Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving...

By barebackingit - 4/11/2013 19:17 - Canada - Kanata

Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML

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Miscellaneous

Family values

Does it taste good?

Ant life

By CarrieRedburn - 27/7/2011 08:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog, and a whole bunch of teenagers were driving around my neighborhood throwing water balloons at people. They followed me for 3 blocks. FML

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By disappointedjamaican - 31/8/2014 18:44 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

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By FortuneFaded - 6/5/2009 15:47 - South Africa

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

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By yee-whore - 18/10/2014 18:44 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

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By morgan_rumm - 11/7/2014 20:02

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

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By grrrr - 12/2/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Feeling bad, I texted him a few hours later apologizing. He said it was fine and that he went ahead and picked up a girl from the mall. FML

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By underemployed - 8/12/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, I found out my no-work-experience brother has just accepted a 50k/year job. He is still in school and has never had a job. I work as an intern for 11 hours a day, get rude emails from my boss, and have 3 degrees and 5 years work experience. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2017 23:15

Today, I married the beautiful girl I’ve been in love with since we were both 6 years old. By married, I mean I performed the marriage ceremony as the vicar and watched her smile and kiss her arsehole boyfriend, now husband, right in front of me. FML

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By clumsy - 10/3/2017 20:00 - United States - Stafford

Today, I slipped and fell on a piece of plastic. I thought nothing of it until I went to the doctor's and found out that I fractured and dislocated my kneecap. I'm now in a full leg brace and crutches. Prom is five days away. FML

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By LDL - 26/1/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

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By idiot - 19/11/2016 06:48 - United States - Wausau

Today, while I was reading on my tablet, my dog wanted to be let outside, so I set down the tablet and let her outside. I returned to the living room to continue reading when I heard a crunch. The tablet had fallen to the floor and I'd stepped on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, the painting I worked on for three weeks was rejected from an art contest because the rules prohibit fan art. It wasn't fan art. They mistook it for Twilight fan art. FML

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By notgay - 21/6/2015 06:04 - United States - Cranford

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I fart. FML

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By sadlysingle - 21/2/2014 08:04 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I received a response to my perfectly straightforward online dating profile: "How about changing a dirty diaper, mommy?" FML

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By powsser - 11/3/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 06:21 - United States

Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML

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By Disgruntled - 18/4/2012 07:49 - United States - Jamestown

Today, it's been exactly two years since I got my last raise. And the amount I got still allows me the luxury of being able to afford a Snickers bar every month. FML

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By technical - 31/3/2015 02:50 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2015 15:47 - United States - Cabot

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

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By IsThisRealLife - 1/2/2016 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

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By mjperfetti84 - 22/11/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML

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By GyroUpgraded - 20/7/2016 23:03 - United States - Portland

Today, after driving to three drug testing clinics that were approved for my job, each one declined me saying they dont do testing anymore. Now I have to drive another 25 miles to see if someone will say, "You're clean." FML

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By Depressed - 17/5/2016 23:16 - United States - Collierville

Today, I got a call from the head of my school dance committee saying that the dance was cancelled and the services originally hired were still expecting to be paid. The reason the dance got cancelled? One of the girls on the committee's parents wouldn't let her buy her dream dress. FML

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By Allison Arsenault - 7/6/2020 08:08

Cheap-ass perv!

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years thinks that it is too expensive to get married, go on vacations, concerts, etc., but spends $100+/month on Hentai. FML

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By dgordo3 - 9/2/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

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By GirlOnTheFly - 27/6/2012 04:20 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I was finally able to drive my brother's nice car instead of my clunker, because he left for college. First thing I do? Back into the neighbors' mailbox while exiting the driveway. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 04:00 - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, I found out that my fiancé's sister, who only got engaged a couple of months ago, is getting married before us. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she wasn't planning her wedding to be exactly like ours will be. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2012 08:42 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

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By luceeloo - 23/11/2016 22:10

Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his "far superior" Excel skills. I'm now teaching him how to do the job that I didn't get. FML

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By Lilypad - 12/3/2013 00:21 - France - Versailles

Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML

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By he's a dawk, and a cunt - 5/7/2013 22:29 - Australia - Darling Point

Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML

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By Dead_Fox - 21/11/2012 05:48 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

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By That Guy - 1/11/2014 12:58 - United States - Tampa

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

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By bear - 21/5/2012 22:47 - Norway - Bod?

