Health: Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten... - FML

By Rowaelin16 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten minutes into it, I dropped a 10-pound dumbbell on my face. I now have a horrific looking black eye, and half of my cheek is a mottled green color. Not to mention the cut above my eye that needed 4 stitches. FML

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You tried

Modern Family

Freshman blues

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to get to class at 9:00 to take a test. I woke up at 6:00, and figured I could wait a few minutes before getting ready. The next thing I knew, it was 10:30. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom - Watford

Horrendous website content

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after she found a disgusting and perverted porn site on my internet history. What was this site? Reddit. FML

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By shh - United States - Scottsdale

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

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By skitzobiatch69 - Australia

Today, after being cut out of the car, on the way to hospital in the ambulance, we were involved in another accident. FML

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By SoDamnBroke - South Africa

Today, I secured a tender for my boss, earning her 1/4 million in profits. Today is also meant to be pay-day for us, but my boss is too busy dealing with the tender to pay her employees. So essentially, I made my boss rich while remaining broke and in debt. FML

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By nipped - Australia

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML

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By Chipper

Today, my girlfriend and I were laying in bed. She rolled over and began rubbing my chest. She then said, "Wow babe those are a solid B-cup." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Hat Up

Today, my partner was sent 450 miles away by the army, after he had been home for only 22 hours. Yesterday they told him he could come home for 2 weeks. I guess the British army doesn't want me to be happy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was running the track at my school. My crush of two years was running in front of me, so I decided to catch up and finally talk to her. When I caught up, the only thing I could think to say was, "What's your name?" even though I already knew. She replied, "Natalie". Her name is Melissa. FML

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By wtf

Get out

Today, I came back to my boyfriend's house where I've been staying to find all my things thrown outside, ruined, including my entire CD collection, textbooks and clothes cut up. All because I had left my phone there and had got a text from a guy saying, "Hi, how have you been?" FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2021 14:58 - United States - Bothell

Check yourself

Today, the dorm above me had their toilet pipe break and leak through my ceiling, so I have to move rooms. The worst part was I answered the door to let the repairman in while I was in pajamas, but he looked uncomfortable. I didn't notice until he left that my 'thing' was poking out. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I found out my ex just got engaged to a girl he met 3 months ago, shortly before he ended our 5 year relationship. His reason for breaking up was that he didn't believe in marriage and couldn't be with someone who wanted to get married. Right. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got my very first paycheck of $129 for over 40 hours of work. I got paid roughly $3.00 an hour. Alaska minimum is $9.50 per hour, and my HR office is refusing to answer my calls. FML

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By secretdeo - United States

Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML

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By Joe Lizen - United States - New Lenox

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

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By probably_the_ex_now - United States

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML

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By Rar - United States - Palatine

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Applecross

Today, my daughter asked me how long she had to put her 2-minute noodles in the microwave for. FML

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By haramara - 25/5/2021 17:01

Stress test

Today, while driving on the streets for the first time, my mom decided that it would be an appropriate time to yell at me for every single mistake I’ve ever made in my life. This stressed me out so much I began driving against traffic. FML

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By dumbasdogshit - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

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By veethebee

Today, I parked in the parking lot at work feeling like I had to sneeze. As I was walking in, the sneeze finally came. Apparently, my nose was bleeding so when I sneezed, blood got all over the floor and my brand new work clothes. FML

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By please stop singing!!!! - United States - Windermere

Today, I got to spend 4 hours on a bus with a group of selfie-taking teenagers who spent the majority of the time trying to harmonize while singing various songs. I'm pretty sure half of them were tone deaf. FML

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By user210 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got really excited that he'd broken his own record; he can now last a full 2 minutes in bed. FML

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By kandi - Philippines

Today, while at the bakeshop, I got bored waiting in line so I decided to sit on the glass case protecting cupcakes. Turns out there was no glass. I had to pay $50 to cover all the mess and had to walk out of the bakeshop with icing all over my butt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Mystery

