Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom....

By Anonymous - 09/05/2014 22:03 - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 229

You deserved it 4 298

Miscellaneous

Compromises

Music nerds of the world unite!

One-sided

By justkillm3 - 13/05/2010 04:07 - United States

Today, I came home after ten hours at work to find my unemployed wife and 4 kids sprawled out watching TV waiting for me to get home and cook for them. I had to wash all the dishes first because they didn't feel like getting up or helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 069

You deserved it 9 122

By anon - 22/05/2015 02:22 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 241

You deserved it 2 151

By bethany - 03/11/2011 17:36 - Australia

Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 516

You deserved it 3 555

By a single fuck - 23/05/2013 16:40 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 942

You deserved it 3 095

Check this out

By cunning glassist - 08/03/2014 20:53 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 086

You deserved it 10 890

Classic

By Anonymous - 05/07/2021 01:59

Today, my boyfriend introduced me as a friend to one of his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 98

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 230

You deserved it 4 871

By jocksblow - 14/11/2011 13:23 - United States

Today, I found an old jock strap in my tuba. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 319

You deserved it 4 284

By NotDrunk - 04/04/2015 00:42 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 932

You deserved it 2 592

By foreverafatty - 31/03/2011 05:49 - United States

Today, I learned that I can work out for over an hour a day, cut my daily calories by almost half, keep careful track of my diet, drink nothing but water, and not lose a pound. But I can sure as hell gain weight after one dinner at a buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 542

You deserved it 15 763

By Disappointed - 26/05/2016 20:27 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I started dating my crush. Turns out she's a living nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 114

You deserved it 2 690

By thisisbad - 12/10/2009 14:21 - Malaysia

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 918

You deserved it 2 768

By Fmyoffice - 27/11/2009 19:51 - United Kingdom

Today, for the third time this week, my boss made me switch desks. Each new desk is closer to the door than the last one. I think he's trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 783

You deserved it 2 746

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 23:01 - United States - Portland

Today, I was bowling with a woman I like. At the end of the night, I was trying to decide whether I should ask her out. I went up to her and said, "It was fun bowling with you." She said, "Thank you, Patrick." My name isn't Patrick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 108

Classic story

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 05:01

Today, I found out my boyfriend of six years, with whom I wanted to spend my life with, has been cheating behind my back with my friend. The kicker? They met after I invited her to live with us to get away from her chaotic family, and I suspected she was emotionally stunted at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 13:16 - Australia

Today, my extremely lazy colleague received a promotion with benefits, while I was fired for "not being a team-player". I had stayed quiet about her constant negative behaviour because my supervisor said we needed to "have each other's backs". While I was protecting hers, she put a knife in mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 969

You deserved it 795

By izazbouletz - 07/07/2019 22:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the nearby marina. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind a lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 715

By bigbaby - 16/09/2016 07:06 - United States - Saint Michael

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked because I couldn't find my blankie. I'll be 36 in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 757

You deserved it 3 211

Road trip

By fmmlll - 18/10/2010 08:56 - United States

Today, I'm going on an 8-hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 403

You deserved it 4 067

By anon - 12/04/2015 10:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 793

You deserved it 2 473

Cool

By HarrisonR - 02/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom

Today, while talking to a boy, he asked what my name was and in a state of panic, I said, "Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 490

By Jacquelinez - 20/05/2012 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 999

You deserved it 3 098

By ashlyn - 06/08/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, I went to pick up some of my clothes from my boyfriend's apartment. While searching under his bed he pulled out a tank top and bra and asked if they were mine. They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 375

You deserved it 3 131

Brain fart

By my bad - 24/09/2020 01:58 - United States

Today, I went out with my friend and her boyfriend. Not knowing him very well, I accidentally called him by her ex’s name. He took that as a sign she was still seeing the ex and dumped her on the spot. She’s now not speaking to me for ruining her life. I’m just bad with names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 432

By nowhereman1990 - 03/08/2010 04:23 - Venezuela

Today, I heard on a local radio a song I wrote almost 2 years ago. Apparently, after my family and I moved away, my former band found a new guitar player, and that song is now the first single of their debut LP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 096

You deserved it 4 073

Eat to the beat

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 06:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, working at McDonald’s, I get lunch money on top of my salary. Well, actually I don’t *get* the money, I can eat the money. No freestyling though, only items that are actually on the menu. I guess my health and my figure won’t be lovin' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 244

Knight

By Racked - 01/03/2016 18:00 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 128

You deserved it 1 906

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:52 - United Kingdom - Stretham

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 449

You deserved it 4 811

Poor me

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 03:00

Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 216

By sandysmith - 18/02/2012 15:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was at my house to hang out. When he was leaving I thought it would be cute to run and jump on him to say goodbye. He fell and hit his head. He is now in the hospital with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 580

You deserved it 33 957

By Crawlinginmymemes - 02/10/2016 18:46 - United States - Danvers

Today, I accidentally shut the door on someone who was walking behind me. After he opened the door, I turned, looked him sincerely in the eye and said, "Suffering". I meant to say sorry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 902

