Health: Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 38

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 135

02/06/2013 04:36

Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have to use the prize money to repair the tendon I tore in the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 891

You deserved it 15 797

Hiding from the drama

Walk on the wild side

That took a dark turn…

12/11/2015 04:11

Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 703

You deserved it 1 452

12/10/2015 02:02

Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 928

You deserved it 1 645

01/08/2015 17:17

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 761

You deserved it 2 069

09/10/2014 10:27

Spicy

Today, I found my first grey hair. How? My boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 174

You deserved it 3 859

27/01/2010 14:05

Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 665

You deserved it 4 344

07/12/2009 05:31

Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 005

You deserved it 41 926

15/01/2011 05:15

Today, we got a speeding ticket in the mail with my drunk daughter's picture on it. She was waving at the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 477

You deserved it 5 336

07/04/2013 18:52

Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 539

You deserved it 5 856

30/08/2009 16:40

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 772

You deserved it 8 382

15/02/2013 18:50

Today, my mum got the idea of switching to a different dishwashing detergent. The new one is so strong that it coats all the dishes in a nauseating perfume-like smell. It's so pungent that it gets absorbed into everything we eat or drink. She's determined to use up the entire bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 109

You deserved it 2 311

The curse

By Ahh - 14/08/2020 23:02

Today, as usual, my period cramps got go bad that I can't eat or drink without taking a pain killer, and end up puking and passing out if I take a pain killer before I eat. Here's to 30 smooth years yet to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 102

26/08/2012 05:46

Spicy

Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 862

You deserved it 3 886

06/12/2011 21:01

Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 042

You deserved it 3 210

Who's Afraid of Red, Yellow and Blue

By Anonymous - 28/09/2020 08:08

Today, I spent almost two hours drawing a scenery. I was tired halfway in and took a break. Came back to my room to see it getting scribbled on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 99

28/03/2012 05:30

Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 828

You deserved it 22 250

22/07/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 2 247

29/06/2011 12:59

Today, my boss yelled at me for ruining the report she was supposed to write with my "terrible spelling and grammar". I've checked it thoroughly, and all of her 'corrections' are wrong. She doesn’t believe me, and is refusing to look at a dictionary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 616

You deserved it 2 735

24/08/2009 04:49

Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 452

You deserved it 47 706

29/12/2014 02:49

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 204

You deserved it 17 883

27/02/2010 19:03

Today, I brought my best friend to my uncle's birthday party. We were having a great time until my grandmother walked up to us and said to me, "You sure have a nice looking boyfriend." My friend is a girl. She has cancer and lost all of her hair due to chemotherapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 699

You deserved it 2 383

27/11/2015 02:32

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 112

You deserved it 1 499

09/04/2012 08:28

Today, I thought it would be funny to pee on a small bug in the toilet. A much larger bug thought it would be funny to fly into my eye while I was doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 952

You deserved it 36 900

21/08/2009 20:44

Today, I found out that my Mom had taken out a loan out on my car from the repo man taking my car away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 902

You deserved it 2 454

05/09/2014 16:17

Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 920

You deserved it 3 876

07/12/2012 05:46

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 972

You deserved it 4 834

04/06/2019 06:00

Today, I learned how to make my fridge colder. I felt that what it was set on felt a little warmer than normal, so I turned it down. Now everything in my fridge is frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 1 645

16/08/2012 06:33

Today, my mom asked me if I had any plans to go out tonight. To divert attention, I pretended to be angry and accused her of prying into my social life. Actually, I have no social life and nobody to go out with. My only "big plans" were to finish my Sudoku book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 119

You deserved it 24 114

Far out, man

By PickedOff - 27/04/2012 08:22

Today, I was worried about my brother because he said that his new medication was making him hallucinate. I told him he should see a doctor right away. He said it was fine and that he had already seen a doctor. I later found out the doctor he was talking about was a hallucination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 022

You deserved it 2 597

Badass over here

By Morgan - 12/09/2020 23:01

Today, my sister burned herself on purpose with a curling iron. Why? She thought it would be cool to have a scar that "tells a story." My sister is 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 120

03/03/2009 16:20

Spicy

Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 886

You deserved it 6 677

Debate bro

By Anonymous - 23/01/2021 14:00

Today, I realized my boyfriend never argues with me when I'm right, but goes to great lengths when I'm not. As a result, in the five years we've been together, he has won every single argument we ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 1 687

18/12/2013 17:47

Spicy

Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 288

You deserved it 16 890

14/07/2009 02:16

Today, my fiancé and I toured our dream home. I was so excited about it that I posted all kinds of pictures of it on Facebook. My boss's daughter just called and said she loved my pictures so much she made an offer on the house. We were 1 week away from making an offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 018

