Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten... - FML

By Rowaelin16 - 23/9/2016 03:31 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten minutes into it, I dropped a 10-pound dumbbell on my face. I now have a horrific looking black eye, and half of my cheek is a mottled green color. Not to mention the cut above my eye that needed 4 stitches. FML

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Rock, hard place

Bad news

Vicious and unprovoked

By Anonymous - 3/12/2010 03:42 - United States

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

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By Vkaz - 2/10/2014 18:20 - United States - Tampa

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

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By coius - 21/7/2020 05:01

At risk

Today, after being on steroids to suppress my immune system, I found out it causes pulmonary embolisms. If I stop taking my steroids, my body will try to kill me, but if I take the steroids, the meds will try to kill me. I’m only 35 and was fit before this. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 01:47 - United States

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2017 16:41 - Netherlands - Veldhoven

Right in the miniature tree

Today, my parents got mad at me because I laughed when they called the bullseye "bonsai" while watching darts. They've always thought it was bonsai. FML

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By hapless - 16/1/2009 07:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver tells me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listen to him for 20mins, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charges me £5.80 and my boss gives me a warning for being late. FML

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By Useless training - 11/7/2014 06:04 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, we finished a sit-up test at school. I had been training for the athletic tests, so I was proud of my score. When someone asked what I got and I shared, proud, they responded with, "I bet it helps that your fat bounces you back up." FML

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By bubbashrek - 28/8/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, I realized my soon to be ex wife is stalking me online. Everytime I block her she creates a new profile. She left me 9 months ago. FML

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By jojolee68 - 28/2/2015 19:53 - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a taxi cab while the driver listens to a radio show about sex fetishes. Can't wait to look him in the eye as I pay him. FML

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By superhero1043 - 14/5/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML

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By stolenbike - 14/6/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2010 08:04 - Estonia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML

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By Doesn't Matter Had Sex - 9/9/2015 02:37 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

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By deserved - 29/10/2009 14:27 - United States

Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 17:11 - Germany

Today, as I passed a printout over my shoulder to my mum, I managed to give myself a papercut on my tear duct. FML

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By pottyhostage - 8/11/2010 21:26 - Sweden

Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML

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By Groped - 2/4/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML

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By Anonymous90 - 24/7/2010 23:59 - Canada

Today, I spent 100 dollars on lingerie. I put it on, walk out to the living room, and tell my boyfriend to follow me into the bedroom. He says no, and then pretends to fall asleep. FML

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By RedheadA - 16/6/2011 14:24 - United States

Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was just wearing socks. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2017 04:00

Today, our cat died. My husband and I had a touching bonding moment together. Our relationship has been strained for months, and I thought this could bring us closer. He decided to bring up politics. FML

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By NotSoCool - 15/5/2009 04:41 - Singapore

Today, I was pulling my trolley luggage at the airport when I passed 2 cute girls smiling at me. Thinking I looked real cool, I kept on walking without paying heed to anything else. Then my brother shouted asking me what was I doing, only to realise that the handle had come off a few metres back. FML

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By pirsquared - 28/1/2012 01:20 - United States

Today, I had to Google how to find the area of a circle. I'm working on my PhD in engineering. FML

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By lizardface - 23/8/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2020 08:08

Warm up guy

Today, it seems that my four previous girlfriends all left me because they found better, more attractive, more wealthy, more interesting men. My entire love life feels like I’m the warm up act for the main event of other dudes getting laid. FML

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By ohcrap - 11/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

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By anon - 4/6/2009 11:35 - United States

Today, I was performing in an orchestra concert. My stand partner and I commented on people in the audience the whole time, saying how fat they were, etc. Towards the end of the concert, I realized we were sitting right by a microphone, and the whole audience could hear us. FML

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By elow72 - 19/2/2016 21:47 - United States - Nashua

Today, I woke up at 3:45 AM to fly to Pittsburgh to sample classes at a university there. After all that flying and sitting in traffic for 2 hours, I finally got to attend to my first class. I fell asleep during it. FML

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By Irrationalwife - 31/3/2019 00:00

Today, my husband and I got into a fight about his pervert friend who regularly shows blatant disrespect for our marriage, including sending me inappropriate texts. Apparently this friend should have my full trust, and apparently I am the one with the issue for not excusing his bad behavior. FML

