Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom.... - FML

By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

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Out of it

Instadrama

Where are you?

By Anonymous - United States - Gerber

Today, my boss told me to cut my long hair. After coming back to work with a clean cut hairstyle, he apparently thought I was the new guy, and said I was going to be trained by "The long-haired girly-looking idiot." FML

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By kelsey - United States

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

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By HYRTE

Today, I returned a shirt for my mom. When the cashier asked why, I just said my mom didn't like the way it looked. After an awkward pause, I noticed the cashier was wearing the same shirt. She was not amused. FML

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By Explicit - United States

Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words "But six"; however, because of my accent it sounded like "Butt sex". For the remainder of the day I was frequently asked about "Butt sex". FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

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By Angie - France

Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured my heart and soul out to my old teddy bear. When I finished, I asked what he would do in my situation. Right on cue, a gust of wind came through the window and sent him falling off the windowsill and crashing head-first onto the floor. FML

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By Fredgruff - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

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By username - United States

Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could have dented the chassis". FML

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By matchristityler - United States

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

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By missmycomp - Singapore

Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML

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By d4rkxf0x - United States - Lindale

Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

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By Porche - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend called me at work and said, "I hate to do this over the phone..." I burst into tears, thinking he was going to break up with me. Turns out he only ate my last doughnut. Now my co-workers think I'm a weirdo. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Unhappy birthday

Today, my cleaner wished me a happy birthday. My family and friends forgot. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for two months because she started smoking. This is a deal breaker for me. I just found out from her friend that she started smoking for the sole purpose of getting me to break it off and now plans to quit. FML

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By Malakai - United States

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

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By kenleybunch - United States - Greenville

Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

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By Zippermania9 - United States

Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML

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By anon

Today, while working as a cashier, a really cute guy came up and said, "Hi Morgan". I freaked out and asked him how he knew my name. He then replied, "You have a name tag". FML

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By orcatheseapanda - Thailand

Today, I was stretching on the balcony, when I heard my neighbor's daughter scream. She was playing in their kiddie pool and thought I was peeping on her. And now her parents think so too. FML

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By ER1C - Canada

Today, as I was walking my dog around the block, I fell in the splits position on wet dirt and ripped my pants right on the front. I then had to walk home casually holding a chihuahua on my crotch hoping I would not run into anyone. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML

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By sad_gay - United States

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

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By millzee - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours on an airplane next to an alcoholic Pink Floyd fanatic. I must've drifted off because when I took a trip to the bathroom I noticed that my pant leg that had been closest to the drunk man was soaking wet. I returned to my seat. He was on his side, facing me. I smelt the wet spot. Not beer. FML

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By Teenagegirl - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my mother told me it's okay to be a prostitute, as long as I make sure the clients pay a lot. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2019 14:00

Just a question

Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a letter of complaint from my landlord. It said my loud, obnoxious trampling is disturbing my downstairs neighbor, and I have to stop. I'm small and hardly weigh anything, but it seems that if I want to keep my lease, I'll have to master the art of levitating. FML

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By shield1123 - United States

Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML

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By soreloser - United States - Manhattan

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 10:01 - Croatia - Zagreb

Targeted

Today, the neighbor's dog has been barking for over 5 hours. It is barking directly at my window. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my husband that I wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would have while our kids are visiting my parents. My idea? A nice dinner out and kinky sex all night long. His idea? Chinese buffet and subsequent dutch ovens in bed. FML

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By kjmsit - United States

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

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By insomniac x2 - Mexico - Garza Garc

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn't until after my back seat was filled with foam and I had been squirted in the face that I realized my back seat window was rolled down. FML

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By pchemist - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

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By authorx - Canada - Toronto

Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML

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By

Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML

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By dogbait - France

Today, my neighbor's dog bit me, it was extremely painful. The gash in my leg was deep and bleeding like crazy. When I finally got into my house screaming in agonizing pain, my mother said "Quit bitching, walk it off and you'll be fine." My leg is purple now. FML

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Top comments

By tumtum888 | 12

#5940197 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:14

You need to get to the bottom of this. Who flushed that toilet?

