Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up...

By dieders - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up a ladder in front of my window tending to the plants growing up the side of the wall. This would've been fine if his ballsack wasn't hanging out his shorts. FML

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Miscellaneous

Late term

Walk on the wild side

Doomed

By pencilskirt

Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML

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2039

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By wow kid just leave me alone - United States

Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2020 23:02 - Germany - Köln

Yummy

Today, I discovered that 90% of what I do still works on autopilot when I’m too tired to pay attention: Take coffee cup, walk to fridge, open fridge door, grab bottle, pour contents into coffee. The missing 10% was the fact that this particular bottle contained grapefruit juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

982

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By Anonymous - Spain - Zaragoza

Today, an old friend of mine landed in Spain, where he's visiting me. After a few minutes talking about where we should meet, we realized the reason he couldn't figure out where it was, was probably due to the fact that he was in Barcelona. I live in Madrid. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML

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49822

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By Autocorrected - Philippines - Makati

Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, like every other day at work, I had to listen to people talk about being addicted to sex. I have to treat people for addiction to something I've never even had. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 20:01 - United States - San Mateo

Compassionate dad, huh?

Today, I was having an emotional breakdown. I'm unhappy a lot and don't know why. It's very confusing. My dad yelled at me, telling me, "You have no right to be sad!" I'm even more confused now. Help. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the guy I've been talking to for two months told me he hooked up with a girl last night, before blocking me on everything. I also was with him last night. FML

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1782

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By s3xygrandpa - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after I caught my husband cheating and lying, he had the nerve to claim it wasn't a big deal because, "I always come home to you!" FML

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5392

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By Rosies - France

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. We all looked together at family photos on the computer. The first picture was a close up of my mother, bare breasts in full view. FML

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35436

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that if I was caught yawning again, I'd be fired. FML

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20784

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By esoog - United States

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

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15495

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By fmmlll - United States

Today, I'm going on an 8 hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

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32366

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By Carmen - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend does not stop by my apartment to give me a kiss between classes. He is actually stopping by between his classes to steal my condoms because he is too cheap to pay for them when he cheats on me. FML

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67734

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02

Man child

Today, instead of being an adult, my husband was more hysterical than my daughter during a hissy fit. It makes me want to divorce him. FML

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776

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161

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By JT - Canada

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

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35192

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By Anonymous - United States - San Jose

Today, I started my new job as a cashier for a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine for a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee". I'm the only woman working there. FML

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45742

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By Anonymous - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

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42109

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML

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67635

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By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

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17580

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By Takuma - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

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21521

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By taptheturtle - United States

Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency for my interview to be a potential model and I was next in line. They called "NEXT!" and I walked in with a smile on my face. They stared at my face for a moment and then started yelling "NEXT". FML

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58433

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By Tasha84 - United States

Today, I got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin. I also got my period. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

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9874

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By ceilingssuck - New Zealand

Today, I noticed that my ceiling was sagging slightly. I got up on to a chair to look at it more closely, and I touched it. Turns out that my ceiling was full of water. It went everywhere, ruining my new iPod, phone, and all the things my daughter bought for university. FML

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30749

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By Screamslikeagirl - United States - Union City

Today, there must have been a wasp clinging to my front door because when I walked outside, it dropped between my glasses and my face and began stinging me all around my eye. I don't know if my eye is more swollen from the stings or from me repeatedly punching myself in the face. FML

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13053

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By TractorUWG - United States

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

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40259

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By tillyg15 - United Kingdom - Droitwich

Today, I had to ring up our local competitors to get prices for paint. I pretended I'd just bought a house and was doing it up, and I actually got excited about doing up a make-believe house. FML

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21236

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By silkworm - United States

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

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52853

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By Anonymous - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, barely 2 hours into a 5 hour car ride home, my mom accidentally let slip that she's been cheating on my dad. I had to sit with the bitch in a diner for ages while my dad bawled his eyes out alone in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31598

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By lsta - United States

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55943

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was alone with a work acquaintance at lunch. A noise came from his pocket; he whipped out his iPod Touch and said "Sorry, I have to take this," before walking away with the iPod to his ear. Not only did he not want to talk to me, he thought I was stupid enough to confuse an iPod with a phone. FML

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47602

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By mile high clubber - United States - Bensalem

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64992

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By social anxiety my a** - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, after three years with my boyfriend hardly ever going to any social or public event with me due to his social anxiety, I got to witness him improve his flirting skills on every girl available at his house party. FML

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37597

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By sysadmin:~# rm -rf / - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my self-esteem sank so low that I sabotaged my workplace's corporate network, then fixed it, just so I could feel needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44609

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By fittingroompotty - United States

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

109408

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By senelbeat - United States

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her "if I want to have sex I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you marry". She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41113

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By mr_cheese - United States - Seattle

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

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Top comments

By magicdust95 | 31

#6715197 - Monday 21 November 2016 18:01

There's nothing like beginning the day with the sight of the sun high up in the sky and hanging ballsacks. Have a great day OP !

By Taco The Dank | 27

#6715201 - Monday 21 November 2016 18:10

Haha yes! I moderated this like two hours ago and it already has been accepted. It's a real FYL though, no one wants to see a ballsack hanging out...

COMMENTS

By One_In_Three | 24

#6715190 - Monday 21 November 2016 17:39

I was actually expecting him to be staring at you and/or jacking off...

DannyDizzle | 8

#6715375 - Tuesday 22 November 2016 13:53

Jacking off on a ladder is riskay business

One_In_Three | 24

#6715416 - Tuesday 22 November 2016 16:43

Good point.

Jay18 | 22

#6715622 - Wednesday 23 November 2016 5:34

people who jack off on ladders are usually high in class

By stingray112 | 24

#6715191 - Monday 21 November 2016 17:42

Gotta let the air flow sometimes

By magicdust95 | 31

#6715197 - Monday 21 November 2016 18:01

There's nothing like beginning the day with the sight of the sun high up in the sky and hanging ballsacks. Have a great day OP !

dieders | 24

#6715233 - Monday 21 November 2016 20:19

Hahaha cheers old boy

By species4872 | 19

#6715199 - Monday 21 November 2016 18:05

How long did you look?

By Taco The Dank | 27

#6715201 - Monday 21 November 2016 18:10

Haha yes! I moderated this like two hours ago and it already has been accepted. It's a real FYL though, no one wants to see a ballsack hanging out...

OhPuhleeze | 23

#6715365 - Tuesday 22 November 2016 12:27

Wow! Just how much time do you spend here mate?

MamaChey | 22

#6715435 - Tuesday 22 November 2016 17:29

Cheddardoge - interesting how quickly your turned this FML post around and made it about you. That was talented.

Taco The Dank | 27

#6715459 - Tuesday 22 November 2016 18:02

Obviously it was acceptable if people liked the comment so...

dieders | 24

#6715652 - Wednesday 23 November 2016 9:34

Yeah quit steeling my glory

By Wizardo | 33

#6715211 - Monday 21 November 2016 19:38

All kinds of topiary, mainly genital themed today though.

By Mynamewontfi | 40

#6715213 - Monday 21 November 2016 19:43

The birds are chirping. The morning sun is glowing. The ballsack is dangling.

By Yarecho | 14

#6715218 - Monday 21 November 2016 19:44

The gardener is tending to something else too huh?

By VikingLynne | 18

#6715220 - Monday 21 November 2016 19:49

early seasonal greetings with Christmas balls in the window

By Llyev | 10

#6715224 - Monday 21 November 2016 19:59

I would've straight up told him his balls were sagging out.