Miscellaneous: Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue...

By Ricky - 16/05/2009 21:19 - Canada

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 283

You deserved it 47 734

Miscellaneous

Another great day to be alive

Age difference

Batman

By lulumars - 14/06/2015 17:06 - United States

Today, I finally confronted my mom about how I felt about her three divorces. She then explained that she went through the divorces because I failed to keep the house clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 734

You deserved it 2 616

By Anonymous - 22/07/2014 17:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 277

You deserved it 44 624

Smart criminals

By Annette - 27/11/2020 23:01

Today, I came out to find my truck window broken. They broke into my truck to yank out the stereo. It was unlocked the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 76

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 02:25 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for smiling and laughing too much. Last week, he reprimanded me for not smiling and laughing enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 163

You deserved it 1 862

Countdown

By Anonymous - 31/08/2020 05:01 - United States - Arbuckle

Today, I broke my ankle trying to step over a pipe, but instead slipped and put all of my weight on my left ankle. I'm scheduled for surgery in 3 days, which will be my 1-month countdown to my due date. I'm 8 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 09/08/2016 20:58 - United States - Hayward

Today, my uncle asked me to act as a bodyguard in a video he was making. I put on the shades and suit while he was saying his message to the camera. I was laughing so hard internally that I ended up farting so loud throughout the entire video. We had to shoot the video five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 808

You deserved it 2 837

By NotSoAnon - 13/08/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 294

You deserved it 5 037

By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 09:19 - United States

Today, I met a close friend of my husband for the first time. She told me it was amazing that I agreed to be in an open marriage and asked if sex was weird knowing he'd slept with other women. No, the sex wasn't weird, because we're not in an open marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 888

You deserved it 2 500

By GildedByVices - 24/12/2016 08:12 - Australia

Today, on Xmas Eve, my eight-year-old and ten-year-old children and I sat down to watch 'Mr. Stink', an Xmas film about a scruffy, stinky tramp. When he first appeared on screen my children both exclaimed in unison, "He looks like you, dad!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 331

You deserved it 693

By fun - 16/06/2013 04:54 - United States

Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 944

You deserved it 4 573

By Anonymous - 20/03/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 032

You deserved it 4 050

By Bubba - 23/09/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 605

You deserved it 11 046

By brokenrelicslost - 08/01/2010 20:06 - United States

Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I am really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 959

You deserved it 5 810

By darianvilla - 22/07/2016 23:35 - United States - College Park

Today, I was happy because my co-worker was almost about to get fired due to his lazy habits. It was all going so well. Then I accidentally put my biggest sale yet under his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 944

You deserved it 16 723

By Oh hells no - 16/09/2013 07:26 - United States - Los Altos

Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 479

You deserved it 12 081

By lonely - 25/07/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom lamenting the fact that none of my few relationships seem to last longer than 2 months. She asked why and I said, "because I'm paranoid, obsessive compulsive, judgmental, defensive, and stubborn." Instead of encouraging me, she said, "Well, at least you're honest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 573

You deserved it 46 467

By cheesylad - 10/06/2017 06:00 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, I was alone in the car with my crush. For reasons I will never understand, I put on the song 'Kiss a Girl' by Keith Urban. I could feel her cringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 102

You deserved it 1 328

By ugh - 19/01/2011 19:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 334

You deserved it 9 468

By young and dumb - 27/08/2016 06:27 - United States - Trenton

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 646

You deserved it 3 210

By Annonymous - 18/10/2012 14:41 - United States

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 291

You deserved it 1 906

By UniStudi - 23/12/2018 14:00

Today I sent a message out to a support group to get and give support following a sexual assault, the person who responded and was giving advice was the person who assaulted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 669

You deserved it 170

By anon - 11/05/2009 20:37 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 995

You deserved it 3 120

By kfenton - 29/09/2012 11:16 - United States

Today, I found out that guys will only flirt with me when they're drunk, and even then only when they realize that my best friend is out of their league. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 077

You deserved it 2 452

By Crazy Mom - 10/06/2013 05:13 - United States

Today, my mom walked into the bathroom while I was taking a pic to send to my long-distance boyfriend. She then told me I would go to hell for flaunting myself at guys. I was fully clothed, sending a pic to see if he liked my new haircut. That and I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 074

