Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk... - FML

By Timv86 - 16/2/2010 08:18 - Australia

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice 'stop following me you freak'. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32792

You deserved it

3059

Tweet

Share

Compassion

Night terrors

Higher standards

By hawtpinkpanties - 4/5/2009 12:35 - United States

Today, my grandma gave me a gift (something she has never done before). I was so excited until I found out it was one of her overdue library books on dolphins. I feel so loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48699

You deserved it

3108

Tweet

Share

By admin1771 - 25/12/2016 17:00 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I'm supposed to go to my girlfriend's house for Christmas with her family. I got a text from her saying that her dad found our used condom package from last night. I'm supposed to be there in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9897

You deserved it

3139

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/12/2015 09:26 - United States - Natick

Today, I was in class and I smelled what I thought was month-old trash coming from a student in front of me. I politely ignored the smell, only to realize a few hours later that the persistent smell wasn't coming from every student in my university, but was from my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20130

You deserved it

8353

Tweet

Share

By horribleawfulnogoodverybadweek - 15/11/2019 05:00

Artificial teeth

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over text because she discovered from my mum that my teeth aren't my natural teeth, and she feels disgusted kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2051

You deserved it

154

Tweet

Share

By ouchies - 5/5/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, she thought I was prank calling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33619

You deserved it

3575

Tweet

Share

By ParanoidFreak - 31/12/2010 09:31 - United States

Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8900

You deserved it

40044

Tweet

Share

By Parent - 8/4/2018 23:00 - United States - Elkhart

Today, being a divorced dad, I had a very important job opportunity for which I would be gone overnight. When I returned, I found my son locked in his room while the babysitter was having sex with a man in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6631

You deserved it

380

Tweet

Share

By miabun - 14/2/2017 06:02 - United States - Breinigsville

Cling Alert

Today, my boyfriend has helicopter parents. He offered to take me out on a date for Valentine's Day, but there's one condition: his mother has to be there the whole time. He's 17 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6739

You deserved it

867

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/9/2019 22:00 - United States - Athens

Close, but no cigar

Today, my boyfriend tried to compliment my date-night attire. His brain couldn't decide between, "So pretty" and, "You're the shit," so his mouth decided, "You're so shitty" would suffice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1747

You deserved it

222

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/12/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, a man tried to rob the winery I worked at by knife-point. I managed to scare him off by throwing a bottle of wine at him. My boss fired me because I broke a $25 bottle of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43537

You deserved it

2811

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/2/2014 23:16 - United Kingdom

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24669

You deserved it

52859

Tweet

Share

By asthmasucks - 19/9/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65034

You deserved it

3572

Tweet

Share

By Mylifeisaboldandbeautifulepisode - 6/12/2017 15:00

Today, I was telling a close friend about the devastating discovery of my husband’s cheating. Turns out, she may be giving my children a half-sister for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6515

You deserved it

327

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 17/7/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62507

You deserved it

7360

Tweet

Share

By MissNoFuture - 20/6/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he's been having doubts, but he still wants to stay with me. I asked him why he had been so nervous about us and he replied, "I don't know, just thinking about a future with you makes me feel nauseous". We've been together over 2 years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35037

You deserved it

4017

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 17/11/2011 20:22 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48995

You deserved it

12565

Tweet

Share

By Stranded - 17/7/2009 07:58 - United States

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63701

You deserved it

6655

Tweet

Share

By Anonomous - 8/12/2014 17:58 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I went on a date with a girl who had to cut our date short so she could go on another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38756

You deserved it

3877

Tweet

Share

By unlovedandunfucked - 10/12/2014 18:16 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42474

You deserved it

4518

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/4/2020 02:00

Is this dude a puma?

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1274

You deserved it

1308

Tweet

Share

By blabbermouth - 8/10/2012 17:26 - South Africa - Port Elizabeth

Today, my boyfriend and I made love for the first time. Before we left his house so he could walk me home, I fixed my hair by the hall mirror and joked about having serious sex hair. My boyfriend quickly reminded me that his incredibly religious mother was in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13001

You deserved it

37097

Tweet

Share

By swag papi - 22/1/2016 05:47 - Australia - Perth

Today, my pubic hairs were poking into my wang, I went to scratch it. Something bit my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21888

You deserved it

8284

Tweet

Share

By mr_flarpin - 22/8/2012 00:37 - United States - Stoneham

Today, I got stumped by a childproof door. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18188

You deserved it

7507

Tweet

Share

By musamalia - 6/1/2009 11:58 - France

Today, a very pretty girl came up to me and asked me for my phone number. Very pleased, I give it to her with a huge smile and tell her that I can be reached at any time. I then watch her go back to her group of friends. My number was for her gay friend, who then meekly waved at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29858

