Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped...

By Vkaz - United States - Tampa

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

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Miscellaneous

Targeted

Vampires are everywhere

Life of Brian

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a customer handed me the ankle-length hosiery she had just used to try on some shoes, and as I sat there feeling the warm dampness of them in the palm of my hand, she said "You should throw those away, I have a toe fungus." FML

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By alaina2001 - United States - Massillon

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kannapolis

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

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By Lonely - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I left the TV on for company. The power went out. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I had to endure a long story about how and why my brother shaves his pubes. FML

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By racking-leaves - United States

Today, after spending 3 hours raking leaves, I went to the store to get some supplies. I came back to find my neighbor had decided to blow his leaves all over my yard. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

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By texasbest - United States - Lindale

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

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By parkinglotslayer - United States

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

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By bigmouthedmommy - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

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By Girl - United States

Today, my boyfriend of more than two years told me in front of all of our friends that he'd trade me for some Playstation 3 games. I laughed it off because I thought he was kidding. He made it clear that he was serious. FML

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By Jehovah God - United States - Richmond

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML

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By uninspired - United States

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents got me a box of cupcakes. My brother got me a deck of cards. My aunt got me a brochure on how to quit smoking. I have diabetes, I don't play cards, and I don't smoke. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

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By Sad nerd - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML

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By badboyfriends - United States

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

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By Pon

Today, my girlfriend bought me a new hockey jersey and donated my old one. My old one was signed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

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By yourmom - United States

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

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By friend loves a gay guy... - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my best friend told me that she no longer wants to cut herself because now she's madly in love with a guy in our school. She doesn't know that he's gay. FML

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By dileigh - United States

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

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By allycat - United States

Today, after a year of suspicion, I finally found out my sister is in a cult. My family's response? "It will be good for her." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kerman

Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML

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By kitkat - United States

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lived 2 hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML

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By -__- - Greece - Athens

Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering "you want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girfriend of two years told me she wasn't actually a lesbian and our relationship was more of a 'learning experience'. FML

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By oops - Netherlands - Nieuwe-niedorp

Today, after spending almost an hour in the dentist's waiting room, watching other people get called in for their appointments, I finally lost my patience and asked the receptionist what was taking so long. I'd forgotten to sign in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm... Your house is on fire." FML

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By smurfpoo - Canada

Today, while cleaning the bathroom in a suite at the hotel I work at, I heard a couple come in, and then a marriage proposal. She said no, that she had been seeing someone else and left the room. I was then alone in the bathroom, listening to a grown man sob. FML

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By Sniffles - Ireland

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Newark

Fashionista

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

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By ren - United States

Today, I went to work only to serve one table, make a $9.00 tip, get sent home because it was slow, have the city busses stop running because of weather, and have to pay a $20 cab fare to get home. FML

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By Chelsy - Australia - Canberra

Can he fix it?

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend is drunk he pretends to be Bob the Builder. FML

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By Laura - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my apartment was robbed. The police report said my apartment was ransacked. No it wasn't, that's how looks everyday. FML

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Top comments

By GodPart2 | 20

#6079533 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:24

Kick it back to him, it's the only decent thing to do

By Crofty92 | 17

#6079535 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:24

Or maybe he was using the front camera to look over the stall.

COMMENTS

By GodPart2 | 20

#6079533 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:24

Kick it back to him, it's the only decent thing to do

Just_A_Tree | 20

#6079566 - Friday 3 October 2014 0:07

Did he at least follow the Blue Mountain State guide lines for dick picks?

adrian1910 | 15

#6079580 - Friday 3 October 2014 0:42

Plot twist: what if it wasn't dropped?

Riku714 | 25

#6079593 - Friday 3 October 2014 1:07

The plot thickens..

CoolCookie210 | 22

#6079683 - Friday 3 October 2014 4:58

Further plot twist: what if it wasn't his junk?

thief1434 | 23

#6080415 - Saturday 4 October 2014 0:47

Lol, it all depends on what the dude said after he dropped it.

By thefmlman2011 | 35

#6079534 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:24

That's gross!

By Crofty92 | 17

#6079535 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:24

Or maybe he was using the front camera to look over the stall.

sarah5745 | 41

#6079548 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:40

Oh god, please no..

Adeptasaurus | 12

#6081302 - Sunday 5 October 2014 1:08

Maybe he "dropped" the phone to get you interested.

By kingcaper817 | 14

#6079536 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:25

Oh man that's nasty sorry you had to see that

RecklessLove | 18

#6079734 - Friday 3 October 2014 6:59

Actually, it didn't specify whether it was the camera or pictures.

By luverofakatsuki | 16

#6079537 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:26

to each their own i guess :/

By christian1509 | 21

#6079538 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:27

I don't see why he couldn't wait till he was home, fuck your life for having to see that

LittleBells | 17

#6079686 - Friday 3 October 2014 5:06

There's a button for that

killerdana | 19

#6079706 - Friday 3 October 2014 5:54

That's a little ironic #53 considering you could have just down voted his comment and moved on. Your comment only works if all he said was fyl

By possy | 19

#6079539 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:27

I know everyone else wondering who's is bigger?

buckstop1 | 37

#6079541 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:29

Nope .Just you

sarah5745 | 41

#6079551 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:42

I don't think anyone is #7

tony1891 | 22

#6079560 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:59

nope. no one else here is wondering that.

sdroze1389 | 31

#6079563 - Friday 3 October 2014 0:00

mine is

By not_alone | 8

#6079540 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:29

At least know you know what he does when he gets bored at work ...

By therealjc_fml | 14

#6079542 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:30

One of many reasons to not take a dump at work!

killerdana | 19

#6079704 - Friday 3 October 2014 5:51

But sometimes you can't hold it till your lunch break or when you get home

By orbit | 22

#6079543 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:31

So why is this an fml? Maybe for the other guy out of embarrassment but why fyl?

Khaleesi_26 | 30

#6079546 - Thursday 2 October 2014 23:36

Because OP will have those images burned into the back of his mind. And I'm sure that's not something he really wanted to see.