Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up...

By dieders - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up a ladder in front of my window tending to the plants growing up the side of the wall. This would've been fine if his ballsack wasn't hanging out his shorts. FML

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Miscellaneous

Sorry…

Modernity

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what posessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to dicuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML

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By me - Canada

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

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By BadtoWorse - United States

Today, after thinking I smelled the aroma of stale alcohol, I asked my husband, who is a recovering alcoholic, if he has been completely honest with me about all that he has been doing. Bracing myself to hear about his fall off the wagon, I instead heard a confession of adultery. FML

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36869

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By Josie - Australia

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

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By matiasbarbero - United States

Today, a black cat crossed in front of my truck and I thought to myself that it was funny people believe black cats bring bad luck. Not even two minutes later, I drove my truck into a ditch. FML

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By youdontknowwho

Forward thinker

Today, my boyfriend took a picture of us together because he wanted to have something to burn when we break up. FML

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1492

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By climbing the walls - 30/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

Today, it’s been nearly six months since our state has been on lockdown. My boyfriend the introvert has never been happier. Meanwhile, I, the extrovert, have been bored to literal tears from the lack of human interactions and travel. There’s only so much Netflix and reading I can do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

945

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By Anonymous

Today, I asked my mom if she'd seen my financial calculator on my way out to an exam. She told me she'd tossed it in the donation pile that she'd taken to the Salvation Army this morning because it was "clutter." I needed it to take the exam, which is required to pass the class, to graduate next month. The only place to buy a replacement was closed. FML

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2355

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By Coldflame - United States

Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed: standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my brand new car. FML

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By Girlygal32 - 13/9/2020 08:02 - United States

Contagion

Today, my mother chewed me out for not wearing deodorant and smelling of B.O. I was wearing plenty of deodorant. My shirt just smelled like my boyfriend, whom I'd been cuddling with earlier. FML

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By thedullard - United States

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

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17409

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By smellymcgee - United States - Farmington

Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML

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13373

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By MikeA

Today, I used Siri to text my VP asking for a good time to talk. Siri helpfully changed the text to ask for a "good time to talk my dick" and sent it before I could change it. FML

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By Stevie - Canada

Today, my mom was convinced that the lawn gnomes we bought from Wal-Mart were secretly conspiring to kill us. FML

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33705

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By Anonymous - Australia - Coogee

Today, while holidaying in Greece, I approached a cute girl in a club and offered her a drink in Greek. She said, "No Greek!" and then called me an "ugly kiss-ass" in English, thinking I wouldn't understand. I'm Australian. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Reasonable

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I declared I was done with online dating after several disasters. My friend set me up with a friend of her husband's. Turns out he's one of the men who rejected me on the website. He laughed when he saw me and said, "Well, this is awkward" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14520

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML

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By Username

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

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37427

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By NightzGremlin - 12/9/2020 14:01

No sleep for the wicked

Today, I came home from work to find construction workers repaving my street. I work the graveyard shift. FML

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By fatto - Sweden

Today, I got up very early to join my fit, slim, husband for a morning walk, since I work from home, order food to be delivered, and barely leave the couch. Afterwards, he biked off to work, and I went straight back to bed. With some candy. Small steps, I guess. FML

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1619

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By Alyssa - United States

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

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By AshleyP - United Kingdom

Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML

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By Frenchgirl - United States

Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML

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By frustrated - United States - Antioch

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

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By DumpedHisAss - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

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By honk honk, fuckwad - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my two year old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I opted to stay cool and wear my bathing suit all day. My mom took it as me rubbing in the fact that I'm thinner than her and grounded me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went through the car wash my boyfriend works at. When I pulled in, I explained I was Greg's girlfriend and cutely asked if I could get a free car wash. His co-worker looked at me confused and said "Greg said he didn't have a girlfriend", then he looked at me and said "Now I know why". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated 2 years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML

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By HungryStudent - Puerto Rico - Carolina

Today, my 24-year-old, unemployed brother stole all of my food money and went out with his friends. His punishment from our parents? He has to pay me back when he gets a job. My stomach has to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45927

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By blow away - United States - Middletown

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

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43162

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By ms piggy - United States

Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13991

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By ihatemakingnames - United Kingdom - London

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

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32139

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By turdburger - Australia

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28062

You deserved it

7045

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By Otherguy - France

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36899

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By C0olgirl - United States

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

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By fml9124

Quick reflexes

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

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Top comments

By magicdust95 | 31

#6715197 - Monday 21 November 2016 18:01

There's nothing like beginning the day with the sight of the sun high up in the sky and hanging ballsacks. Have a great day OP !

By Taco The Dank | 27

#6715201 - Monday 21 November 2016 18:10

Haha yes! I moderated this like two hours ago and it already has been accepted. It's a real FYL though, no one wants to see a ballsack hanging out...

COMMENTS

By One_In_Three | 24

#6715190 - Monday 21 November 2016 17:39

I was actually expecting him to be staring at you and/or jacking off...

DannyDizzle | 8

#6715375 - Tuesday 22 November 2016 13:53

Jacking off on a ladder is riskay business

One_In_Three | 24

#6715416 - Tuesday 22 November 2016 16:43

Good point.

Jay18 | 22

#6715622 - Wednesday 23 November 2016 5:34

people who jack off on ladders are usually high in class

By stingray112 | 24

#6715191 - Monday 21 November 2016 17:42

Gotta let the air flow sometimes

By magicdust95 | 31

#6715197 - Monday 21 November 2016 18:01

There's nothing like beginning the day with the sight of the sun high up in the sky and hanging ballsacks. Have a great day OP !

dieders | 24

#6715233 - Monday 21 November 2016 20:19

Hahaha cheers old boy

By species4872 | 19

#6715199 - Monday 21 November 2016 18:05

How long did you look?

By Taco The Dank | 27

#6715201 - Monday 21 November 2016 18:10

Haha yes! I moderated this like two hours ago and it already has been accepted. It's a real FYL though, no one wants to see a ballsack hanging out...

OhPuhleeze | 23

#6715365 - Tuesday 22 November 2016 12:27

Wow! Just how much time do you spend here mate?

MamaChey | 22

#6715435 - Tuesday 22 November 2016 17:29

Cheddardoge - interesting how quickly your turned this FML post around and made it about you. That was talented.

Taco The Dank | 27

#6715459 - Tuesday 22 November 2016 18:02

Obviously it was acceptable if people liked the comment so...

dieders | 24

#6715652 - Wednesday 23 November 2016 9:34

Yeah quit steeling my glory

By Wizardo | 33

#6715211 - Monday 21 November 2016 19:38

All kinds of topiary, mainly genital themed today though.

By Mynamewontfi | 40

#6715213 - Monday 21 November 2016 19:43

The birds are chirping. The morning sun is glowing. The ballsack is dangling.

By Yarecho | 14

#6715218 - Monday 21 November 2016 19:44

The gardener is tending to something else too huh?

By VikingLynne | 18

#6715220 - Monday 21 November 2016 19:49

early seasonal greetings with Christmas balls in the window

By Llyev | 10

#6715224 - Monday 21 November 2016 19:59

I would've straight up told him his balls were sagging out.