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By FuglyBetty - 24/2/2016 22:48 - Norway - Arendal

Today, while doing the grocery shopping with my boyfriend we came across another woman also out shopping, who looked shockingly like me despite her being another race, hair color and the like. The second he saw her, he blurted out, ''Oh, it's a pretty version of you!'' FML

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By evelynn - 20/5/2010 06:25 - France

Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML

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By justawallflower - 30/11/2014 02:06 - United States - Elyria

Today, my mom told me that her vagina is "as cute today as it was twenty years ago." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2012 02:48 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my best friend got engaged to the guy she's been seeing for five years. He also happens to be the man I've been in love with for eight. As she was giving me the details, she nonchalantly gave me her reason for accepting the proposal: "Why the hell not, there's always divorce." FML

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By chellegbelle - 14/5/2014 21:46 - United States - Graham

Today, I found out my neighbor collects body-bags. FML

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By okay17 - 29/12/2015 05:00 - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. I hadn't even gotten her name yet, because the first thing she said to me instead was that she wanted to hang her confederate flag on the wall. I'm black. FML

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By GOAWAY - 26/12/2014 23:06 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

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By qourt - 14/2/2019 15:34 - United States

Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML

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By Elisabeth - 16/8/2020 17:01

Close shave

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. He went to get popcorn and I went to the bathroom. Thinking he had got back before me, I sat down next to him in the theater. I leaned in to kiss him, then realized it was some 70-year-oldish woman. FML

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By KiwiMaid - 3/6/2016 10:31 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I got excited because my husband will be away for 5 days, which means I'll be able to deep clean the house. FML

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By =( - 5/4/2014 17:48 - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

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By Carlyclose - 16/6/2017 00:00

Today, I got rejected from Sephora, Walgreens and Ulta for being OVER-qualified with a post-graduate diploma in cosmetic chemistry. Then, I got rejected from Estée Lauder, LVMH and Proctor and Gamble for being UNDER-qualified with a post-graduate diploma in cosmetic chemistry. FML

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Top comments

By kelliecraine | 2

#6694342 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:19

A rule as a beginner is to start out slow. You need to use 2 - 5 lb weights before you move to 10lb weights.

By Tripartita | 44

#6694343 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:30

On the upside, you can sell the rights to your FML to be used as the worst super villain origin story.

"We can reverse the process that left you horribly disfigured! If you just let the hostages go, we will develop a serum for your affliction!"

"What? Oh, no, I just dropped a weight on my face while trying to work out."

"…"

COMMENTS

By johnjingleheimer | 13

#6694340 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:16

Do you even lift?

By ravenb61 | 10

#6694341 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:17

No pain no gain?

By kelliecraine | 2

#6694342 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:19

A rule as a beginner is to start out slow. You need to use 2 - 5 lb weights before you move to 10lb weights.

By Tripartita | 44

#6694343 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:30

On the upside, you can sell the rights to your FML to be used as the worst super villain origin story.

"We can reverse the process that left you horribly disfigured! If you just let the hostages go, we will develop a serum for your affliction!"

"What? Oh, no, I just dropped a weight on my face while trying to work out."

"…"

Reply

_Adog2645 | 24

#6694350 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:46

yep

By enxhi96 | 21

#6694344 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:36

That must have been quite the eventful workout for you... seriously though, sounds painful. Feel better op

By fmyinternet | 13

#6694349 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:46

Green and stitches... It's a bit early to dress up as Frankenstein... Hopefully you make a full recovery!

By wanted_2_want | 40

#6694351 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:49

No no no. You were supposed to drop the other kind of weight.

The one that's attached to your body. Not on your hands.

Reply

Hooorror | 15

#6694512 - Friday 23 September 2016 22:28

Why the down votes? I thought this was really good

By Lillysar91 | 20

#6694354 - Friday 23 September 2016 16:01

Ouch i feel your pain! Hope you make a quick recovery! Don't despair and start slow and easy.

By tyrianLftw | 6

#6694363 - Friday 23 September 2016 16:30

well I'd say the lesson here is to put down the weights and pick up some chipotle!

By kakabalo | 17

#6694367 - Friday 23 September 2016 16:45

wish u a quick recovery OP... go easy on weights while u r at it