Miscellaneous: Today, in math class, I got an answer "wrong." The teacher yelled...

By jessii - United States

Today, in math class, I got an answer "wrong." The teacher yelled at me, then he realized that my answer was correct. Then he yelled at me for not correcting him. FML

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

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On the beat

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML

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By Achoo - United States

Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML

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By katiebabby - United States

Today, my computer was hit by something bigger than a virus: a car. FML

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By randomdude3890 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my caring way too much about proper grammar got out of hand when I corrected my girlfriend during a talk about her dying grandmother. FML

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By charlatan

What's in a name?

Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She asked me what year I was born in, then brutally rejected me. Apparently it's because my name wasn't in the top 20 baby names for my birth year. FML

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By scoobses - United States

Today, my pain-in-the-ass co-worker is finally leaving. Unfortunately, I was chosen to do the bulk of her job. She has given me no training and on her last day, just smirked at me on her way out and say, "Enjoy doing my job too, fucker". I don't get paid enough for this. FML

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By Mark - United States

Today, a car backed into mine. I thought that was pretty bad, until another car backed into me right after I'd finished taking the first guy's info. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Far Rockaway

Today, I was bitched out at 2am by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML

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By rockefoe - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel like he loved me. His response? "Why else would I be with you? Your looks?" He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Green Bay

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Eureka

Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

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By why god - United States - Huntington Park

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2020 08:04 - United States

Worldstar! Worldstar!

Today, I went to buy some flowers for the anniversary of my grandpa's death. I was feeling sad as I finished paying, but as soon as I got near the exit, two women started fighting at the door. We had to wait for the fight to finish because the staff decided to record it and not break it up. FML

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By Musicfan - United States

Today, my car was broken into, and they stole all my CDs, but left my daughter's Black Eyed Peas CD behind. I'm pretty pissed about the theft, but almost glad to see that the delinquents in my town have a decent taste in music. FML

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By Photoshopped - United States - Athens

Today, I sent my grandfather a picture of me because he hasn't seen me in years. I guess I should wear makeup next time, because he sent back a heavily photoshopped and cropped version and told me how beautiful I look. FML

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By Clueless - United States

Today, at work, we've just hired a new load of people. As an icebreaker, we were paired up randomly and told to learn about our partner so that we can introduce them to the group. I got matched up with someone I've worked with for 4 months. Mid-conversation, I blurted out "I don't know your name." FML

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By feminismlol - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to my first meeting at the university women's group, excited to become a more involved feminist. The first item on the meeting's agenda? The upcoming bake sale. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend of 2 weeks home to meet my mom and she started talking about how she really wants a lot of grand-kids. He called 2 hours later and broke up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

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By whyme - United States

Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on the train, I was bitten by a homeless man. FML

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By notestojenn - United States - Manchester

Today, I walked into my roommate's room to ask him a question, only to see a pitcher with over a pint of urine in it sitting on his bookcase. This is at least the fifth conversation in a year I've had with him about not peeing in containers in his room. FML

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By WOCOACH - United States

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML

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By Dude - United States

Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the elevator when another coworker stepped inside. He said, "How goes it?". I said, "It goes". Then he said, "At least we have a job". FML

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By EFFFF - United States

Today, the ex who I'm still in love with told me he wishes we could be together, but that first I really need to get over the fact that he already has a wife and kids. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my mom asked why my three-year-old son is named Trevor. After I told her it was from my favorite game, GTA V, she hit me over the head with a shoe. FML

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By Anonymous

Today is my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend, all I wanted to do was treat him to dinner and be intimate with him. However today is also the 9th day of my period and the 5th day that I’m feeling constantly nauseous. My period should’ve ended 5 days ago...FML

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By Cassie - United States

Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML

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By Fried.

Oh nose!

Today, I woke up to the smell of cooking bacon. As I walked down my stairs towards my kitchen, I realised that the smell wasn't coming from bacon, but from my kitchen being on fire. FML

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By booksandshadows - United States - San Diego

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Westerville

Timing

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

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By beta

Today, my date unexpectedly brought her friend to dinner with us. They seemed bored of me after ten minutes and left me out of their conversation for the rest of the night. Oh, and they made me pay for both of them. FML

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By uhoh - Canada - Sechelt

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

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By FreeTacos_ - United States - Pueblo

Today, I told my crush that I liked her a lot. She told me not to message her when I'm drunk. FML

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By Garrison - United States - Anchorage

I'm innocent!

