Animals: Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 85

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 112

06/08/2013 04:01

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 262

You deserved it 19 699

The smell detective is on the case

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

27/01/2010 00:09

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 888

You deserved it 2 532

Respect should be earned

By sarah - 06/06/2020 20:00

Today, while out in public, my stepmom turned and screamed at me for a good while for “walking through a door before an elder.” People stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 203

Time to scramble

By BellaBabii32 - 27/04/2021 02:01

Today, I went to get coffee. While I was at the drive-thru window, I went to pay with my card but dropped it right out the window. It went under my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 148

15/06/2009 04:48

Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 637

You deserved it 25 845

Right in the nuts

By Anonymous - 01/06/2021 06:01

Today, I thought it would be fun and nice to pick my little brother up, but no, he accidentally kicked me in the balls. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 200

24/08/2012 09:33

Today, I was taking a relaxing bath. My cat decided to sit on the ledge, which is normal for her, but today she fell in. I never knew how painful it was to be scratched down there until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 586

You deserved it 2 803

07/12/2009 19:16

Today, I finally got a hold of my husband who I haven't actually talked to in 2 and 1/2 weeks since he is deployed and it's hard to chat. He told me he couldn't talk because he was in an epic battle, in Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 110

You deserved it 4 698

Celebrity lookalike

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 17:57

Today, a guy at work told me I look like a famous celebrity. I was flattered, until he remembered the celebrity's name: Steve Buscemi. That wouldn't be a compliment, even if I weren't a 24-year-old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 543

You deserved it 2 583

24/11/2016 13:17

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 680

You deserved it 2 238

23/12/2018 00:00

Today, when I showed someone my 9-year old passport, she commented, “you look so different! Now you have that Jason Statham thing going on!” My hair goes down to my shoulders; this confirms my receding hairline is real and it’s time to come to grips. At least I’m over 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 370

22/11/2009 15:11

Today, I was finally able to hang out with a girl I really liked at a party. We had a great time and spent hours together. When I leaned in for a kiss at the end of the night, she stopped me and said that "you're a great guy, but we can't go out because you'll be bad for my social reputation." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 979

You deserved it 3 813

04/08/2015 07:33

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 680

You deserved it 6 693

16/01/2013 06:42

Today, I was the last person in line for going on the bus. Incidentally, I was right behind a guy way taller and wider than me. When he got on the bus, the bus driver immediately shut the door behind him. I was left outside chasing after the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 792

You deserved it 2 392

22/06/2011 08:13

Spicy

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 167

You deserved it 7 840

19/10/2009 19:16

Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 162

You deserved it 15 402

When nature calls

By ClaraB - 11/10/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in a bathroom stall. Someone’s little brat had to come in and peek under the stall. She yelled, "Mommy there are two naked people in here!" Her mother bitched us out for, “ruining her daughter’s innocence." The cops were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 3 444

15/09/2015 20:40

Today, I decided to give a break to my students halfway through my 3 hour lecture. The break became the end of the lecture, because nobody came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 213

You deserved it 4 616

04/06/2016 14:52

Today, I tried having some girl time with my mom so I could sneakily figure out what to get her for her birthday. All I could think of in the end was a time machine, after her rant about wishing she'd gotten her tubes tied rather than going through the stress of raising me and my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 941

You deserved it 931

Lockdown boredom

By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 02:08

Today, thanks to 10 months of lockdown, the most intimate thing I have done on a Saturday night during this time is use a hobby knife to cut 1/4" thick calluses off my feet. I don't even walk anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 144

Classic move

By qyx3lmnop24 - 20/12/2014 07:33

Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 342

You deserved it 5 051

08/05/2009 14:53

Spicy

Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 464

You deserved it 4 491

25/06/2009 22:29

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 340

You deserved it 3 802

27/05/2013 00:40

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 097

You deserved it 8 251

24/08/2012 00:05

Today, I found out my girlfriend is only with me because I'm a mechanic and I fix her constantly broken-down car for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 223

You deserved it 2 621

Alarmed

By Anonymous - 08/09/2019 20:01

Today, after 5 hours of attempting to sleep, I began to finally drift off. Then, some fuckwit who'd parked his car right outside my door took 20 minutes to switch his alarm off. I have to be up in about 4 hours, after a 12-hour night shift, heading into another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 97

18/12/2015 18:16

Today, I found out why my history grade is so low: the kid in front of me takes my homework, writes his name on it, and passes it off as his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 695

You deserved it 1 807

News to me

By Jean Chretien Lookalike - 23/04/2021 02:04

Today, I was looking at baby photos of me with my mom. I realized that I was making a funny face in some of them, particularly when smiling. I asked my mom if that was a silly face I used to like making. She replied, "Oh, honey no, you had Bell's Palsy until you were two." FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 69

28/11/2010 17:17

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over to visit. Being nice, I let him walk down the stairs first, following after him. I still managed to reach the bottom before he did; after taking one step, I lost my footing and fell all the way down, scraping the skin off my arms and legs, and bruising my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 133

