Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving...

By barebackingit - Canada - Kanata

Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML

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Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Season finale

Sounds like a catch

By KillMePlease - United States - Hicksville

Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

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By offtothejobcentre - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. When I signed the paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand her writing, which apparently said she was getting treated for "dangerously low levels of dick". FML

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By Stinky. - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

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By Catpiss - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I finished filling the pages in my passport. Also today, my mom's cat urinated on my backpack, soaking my passport with rancid pee. I have visas that last 10 years and can't be moved to a new passport, so I have to keep this nostril-burning booklet. FML

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By jess - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up and decided to make my mom a special Easter breakfast in bed. I pre-heated the oven to bake the sausage just the way she likes. Guess where my easter basket was. FML

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By Anonymous - Slovenia - Domzale

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2020 20:00

Cute nickname

Today, my friend with benefits texted me to say that his roommate had heard us getting it on, and had gone on to nickname me 'Giggles'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

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By reconnect - United States

Today, Facebook told me I should reconnect with my husband. FML

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By didntknowyoucouldbreakit - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was fiddling around with the thermostat at my new place. For a laugh, I twisted the knob all the way to 40° celsius, when it snapped off. I don't have a clue how to fix it. FML

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By imnotastranger

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law told my husband that I cannot stay in her house unless I can bring proof from a doctor that my allergy to cats is not contagious. FML

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By Alexis - United States

Classy.

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

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By whatsername92 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

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By Mitchellbassists - United States - Dayton

Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Leandro

Today, I had to share my room with my cousin while she stayed over. I let her take my bed while I slept on the floor. Not only do my back and neck hurt, but I had to clean vomit out of my hair. Apparently, she "wasn't feeling well" last night. FML

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By Victoria - Australia - Perth

My name is?

Today, while interviewing for a job, I was greeted by the interviewer with a handshake and a greeting of, "Hello Victoria, my name is Bill." I responded with, "Hello. My name is Bill." I think it's safe to assume I didn't get the job. FML

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By The_Black_Jesus - United States

Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML

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By f_n_fail - United States

Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML

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By MyDeliveriesCanWait

Today, I received the bubble wrap that I'd ordered. When I opened the box, almost every single bubble had been popped. At the bottom of the box, there was a sticky note that said, "Sorry." FML

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By nonexistant - United States

Today, a cute girl came up to me with her boyfriend and said, "If you end up looking like him, it's over." FML

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By I'm so wet, baby - United Kingdom

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Keuka Park

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

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By whydoidothis - United Kingdom

Today, my colleague and I played yet another wonderful game of 'Tapeworm or Toilet Paper?' in the homeless shelter's toilets we were asked to clean. FML

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By Foufinator - France

Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman says "nice dog" and without thinking I respond, "you too." FML

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By forgotten - United Kingdom

Today, being the nice grandchild that I am, I went to visit my grandmother. She didn't recognise who I was. I thought she was joking. She later called the police as 'some weirdo had walked into her house.' I am that weirdo, she wasn't joking. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad came in to ask if I wanted the rest of his cake. I'd made it for my cousin's wedding, and spent 2 days preparing it. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

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By unknown - United States

Today, I called my husband, who is currently stationed in Japan, to see how he was doing. According to his girlfriend, he's doing fine. FML

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By dustlander.com - United States - Provo

Today, I was wrapping up a 30+ hour commission when a software bug caused my main layer to delete itself. There doesn't appear to be any way I can restore it. FML

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By CoronaDating - 23/3/2020 23:10

Covid-19 vs. Sex life

Today, I've been single for a couple of months. The last time I was single, Tinder and dating apps didn't exist. After figuring out how to be successful with those and setting up several dates, I've already had 3 date cancellations for this week because of the coronavirus. It's going to be a long couple of months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lake Ariel

Today, I got my period, and had to rush to my parents' bathroom for some pads. They'd put all our wrapped presents in their bathroom. As I was looking, my dad thought I was opening presents and barged in, only to see me with my pants around my ankles. Now he won't stop laughing. FML

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By oh my son - Canada - Toronto

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML

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By bird - United States - Fort Gratiot

Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML

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By toomuch - Australia

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2020 23:02 - United States

OK, bye then

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years sprung the news that he had gotten a new job across the country and would be moving immediately. With his wife and children. First I'm hearing about them. FML

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Top comments

By dawnimus | 21

#5742499 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

It's getting hot in here...

By aaron123111 | 11

#5742500 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

Damn!! Why do I miss out on all the good stuff

COMMENTS

By dawnimus | 21

#5742499 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

It's getting hot in here...

hobo1235 | 15

#5742508 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:51

So take off all your clothes

UrYousername | 15

#5742533 - Monday 4 November 2013 23:05

With a little bit of...

\ | 28

#5742537 - Monday 4 November 2013 23:08

#30 Hah-hah.
Ah, 2002. Those were the days.

RpiesSPIES | 27

#5742603 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:06

LITTLE late? I don't think so.

JMichael | 25

#5742657 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:27

36- take them off all you want

8born8 | 18

#5742684 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:38

wow, right this second in Australia that song has started playing on channel V!!!! 10.37am

Sports_guy3 | 28

#5742687 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:39

Ha, I love these FMLs. Hope OP had a bra on. ;-)

jblumz | 15

#5742710 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 1:05

clothes are already off

Sports_guy3 | 28

#5742916 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 5:20

It's a view for the guys.

thisawkwardchick | 15

#5742948 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 6:19

respect, #1, respect.

ArticFlare | 12

#5877007 - Thursday 6 March 2014 4:26

Or is it just OP?

ethan_unoxx | 29

#6050985 - Friday 29 August 2014 3:13

its gettin hot in here
so hot so take off all your clothes :)

By aaron123111 | 11

#5742500 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

Damn!! Why do I miss out on all the good stuff

By tazmanmike2013 | 17

#5742501 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

Wish I'd have been in your class!! Oh well OP, we all do silly things

By TheCerealKiller | 24

#5742503 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:50

Depending on your appearance this is the opposite of a problem.

MCRaddict15 | 15

#5742526 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:59

Even if OP is attractive it's still embarrassing as hell.

dryersheet | 11

#5742584 - Monday 4 November 2013 23:48

And she still wouldn't be an object for you to ogle.

TheCerealKiller | 24

#5742612 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:15

Apparently people don't understand jokes. I'd breast be off then.

crackz12 | 10

#5742912 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 5:11

Tits not a problem for everyone else.

tommygunkid | 4

#5743819 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 1:04

You ogle away cerealkiller men and women do it everyday, and its shown to reduce your risk of cardiac arrest. So ogle to your hearts content.

ottokat | 15

#5743965 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 4:16

yeah, and when they get mad, just tell them it's so you won't get a heart attack

By noobsatin | 19

#5742504 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:50

I'm sure class was so interesting nobody wanted to get their eyes off the board to look anyway.

By Welshite | 39

#5742506 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:50

If it was biology or anatomy, your professor should have called you to the front as a real-life lesson.

By evan_7899 | 28

#5742507 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:51

Well they weren't paying attention to the lecture anymore

By slayertack | 19

#5742510 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:51

I bet you got good grades after that.

By Yakostovian | 18

#5742511 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:52

For your sake, I do hope you remembered a brassiere.

perdix | 29

#5742531 - Monday 4 November 2013 23:04

For my sake, hope you were bra-less and have beautiful tits.

And I hope you shook em a bit seductively before you realized your mistake.

Silvinomiae | 20

#5742598 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:03

As you would have to imagine it any way, why not just take the leap whether it was the case or not?

By vap_fml | 9

#5742512 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:52

OMG!! Sorry OP