Today, I was arrested for kidnapping a child. MY child. Do you know how hard it is as a white man to convince a police officer that a latino toddler screaming, "Stranger danger!" is yours? FML

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By unlucky - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I thought it'd be fun to kick open one of those unisex bathrooms in my workplace. I'm not sure who was more surprised, me or my boss who was in there taking a dump. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML

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By CoyoteOldOne - 12/9/2020 08:59 - United States - Denver

DIY decoration tips

Today, I got an empty peanut butter jar to put my used insulin needles in so nobody gets stuck. My husband washed it for me. He also wrote all over it: "F*** off! Sharps! Do not f***ing touch! Go away! Do not f***ing throw away!" Thanks, sweetie. Now it looks like a crazy guy shouting on the subway. FML

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Top comments

By zp5 | 4

#1523496 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:35

yell at him for failing.

By nikkibeez | 0

#1523355 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:12

OPs teacher is probably a miserable old man... at least it reminds me of a teacher I had who was miserable and his aim was to embarass us all. fyl OP

COMMENTS

By samuelj57 | 0

#1523244 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:01

that sucks fyl

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1523307 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:06

that sounds like my math teacher. he sucks and everyone hates him.

Bartimaeus | 7

#1523323 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:07

I had a teacher like that who literally hated kids so much he got fired for it. He smelled really bad and had big ears and his tongue stuck out. Like two inches. Sorry OP I know that sucks.

jakii_ | 0

#1523452 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:28

my math teacher is fremch and resembles Hitler

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1523472 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:30

YDI for having a bad math teacher! Math teachers are always so nice!

CitrusGirl | 0

#1523623 - Saturday 9 October 2010 21:08

I have a law and politics teacher like that right now... Ugh.

Thin_Ice_fml | 0

#1523981 - Saturday 9 October 2010 23:16

You shoulda yelled a him back for yelling at you the first time how you go the answer right but yelled at you thinking how you got it wrong.

madarchod | 0

#1525370 - Sunday 10 October 2010 2:39

ur prof is like a woman on periods

Thin_Ice_fml | 0

#1525698 - Sunday 10 October 2010 4:45

Yeah my iPod is hard to write with a 1 1/2 inch keyboard.

Elizabeth123654 | 0

#1529383 - Monday 11 October 2010 2:04

Not for me. I'm writing on my iPhone right now. 6.3 seconds!

riax | 9

#4495158 - Tuesday 29 May 2012 13:32

Wow male teachers pms aswell

By x805xUnknown | 6

#1523246 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:01

Haha, a lose-lose situation.

By little_lyn | 0

#1523250 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:01

that sux

By BroSkitLove | 0

#1523257 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:02

wtf Wha kinda school does that ha ha

By FaberDriveLuv | 5

#1523309 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:06

Lmaoo, embarrasing for him :P

By xStiina | 0

#1523318 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:06

What an a$$

By LOLSMILEYFACE331 | 0

#1523338 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:08

haha.. your teacher is a douche.

By nikkibeez | 0

#1523355 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:12

OPs teacher is probably a miserable old man... at least it reminds me of a teacher I had who was miserable and his aim was to embarass us all. fyl OP

By Cinn_fml | 22

#1523360 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:13

Sounds like one of my physics teachers. Don't worry about it, both of you'll get over it. Unless you want to make an enemy out of your maths teacher I wouldn't recommend getting too smart alec with your responses.

By flashback.miss | 28

#1523386 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:17

well... now you know what to do... dont back down if youre 100 percent and more sur eyoure right... good luck.. :) but yes be respectful so you cant be nailed for insoburdiantion or something.. i dunno... just keep your head high... but really... what kinda teacher is this person? OO this is my advice :)

DocBastard | 38

#1523478 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:31

*insubordination

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1523697 - Saturday 9 October 2010 21:28

Heh, why bother, Doc?