Health: Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist....

By ugh - 26/12/2012 14:05 - United States - Troy

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 006

You deserved it 3 367

Health

Sorry…

Triage

Nepotism rules

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 14:35 - Taiwan

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 378

You deserved it 4 527

By dyingtinkerbell - 18/10/2009 11:14 - Australia

Today, I went to my company's HR manager to ask what the procedure was to file a sexual harassment complaint since my boss exposed himself to me. His response was that the procedure is to "get over it." And he went back to reading. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 732

You deserved it 4 410

By Anonymous - 21/02/2011 03:28 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 287

You deserved it 4 983

By leeceetaylor99 - 15/07/2013 16:47 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 769

You deserved it 3 863

Significant other

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 02:00

Today, my Apple Watch notified me that my long-term exposure to loud noises may be dangerous to my hearing. I’ve been crying since my SO left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 152

By gross. - 28/04/2013 03:25 - United States - Greenville

Today, my friend made me go on a carnival ride. The whole time, I complained that I was going to puke. I didn't, though. She did, all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 413

You deserved it 6 120

By WtfDoIDo?! - 02/07/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she wants to marry me and have my children. I’m 15. We've been dating for 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 116

You deserved it 218

By "Jam2019" - 15/02/2019 14:00

Today, despite using the bathroom before I left my house, then at the bus station 10 minutes later, I still had to get off my bus halfway into my hour long journey to pee in a back alley or I would have wet myself. I'm 24 and this has happened twice in the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 228

By deadandwasted - 20/02/2010 08:20 - United States

Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 484

You deserved it 2 432

By dumass - 27/09/2014 02:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 536

You deserved it 21 101

By victimboi - 05/06/2009 19:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a taxi home from work. Only having notes in my wallet, I told the taxi driver that I'd run inside my house and come back out with the change for the journey. He agreed, but only if I left my bag as collateral. It seemed fair. An hour later, I realized my wallet was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 312

You deserved it 48 252

By Lisa - 09/11/2018 07:00 - United States - Sedalia

Today, I developed a roll of film I'd had sitting around for years. It was all images my ex had taken of him scrubbing his ass and toilet with my electric toothbrush, which I'd used for at least a month after our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 075

You deserved it 311

By shelly - 08/03/2012 22:23 - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 492

You deserved it 7 389

By soembarrassed - 02/08/2009 13:40 - Australia

Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 393

You deserved it 12 430

By Username - 15/05/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 396

You deserved it 18 039

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 04:00

Today, I finished hauling all of my possessions from another state, because I was supposed to move in with my girlfriend. I was just waiting to find a job. Almost as soon as my stuff was delivered, she broke up with me and told me to figure out getting it all back by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 014

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 14/12/2015 03:23 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 050

You deserved it 2 124

By grreeatttt - 31/01/2009 01:57 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I called him around two minutes after that, and he had already fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 351

You deserved it 35 037

By hhaannnnaahh - 13/02/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 908

You deserved it 3 491

Not a girl, not yet a woman

By Anonymous - 28/02/2020 01:00

Today, I got a very accusatory phone call from my daughter's teacher. According to my daughter, I absolutely refuse to let her eat in the morning. In reality, I told her it’s her responsibility to get herself up and get breakfast on her own before we leave. My daughter is 17 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 257

You deserved it 202

By oops - 27/09/2015 02:24 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 716

You deserved it 5 568

By Anonymous - 14/03/2014 04:06 - Canada - London

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 827

You deserved it 7 299

By Elsine - 02/10/2018 13:30

Today, after having to move home with my parents because I'm broke and can't seem to find a job, my mom found out I'm on anti-depressants. She and my dad will no longer be helping with money because she doesn't like "drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 219

You deserved it 230

By Rory - 14/04/2012 22:19 - Canada - Toronto

Today, despite the fact that I'm really sick, my mom insisted that I come home and help babysit my cousins this weekend. When I got there, everyone else took off to do "errands," leaving me with three hyperactive, howler monkey-like children to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 111

You deserved it 2 845

By fluke - 19/09/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a teenage boy from entering the woman's bathroom. When he argued with me I had him thrown out. Turns out, according to their parents and driver's license, it was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 798

You deserved it 45 818

Free healthcare, now!

