Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I...

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 21:08 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I have a security camera discreetly wired up in the tree on my lawn. Checking the tapes, I saw my brother park outside my house, let himself in with his spare key, then drive off with my missing equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 202

You deserved it 2 963

Miscellaneous

You tried

Burning rubber

Manage this

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 19:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when a large lady and her friend blocked the aisle I was trying to go down. After saying, "Excuse me," twice and being ignored, I pushed my way through. After getting past, I looked back and noticed she was glaring at me while signing to her friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 089

You deserved it 13 320

By NowHomeless - 31/08/2010 23:13 - United States

Today, my roommate woke me up during afternoon nap to tell me that I need to move out. His reason: "Our political differences will likely escalate to violence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 717

You deserved it 3 279

By smh - 15/07/2014 20:11 - United States

Today, my mom and dad played rock, paper, scissors over who gets to spend the night with me in the hospital tonight while I have surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 949

You deserved it 4 276

Pervs, pervs everywhere

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 10:33 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 092

You deserved it 5 503

By WTF? - 01/04/2011 15:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend secretly using my hair straightener while I was in the other room. Too embarrassed to talk to him about it, I left and came back later, only to discover him slipping on a pair of my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 817

You deserved it 8 170

By forewhatnow - 07/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 589

You deserved it 9 767

Let it all out

By Anonymous - 20/08/2021 20:01

Today, my husband shit himself a little during sex, but tried to keep going because he was "so close" and didn’t want to ruin the orgasm. I, of course, shoved him away but it was already down my leg and had stained our cream bedsheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 123

By JustRidingMyBike - 04/01/2017 17:11

Today, I started my new job as a supervisor. I began by cleaning out my new office, including recycling large sheets of cardboard left over from the new calendars. When the 2nd shift came in, however, they got very upset and yelled at me. Apparently, I had thrown away my Muslim workers' prayer mats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 322

You deserved it 1 876

By TurtleTeacher - 14/10/2011 06:09 - United States

Today, my students took my glasses, hid them from me, and called me a turtle when I squinted my eyes trying to look for them. This carried on for about 25 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 837

You deserved it 4 041

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 02:00

Today, I had a teaching job interview. After giving my demo lesson, I was told by the director that I had given it on the wrong topic. Turns out, I never got the e-mail with the instructions for the interview. Now I'm definitely not getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 311

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 550

You deserved it 47 005

By Idktbh - 18/11/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, when I finished helping a customer, she said, “Thanks cutie!” When I thanked her she giggled and said, “I just like making people smile, plus I bet you don’t get called that often!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 144

You deserved it 307

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I logged on to Facebook to find that my boyfriend's relationship status had changed to in a relationship with his ex. I asked him about it, and all he said was, "I guess I forgot to break up with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 010

You deserved it 2 764

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 19:10 - Israel

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 515

You deserved it 10 180

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 21:54 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 267

You deserved it 1 878

Karaoke Dinner Disaster

By Jonathan Park - 05/03/2020 09:06 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I went on a first date. She got plastered within the first hour, then a song came on in the restaurant and she told me, "This song's about meeeeee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 147

I'm not lovin' it

By Anonymous - 12/01/2021 14:02

Today, at my new job at McDonald’s, they only had uniform pants in a size 36 or 56, nothing in between. I’m a size 40 so I squeezed into the 36. When I told my supervisor I couldn’t tuck my shirt into the pants like they asked, because I couldn’t close the top button, she told me to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 164

By Brunofk7 - 21/11/2015 00:59 - Peru - Lima

Today, I made a multiple choice exam so my friend could practice and get a good grade on his real exam. While I was helping him finish it, the teacher saw it, thought we were cheating and failed us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 056

You deserved it 2 729

By pray for me - 15/08/2019 04:00

Today, I'm so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I'm the pastor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 883

You deserved it 316

By that violates the Geneva conventions - 05/08/2016 09:33 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my boss ordered me to read the Twilight series in order to determine if they are "appropriate" for his daughter to read. I'm a 25-year-old bank teller, and I definitely don't remember this in my job description. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 391

You deserved it 981

By ulrika - 24/07/2016 01:09 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 851

You deserved it 4 173

Flowers (Nothing But)

By ThisIsMyLife - 15/09/2019 12:00

Today, I bought flowers with my groceries at the grocery store. After the cashier scanned them, he handed them back to me so they wouldn't get crushed in my cart. It was then that I realized he's the first man to ever hand me flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 229

By Muscle - 06/03/2009 21:07 - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with slik-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 948

You deserved it 3 942

By keimA - 23/06/2019 12:30

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 346

Best uncle

By Sean Martin - 06/02/2020 05:00

Today, I realized that the last 3 months, I've been taking care of my girlfriends 1 year old kid. The other night, she told me that I was a good uncle to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 289

By WonderWall09 - 08/05/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I had a terrible dream where my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. I woke up almost crying and called him just to tell him how much he means to me. Turns out my dream gave him that little extra push he needed to confess he's been cheating on me. With his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 690

You deserved it 4 773

By Anon. - 07/02/2011 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 896

You deserved it 7 750

By YoshiSqu4d - 03/07/2019 14:01

Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 95

By Anon - 18/09/2013 17:48 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss decided that we no longer have to clock out for cigarette breaks, but we do for toilet breaks. I'm the only non-smoker on my floor, and I'm getting penalised for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 605

You deserved it 3 156

By one_BAMF - 25/07/2010 05:06 - Canada

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 359

You deserved it 42 099

By holyshitbatman - 22/09/2012 14:06 - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 456

You deserved it 29 663

By Anonymous - 30/11/2011 19:55 - United States

Today, it's my soon to be 12 year old daughter's birthday. On my break at work I texted her how much I loved her and happy birthday. She replied with, "K, when will you be home? Mom won't let me open presents until you're here." Good to know I'm loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 739

You deserved it 5 069

By Anonymous - 18/12/2014 15:34 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 366

You deserved it 3 693

By c - 22/07/2012 04:50 - United States - Denham Springs

Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 038

You deserved it 1 751

Bad date

By Dammit Brain - 22/10/2020 20:02 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I went on a lunch date with a guy I used to work with. When the conversation got dry, I asked him if he went by “Chris” or “Christopher” these days. His name is Daniel. My brain knew my mistake as I said it. Just when I thought the silence couldn’t get more awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 387

By Anonymous - 05/02/2012 15:45 - Reserved

Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 804

You deserved it 5 048

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, at the job I've had for eight years, I finally got the raise I was supposed to get a year ago. One hour later I found out the store was closing and we were all out of a job in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 409

You deserved it 2 230

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, I thought it would have been funny to cut off my friend's rat-tail. He thought it would be funny to put a brick through my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 665

You deserved it 117 232

By I'm a moron - 27/05/2019 14:03

Today, I woke up in an empty room. Thinking I'd been kidnapped, I kicked the door in. The previous night was a blur, and thought I'd been drugged. I was actually in the room my friends had put me in last night, because I went on a drunken rampage. It cost me $100 for a new door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 3 128

By EpicFail - 17/01/2009 15:49 - United States

Today, in class, I volunteered to read a poem out loud. I accidentally said "circumcised" instead of "circumscribed". I don't think I"ll be volunteering to read anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 027

You deserved it 4 498

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