Intimacy: Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my...

By Madeline Lee - 09/04/2012 21:34 - France - Pessac

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 675

You deserved it 3 018

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Same thing different taste

By innocent - 06/01/2015 03:11 - United States

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 063

You deserved it 3 339

By rahrahcakes - 19/03/2012 07:36 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 734

You deserved it 12 790

By Dickhead - 25/11/2011 15:02 - Lebanon

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 539

You deserved it 62 301

Message in a mattress

By FASHlONABLE - 05/04/2010 07:32 - United States

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 304

You deserved it 10 016

By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 21:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 541

You deserved it 2 854

Kinda sweet

By cakegirl - 26/05/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend invited me over, so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom handed me a box. When I got home, I opened it. His mom had baked me a break-up cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 449

You deserved it 3 812

Kinda cute

By anon - 09/09/2013 15:15 - United States - Mantua

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 397

You deserved it 25 995

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 334

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 562

You deserved it 90 878

Thanks for nothing

By John-John - 06/03/2017 15:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 059

You deserved it 447

redbluegreen 40

Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:49

They're just trying to fill all your empty holes.

AlexRen 21

Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:48

Look on the bright side at least the vegetable can't get you pregnant.

Comments

Wow_FYL_BIZNITCH 7

Tuesday 10 April 2012 6:19

I don't think she's supposed to eat it.... Right? ;o

sleet7 4

Tuesday 10 April 2012 6:20

Grab that thing and get busy!

blackheart24 10

Tuesday 10 April 2012 6:40

Sounds like a bad episode of Veggie Tales ****.

ClaremoreZebra 8

Tuesday 10 April 2012 7:09

Haha, run from the nun! Sounds like a drinking game.

purebliss7 6

Tuesday 10 April 2012 7:11

you have one kinky mom...my mom doesnt even know what a ***** is

BrysGirl27 14

Tuesday 10 April 2012 7:18

Hahahahah just not at the table

Complaining 13

Tuesday 10 April 2012 7:30

You shouldn't be that sensitive.

GoldenGrizzly 7

Tuesday 10 April 2012 7:37

I think this is hilarious actually.

pookylousmom 0

Tuesday 10 April 2012 8:05

Lmao! I woulda died of embarrassment if that happened to me.

xIBleedPurplex16 0

Tuesday 10 April 2012 8:12

Moan really loud be like le ohhhhh!

RamenForTheWin 10

Wednesday 11 April 2012 5:03

Add some wall bumping and spring squeaking for extra effect!

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Family Kids Fight Love Relatable Students Work Animals Birds Sleep Noise Mental health Contraception Medication Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Intimacy Sex Food Revenge Cats

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I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 174

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