Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving...

By barebackingit - 04/11/2013 19:17 - Canada - Kanata

Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 678

You deserved it 11 782

Miscellaneous

Dysfunctional

What have you got yourself into?

The Teaching Life

By Drafty - 07/11/2012 21:30 - United States - Sylmar

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 351

You deserved it 7 588

By okaythen6 - 09/12/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I showed up on set for a film that I booked a role in weeks ago. At the time of the audition, the script was being rewritten, so today I was so excited and eager to be told what my role would entail. When they handed me the script, my character was described as a fat, ugly, awkward girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 135

You deserved it 5 039

By kte - 30/12/2009 10:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 179

You deserved it 2 602

By wjones - 15/12/2009 15:06 - United States

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 485

You deserved it 33 659

By nature - 25/09/2017 23:15

Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 292

You deserved it 312

By Anonymous - 01/09/2018 18:30

Today, I spent $50 buying flea bombs so not only my dogs, but my son could relax a little in my home instead of fighting off those tiny little circus bastards. Today, I got in my car and the fleas attacked me mercilessly until I got to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 586

You deserved it 399

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 05:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into the school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 658

You deserved it 3 313

By ripdivine - 24/02/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 260

You deserved it 56 421

By the only sober one - 15/05/2013 06:21 - United States - San Diego

Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 857

You deserved it 2 788

By Stephanie - 14/07/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the park for some planking. Trying to find a daring spot, I climbed a tree and laid down on a branch. While I was waiting for my friends to take a picture, the branch gave out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 524

You deserved it 60 105

By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 042

You deserved it 3 857

By blue - 08/09/2011 08:23 - United States

Today, I was put on notice at work due to my "anger problem." Apparently, sighing in a meeting means you will be labeled as someone with a short temper. However the creepy stalker guy is on the fast track to management. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 488

You deserved it 3 104

No job for you

By Anonymous - 28/03/2021 07:59

Today, I had a virtual interview for my dream job. Prepared as f**k. One of the interviewers turned out to be my ex, who I dumped for being too dumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 464

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 18:14 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I was playing Draw Something with my girlfriend, when I decided to start a game with some other people. She immediately accused me of "cheating" on her, and still refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 098

You deserved it 4 960

By anonymous - 09/12/2013 15:10 - United States

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 774

You deserved it 3 760

By noooooooo - 18/03/2013 00:10 - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 493

You deserved it 6 202

By Anonymous - 07/09/2014 07:01 - United States - Whittier

Today, I realized how truly insecure I really am, when the guy in the show I'm watching looked straight into the camera and I immediately looked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 942

You deserved it 5 328

By whywasitthere - 19/04/2017 09:00 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, I was walking down my road in the hill-country of Texas, when I spotted something shiny buried in the dirt. Thinking it could be something interesting, I picked it up, and, after turning it over numerous times in my hand, realized that it was, in fact, an old silver bullet vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 016

You deserved it 1 027

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 09:25 - United States - Toledo

Today, while working as a manager at a restaurant, the "All employees must wash hands" sign in the bathroom was stolen. Now my employees won't wash their hands because they "don't have to." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 051

You deserved it 2 583

By Kate - 07/03/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 595

You deserved it 8 223

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 16:00

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 355

By anlhawks - 10/09/2010 04:02 - United States

Today, I bought my boyfriend two concert tickets (of our favorite band) for his birthday. I was expecting him to bring me since I gave them to him and I like the band too. He said, "Sweet, thanks, I'll call my friend now and see if he wants to go. Think you could give us a ride?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 964

You deserved it 5 995

By gassy - 29/12/2012 09:32 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 409

You deserved it 4 607

By mvgirl - 22/10/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of no where. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look we hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 949

You deserved it 5 567

By Anonymous - 15/05/2019 03:10

Today, I was playing beer pong at a party and managed to get the ball in a cup. I jumped a little bit in excitement and somehow managed to fracture my foot while doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 332

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 213

You deserved it 40 360

Almost done

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 04:59 - Canada

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick." One more year… FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 487

You deserved it 3 423

Alexa, play "I'm a Realist" by The Cribs

By cynical - 05/10/2020 05:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was reading a romance story about a couple that fights, but gets back together and works out their issues. I was rooting for the breakup because I've become so cynical, I think forgiveness is weak and trust is for suckers. Yup, I'm now heartless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 404