You deserved it 4 617

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 22:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 870

You deserved it 40 060

By MyDeliveriesCanWait - 24/08/2019 02:07

Today, I received the bubble wrap that I'd ordered. When I opened the box, almost every single bubble had been popped. At the bottom of the box, there was a sticky note that said, "Sorry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 13/06/2015 14:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that my homophobic boyfriend, who I was giving a chance to grow the fuck up and get over his obsession with bashing gays, has been cheating on me with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 388

You deserved it 5 546

By moronforadad - 05/01/2013 02:04 - United Kingdom - Carshalton

Today, during dinner, my mum asked why I've been so upset recently, so I just admitted it was because my girlfriend had cheated on me. At some point during my venting, I asked why this stuff always seems to happen to me. My dad looked up from his plate and said, "Probably karma." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 740

You deserved it 6 427

By FootInMouth - 20/01/2015 19:16 - South Africa

Today, I made fun of a friend at a dinner party after he forgot to put his engagement ring on. It turned out his fiancée actually ended the engagement last week, and everyone thinks I was being spiteful just because the girl is my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 152

You deserved it 9 185

By Handuh15 - 31/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was sitting with my best friend and we were watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 2 992

By Shelling Ford - 25/08/2015 11:55 - Germany - Munich

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 178

You deserved it 3 292

My husband the shitgibbon

By NotYetThanks - 23/07/2021 00:01

Today, three weeks after a traumatic emergency cesarean section, my husband keeps sulking because sex is the literal last thing I want right now. The fact that my body is still sore and healing is apparently irrelevant when he is horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 109

By megaladon - 28/06/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 765

You deserved it 37 346

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 06:52 - United States - Orlando

Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 948

You deserved it 5 211

By Me - 11/11/2012 00:29 - United States

Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 181

You deserved it 1 646

By Anonymous - 23/03/2012 23:51 - United States - Meredith

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 829

You deserved it 32 832

By Anonymous - 31/01/2012 05:16 - United States

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 661

You deserved it 3 022

By notsohappy - 18/02/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 118 670

You deserved it 11 049

By Dammit - 07/07/2012 04:45 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 462

You deserved it 5 852

By Anonymous - 22/11/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 538

You deserved it 2 987

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kwbuzz23wk 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 1:58

never test something right before a date. you never kow how cheap it is and its always hard to get rid of cheaply made things. Just brush well.

xdeliciae 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 2:00

Isn't that stuff for little kids...?

kwbuzz23wk 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 1:58

never test something right before a date. you never kow how cheap it is and its always hard to get rid of cheaply made things. Just brush well.

ilovecheeer 0

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Friday 6 May 2011 16:48

EWWWW. you nasty

strawberry_78 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 2:00

Ewww go to the dentist and get that shyt cleaned!!!

dolphinlvr7 24

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Saturday 31 October 2015 5:48

Tf? Everyone has plaque

xdeliciae 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 2:00

Isn't that stuff for little kids...?

tyhod123 4

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 16:37

yes

skyttlz 32

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Monday 14 February 2011 5:08

So? I'm 16 and I use it.

mikey12212 14

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Tuesday 11 August 2015 12:44

I agree, I'm 20 and I use it lol! It's awesome!

Panime 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 2:01

If your teeth are white and you are brushing thoroughly, why worry about seeing where the plaque is before it's gone?

manoverboard 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 2:02

...isn't that for five-year-olds with terrible teeth? Wowww.

redbluegreen 40

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Sunday 17 May 2009 2:02

Hahahaha, damn. But yeah, isn't that stuff for little kids?

kandyjohnson 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 2:03

Maybe it's time for a new toothbrush if you couldn't get all the plaque off

ShimmyPizza 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 2:03

LOL. Like #1 said, never test anything before a date. YDI, brush better.

imthejuggernautt 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 2:12

That's why your parents said you should always brush your teeth.

MissMichaela_ 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 2:12

ewww, brush yo teeth better.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 50

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 3

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 55

Smart criminals

Countdown

My husband the shitgibbon

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