By ChristianH39 | 30

#5940202 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:14

Oh god I'm sorry. What is seen cannot be unseen

COMMENTS

By Candissimo | 13

#5940192 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:12

That's probably the worst feeling

Reply

thatisaWIN | 5

#5940245 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:29

Worse than orange juice right after brushing your teeth?

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5940295 - Saturday 10 May 2014 6:04

Worse than stepping on a lego?

Reply

xlord | 27

#5940312 - Saturday 10 May 2014 6:23

Worse than being drugged and finding yourself front row at a Justin Bieber concert?

Reply

Demig0d6 | 14

#5940329 - Saturday 10 May 2014 6:50

Or your nipples being electrocuted on a sunny day at the beach?

Reply

strykerthezombie | 7

#5940338 - Saturday 10 May 2014 7:00

That actually sounds nice

Reply

PewDiePie_Lover | 14

#5940341 - Saturday 10 May 2014 7:11

#28 its kinky XD

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5940401 - Saturday 10 May 2014 9:05

#27, I thought everyone spent their sunny days like that.

Reply

Candissimo | 13

#5940459 - Saturday 10 May 2014 11:43

How did that get so many negative thumbs down? oh well You guys are right those are horrible feelings also.

Reply

Crofty92 | 17

#5940774 - Saturday 10 May 2014 20:05

Looks like people hate you. I'm sorry but the internet has spoken.

By tumtum888 | 12

#5940197 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:14

You need to get to the bottom of this. Who flushed that toilet?

Reply

pimrol | 16

#5940487 - Saturday 10 May 2014 13:12

and also was she hot?

Reply

BootheGhost | 6

#5940689 - Saturday 10 May 2014 18:04

Incest is not always wincest...

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#5940908 - Sunday 11 May 2014 0:14

Hot?, she was scalded!

Reply

MondRubberduck | 24

#5974153 - Friday 13 June 2014 15:55

I think it´s wierd that thei watertemperatur changes when somenone flushes

By DedicatedNova | 13

#5940198 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:14

Bet that was a nice sight. FYL OP.

Reply

kjack49044 | 18

#5940232 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:20

Maybe if it was anyone besides his sister.

Reply

thatisaWIN | 5

#5940239 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:26

Sarcasm doesn't make this comment anyless creepy...

Reply

sparty48910 | 5

#5941043 - Sunday 11 May 2014 3:19

Yea! Like his grandma!

By ChristianH39 | 30

#5940202 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:14

Oh god I'm sorry. What is seen cannot be unseen

By ilmanator | 7

#5940203 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:14

Lol that's quite the awkward situation.

By briggsopposed | 8

#5940215 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:16

Well atleast you know she's okay

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5940404 - Saturday 10 May 2014 9:09

yeah, at least he cared enough to check it out.

By IllestRated | 17

#5940218 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:16

Too much cartoons?

By jsp16 | 24

#5940221 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:17

Bet you screamed louder at the sight of seeing your sister nude.

By buzzboy2389 | 13

#5940225 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:18

We'll you got to see boobs so that's a plus

Reply

cyanidesandwich | 21

#5940230 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:19

Redneck of the year award goes too...

Reply

ChristianH39 | 30

#5940235 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:23

I really hope you have no sisters.

Reply

OysterPearls | 33

#5940305 - Saturday 10 May 2014 6:18

Or any female relatives...

Reply

Crofty92 | 17

#5940776 - Saturday 10 May 2014 20:10

Or the ability to reproduce at all.

By PenguinBitch | 43

#5940237 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:25

It could have been worse, Norman Bates might have killed her!

Reply

EdenCrystal | 21

#5940264 - Saturday 10 May 2014 5:38

Way to think positively, Penguin. Gold sticker for you!