Miscellaneous: Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased...

By hearingthings - 26/06/2012 02:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 161

You deserved it 6 494

Miscellaneous

Stop talking!

New life

So that makes it alright?

By Anon - 01/05/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I had woken up very excited to celebrate my 21st birthday. I roll over in bed and ask my boyfriend if we can go out to the park to have a picnic, considering the lovely weather. He looked up at me and said, "You wish I loved you that much." He rolled back over and slept until 3 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 537

You deserved it 9 295

Out of it

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 04:01

Today, after my girlfriend had a nightmare this morning, I stayed home because she has really bad anxiety issues. A couple of hours later, she's pissed because I said I would stay up, but I fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 191

By quick blow - 16/05/2012 02:53 - United States

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 833

You deserved it 7 311

By quickfingers100 - 22/07/2011 13:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 774

You deserved it 10 676

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 14:26 - Italy - Bologna

Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 861

You deserved it 1 252

By lonelyguy - 28/11/2009 03:02 - Puerto Rico

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 758

You deserved it 8 030

By abbacjt - 16/01/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex father in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 749

You deserved it 26 590

By idontknowwhatiamdoing - 15/04/2014 04:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 323

You deserved it 12 597

By gold3nshow3r - 09/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 508

You deserved it 420

By radioactiveglowinthedarkthing - 10/10/2011 19:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my friend with me for a radiology scan. While I was getting injections, my friend muttered, "On the bright side, if you die, you'll glow in the dark at the funeral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 105

You deserved it 3 568

Gone but not forgotten

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 18:01 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I received an email saying, "Thinking of you and hoping you are taking care." It was from the love of my life. We broke up 20 years ago. Previously, we had contact every 5+ years. It's just too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 115

By liilii - 30/08/2014 16:40 - India - Trivandrum

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 638

You deserved it 6 667

By Anonymous - 06/04/2014 19:37

Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 705

You deserved it 3 497

By Anna - 02/07/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, I called back a number I recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was the number of my boyfriend's fiancé. I've been with him 4 years, he's been with her for 6. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 017

You deserved it 4 945

By Ihatemyjob - 18/03/2013 03:14 - United States - Vermilion

Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 550

You deserved it 3 105

By totallymyfaultyeah - 18/07/2017 05:00

Today, it was my 23rd birthday. I didn't make it to my party because I was rear-ended on the way there by a 16-year-old in a red mustang going 50+ mph. My birthday cake landed in my lap and I was yelled at by his mother for getting chocolate icing on their insurance card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 866

You deserved it 305

Cook out

By zazadudu - 23/12/2008 06:47 - France

Today, I wore myself out cooking, preparing tasty little dishes for my sweetheart. I heard him arrive and shout as he came up the stairs, "Stinks of shit in here! Have you been cooking?" I threw everything in the trash. We'll eat sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 911

You deserved it 3 944

By Good_old_Grim - 23/02/2010 07:56 - Latvia

Today, I went to move my girlfriend's car. I failed to notice that the snow packed under the front bumper is actually ice. After a bit of struggle I managed to move the car. The bumper, however, is now a separate entity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 673

You deserved it 6 780

By shadowmuppet - 31/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned the joy of getting a brand new leather jacket and then watching my date drunkenly throw up all over my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 582

You deserved it 548

By leigh2812 - 05/01/2010 22:03 - France

Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 727

You deserved it 14 427

By sam - 26/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 3 532

By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 15:09 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 544

You deserved it 3 110

Birthday Girl

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I got just three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office, to sing me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412 507

You deserved it 21 708

By vanessax - 11/04/2012 05:04 - United States - Crown Point

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 251

You deserved it 23 076

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 615

You deserved it 5 231

By jumbledgirl - 10/01/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my teacher started talking about me quietly to the stuffed cat, called Rufus, that she keeps on her desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 376

You deserved it 2 469

Sorry sweaty

By smellychick - 14/03/2018 11:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for being a "cheating whore" when he found men’s deodorant in my bathroom cabinet. I just have abnormally strong B.O. and men’s deodorant works better for me. According to him, "No girl sweats that much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 188

You deserved it 289

By Ihatecleaning - 14/01/2017 12:00

Today, I found out from the doctor that I have a concussion. Was it from a wicked sports injury? No, my idiot brother decided to judo kick the door open while I was on the floor vacuuming the front carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 213

