Health: Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with...

By stupiddrunk - 01/03/2011 01:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 025

You deserved it 39 304

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Same thing different taste

By Sebastian20 - 08/05/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 324

You deserved it 15 609

By fml - 19/01/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 839

You deserved it 40 902

Stuck

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 347

You deserved it 5 231

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 23:54 - United States

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 853

You deserved it 38 295

By nekkiddrunk - 14/01/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 894

You deserved it 40 583

By baddoggy - 17/10/2010 08:13 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 110

You deserved it 23 589

By Devin - 21/06/2019 22:17

Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 714

By FailedEngineer - 20/10/2009 21:31 - Australia

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 266

You deserved it 35 647

WTH happened?

By Anonymous - 05/10/2009 05:11 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 371

You deserved it 42 540

By Matthew - 27/11/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 882

You deserved it 4 579

ritzbits 0

Tuesday 1 March 2011 8:57

it wouldn't been sexier if you were naked.

kingtz 6

Tuesday 1 March 2011 9:12

Kinky! YDI for not getting electrified nipple clamps to go with your outfit.

Comments

Chad_from_work 0

Tuesday 1 March 2011 9:08

How about you get some scissors and cut the collar off? I assume you're a person with opposable thumbs and not actually a dog. And then you should probably get some new friends.

Lunaa94 6

Tuesday 1 March 2011 9:25

While your wrists are handcuffed? Of course. Have you even read the FML?

tweetbaby14 18

Tuesday 1 March 2011 12:39

you act like it's impossible to move both hands at the same time...

Lunaa94 6

Tuesday 1 March 2011 14:26

Depends on if your hands are behind you or in front of you.

Nychthemeron 2

Tuesday 1 March 2011 16:25

Even then, it's not like it's too difficult to get your hands in front of you.

horseracingjocey 0

Tuesday 1 March 2011 16:57

Actually 78, it takes a very flexible person to be able to get their hands to the front of their body if they are handcuffed behind your back. It also takes a person who is not overweight.