You deserved it 1 969

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 20:32 - United States

Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 776

You deserved it 3 154

By Anonymous - 13/05/2009 07:13 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my apartment because I'm moving. I was being really thorough so I could get as much of the damage deposit back as possible. I noticed I still had one of those 3M plastic hooks on the wall, and when I went to carefully take it off, a large chunk of the wall came with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 006

You deserved it 8 450

By John - 24/06/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 959

You deserved it 3 233

Bad timing

By amya - 17/10/2009 08:39 - Canada

Today, I had a phone interview for a job I've had my eye on forever. I was dumped a few hours before the interview, but was okay until I was put on hold with music playing. Me and my boyfriend's song came on and I started bawling. I could hardly talk when they took me off hold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 287

You deserved it 9 901

By NextAmericanIdol? - 08/08/2013 04:09 - United States - Bowie

Today, I had to put my little sister to bed. Usually my mom sings her a lullaby before she puts her to sleep, so I did too. After I finished the song, my sister looked me dead in the eyes and said, "This is why I tell people we aren't related." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 666

You deserved it 5 571

By Single forever I guess - 30/09/2018 05:00

Today, after months of hurtful and derogatory remarks from matches, I had to add the line "Not trans, just ugly." to my Tinder bio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 950

You deserved it 316

By Downinthedumps - 14/08/2016 22:44 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, at my hotel, I spent over an hour dumpster diving trying to locate a pair of shorts for a spoiled brat that one of the cleaning staff accidentally threw away. When I finally found and returned them to the family, the father insisted they weren't the right ones. Spent all day smelling of trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 239

You deserved it 1 102

By porn daddy - 21/06/2017 00:00

Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 952

You deserved it 431

By MCRxforever - 17/06/2010 22:56 - United States

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 791

You deserved it 3 624

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Top comments

tumtum888 12

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:14

You need to get to the bottom of this. Who flushed that toilet?

ChristianH39 30

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:14

Oh god I'm sorry. What is seen cannot be unseen

Candissimo 13

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:12

That's probably the worst feeling

thatisaWIN 5

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:29

Worse than orange juice right after brushing your teeth?

LeFrogDog 27

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Saturday 10 May 2014 6:04

Worse than stepping on a lego?

xlord 27

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Saturday 10 May 2014 6:23

Worse than being drugged and finding yourself front row at a Justin Bieber concert?

Demig0d6 14

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Saturday 10 May 2014 6:50

Or your nipples being electrocuted on a sunny day at the beach?

strykerthezombie 7

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Saturday 10 May 2014 7:00

That actually sounds nice

PewDiePie_Lover 14

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Saturday 10 May 2014 7:11

#28 its kinky XD

cryssycakesx3 22

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Saturday 10 May 2014 9:05

#27, I thought everyone spent their sunny days like that.

Candissimo 13

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Saturday 10 May 2014 11:43

How did that get so many negative thumbs down? oh well You guys are right those are horrible feelings also.

Crofty92 17

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Saturday 10 May 2014 20:05

Looks like people hate you. I'm sorry but the internet has spoken.

tumtum888 12

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:14

You need to get to the bottom of this. Who flushed that toilet?

pimrol 16

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Saturday 10 May 2014 13:12

and also was she hot?

BootheGhost 6

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Saturday 10 May 2014 18:04

Incest is not always wincest...

False_Stupidity 41

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Sunday 11 May 2014 0:14

Hot?, she was scalded!

MondRubberduck 24

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Friday 13 June 2014 15:55

I think it´s wierd that thei watertemperatur changes when somenone flushes

DedicatedNova 13

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:14

Bet that was a nice sight. FYL OP.

kjack49044 18

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:20

Maybe if it was anyone besides his sister.

thatisaWIN 5

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:26

Sarcasm doesn't make this comment anyless creepy...

sparty48910 5

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Sunday 11 May 2014 3:19

Yea! Like his grandma!

ChristianH39 30

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:14

Oh god I'm sorry. What is seen cannot be unseen

ilmanator 7

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:14

Lol that's quite the awkward situation.

briggsopposed 8

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:16

Well atleast you know she's okay

cryssycakesx3 22

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Saturday 10 May 2014 9:09

yeah, at least he cared enough to check it out.

IllestRated 17

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:16

Too much cartoons?

jsp16 24

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:17

Bet you screamed louder at the sight of seeing your sister nude.

buzzboy2389 13

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:18

We'll you got to see boobs so that's a plus

cyanidesandwich 21

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:19

Redneck of the year award goes too...

ChristianH39 30

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:23

I really hope you have no sisters.

OysterPearls 33

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Saturday 10 May 2014 6:18

Or any female relatives...

Crofty92 17

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Saturday 10 May 2014 20:10

Or the ability to reproduce at all.

PenguinBitch 43

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:25

It could have been worse, Norman Bates might have killed her!

EdenCrystal 21

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Saturday 10 May 2014 5:38

Way to think positively, Penguin. Gold sticker for you!

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 15

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 144

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