By gabxoxo03 - 10/06/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 943

You deserved it 52 668

By fuckingjesusgran - 07/05/2013 22:13 - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Sarajevo

Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 122

You deserved it 3 545

Speed dating

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 02:01

Today, I found out that the 28 year-old woman I hooked up with a week ago is a widow and her kids, who I’ve met once, have started calling me Daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 268

By Anonymous - 09/09/2013 23:58 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write your own. They called my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 353

You deserved it 13 777

By Anonymous - 16/10/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 783

You deserved it 5 269

By Anonymous - 28/11/2016 06:34

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 318

You deserved it 1 544

By littlemissgullible - 10/03/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, I was talking to an ex who I still love. He told me how much he wanted to see me, how much he missed me, and we started talking about when we could spend the day at his house. I mentioned Saturday, and he said, "I can't, I have to take my fiancée to the doctor's to find out our baby's sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 087

You deserved it 7 992

By Anonymous - 07/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 898

You deserved it 100 068

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, I work as a cashier, and Iike always I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I recieved a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 497

You deserved it 2 812

By Anonymous - 17/02/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 178

You deserved it 2 587

By Dear God Why - 05/12/2016 13:07

Today, I finally determined the source of the horrible smell that periodically invades my apartment: there's nothing wrong with the plumbing as I previously thought, I can just smell my neighbors pooping in their bathroom on the other side of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 328

You deserved it 710

By ashleyramsay - 23/10/2009 19:13 - Canada

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 570

You deserved it 11 772

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

dawnimus 21

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

It's getting hot in here...

aaron123111 11

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

Damn!! Why do I miss out on all the good stuff

dawnimus 21

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

It's getting hot in here...

hobo1235 15

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:51

So take off all your clothes

UrYousername 15

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 23:05

With a little bit of...

\ 28

Monday 4 November 2013 23:08

#30 Hah-hah. Ah, 2002. Those were the days.

RpiesSPIES 27

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:06

LITTLE late? I don't think so.

JMichael 25

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:27

36- take them off all you want

8born8 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:38

wow, right this second in Australia that song has started playing on channel V!!!! 10.37am

Sports_guy3 28

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:39

Ha, I love these FMLs. Hope OP had a bra on. ;-)

jblumz 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 November 2013 1:05

clothes are already off

Sports_guy3 28

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 November 2013 5:20

It's a view for the guys.

thisawkwardchick 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 November 2013 6:19

respect, #1, respect.

ArticFlare 12

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 4:26

Or is it just OP?

ethan_unoxx 29

Send a private message

Friday 29 August 2014 3:13

its gettin hot in here so hot so take off all your clothes :)

aaron123111 11

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

Damn!! Why do I miss out on all the good stuff

tazmanmike2013 17

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

Wish I'd have been in your class!! Oh well OP, we all do silly things

TheCerealKiller 24

Monday 4 November 2013 22:50

Depending on your appearance this is the opposite of a problem.

MCRaddict15 15

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:59

Even if OP is attractive it's still embarrassing as hell.

dryersheet 11

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 23:48

And she still wouldn't be an object for you to ogle.

TheCerealKiller 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:15

Apparently people don't understand jokes. I'd breast be off then.

crackz12 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 November 2013 5:11

Tits not a problem for everyone else.

tommygunkid 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 November 2013 1:04

You ogle away cerealkiller men and women do it everyday, and its shown to reduce your risk of cardiac arrest. So ogle to your hearts content.

ottokat 15

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 November 2013 4:16

yeah, and when they get mad, just tell them it's so you won't get a heart attack

noobsatin 19

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:50

I'm sure class was so interesting nobody wanted to get their eyes off the board to look anyway.

Welshite 39

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:50

If it was biology or anatomy, your professor should have called you to the front as a real-life lesson.

evan_7899 28

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:51

Well they weren't paying attention to the lecture anymore

slayertack 19

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:51

I bet you got good grades after that.

Yakostovian 18

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:52

For your sake, I do hope you remembered a brassiere.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 23:04

For my sake, hope you were bra-less and have beautiful tits. And I hope you shook em a bit seductively before you realized your mistake.

Silvinomiae 20

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:03

As you would have to imagine it any way, why not just take the leap whether it was the case or not?

vap_fml 9

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 22:52

OMG!! Sorry OP

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 52

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 208

No job for you

Almost done

Alexa, play "I'm a Realist" by The Cribs

Speed dating

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments