Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving...

By barebackingit - Canada - Kanata

Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML

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Miscellaneous

Messed up

Thanks for the help

Sorry grandma

By Teamarie - United States

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML

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By Oliveisthenewora - United States - Dearborn

Today, I tried a DIY face mask that involved using turmeric spice. After keeping it on for 20 minutes, I tried washing it off, but I couldn't get rid of the orange residue it had left behind. Guess who's going to work tomorrow looking like an Oompa Loompa. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found a letter in the postbox at my new flat which ran something along these lines of: "Hi. We're the gas company. You owe us £1,229.79 and have 7 days to pay us. Lotsa love, dated 7th September." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, as I was pulling out of my apartment complex, I was rear-ended. When I got out of my car to see how bad the damage was, I wondered why the other guy wasn't getting out of his. As it turns out, he was busy pleasing himself. I found out when I approached his car. FML

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By scfead - United States

Today, I was walking home when a man passed me and stopped. Thinking he was staring at my butt, I asked him kindly to stop. He then laughed and grabbed my wallet that was in my back pocket, and ran. He wasn't staring at my butt, and found it funny that I thought he was. FML

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By stuckass - Pakistan

Today, our office had a mock audit before the real thing. I got warning note for not maintaining proper databases for last year's activities. I only joined a few months ago. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

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By Anonymous

Curiosity!

Today, I got curious and decided to look for my ex's social media after he blocked me off everything. I found him on LinkedIn and it is only after I click on his profile that I remembered, he will be notified that I looked him up. FML

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544

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By pzy

Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs in the door. FML

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By kitty shah - United States

Today, I was having a debate with my friend over tattoos. I used the example that you wouldn't put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari. He looked me in the eye and said, "Yeah, but you're no Ferrari. More like a Prius." FML

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By Rejected. - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend of one year when an attractive girl walks over. She asks him, "Is this your girlfriend?" He replied "That depends... are you single?" FML

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By tenthousandspoon - New Zealand

Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

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By justawallflower - United States - Elyria

Today, my mom told me that her vagina is "as cute today as it was twenty years ago." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML

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By Anonymouse

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

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By MsConfusedd - United States - Hazlet

Today, I learned that my 76 year old great aunt likes to swim naked, even when I have friends over. FML

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25664

You deserved it

2015

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By LittleLou - United States

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend broke up with me. She immediately asked if it was because I didn't put out. I'm 15. FML

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By ants9omarching - United States

Today, the seat in my car broke and wouldn't move forward. I had to walk to school in the rain because I was too short to reach the pedals. FML

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By stinky breath - United States - Whittier

Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML

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43561

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By criley - United States - Los Angeles

Today, an attractive guy approached me and struck up a conversation. He was friendly and sweet, and gave me his number. As I walked away, my first thought was that someone had played a cruel joke on me. I've had such awful relationships that I can't recognize when someone is actually being sincere. FML

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49638

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By toritoratora - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

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28619

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By cat-astrophic - United Kingdom

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

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35996

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By Allergic - United States

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

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By egghead - United Kingdom

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

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27973

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By Lizzie - United States - Rockford

Today, we had a get together for work at a restaurant I've never heard of. After spending all week trying to make a good impression on my new boss and co-workers, I showed up in a pair of shorts and a Star Wars T-Shirt. Turns out it was one of the fanciest restaurants in town. FML

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By meantowheels - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bentonville

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

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By lolatmylife - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

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By Z - Australia

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

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9654

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By Sonotsuave - United States - Arlington

Today, my now ex-friend told me she had feelings for my ex and was also choosing him over our friendship, despite being fully aware of the crazy rollercoaster our relationship was and being there to hear every detail of the trauma. She classily told me at random, in a public mall. People suck. FML

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2207

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By treegirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 07:58

Simps gonna simp

Today, I just found out that I was missing almost $500 from my debit card. Turns out my brother used my card to simp on a streamer. When I confronted him, he said, "But you would have simped on her either way." FML