You deserved it 4 745

My Baby Boy

By Lilahpaints - 22/10/2019 18:00

Today, twelve days after stomach surgery, I birthed a left behind, forgotten blood-stained stinky surgical swab from my vagina. I have no idea why it was there in the first place. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 276

You deserved it 131

25/05/2012 15:10

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 414

You deserved it 3 793

05/02/2012 02:51

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 240

You deserved it 42 408

08/05/2019 05:00

Today, I saved a young girl from drowning in a hotel pool with no lifeguards on duty. The girl's mother was too busy on her phone to notice what was happening, and when I called out to her, she started yelling at her daughter for going in too far. Never bothered to thank me for saving her kid either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 147

BURN

By Anonymous - 14/01/2018 15:00

Today, at work, I cashed out a sweet old lady. As I handed her the bag, she looked at me kindly and said, "Don’t worry sweetie. It'll get better," to which I responded, "What will get better?" She smiled at me and said, "Your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 681

You deserved it 352

07/12/2014 20:54

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 732

You deserved it 4 366

13/12/2010 16:29

Today, I was in the car with my mom. We were discussing my brother, how he's been screwing up majorly lately and she blamed it on his friends. Then she turned to me and said, "It's a good thing you've never had any friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 491

You deserved it 3 889

No Gods, No Masters

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 14:02

Today, it's been 3 weeks of being sick with gastritis and constantly feeling pain and weak. I've been pushing myself to work, and despite doing 150+ files, my boss said it’s not good enough for the company and hinted I might be let go. I got my job during the pandemic and might be losing it after 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 67

Oh, hello

By kikuhime - 17/01/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 88

02/12/2011 06:15

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 956

You deserved it 2 705

20/11/2017 06:00

Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 135

You deserved it 508

22/11/2018 22:00

Today, while at a family gathering, I sat down in a chair and it broke. Embarrassed, I picked myself up and sat down in another chair. That one broke too. I'm now the "fat girl" of the family despite weighing 90 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 945

You deserved it 235

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 12:02

Still not great that there was used tea bags on your floor...

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 12:04

Now that's not a very mice situation to be in.

Comments

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 12:02

Still not great that there was used tea bags on your floor...

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 13:39

Maybe the mouse transformed. Robots in disguise...

K410 18

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 14:33

Well someone needs glasses lol

jacsoccerdude3 10

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 15:48

Do you want ants… because that's how you get ants.

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 11:38

It's crazy how all that shooing did not phase the mouse lmao. It was the morning, give her a break lol.

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 12:04

Now that's not a very mice situation to be in.

Sinistra_Blue 12

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 14:22

"Not so funny meow is it?"

ColdplaySucks 18

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 17:00

I rodent want to be in a room with a mouse.

jonmansheppard 9

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 5:59

With the tea bag off the floor, at least her kitchen is sqeaky clean!

Neyuu 18

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Thursday 8 August 2013 11:16

It'll be quite the tail to tell her friends about later.

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 12:10

You mouse have some ratty eye sight!

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 13:04

Nice try.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 13:40

^nice try also.

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 13:43

^You gave it a shot.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 13:53

^10/10 for effort.

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 14:20

^You tried your best.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 14:50

^your tenacity is admirable.

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 15:09

^Your perceptive insights are certainly commendable.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 15:41

^your ability to maintain an appreciative atmosphere is applaudable.

Voij 16

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 15:54

Shall we consider this combo broken? Perhaps...

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 17:29

^No.

RoboCunnilingus 23

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 17:57

^Never

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 18:26

^47 - I find your lack of faith disturbing. *choke*

DKjazz 20

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 2:57

v What a witty and well-rounded comment. I commend you, sir or madam.

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 12:14

I heard tea bags are notorious for spreading disease and biting people as well, you should watch out for those too

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 12:14

When does shooing actually ever work anyway?

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 17:00

"Shoo fly don't bother me!"

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 12:20

Reminds me of when I saw a piece of dark string hanging from the lamp and thought it was a spider.

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 12:22

Should have gone to Spec-savers

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 16:28

They should use this scenario for their next ad. Lol

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 12:33

I was under the impression mice were cute!

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 14:26

You are right, but teabags aren't.

botanistjessica 24

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 17:38

I don't understand how people are scared of mice. Then again, the same people would probably laugh when I run away screaming at sight of a moth.

andits 21

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 12:33

Well at least you're brave enough to shoo away a mice or heck be in the same room! Many would just run out screaming and go crazy and have someone else deal with it or pray the mouse dies on its own!

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 13:11

Oh god, do we really live in a society where you're brave when you can stand in the same room with a mouse? Humans are sometimes such a disgrace for nature...

Raykyogrou03 12

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 13:57

Komend van een meisje met een gasmasker lol

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 14:48

Ja, want 't is dat meisjes met gasmaskers de natuur het schaamrood op de wangen laten krijgen.

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 15:49

Elephants are scared of mice. Your point is invalid

brammerderambam 8

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 12:35

Teabags can be scary?

benmec 18

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 13:24

Tea bags can be scary. Except for the good kind. Rarrrrr!