Work: Today, in front of a group of family, friends, and acquaintances,... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 103

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 40

15/03/2016 07:27

Today, in front of a group of family, friends, and acquaintances, a guy I hadn't talked to in about two years asked me how rehab was going. In the monstrous silence that followed, I had to awkwardly explain that I work at a nursing home that also functions as a rehabilitation center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 409

You deserved it 1 498

Vulture

BO Central

You tried

13/10/2010 13:20

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 737

You deserved it 23 170

Not now

By nexus - 25/09/2021 09:59

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gets horny at the most inconvenient times. She woke me up to have sex at 2 a.m. I have work at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 420

07/05/2019 12:00

Today, I got a Facebook message from a guy from my old school. I didn’t remember him, but I replied anyway. When I checked my phone after work, I had 73 new messages that went from, “How have you been?” to, “Fuck you ugly cockteasing whore,” and ended with, “You better hope I don’t catch you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 254

You deserved it 153

31/01/2010 06:44

Today, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's. I was sitting alone at a table with a big mac, two large fries, a large drink and 1 case of chicken nuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 860

You deserved it 37 170

29/07/2013 06:35

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 693

You deserved it 8 119

Private Freakout

By Roida - 06/07/2021 18:52

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 298

You deserved it 2 707

18/01/2017 22:00

Today, I woke up early in the morning when it was still dark to go off to work. I saw what looked like a piece of slime that my children would play with and went to pick it up. Nope. Turns out it was puppy shit. Wet, slimy puppy waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 115

You deserved it 1 756

14/06/2009 12:46

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 806

You deserved it 57 941

Functioning

By Violet - 19/04/2011 09:50

Today, I realised that what I had thought was my dad's default state for the past 17 years is actually his drunken state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 217

You deserved it 3 378

Addams Family Values

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 07:56

Today, I heard my mom say to the dogs, "Are you hungry? Do you want something tasty out of the garbage can?" Don’t worry though, she probably only meant the one in our garden, where she keeps the deer heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 72

18/04/2009 17:51

Today, at the daycare center that I volunteer at, a 5 year old boy asked me "What do you do when you really want something?". I told him to try his best to get it and give it his best. He ended up stealing from the donation box and when he was caught he said that I told him to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 552

You deserved it 6 248

I had no idea!

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 00:01

Today, I found out my ex had been writing about our relationship to Postsecret. Apparently, she'd been sorry and wanted me back if I still loved her. I have absolutely no idea what she's talking about. I left after 8 months of unreturned texts, calls, emails, and meet-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 59

14/11/2018 15:30

Today, my boss created a WhatsApp group called "Forever Alone", added me and only me, and then left so that I could be the only person in the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 158

You deserved it 266

15/10/2010 19:35

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 181

You deserved it 3 492

20/06/2012 14:09

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 065

You deserved it 6 579

19/10/2013 00:05

Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 140

You deserved it 5 005

22/07/2011 17:36

Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 546

You deserved it 5 470

09/08/2015 03:53

Today, I found out my babysitter has been selling the breastmilk I produce for my baby and replacing it with formula, while still taking my money every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 685

You deserved it 2 329

03/07/2012 11:33

Today, I asked the 7-year-old that I was babysitting if he could burp on command. He said he could, and began to demonstrate. It turns out he couldn't purposely burp, but he definitely could vomit on command. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 423

You deserved it 28 984

09/03/2012 06:59

Spicy

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 103

You deserved it 7 729

09/06/2012 13:54

Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 706

You deserved it 2 202

12/05/2014 19:41

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 547

You deserved it 6 599

29/11/2018 13:30

Today, after starting my new career as a server, two women were kind enough to leave a $5 tip... while still owing $6.84 on their bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 147

Not fair!