You deserved it 34 063

16/03/2016 01:19

Today, a little girl locked all the stalls in the girls' bathroom where I work and crawled under the doors. I then had to crawl around on the bathroom floor in order to unlock the doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 348

You deserved it 1 269

09/01/2010 00:10

Today, I found out the best way to communicate with my boyfriend, who is obsessed with farmville, is by placing a "sign post" on his farm. Not sending text, email, or calling, but placing a message on his imaginary farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 852

You deserved it 4 350

07/05/2013 07:29

Spicy

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 058

You deserved it 13 419

02/05/2015 18:39

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 948

You deserved it 3 951

13/11/2018 05:00

Today, I was denied an animal adoption because I said "babies" instead of "kittens". Apparently that means I'm not serious about pet ownership. What?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 987

You deserved it 379

Bladdered

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 14:31

Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 1 233

20/06/2009 19:08

Today, my girlfriend and I were exchanging some naughty pictures. I accidentally sent one to everybody on my contacts, including my ex, my boss, and even Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 320

You deserved it 72 838

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:28

I guess you could say you're ripped

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:34

Just remember, it's better to have a torn tendon than a prolapsed anus in a weight lifting competion. It's still a win! Good luck OP!

Comments

kittenmeownyan 18

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:27

You can have the pride of winning as your prize!

xlord 27

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:56

Screw the pride, I'd rather have money. That's why I worked at McDonald's when I was younger :(

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 13:59

OP would still have his money if they had free health care!

ColdplaySucks 18

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 17:30

He/She*

DyslexicPanda 12

Send a private message

Monday 3 June 2013 8:10

What I wanna know is how he still won...?

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:28

I guess you could say you're ripped

Send a private message

Tuesday 4 June 2013 19:49

Single best comment on FML. Bravo sir.

Send a private message

Wednesday 5 June 2013 20:52

Good pun, yes. Best comment in FML, not even close.

lemmingscanfly 2

Send a private message

Friday 19 July 2013 22:20

Ripped? That doesn't make sense... But also NOT IN CANADA.

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:31

YDI. It's not hard to feel when to stop and when the body can't take it anymore.

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:52

He had to do it for his honor!

Send a private message

Friday 7 June 2013 15:27

Well sometimes due to adrenaline, we don't always feel our muscle tearing. I had a similar experience when I was maxing out on squats and somehow tore my right lat (that's what they told me) without knowing it for a good while. Like #25 said.

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:31

It's like that FML where that guy got a paycheck for $840 and on the way to the bank he broke his suspension, and it would cost $800 to fix.

HoboWithACondom 8

Send a private message

Monday 3 June 2013 21:31

Can I have the link to that?

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:34

Just remember, it's better to have a torn tendon than a prolapsed anus in a weight lifting competion. It's still a win! Good luck OP!

landon_loe11 16

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 15:30

Well that escalated quickly.

CallMeMcFeelii 13

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 21:18

I remember when that happened. It was up at Penn State. Yikes.

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:35

Arm wrestling tournament? Did you guys then beat your chests while uttering primal screams?

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 13:16

What's wrong with arm wrestling? It's fun, I used to arm wrestle my brother and his friends all the time, and I won!

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 13:42

Because arm-wrestling is only for brutes. Good work being close-minded and presumptuous; hopefully that stick doesn't get in the way of you sitting down, unless you like that kind of thing.

ManInTheMachine 19

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 14:36

Let's not agitate them, Pleo. We don't know how good they are at ass-fencing.

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:35

From what i understand this sort of thing happens frequently at arm wrestling tournaments...yeah it sucks but surely you're not surprised!?

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:37

There's a tendon-cy that these things happen, don't worry OP I'm sure you'll but strung back together in no time and rip other people up.

tllom 10

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:51

Yikes! It could've been worse, You'll be fine though! :D Im curious, how much was the prize money? ^_^ Congrats!

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 15:02

"you'll be fine"?? Are you a doctor? I'm not either but but seems like OP will require surgery to repair said "torn" tendon. Perhaps out definitions of "fine" differ.

tllom 10

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 22:08

I actually am! ^_^ It's not the end of the world, simmer down.

Send a private message

Monday 3 June 2013 0:40

Oh. Ok Dr. Nick. My bad. Smh...

Send a private message

Sunday 2 June 2013 12:52

Must've been a pretty tough competition for that to happen, huh? Congratulations anyway