Intimacy: Today, I woke up to realize that the guy who took my virginity... - FML

By december2009 - 04/01/2010 03:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to realize that the guy who took my virginity last night also took my flat screen TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 747

You deserved it 9 920

And today, on Dr Phil…

Phantom pooper

Stranded

Nice try…

By Anonymous - 18/02/2015 18:06 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 447

You deserved it 64 133

By TheRoad42 - 20/08/2013 12:54 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 638

You deserved it 2 717

By muggle68 - 10/12/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 213

You deserved it 8 444

By Ages ago - 08/05/2019 10:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, two guys robbed me. As I wrestled them on the ground, my best friend just stood next to all this, telling me to give them the money already, or we'd be late for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 217

By Liav - 23/01/2017 12:00

Today, I took my "girlfriend" to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first month anniversary, only to find out she didn't even know we're dating, but only "friends who have sex sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 797

You deserved it 1 654

By Chedder - 26/06/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 924

You deserved it 3 484

By Victor - 09/09/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my last period class. When I woke up my teacher said "you missed your bus". I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the room. My class mates were standing outside the class laughing. We still had an hour left in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 629

You deserved it 59 143

By Username - 01/05/2011 03:16 - United States

Today, the lease on my house ended and I finished moving in with my girlfriend. After everything was moved in, she broke up with me. Hello homelessness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 584

You deserved it 4 137

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 523

You deserved it 15 153

Sometimes the truth is too weird to believe

By fml9124 - 06/06/2021 14:01

Today, my mom grounded me for smoking cigarettes. I'm 13. I don't smoke. She said she smelled it on my clothes. I laughed and said I was in the basement, and used one of my dad's cig's to simulate a house on fire on my train layout. She didn't believe me. Honestly, I wouldn't believe that story either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 478

Vicious circle

By DarkMaskDiva - 21/03/2020 18:00

Today, I found out the medication my doctor gave me for depression is making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 195

By girlshavepenises - 28/06/2011 06:39 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 246

You deserved it 4 232

By Anonymous - 15/11/2017 15:00

Today, the two government buildings on either side of my apartment both started renovations. It will be about two months of constant banging as they cut and put up the steel on both sites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 441

You deserved it 239

By Anonymous - 20/05/2015 16:17 - Cyprus - Paphos

Today, a new employee started at our office. She's about 18, barely does any work, chews gum loudly, has no manners, and happens to sit right next to me. She also threatens to report me for harassment whenever I politely ask her to not bash my chair with the back of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 763

You deserved it 2 258

By smashyonewfloors - 31/08/2013 04:44 - Canada - High River

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 780

You deserved it 2 824

By anon17 - 18/03/2010 13:49 - United States

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had responded to an online missed connection posting. He has been emailing, exchanging pictures and making plans to go out with this girl. We are supposed to be married in the fall and just put down the non-refundable deposit on our reception site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 543

You deserved it 3 250

By kyla - 24/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, while shopping at American Eagle, I found the same "$1,500" wedding ring my fiancé proposed to me with, marked on sale for $10.95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 000

You deserved it 9 575

By ceedee - 24/01/2010 02:14 - United States

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it's worth it... Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 314

You deserved it 25 401

By I'm so sorry... - 01/03/2017 16:00

Today, a coworker left a chocolate cake on the "free food" table in the office. I had a slice. She's just called to ask if she left her grandmother's birthday cake at work. She made it from scratch. Now I'm baking a new cake in the office kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 586

You deserved it 1 492

Does it taste good?

By Oregon - 04/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend was fingering me, he accidentally pulled out my NuvaRing, he then licked it off and placed it back inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 722

You deserved it 494

Drunk twit

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 06:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned if you've slept with your soon to be step-brother, you should tell your family. If you don't, he may blurt it out while drunk at a family barbecue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 612

You deserved it 44 090

By Anonymous - 15/08/2013 19:04 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I had an awful day and angrily threw a glass at the wall. Needless to say, I didn't feel like cleaning it up, and I took a nap, intending to do it later. I thought I would remember the bits of glass everywhere when I woke up. I didn't, but my feet soon did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 557

You deserved it 66 489

By Nonbikerbiker - 08/12/2018 22:00

Today, while enjoying a nice drive on my motorcycle, I got into an accident. I was lucky to have minor injuries, but my bike was totaled. When I got home, I found the driver of the car that hit me sitting in my living room. My partner introduced us by saying, “and this is my gay lover, grandpa.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 110

