Work: Today, in an attempt to lower my stress and anxiety, I tried... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 256

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 123

10/11/2015 05:52

Today, in an attempt to lower my stress and anxiety, I tried out an anti-stress coloring page on my phone. I couldn't get the color to evenly fill inside the lines and it stressed me out even more, to the point where I started crying at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 064

You deserved it 3 749

Sorry…

Wise kid

You tried

02/02/2015 00:43

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 975

You deserved it 2 970

30/07/2011 00:31

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 347

You deserved it 4 149

15/03/2009 04:45

Spicy

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 461

You deserved it 42 610

01/07/2011 07:41

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 128

You deserved it 3 958

18/05/2016 20:00

Today, I went shopping on my only day off. The only aisle open was self-checkout. I'm a cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 916

You deserved it 1 749

25/09/2015 13:46

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a love letter during class and told him to read it when he got home. He texted me later asking me why I gave him my school assignment. I must have handed the love letter in to my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 283

You deserved it 7 726

06/12/2009 03:37

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 810

You deserved it 38 247

10/05/2016 12:56

Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 594

You deserved it 1 043

06/05/2017 16:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my husband when the pores on his forehead triggered my trypophobia. We had to stop before I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 970

You deserved it 1 701

14/05/2010 04:33

Today, after taking a pregnancy test and carefully disposing of all the evidence so no one would find out, I realized I left the receipt for it on the bathroom counter. I noticed too late as I watch my mom step out of the bathroom, and my step-father go in right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 071

You deserved it 32 280

26/02/2014 09:45

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 414

You deserved it 37 789

10/03/2013 07:41

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 661

You deserved it 41 548

28/08/2011 08:27

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pounds father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 642

You deserved it 3 229

Strange metric

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 01:57

Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 1 396

Man spitting truth bombs over here

By Robert - 19/11/2020 08:08

Today, I found out my cat had died overnight at the vet's. She died alone in the dark, in a cage. Meanwhile, Donald Trump, an old, narcissistic, overweight sack of shit, survived COVID with millions of tax payer dollars in healthcare. I'd rather my cat had been the one to live; at least she made life nicer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 946

31/12/2013 20:11

Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent the whole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 017

You deserved it 10 100

26/05/2016 14:06

Today, I finally tested out my new robot vacuum cleaner. My puppy decided she would test it out too by leaving a brown surprise for it to find, which it did. There are now brown marks in every room of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 935

You deserved it 1 635

31/08/2012 10:16

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to try to serenade me by throwing rocks at my window and singing a song about how much he loves me. This would have been extremely sweet if he would have gotten my window instead of my dad's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 716

You deserved it 2 374

25/03/2016 03:12

Today, I explained to my five year-old son that the dinosaurs were wiped out because of a meteorite that hit our planet. He replied, "They should've stood out of the way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 342

You deserved it 4 354

03/08/2009 11:45

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 358

You deserved it 3 761

Get Lucky, sound of the summer

By ashamed - 25/11/2015 15:50

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 843

You deserved it 2 362

20/06/2011 15:57

Spicy

Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 552

You deserved it 4 250

25/07/2010 06:17

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 021

You deserved it 3 555

Break up

By natrat222 - 26/11/2019 20:00

Today, I decided to eat a whole tub of blueberries before seeing a guy I've been hooked up with for a year and a half. While giving a blow job, I ended throwing up the blueberries right before he came. He left immediately, deleted me on Snapchat and told me I need to get checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 568

You deserved it 1 055

No good deed goes unpunished

By Anonymous - 07/06/2020 23:00

Today, I went in for my first day of work. I told them three months in advance that I was going away for 2 weeks to build a school in a third world country. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 346

03/05/2015 00:08

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 297

You deserved it 3 107

02/02/2013 12:08

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 438

You deserved it 22 376

15/01/2013 02:28

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 531

You deserved it 4 101

05/06/2009 16:56

Today, I was with my 14 year old son when we saw a baby sparrow being attacked by four or five blackbirds. We rushed up, waving our arms and scared away the much bigger attackers. The baby sparrow ran toward us for protection, then went past both of us and ran straight down a storm sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 787

