Health: Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten... - FML

By Rowaelin16 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten minutes into it, I dropped a 10-pound dumbbell on my face. I now have a horrific looking black eye, and half of my cheek is a mottled green color. Not to mention the cut above my eye that needed 4 stitches. FML

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Out of it

How could you forget?

Breaking Badly

By Anonymous - 6/9/2020 16:01 - United States - Saint Paul

Dash and dine

Today, I was on a dinner date. Went really well. She said she was excited to have date number two. It came to paying. I went up to pay. Turned around. She had gone. Number blocked. FML

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By kewlio45 - United States

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to Home Depot because the lamp I'd bought there a few days ago was missing a part, and I wanted to get one that was complete. They wouldn't change it because it wasn't complete, and the policy said they wouldn't change anything that wasn't complete. FML

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By mel_bear_ - United Kingdom

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Rowville

Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML

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By hatboxghost - United States

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of santa is to a co-worker, and how every parent should tell the truth to their kids. The intercom microphone was on. I single handily told a group of 100 six year olds that santa was not real. FML

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By Noname - Australia

Today, I did my work, the work of my co-worker who called in sick and the work of my boss who has no idea what the hell is going on all at the same time. I didn't get a promotion because I don't work hard enough. FML

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By FaceTime issues - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

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By Xibalba - 1/9/2020 14:02

F*** my overweight life

Today, my 5-year-old daughter drew a picture of our family. A typical drawing for a 5-year-old. Sticks and straws. One had two round shapes on its chest. "Is that mommy and is that one me?" I asked. "No daddy," she said. "You’re this one," she said while pointing out the one with boobs. FML

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By Kimberlie - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't let me move into his new apartment with him. It turns out his other girlfriend had already moved in. FML

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By oliviakelly25 - United States

Today, three months after finally ending a long relationship with the love of my life because he was cheating on me, we are now seeing each other again. And cheating on our new significant others with each other. FML

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By Bob smith - Australia

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

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By peacock_mina19 - United States

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

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By Dogmom

Today, I couldn’t tell that my puppy had an upset stomach before I left for work. I came home to her covered in shit inside her crate. After cleaning her up and almost being done with the mess, my husband found where she had tried to lick herself clean and then vomited it up in our bedroom. FML

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By Chels - United States

Today, the ex I still have feelings for made a post on Facebook announcing her two month anniversary with her boyfriend. She broke up with me less than two weeks ago. FML

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By Kristache - Canada

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

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By Rydia - 31/10/2020 05:01

Love is in the air

Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML

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By no name

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

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By PrinceJ

Today, my girlfriend's homophobic cousin claimed she saw me making out with my gay friend in public. I was home alone all day, but my girlfriend is crying and unconvinced. FML

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By Party Pooper - United States

Today, my housemates are throwing a huge house party to celebrate finishing their finals. It's 4:30am and people are still arriving. I have my last final in 3 hours. FML

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By loving wife - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

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By TheDarth - United States - Bedford

Today, it's got to the point where my parents have to force me to plan social outings. FML

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By coffeeshopgirl - United Kingdom

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

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By RebekahBrooke - United States

Today, I started my first day as a waitress. After getting my ass slapped, drinks and food spilled over me, and being tripped by a bratty kid, my tips were stolen. FML

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By jesus christ - United States

Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one of my good friends confided in me about the affair she is having with our boss. She'd been sleeping with him for 3 months and told me they were in love, but it had to be kept quiet due to our company's very strict anti-fraternization policy . I'd been secretly seeing him all year. FML

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By Court - United States

Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML

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By s13495 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, I had my first interview in over a year. I panicked and passed out. FML

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By Takegami - United States - Norge

Today, I realized how alone I truly was when I caught myself talking to a podcast. FML

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By Humiliated & Heart-Broken - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

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By someone - Denmark

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment were working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

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By Mandy - United Kingdom

Today, I was drunk at my nan's birthday party. My boyfriend texted me asking if I could go out, to which I replied "No, I'm at my nan's house." He then dumped me, calling me a 'cheating whore.' I was confused, until I realised I'd misspelt nan and said "No, I'm at my man's house." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - East Orange

Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hudsonville

Today, a girl told me she couldn't text me anymore, because she was too tired and had to sleep. Over the next three hours, she updated her Facebook and Twitter accounts, and made a YouTube video of herself singing. FML

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By Wtffmlfs

Modern Family

Today, I dawned on me that my step-dad, who cheated on and is now divorcing my mom, is my favorite family member. FML

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By angel grace

Today, I woke up feeling ill. My mom sent me to school anyway, and grounded me for "lying" about being sick. As soon as I got to school, I began vomiting blood. FML

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By peppergirl

Sewing project

Today, I was doing a sewing project in class. My friend said we should get the teachers to model our designs. I said that I did not think I would have enough material to make clothes for one of the teachers. I said this in front of the whole class very loudly, while the teacher was right next to me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML

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Top comments

By kelliecraine | 2

#6694342 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:19

A rule as a beginner is to start out slow. You need to use 2 - 5 lb weights before you move to 10lb weights.

By Tripartita | 44

#6694343 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:30

On the upside, you can sell the rights to your FML to be used as the worst super villain origin story.

"We can reverse the process that left you horribly disfigured! If you just let the hostages go, we will develop a serum for your affliction!"

"What? Oh, no, I just dropped a weight on my face while trying to work out."

"…"

COMMENTS

By johnjingleheimer | 13

#6694340 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:16

Do you even lift?

By ravenb61 | 10

#6694341 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:17

No pain no gain?

By kelliecraine | 2

#6694342 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:19

A rule as a beginner is to start out slow. You need to use 2 - 5 lb weights before you move to 10lb weights.

By Tripartita | 44

#6694343 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:30

On the upside, you can sell the rights to your FML to be used as the worst super villain origin story.

"We can reverse the process that left you horribly disfigured! If you just let the hostages go, we will develop a serum for your affliction!"

"What? Oh, no, I just dropped a weight on my face while trying to work out."

"…"

Reply

_Adog2645 | 24

#6694350 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:46

yep

By enxhi96 | 21

#6694344 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:36

That must have been quite the eventful workout for you... seriously though, sounds painful. Feel better op

By fmyinternet | 13

#6694349 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:46

Green and stitches... It's a bit early to dress up as Frankenstein... Hopefully you make a full recovery!

By wanted_2_want | 40

#6694351 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:49

No no no. You were supposed to drop the other kind of weight.

The one that's attached to your body. Not on your hands.

Reply

Hooorror | 15

#6694512 - Friday 23 September 2016 22:28

Why the down votes? I thought this was really good

By Lillysar91 | 20

#6694354 - Friday 23 September 2016 16:01

Ouch i feel your pain! Hope you make a quick recovery! Don't despair and start slow and easy.

By tyrianLftw | 6

#6694363 - Friday 23 September 2016 16:30

well I'd say the lesson here is to put down the weights and pick up some chipotle!

By kakabalo | 17

#6694367 - Friday 23 September 2016 16:45

wish u a quick recovery OP... go easy on weights while u r at it