You deserved it 310

By LaurahLunatic - 05/09/2009 06:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 057

You deserved it 6 006

By THANKS - 19/06/2015 08:37 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, it's my birthday. I had asked my parents for a keyboard, and I was really excited to open the massive box they gave me. It was a computer keyboard. I've been playing piano for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 971

You deserved it 4 586

Grandpa's got game

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I tried out the high-tech eliptical at my gym. The 70-year-old man next to me who was also using one went faster and longer than I did, and unlike me didn't stop for a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 124

You deserved it 1 260

By Anonymous - 29/03/2015 15:17 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 304

You deserved it 7 688

By saywhat - 26/11/2010 03:28 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 224

You deserved it 39 619

By sasha625 - 22/12/2018 14:00

Today, I was running late for work. My windshield had completely frozen over. I didn’t have anything to dissolve the ice..except some coffee I had made 30 minutes earlier. I decided to dump my coffee on my windshield. Instead of dissolving the ice, the creamer froze on entire windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 3 605

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 209

You deserved it 13 784

Nature is harsh

By fallsdownplenty45 - 02/06/2009 11:08 - Taiwan

Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 815

You deserved it 6 702

By Anonymous - 07/03/2011 05:38 - United Kingdom

Today, before setting off on my train journey I checked my booking. The (non-refundable) return date was a week later than I intended, and after buying a new ticket online, I was informed that I would be able to collect it in 2 hours. I leave in an hour. I'll have to pay three times to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 495

You deserved it 12 868

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 17:18 - United States

Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 118

You deserved it 2 964

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 798

You deserved it 2 834

By Anonymous - 15/07/2016 16:14 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 692

You deserved it 3 060

What a catch

By VoodooPriestess - 28/11/2020 14:02

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years responded to my opening up about how I felt like I was always put on the back burner, was to ghost me for a week, and break up via text. Don't worry though, we can still be friends and maybe later, when he's ready, start the relationship again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 171

By Anonymous - 07/09/2010 17:51 - Canada

Today, I was shopping in a store and an employee was mopping the floor. She mopped all around where I was standing then told me to wait until the floor dried to move. I had to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 518

You deserved it 6 388

By Kristina - 18/02/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 929

You deserved it 6 856

Just a movie

By IzzMeister - 15/12/2019 20:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my uncle watching porn. I realized that it was porn featuring my boyfriend, and he told me that the girl in it was "just a friend". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 180

By anonymous - 04/10/2017 20:51

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 417

You deserved it 414

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Monday 4 January 2010 10:57

YDI apparently you should have gotten to know this person who took your virginity a bit better...

fullyhalfempty 0

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Monday 4 January 2010 9:18

I guess he didn't do you for free.

Comments

Ishki 0

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Monday 4 January 2010 9:10

Ouch. FYL

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Thursday 4 February 2010 1:11

nice picture 

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 7:16

YDI for having sex before marriage. Even when you're not married you still deserve it for doing it with someone you don't even know that well.

Oreohugzpenny 4

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Monday 2 July 2012 22:43

#69 If you are really in love with a person and you are not married that is fine. My sister and her boyfriend are in love but not married because they cannot afford a wedding. So if you really love someone it is fine.

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 15:00

U are assuming she wasnt married!

mockingjaygirl16 8

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 4:25

I have to agree with #69. it's supposed to be a special gift that we save until marriage.

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Monday 4 January 2010 9:17

ooooooooo that sux

tinkerbell1357 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 2:57

aww poor u!!!!

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Monday 4 January 2010 9:17

Hahahahaha.... nicely worded.

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Thursday 14 July 2011 12:56

indeed.

fullyhalfempty 0

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Monday 4 January 2010 9:18

I guess he didn't do you for free.

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Tuesday 4 May 2010 19:37

WIN 4 just a win commrnt xD

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Monday 4 January 2010 9:19

that sucks

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Saturday 31 July 2010 13:23

dur!

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Saturday 30 April 2011 19:37

GREEDY BASTARD

pretty_rave_girl_fml 11

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Monday 4 January 2010 9:22

that sux!

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Monday 4 January 2010 9:23

Oh, that was you I did last night? Thanks for the TV. Best tip EVERRRR.

jamie_leeann23 0

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Monday 4 January 2010 9:48

this fml is dumb. they let the stupidest shit on.

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Monday 4 January 2010 9:48

now that one suxs lol hope it wasn't a costly t

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Monday 4 January 2010 9:52

OMFG

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 85

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 87