You deserved it 4 462

Stuck

By lilou - 03/01/2009 01:22

Today, at 7 a.m., I ended up outside in a nightdress, barefoot and in the rain. I've just found out that my two-year-old son now knows how to close the patio door, which of course, has no outside door handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 673

You deserved it 3 876

Graded

By df22 - 03/07/2020 20:08

Today, I got my language final exam back. It was a 10-page essay front and back, and I saw that I received a D. The teacher told me the plot was too hard to follow and it jumped all over the place. It turns out he forgot to read the back of every page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 853

You deserved it 131

22/07/2016 22:01

Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 889

You deserved it 1 109

04/01/2016 06:59

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 457

You deserved it 2 668

13/11/2015 18:07

Today, I got my laptop back after lending it to my friend. It wouldn't boot, and after investigating I found out it'd been stripped of its hard drive and all its memory. When I confronted my "friend", he accused me of lying and trying to ruin his reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 385

You deserved it 2 574

25/10/2008 16:56

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 979

You deserved it 10 204

14/03/2010 23:23

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 773

You deserved it 2 429

04/06/2013 06:47

Today, during a series of violent sneezes due to a cold, I bit my tongue. My tongue is now so swollen I cannot close my mouth and am drooling profusely. I have to get ready to go to my job as a cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 908

You deserved it 3 924

14/05/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 642

You deserved it 207

17/04/2016 20:33

Today, while walking down the street I thought it would be funny to moon a crowd of old people taking a photo, in a few seconds a couple of them started pointing in my direction... Turns out they were pointing at the car that ran me over shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 809

You deserved it 36 047

05/11/2010 21:09

Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 634

You deserved it 5 337

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Top comments

MegaExplosives 17

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:19

I heard that music is good for relieving stress. maybe you shouls give it a try.

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:23

I always find a repetitive motion helpful, something like swimming or drumming my fingers on the table. Maybe try out those? :)

Comments

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:19

Get Xanax

MegasaurusRex89 28

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:32

Or an actual coloring book...

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 18:29

The real deal is very relaxing. OP should try it.

MegaExplosives 17

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:19

I heard that music is good for relieving stress. maybe you shouls give it a try.

DaRito 25

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 13:36

Post-rock helps for me, especially Godspeed You! Black Emperor

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:20

Might I suggest a stress ball. There's just something so cathartic about squeezing the life out of a squishy ball.

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:23

I always find a repetitive motion helpful, something like swimming or drumming my fingers on the table. Maybe try out those? :)

Accurate_Vision 31

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:25

Wow! What a colourful day! :) Okay, in all seriousness, that sucks. Maybe you should consider seeing a therapist of some sort, as they are trained to help with this kind of thing. Also, calming music can help. I wish you luck, OP, hopefully you'll lower your stress and anxiety soon. That stuff can be a larger problem than some people think.

Cads1 24

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:25

Seek help now.

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:56

I agree. This is the point when you should talk to someone for help.

AwesomeBlossom16 6

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 16:01

Yes. There is no shame in asking for help. It's a hard first step to take, but once you do, there is so much relief. Please take care of yourself! You deserve it! :-)

ashleighmay18 21

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:29

Nice long walks always do the trick for me!

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:31

Try using the colouring books for adults. Much better for lowering stress and anxiety than then apps :)

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 16:56

There's just something different about an actual physical coloring book as opposed to an app. I color in class to help me focus on lectures(: Good luck OP I hope it gets better for you(:

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:21

I didn't know apps even existed. I can't imagine any phone capable of doing a decent job. It'd need to be tablet sized, with a pin point stylus. I'm not sure why anyone would even attempt on anything less.

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Sunday 22 November 2015 19:05

Some apps only let you color inside the lines ;b

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:32

Soothing music help.

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:40

"Woossah"