Today, it's been three weeks since I started using a hair-growth shampoo in the hopes of combating my balding. All it's done so far is make the hair I do have monstrously bushy, both upstairs and down. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, after a long therapy session, in which I poured out all my feelings of how happy and in love I am with whom I believe to be my soul-mate, my shrink asked me if I was sure this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. FML

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By charlatan - 19/8/2018 01:30

What's in a name?

Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She asked me what year I was born in, then brutally rejected me. Apparently it's because my name wasn't in the top 20 baby names for my birth year. FML

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By Yue - 23/11/2009 21:14 - Canada

Today, I went over to my best friend's house only to have his little brother run up to us and confess his love to me. His little brother is twelve and I've tutored him for a year. I'm seventeen and male. Now my best friend thinks I 'taught' him something weird. He won't talk to me. FML

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By First World Problems - 8/1/2016 14:34 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML

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Top comments

By dawnimus | 21

#5742499 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

It's getting hot in here...

By aaron123111 | 11

#5742500 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

Damn!! Why do I miss out on all the good stuff

COMMENTS

By dawnimus | 21

#5742499 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

It's getting hot in here...

hobo1235 | 15

#5742508 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:51

So take off all your clothes

UrYousername | 15

#5742533 - Monday 4 November 2013 23:05

With a little bit of...

\ | 28

#5742537 - Monday 4 November 2013 23:08

#30 Hah-hah.
Ah, 2002. Those were the days.

RpiesSPIES | 27

#5742603 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:06

LITTLE late? I don't think so.

JMichael | 25

#5742657 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:27

36- take them off all you want

8born8 | 18

#5742684 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:38

wow, right this second in Australia that song has started playing on channel V!!!! 10.37am

Sports_guy3 | 28

#5742687 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:39

Ha, I love these FMLs. Hope OP had a bra on. ;-)

jblumz | 15

#5742710 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 1:05

clothes are already off

Sports_guy3 | 28

#5742916 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 5:20

It's a view for the guys.

thisawkwardchick | 15

#5742948 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 6:19

respect, #1, respect.

ArticFlare | 12

#5877007 - Thursday 6 March 2014 4:26

Or is it just OP?

ethan_unoxx | 29

#6050985 - Friday 29 August 2014 3:13

its gettin hot in here
so hot so take off all your clothes :)

By aaron123111 | 11

#5742500 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

Damn!! Why do I miss out on all the good stuff

By tazmanmike2013 | 17

#5742501 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

Wish I'd have been in your class!! Oh well OP, we all do silly things

By TheCerealKiller | 24

#5742503 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:50

Depending on your appearance this is the opposite of a problem.

MCRaddict15 | 15

#5742526 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:59

Even if OP is attractive it's still embarrassing as hell.

dryersheet | 11

#5742584 - Monday 4 November 2013 23:48

And she still wouldn't be an object for you to ogle.

TheCerealKiller | 24

#5742612 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:15

Apparently people don't understand jokes. I'd breast be off then.

crackz12 | 10

#5742912 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 5:11

Tits not a problem for everyone else.

tommygunkid | 4

#5743819 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 1:04

You ogle away cerealkiller men and women do it everyday, and its shown to reduce your risk of cardiac arrest. So ogle to your hearts content.

ottokat | 15

#5743965 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 4:16

yeah, and when they get mad, just tell them it's so you won't get a heart attack

By noobsatin | 19

#5742504 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:50

I'm sure class was so interesting nobody wanted to get their eyes off the board to look anyway.

By Welshite | 39

#5742506 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:50

If it was biology or anatomy, your professor should have called you to the front as a real-life lesson.

By evan_7899 | 28

#5742507 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:51

Well they weren't paying attention to the lecture anymore

By slayertack | 19

#5742510 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:51

I bet you got good grades after that.

By Yakostovian | 18

#5742511 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:52

For your sake, I do hope you remembered a brassiere.

perdix | 29

#5742531 - Monday 4 November 2013 23:04

For my sake, hope you were bra-less and have beautiful tits.

And I hope you shook em a bit seductively before you realized your mistake.

Silvinomiae | 20

#5742598 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:03

As you would have to imagine it any way, why not just take the leap whether it was the case or not?

By vap_fml | 9

#5742512 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:52

OMG!! Sorry OP