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752

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By Anonymous - United States - Hartford

Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

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39956

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By saracenslament

Today, my relationship with my family is so bad that when someone burst into my house without ringing the doorbell, my first assumption was, "Oh God I hope it's not my mum visiting!" rather than, "Oh God, it's a burglar!" It was actually my mother-in-law, and I was truly relieved. FML

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By sociallyawkward - United States - Atlanta

Today, I fistbumped a cashier as they tried to hand me my change. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

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34714

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By Jo - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

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By LindseyS - United States

FML: Uncensored

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

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Top comments

By dawnimus | 21

#5742499 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

It's getting hot in here...

By aaron123111 | 11

#5742500 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

Damn!! Why do I miss out on all the good stuff

COMMENTS

By dawnimus | 21

#5742499 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

It's getting hot in here...

hobo1235 | 15

#5742508 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:51

So take off all your clothes

UrYousername | 15

#5742533 - Monday 4 November 2013 23:05

With a little bit of...

\ | 28

#5742537 - Monday 4 November 2013 23:08

#30 Hah-hah.
Ah, 2002. Those were the days.

RpiesSPIES | 27

#5742603 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:06

LITTLE late? I don't think so.

JMichael | 25

#5742657 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:27

36- take them off all you want

8born8 | 18

#5742684 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:38

wow, right this second in Australia that song has started playing on channel V!!!! 10.37am

Sports_guy3 | 28

#5742687 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:39

Ha, I love these FMLs. Hope OP had a bra on. ;-)

jblumz | 15

#5742710 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 1:05

clothes are already off

Sports_guy3 | 28

#5742916 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 5:20

It's a view for the guys.

thisawkwardchick | 15

#5742948 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 6:19

respect, #1, respect.

ArticFlare | 12

#5877007 - Thursday 6 March 2014 4:26

Or is it just OP?

ethan_unoxx | 29

#6050985 - Friday 29 August 2014 3:13

its gettin hot in here
so hot so take off all your clothes :)

By aaron123111 | 11

#5742500 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

Damn!! Why do I miss out on all the good stuff

By tazmanmike2013 | 17

#5742501 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:49

Wish I'd have been in your class!! Oh well OP, we all do silly things

By TheCerealKiller | 24

#5742503 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:50

Depending on your appearance this is the opposite of a problem.

MCRaddict15 | 15

#5742526 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:59

Even if OP is attractive it's still embarrassing as hell.

dryersheet | 11

#5742584 - Monday 4 November 2013 23:48

And she still wouldn't be an object for you to ogle.

TheCerealKiller | 24

#5742612 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:15

Apparently people don't understand jokes. I'd breast be off then.

crackz12 | 10

#5742912 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 5:11

Tits not a problem for everyone else.

tommygunkid | 4

#5743819 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 1:04

You ogle away cerealkiller men and women do it everyday, and its shown to reduce your risk of cardiac arrest. So ogle to your hearts content.

ottokat | 15

#5743965 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 4:16

yeah, and when they get mad, just tell them it's so you won't get a heart attack

By noobsatin | 19

#5742504 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:50

I'm sure class was so interesting nobody wanted to get their eyes off the board to look anyway.

By Welshite | 39

#5742506 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:50

If it was biology or anatomy, your professor should have called you to the front as a real-life lesson.

By evan_7899 | 28

#5742507 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:51

Well they weren't paying attention to the lecture anymore

By slayertack | 19

#5742510 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:51

I bet you got good grades after that.

By Yakostovian | 18

#5742511 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:52

For your sake, I do hope you remembered a brassiere.

perdix | 29

#5742531 - Monday 4 November 2013 23:04

For my sake, hope you were bra-less and have beautiful tits.

And I hope you shook em a bit seductively before you realized your mistake.

Silvinomiae | 20

#5742598 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:03

As you would have to imagine it any way, why not just take the leap whether it was the case or not?

By vap_fml | 9

#5742512 - Monday 4 November 2013 22:52

OMG!! Sorry OP