Intimacy: Today, I woke up to realize that the guy who took my virginity... - FML

By december2009 - United States

Today, I woke up to realize that the guy who took my virginity last night also took my flat screen TV. FML

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The bird

No justice

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By Anonymous - United States - Johnston

Today, after a busy afternoon taking care of the kids, I was feeling really down about only being a mom these days, and I was hoping my husband would make me feel better when he got off work. In the middle of cuddling, he called me "mom." FML

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By no tea parties here, gran - United States

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

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By fail - Australia

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

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By Marion - 14/10/2020 20:01 - United States - Portland

Not invited, I guess

Today, I was talking to a coworker about gender reveal parties, and how dumb and dangerous they're becoming. A nearby coworker then burst into tears and ran out. It appears that she's having one this weekend. FML

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By Anonymous - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, and pretty much every day, my co-worker takes off her shoes while working. The smell of her feet makes me dizzy. I don't know if she's oblivious to the fact that her feet stink, or she just doesn't care. It's affecting the quality of my work. FML

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By XLhottie - United States

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

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By thissucks - United States

Today, after finishing a three-page essay for my spanish class, I went to rip up my brainstorming paper in an act of triumph. After I finished ripping it up, I looked on my desk to see my brainstorming paper fully intact, and my essay torn into bits. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Harbor City

Today, my 70-year-old boss asked me to order sexy lingerie she saw on the cover a magazine. FML

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By wtf - India

Today, it's my birthday. I've been dropping strong hints all year about wanting to learn to tap-dance, hoping for some decent tap shoes. Instead, I got a beekeepers outfit and some furry dice to hang on my wreck of a car's rear-view mirror. FML

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By readytomingle - United States

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

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By FML - United States - Pine Bush

Today, I was at work and a guy walked up holding his phone with the camera facing me. He then looks up at me and says, "I'm not taking a picture of you. I'm just trying to catch a Pokemon." And here I was thinking that I looked nice today. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Crawfordville

Today, I was intently watching my odometer to see it change from 99,999 to 100,000 when I ran into the back of another vehicle. FML

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By winneuse - France - Allennes-les-marais

Today, for the first time since kindergarten, I won! I came first! Yes, I'm first on the waiting list for the M.A. degree I applied to. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

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By spiderwoman - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

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By carl_carl_ - United States - Wichita

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

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By NotMacklemore - Australia - Heidelberg

Today, I went to a thrift store and found heaps of clothes that I loved that fit me perfectly. Then I found a special distinctive dress. My dress. My dad had thrown away heaps of my clothes and I had to buy them all back. FML

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By ummWhat?

Today my car was broken into. The only thing taken were condoms and lighters I had in the glove box. FML

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By hungry hungry harvey - United States

Today, my wife is so determined to keep me on my diet that, as I'm off work for the next week, she has gotten rid of all the food in the house. She has also taken the phones and iPads so I can't order a takeaway, and taken all my trousers so I can't walk to the shops. FML

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By Ashley Youngman

Today, I spent five minutes shaking a bowl of Jello because it looked cool. FML

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By madelynn - United States

Today, this guy I have a huge crush on came with me to my house to study. I was warmly welcomed by my drunken mother laying naked on the floor. FML

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By myeyesburn - Canada

Dangleberries

Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML

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By pleasekillme - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

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By Jack - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

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By benoit - France

Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML

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By Aleksandar Veljović - 25/11/2020 05:01

Interpreter blues

Today, at the hospital, I had to tell someone he was going to die because I was the only one to speak his language. FML

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By thank u usa - Germany

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

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By crub - United States

Today, I had my quarterly review with my supervisor at the warehouse I work at. He told me I was doing great and we discussed my raise. After I left his office, his supervisor told me I was being fired for my attendance. The last time I missed work was to attend a funeral. Five months ago. FML

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By natedudelol

#choices

Today, at the self-checkout, I didn't have enough money for honey, so I just walked out with it and ended up getting caught. Now I have to hold a sign in front of the store wearing a big bumblebee costume. FML

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By broken - United States

Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

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By need new job - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

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By babyfatt - Australia

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

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By sarah4241 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Masterchef

Today, I was making some scrambled eggs. I had the eggs in a pan, stirring for about ten minutes, before I realised that the eggs were cooking very slow. I tried to figure out what was wrong for another few minutes before my grandma pointed out to me that the oven wasn't turned on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my co-worker's birthday but she told me not to mention it. Feeling bad for her, I went out to buy her a card, a present, and even a small cake. It turns out that there was actually a party during our lunch break, and I was the only one in our office not invited. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

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By Embarrassed Swimmer - Australia

Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML

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By gmd05 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

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Top comments

By bcubed | 0

#754517 - Monday 4 January 2010 10:57

YDI apparently you should have gotten to know this person who took your virginity a bit better...

By fullyhalfempty | 0

#754400 - Monday 4 January 2010 9:18

I guess he didn't do you for free.

COMMENTS

By Ishki | 0

#754389 - Monday 4 January 2010 9:10

Ouch. FYL

Reply

chaos753159 | 4

#823046 - Thursday 4 February 2010 1:11

nice picture 

Reply

purple_gurl | 1

#1083151 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 7:16

YDI for having sex before marriage. Even when you're not married you still deserve it for doing it with someone you don't even know that well.

Reply

Oreohugzpenny | 4

#4643469 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:43

#69 If you are really in love with a person and you are not married that is fine. My sister and her boyfriend are in love but not married because they cannot afford a wedding. So if you really love someone it is fine.

Reply

Gringe | 1

#4699576 - Tuesday 17 July 2012 15:00

U are assuming she wasnt married!

Reply

mockingjaygirl16 | 8

#4917967 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 4:25

I have to agree with #69. it's supposed to be a special gift that we save until marriage.

By teehee1234 | 0

#754397 - Monday 4 January 2010 9:17

ooooooooo that sux

Reply

tinkerbell1357 | 0

#915593 - Friday 5 March 2010 2:57

aww poor u!!!!

By saimaali | 0

#754398 - Monday 4 January 2010 9:17

Hahahahaha.... nicely worded.

Reply

zeddeiram | 0

#2889985 - Thursday 14 July 2011 12:56

indeed.

By fullyhalfempty | 0

#754400 - Monday 4 January 2010 9:18

I guess he didn't do you for free.

Reply

My2864 | 1

#988308 - Tuesday 4 May 2010 19:37

WIN 4
just a win commrnt xD

By STYLE_E | 0

#754403 - Monday 4 January 2010 9:19

that sucks

Reply

Zappyyy | 2

#1166440 - Saturday 31 July 2010 13:23

dur!

Reply

flighted | 1

#2435039 - Saturday 30 April 2011 19:37

GREEDY BASTARD

By pretty_rave_girl_fml | 11

#754410 - Monday 4 January 2010 9:22

that sux!

By hoebiscuit | 0

#754413 - Monday 4 January 2010 9:23

Oh, that was you I did last night? Thanks for the TV. Best tip EVERRRR.

By jamie_leeann23 | 0

#754441 - Monday 4 January 2010 9:48

this fml is dumb. they let the stupidest shit on.

By cazares101 | 0

#754442 - Monday 4 January 2010 9:48

now that one suxs lol hope it wasn't a costly t

By phizxe | 0

#754448 - Monday 4 January 2010 9:52

OMFG