:51 - France

Today, I had an important interview. On the way there, I stopped in front of a car window to look at my reflection, checking I didn't have salad stuck between my teeth. Having pulled several faces, I realised that there were two girls inside the car, cracking up with laughter. FML

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By ohai95 - 8/8/2012 00:11 - United Kingdom - Worthing

Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML

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By quackers - 8/7/2016 07:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, I found out that my favorite pizza place will no longer deliver to my area after dark because they've been robbed too many times. FML

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By puppylove - 3/8/2019 16:00 - Philippines

Today, my mom found me staring at my puppy's butthole. She'd also been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

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By nopissleft - 20/12/2013 21:05 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2012 19:18 - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

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By anonymous - 14/6/2016 16:47 - United States - Inverness

Today, after months of helping my mother with bills because she claimed she had no money, I found out she makes way more than what I do. She just wanted my money for alcohol and drugs. FML

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By guamfml - 3/6/2009 00:10 - Guam

Today, I was cleaning my father's study room and wondering why I did not receive my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2013 17:39 - Spain - Mon?var

Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2018 22:00

Today, my dad is refusing to let me marry my fiancé because he said no when my dad asked for a loan of £10,000 to help clear some gambling debts. Apparently that shows my fiancé has poor family values and will be a bad father and an alcoholic husband. Impressive logical thinking there. FML

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By worstwaytodumpagirl - 28/12/2013 22:34 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my boyfriend bought me a pair of jeans. I couldn't fit into them, and he reacted to this by saying I've gotten too fat for him, and he can't be with me anymore. I took them off and saw they were a size 4. I've been a size 8 for the past 2 years, and he knows this. FML

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By BFFN - 14/4/2016 15:36 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my best friend told me she no longer wants an "active friendship" with me. She says she doesn't have time to see me, since she has a boyfriend and a bunch of friends she's spent years bitching to me about. We've gone from a 14 year friendship to awkwardly nodding at each other in the street. FML

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By lene - 17/2/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, the 9th grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML

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By Jakesssss - 10/4/2015 01:02 - United States - Hudson

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

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By raynbowsend - 23/4/2009 05:22 - Malaysia

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

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By Username - 18/10/2010 12:03 - France

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had cheated on me with a minor. She is claiming rape and going to put him in jail. He asked me to help him pay for his attorney. FML

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By Lyingboyfriend - 24/7/2009 05:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said he couldn't come to my grandfather's funeral because he was at his cottage and couldn't make it. Later that day, when driving home from the graveyard I saw him walking down the street, with another girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 04:00

Definitely done that

Today, at work, I put my earphones in to listen to some music. An hour later, I realised I never pressed play. FML

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By Ya_I_said_it - 26/7/2016 15:31

Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML

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By crackie - 16/6/2016 17:45 - Korea, Republic of

Today, my job as a supervisor has become increasingly ridiculous because one employee doesn't want to do the tasks I give her. My supervisor tells me to keep working with her and giving her work. When she goes directly to him, he tells her she doesn't have to do them. FML

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By assumed - 1/3/2011 16:47

Today, during a class, I noticed some racist statements and symbols on a table. While erasing them, I bent down to pick up my dropped pencil. I look back up to see a teacher, and got a suspension. FML

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By megmo7 - 4/10/2010 08:24 - United States

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2017 20:00

Today, I had one of my biggest dance shows ever. After months of practice I had finally gotten the lead position. When I entered the stage and raised my arms my straps fell down and I flashed an audience of 5000. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

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By WalkTheOtherWay - 1/2/2015 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

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By PieterseMJ - 2/11/2012 12:17 - South Africa - Sandton

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

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By BobRyder - 10/4/2014 20:52 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I brought home my 3D glasses after a movie. I had a laugh about it until I realized that I put my $100 sunglasses in the recycle box outside of the theatre instead. FML

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By Alyssa - 27/4/2020 23:00 - United Kingdom

Fashion blogger

Today, I was scrolling through my Instagram timeline and saw a picture of my friend in a ridiculous wig. I left a comment telling her how stupid the wig looked, but how great it was to have a friend with a sense of humour. She replied, telling me it wasn't a wig, it was her new hairstyle. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, I held my cousin's new baby, whom I have nicknamed Canteloupe Head. He then reenacted the Exorcist by projectile vomiting all over my lap and shirt. His mom is a firm believer in karma. FML

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Top comments

By GodPart2 | 20

#6079533 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:24

Kick it back to him, it's the only decent thing to do

By Crofty92 | 17

#6079535 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:24

Or maybe he was using the front camera to look over the stall.

COMMENTS

By GodPart2 | 20

#6079533 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:24

Kick it back to him, it's the only decent thing to do

Just_A_Tree | 20

#6079566 - Friday 3 October 2014 0:07

Did he at least follow the Blue Mountain State guide lines for dick picks?

adrian1910 | 15

#6079580 - Friday 3 October 2014 0:42

Plot twist: what if it wasn't dropped?

Riku714 | 25

#6079593 - Friday 3 October 2014 1:07

The plot thickens..

CoolCookie210 | 22

#6079683 - Friday 3 October 2014 4:58

Further plot twist: what if it wasn't his junk?

thief1434 | 23

#6080415 - Saturday 4 October 2014 0:47

Lol, it all depends on what the dude said after he dropped it.

By thefmlman2011 | 31

#6079534 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:24

That's gross!

By Crofty92 | 17

#6079535 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:24

Or maybe he was using the front camera to look over the stall.

sarah5745 | 41

#6079548 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:40

Oh god, please no..

Adeptasaurus | 12

#6081302 - Sunday 5 October 2014 1:08

Maybe he "dropped" the phone to get you interested.

By kingcaper817 | 14

#6079536 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:25

Oh man that's nasty sorry you had to see that

RecklessLove | 18

#6079734 - Friday 3 October 2014 6:59

Actually, it didn't specify whether it was the camera or pictures.

By luverofakatsuki | 16

#6079537 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:26

to each their own i guess :/

By christian1509 | 21

#6079538 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:27

I don't see why he couldn't wait till he was home, fuck your life for having to see that

LittleBells | 17

#6079686 - Friday 3 October 2014 5:06

There's a button for that

killerdana | 19

#6079706 - Friday 3 October 2014 5:54

That's a little ironic #53 considering you could have just down voted his comment and moved on. Your comment only works if all he said was fyl

By possy | 19

#6079539 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:27

I know everyone else wondering who's is bigger?

buckstop1 | 37

#6079541 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:29

Nope .Just you

sarah5745 | 41

#6079551 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:42

I don't think anyone is #7

tony1891 | 22

#6079560 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:59

nope. no one else here is wondering that.

sdroze1389 | 31

#6079563 - Friday 3 October 2014 0:00

mine is

By not_alone | 8

#6079540 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:29

At least know you know what he does when he gets bored at work ...

By therealjc_fml | 14

#6079542 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:30

One of many reasons to not take a dump at work!

killerdana | 19

#6079704 - Friday 3 October 2014 5:51

But sometimes you can't hold it till your lunch break or when you get home

By orbit | 22

#6079543 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:31

So why is this an fml? Maybe for the other guy out of embarrassment but why fyl?

Khaleesi_26 | 30

#6079546 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:36

Because OP will have those images burned into the back of his mind. And I'm sure that's not something he really wanted to see.