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 10:02

Today, I flew to America for my dad's funeral. I broke my vials of insulin and went to a pharmacy for a refill. No one told me they charge for insulin in America. One vial cost 270 dollars, the funeral is three days away and after booking a hotel, I have 6 dollars to feed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 696

You deserved it 190

By lionhead14 - 20/05/2011 19:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 869

You deserved it 42 390

By Anonymos_fmler - 21/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 849

You deserved it 5 280

By anonymous - 10/02/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, I went to the store and bought some cream to help with a sunburn I'd gotten a few days ago. What's worse than having red, peeling, and painful skin? An allergic reaction on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 999

You deserved it 2 740

By itsEVERYWHERE - 08/03/2010 05:34 - United States

Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 032

You deserved it 2 626

By cjgreer70 - 18/01/2014 23:09 - United States - West Linn

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 299

You deserved it 4 632

By Sleep Walking - 23/01/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 780

You deserved it 9 167

By Sadfaic - 23/01/2012 02:59 - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 527

You deserved it 2 123

Hammertime

By ticketed - 02/07/2017 00:00

Today, like every other day, I didn't stop at the stop sign right before my house because it's pointless and there's never any cops patrolling my neighborhood. Boy, was I wrong this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 210

You deserved it 10 055

By Cracky - 27/11/2012 14:32 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 351

You deserved it 1 983

By AnalProbe - 12/03/2017 18:00

Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 031

You deserved it 479

By name50 - 07/02/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 595

You deserved it 73 922

By phillyfan4life - 21/02/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 773

You deserved it 28 391

By pissingcontest - 30/05/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 614

You deserved it 45 930

What's going on?

By Pointless - 10/07/2021 08:01 - Australia - Toowoomba

Today, I got a concussion when banging my head. I got extremely nauseous and nearly passed out. The emergency doctor gave me anti-nausea pills. The top three side effects are headache, dizziness and drowsiness. I have no idea if they're working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 101

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Top comments

Sinamoi 18

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:08

"I bet you're good at drilling more then teeth Mr. Dentist Guy." *collapse*

0RedPenguin0 8

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:11

"Drill me. Drill me so hard." I'm sure he'll be happy to use all his tools on you.

Sinamoi 18

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:08

"I bet you're good at drilling more then teeth Mr. Dentist Guy." *collapse*

TML329 14

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:37

"Will you fill my cavity doc"

laughtersplay 14

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 21:03

"I'll let you in my mouth, any time of the day"

Brett41 10

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 21:56

This reminds me of Horrible Bosses haha

insertnameherr 11

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 23:34

"Wow, your drilling tool is so big."

UnderJonathan 8

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Thursday 27 December 2012 1:27

It reminds me of Jennifer Aniston from "Horrible Bosses." I'd let her do anything to me...any day...

0RedPenguin0 8

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:11

"Drill me. Drill me so hard." I'm sure he'll be happy to use all his tools on you.

howdeedoo 22

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:12

How will you say anything understandable when they're working on your teeth?

MrSassypants 32

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:23

Good point. So instead of being embarrassed when she says "I want you to fuck me with your dick" she'll wake up to getting a fudge, Popsicle stick.

theslimshadylp 6

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:12

"Oh doctor, I'm awful vulnerable I sure hope no one fondles me while I'm under."

stargirl_95 24

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:55

Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low. Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me

stargirl_95 24

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:57

Sorry, this was meant to be in reply to the comment under this one

nycwrestler 17

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:13

Is this real life?

kathbutter 12

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:14

or is this just fantasy

Enslaved 36

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:23

Caught in a landslide No escape from reality

ElmoSaysSquishy 28

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:38

Open your eyes, look up to the sky and see.

ichliebekekse 11

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:49

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy

sonuskos 6

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:56

Theres no hope for humanity

Angio113 10

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:57

Because I'm easy come, easy go

kathbutter 12

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 20:02

little high little low

Tali147 16

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 20:25

Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me.

I_lost_the_game 25

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 20:25

Momma, I just killed a man

MrSassypants 32

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 20:28

Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you.

ichliebekekse 11

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Thursday 27 December 2012 0:35

And I've just been Rick Rolled!

stargazur 9

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Friday 28 December 2012 0:04

Put a gun up to his head, pulled my trigger, now he's head.

silbot 11

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Friday 28 December 2012 11:14

I love how none of you got the reference and he ended up being downvoted... Wow

destroyu 8

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:13

The dentist is scary... They will touch you

AndyAutopsy 11

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:13

I'm guessing that you'd like him to put more than dentistry tools in your mouth, eh? ;D

Pleonasm 35

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:14

Sedation will only let the tooth out. But don't worry, he'll get to the root of this matter when you acci-dentally tell him you want him over you, while you're under. Don't be so floss-tile to the idea of him knowing about your dream, OP! This situation will gum to grow on you and you might like the bridge this makes in you and your dentist's relationship.