By lorena_v - 10/11/2017 01:30

Today, one of my teachers yelled at me for being two minutes late to class. He was so concerned with my punishment that he didn't notice the four other people that walked in after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 414

You deserved it 445

08/01/2018 00:00

Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 862

You deserved it 1 969

Empathy

By KidCudi227 - 23/10/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend sent me a bouquet of roses with a message attached. The message said, "Ever since your dog died you've stopped putting out, so I think we should break up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 261

28/12/2014 18:41

Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 600

You deserved it 3 303

01/11/2012 00:40

Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 549

You deserved it 2 964

22/05/2017 18:00

Today, the cute coworker who's been flirting with me drove me home. While I was contemplating asking him to kiss me, he politely told me to, "Please get out, I promised my girlfriend I'd pick her up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 999

You deserved it 1 012

03/12/2013 03:42

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 591

You deserved it 6 444

06/03/2012 00:43

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 768

You deserved it 8 542

21/02/2009 07:30

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 099

You deserved it 13 314

20/06/2014 05:06

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 267

You deserved it 24 682

21/06/2019 20:00

Today, I was walking on the street when a woman in front of me dropped a couple of dollars. I picked them up and chased her to return it all. She insisted that it wasn't hers. I tried to tell her it was, but she wouldn't accept it. A cop saw me and arrested me for solicitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 918

You deserved it 170

12/01/2013 06:36

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 868

You deserved it 10 215

22/08/2019 12:01

Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 284

03/06/2009 05:23

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 325

You deserved it 60 990

26/06/2016 20:18

Today, I was sick, so I went into work to see if I could get my shift covered, instead of just calling in. I ended up working an extra hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 544

You deserved it 3 331

15/11/2011 04:51

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 840

You deserved it 11 095

That Monday feeling

By Ed. - 20/07/2020 05:01

Today, I have to go into work for the first time since the Covid-19 lockdown. I've been working from home since March. Today was also the first time since going on lockdown that I cut myself shaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 204

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 17:41

As long as you made it clear you worked there..that's all you can do. Hopefully he knows better. If he was gonna ask something so personal, he could have asked in private. What a git.

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 17:41

Hey, all's well that ends well, right? It seems like it was cleared up pretty easy. In sure your old friend didn't mean to embarrass you in front of your family. I think it's a nice thing to laugh at!

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 17:41

Hey, all's well that ends well, right? It seems like it was cleared up pretty easy. In sure your old friend didn't mean to embarrass you in front of your family. I think it's a nice thing to laugh at!

CoGhostRider 31

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 17:41

Well, how is it going?

abbyade 21

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 17:41

As long as you made it clear you worked there..that's all you can do. Hopefully he knows better. If he was gonna ask something so personal, he could have asked in private. What a git.

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 17:47

I think the guy knew OP was working at rehab, he just worded it in an unfortunate manner. I often ask my teacher friends: "How's school?" or doctors/nurses: "How's life at the hospital?". He probably assumed everyone knew where OP worked.

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Wednesday 16 March 2016 2:37

I do this too. My mom's husband is an emergency veterinarian and I often ask him "how was surgery?" A lot of people that don't know just figure he's a very unfortunate man with a lot of medical issues. Nope, he just has surgeries every day.

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 17:47

So ,when he comes back Now he'll know know know...better.

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 17:52

Oh, you still think you're working at a nursing home; I guess the treatments aren't going as well as we anticipated…

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 17:56

Lol, I think your family and friends would know if you had a problem. take it lightly, shake it off. funny encounter to talk about later.

meggieeeeee92 16

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 18:02

You explained to your family or the guy that you work at a nursing home? Because it would be kind of weird if your family and friends didn't know where you worked or what you did.

yerawizardlizzy 27

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 18:07

That's exactly what I was thinking. If someone you haven't talked to in two years knows where you work, surely friends and family know. Clarifying for acquaintances I understand, though.

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 18:11

Just say, "No, no, no"

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 18:52

copycat !^^

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 18:18

so you corrected a misunderstanding. how is this an fml?

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 18:26

Your acquaintance needs to go to rehab for social etiquette.