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy several years ago. I've been faithful the whole time, but he wouldn't believe me, even after I showed him that vasectomies can reverse themselves. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I found out how it feels to have a car door slammed shut on my hand, breaking two of my fingers. Hint: it's fucking painful. FML

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By sauce - United States

Today, after months of looking, my fiancé and I finally signed a lease. We are using my savings to pay for it. This apparently poses a "moral dilemma" for my in-laws who think we should wait to be married. I'm paying for an apartment I'm not allowed to live in. FML

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By Violet - Australia

Today, I realised that what I had thought was my dad's default state for the past 17 years is actually his drunken state. FML

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By thatoneperson - United States

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

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By badtiming - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I received a rejection letter from a job I desperately wanted. Yesterday, the job offer I'd been stalling on in while waiting for news about this one expired. FML

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By Paul Rushing

Panic buying? What panic buying?

Today, at the supermarket where I work, we had at least 40 people waiting outside for us to open our doors at 7:00 a.m. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, for the nth time, my father reminded me that I should study things related to the "real" world, as if I was studying theology, astrology or something. I'm studying for a master's degree in physics. FML

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By disfordiploma - United States

Today, I found out that I'm failing this semester because I've missed too many classes. I've missed the classes because I've been having panic attacks, a symptom of my anxiety disorder. I got the anxiety disorder because I was so afraid of failing school. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said "avada kedavra". She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML

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By Shan007tjuuh - Netherlands

Today, I got up at 4:30 am, went to my job as the newspaper guy. Nobody was there to open the door, it was raining and I was freezing. I decided to wait, because I really wanted my salary. At 6 o'clock my boss opens the door and says, "Oh, it's you. Well, you're fired. We can't pay you anymore." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

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Top comments

By kelliecraine | 2

#6694342 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:19

A rule as a beginner is to start out slow. You need to use 2 - 5 lb weights before you move to 10lb weights.

By Tripartita | 44

#6694343 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:30

On the upside, you can sell the rights to your FML to be used as the worst super villain origin story.

"We can reverse the process that left you horribly disfigured! If you just let the hostages go, we will develop a serum for your affliction!"

"What? Oh, no, I just dropped a weight on my face while trying to work out."

"…"

COMMENTS

By johnjingleheimer | 13

#6694340 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:16

Do you even lift?

By ravenb61 | 10

#6694341 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:17

No pain no gain?

By kelliecraine | 2

#6694342 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:19

A rule as a beginner is to start out slow. You need to use 2 - 5 lb weights before you move to 10lb weights.

By Tripartita | 44

#6694343 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:30

On the upside, you can sell the rights to your FML to be used as the worst super villain origin story.

"We can reverse the process that left you horribly disfigured! If you just let the hostages go, we will develop a serum for your affliction!"

"What? Oh, no, I just dropped a weight on my face while trying to work out."

"…"

Reply

_Adog2645 | 24

#6694350 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:46

yep

By enxhi96 | 21

#6694344 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:36

That must have been quite the eventful workout for you... seriously though, sounds painful. Feel better op

By fmyinternet | 13

#6694349 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:46

Green and stitches... It's a bit early to dress up as Frankenstein... Hopefully you make a full recovery!

By wanted_2_want | 40

#6694351 - Friday 23 September 2016 15:49

No no no. You were supposed to drop the other kind of weight.

The one that's attached to your body. Not on your hands.

Reply

Hooorror | 15

#6694512 - Friday 23 September 2016 22:28

Why the down votes? I thought this was really good

By Lillysar91 | 20

#6694354 - Friday 23 September 2016 16:01

Ouch i feel your pain! Hope you make a quick recovery! Don't despair and start slow and easy.

By tyrianLftw | 6

#6694363 - Friday 23 September 2016 16:30

well I'd say the lesson here is to put down the weights and pick up some chipotle!

By kakabalo | 17

#6694367 - Friday 23 September 2016 16:45

wish u a quick recovery OP... go easy on weights while u r at it