You deserved it 527

By Anonymous - 30/06/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, I actually resorted to checking the newspaper obituaries to see where the deceased were employed, just so I can find a job opening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 319

You deserved it 5 390

Bear of a man

By Marcus Whitfield - 14/03/2020 15:00

Today, I came to the unsettling realisation that the 2XL jacket that was originally 3 sizes too big for me is now a perfect fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 451

By Dopamin3 - 20/03/2019 12:00

Today, driving to a conference 2 hours away a giant piece of ice fell off a truck and did severe damage to my car hood and busted the front light. The car was a few months old with around 5000 miles on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 171

You deserved it 140

By Happyunlucky - 20/07/2013 06:31 - United States - Andover

Today, I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 804

You deserved it 3 334

By m0m - 04/03/2016 14:01 - Belgium - Brasschaat

Today, I had to explain to my 27 year-old sister why a stainless steel fork isn't a good toy for my 8 month-old baby. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 981

You deserved it 1 655

By ByeByeBlackberry - 07/09/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 712

You deserved it 57 147

By riiiight - 29/01/2014 22:14 - United States - Warren

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 318

You deserved it 5 837

By JC - 22/10/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 700

You deserved it 39 854

By Dlpnlvr85 - 10/07/2016 18:43 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I woke up to find some really weird stuff in my bed. We just got back from vacation in Florida, and my husband burned really bad. I woke up to his peeled off skin all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 503

You deserved it 827

By sisco2901 - 22/01/2012 09:12 - Slovakia

Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 278

You deserved it 5 281

By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 19:31 - United States - Cloquet

Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 217

You deserved it 1 553

By Stephen - 24/03/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 230

You deserved it 3 890

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Top comments

loserboii 11

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 8:58

You should probably drink a little(or a lot) less.

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:06

I'm sorry about your mother, OP. But I hear it isn't uncommon to want to be contacted or given a sign from a dead loved one, drunk or not. Don't feel too bad.

bozly 4

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 8:57

First

retyi43 14

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:02

first to comment, last to get laid

redpickle 1

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:03

No. Just no.

loserboii 11

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 8:58

You should probably drink a little(or a lot) less.

1PaulyD 9

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:13

And op could use a good night rest too, try to take it easy

drewnewton 0

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:17

drinking ain't the answer I've seen loved ones go drunk for days over the loss of a loved one

6tori6 5

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 17:08

I moderated this one:)

zandalee 19

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:05

Awww sorry for your loss. If you meditate (while sober) you have more of a chance of getting messages from your Mum. X

AnyaS 19

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:58

0% is not really "more of a chance."

zandalee 19

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 10:34

Tried it?

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:06

I'm sorry about your mother, OP. But I hear it isn't uncommon to want to be contacted or given a sign from a dead loved one, drunk or not. Don't feel too bad.

Javalounge 0

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:13

Aw, this one's actually a bit sweet. Sorry about your mum though x

123josie123 11

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:26

Yeah this is the first FML that made me go "aww" :). I'm sorry for your loss OP it'll get better ;)

MidnaLink 33

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 17:12

17- First one? You mean none of the ones where the OP realized they had a cheating spouse caught your attention?

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 19:35

How is catching a cheating spouse sweet? Not "aww" as in "aw, man, that sucks ass".

taviwuzup 0

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Saturday 30 June 2012 15:05

Really dude

DeLpHe3zY 7

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:13

You should probably stop the drinking look to other healthy outings. Sorry about your loss

yoursucklives 36

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:14

time to quit drinking!

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:21

It sounds like OP is probably drinking because they're depressed beyond belief because of their mother's death. That's just my humble opinion, though.

DespairFaction 11

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:16

Join the neighbors party man, they are most likely playing beerpong. On a serious note I'm sorry that you lost your mother. I imagine that as one of the hardest things to deal with. You should consider getting counseling or talking to some friends instead of drinking.

AugustBurnsToast 14

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:22

Must have been pretty frustrating. It shows that alcohol is just a cover up and can be misleading. Do something that you think would make her proud, you'll feel a lot closer to her.

vocaloidtiger 12

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:22

I'm sorry, OP. I can imagine losing your mother is very hard. Getting 'signs' could happen even when you're sober though, although I'm again sorry that it was a false alarm. Feel better, OP. hope the pain ebbs eventually.