You deserved it

3428

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/2/2015 22:49 - United States

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33013

You deserved it

3566

Tweet

Share

By The greatest Illusion ever - 28/10/2013 20:31 - United States

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

I agree, your life sucks

48065

You deserved it

21316

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 06:49 - United Kingdom - Middlewich

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28318

You deserved it

3201

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/6/2012 23:08 - United States - New Kensington

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27374

You deserved it

3375

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, my best friend, with whom I have been in love for years, kissed me, hugged me, held my hand, hooked up with me and told me that he loved me more than anything and wanted to be with me... until he sobered up and his girlfriend got back to town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39452

You deserved it

8147

Tweet

Share

By Cyberella - 17/7/2009 05:36 - Australia

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44103

You deserved it

9607

Tweet

Share

By fuckyouverymuch - 26/10/2013 19:48 - United States - Salida

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41468

You deserved it

7806

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/8/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I left for college. I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things. After packing my entire closet and everything else I needed, I left only to have to head back home. My dad forgot to pay the first semesters tuition. He said "Oh well, you would have failed out anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56601

You deserved it

3863

Tweet

Share

By Burned - 5/6/2011 00:54 - United States

Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45953

You deserved it

7038

Tweet

Share

By dammit hearing aid - 10/7/2014 22:17 - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42732

You deserved it

22154

Tweet

Share

By coius - 21/7/2020 05:01

At risk

Today, after being on steroids to suppress my immune system, I found out it causes pulmonary embolisms. If I stop taking my steroids, my body will try to kill me, but if I take the steroids, the meds will try to kill me. I’m only 35 and was fit before this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1421

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By Math_Rocker - 2/9/2009 22:17 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter followed by embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22262

You deserved it

35041

Tweet

Share

By beaten - 13/9/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, my Marine friend got back from his tour of duty overseas. We went out for drinks to celebrate his return. His own form of celebration was to pick a fight with a returning Navy SEAL and his friends. We lost. Badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34224

You deserved it

14081

Tweet

Share

By VtecKickIn - 17/7/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, I was driving with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32789

You deserved it

5654

Tweet

Share

By SupaSu - 2/4/2009 05:35 - Canada

Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

74616

You deserved it

7886

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/7/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I received a "diamond ring" in Mafia Wars (a facebook app) from my boyfriend of 3 years. Along with the ring came a message. It read, "Will you marry me?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61327

You deserved it

9936

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By clib542 | 0

#862053 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:10

I guess she will be walking home

By Geckofreak97 | 0

#862048 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:09

That sort of thing has happened to me on more than one occasion. FYL

COMMENTS

By fisheatsbear | 6

#862035 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:06

ha

Reply

fisheatsbear | 6

#862041 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:08

yay I got first

Reply

Averizzle | 0

#862153 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:40

Again, you can stick a cucumber covered in fire ants in her vagina as revenge.. Don't forget the camcorder!

Reply

Tripout | 0

#862189 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:49

ROFLMFAO, I'm sorry, this is just too good. Funny as sister you got there >;D

Reply

mrteacup | 0

#862398 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 18:09

ya 34 I doubt why would u do that to a girl? but op your sis' is freaking funny

Reply

Watchmaker | 2

#862885 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 22:03

Suddenly, I have to wonder what happens if you apply cyanoacrylate glue to the bottom end of a cucumber and shove it in a vagina. Would it look like a raging boner from the outside?

Reply

bwhahaha_fml | 10

#863117 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 23:40

34 you have some very evil and disturbing thoughts

and op... that is why you don't take shortcuts and walk around certain sections. and don't even try to say it was the only way.

Reply

mooshibear140 | 4

#863182 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 23:55

your sister does alot of crazy things to you, doesn't she? [:

Reply

Terwilliger | 0

#863225 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 0:09

hahaa is she hot? she has an awesome sense of humour

Reply

jollykilla704 | 0

#863405 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 1:09

leave her there. just get in the car and drive home. you instantly win. and if you took separate cars, dump on hers hood.

Reply

Reyo | 2

#863459 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 1:27

Just what I was thinking 141.

"HAHA YOU LOSER THAT WAS HILA-wait where'd you go..."

Reply

girlwithatruck | 0

#863610 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 1:54

That's fucking sick! why would you even think of that? even if it is revenge...

Reply

weaverr | 4

#863834 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 2:51

that would hurt like hell, lmfao

Reply

karee10 | 0

#863863 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 2:58

that's sooo funny:) sorry dude!!

Reply

xlostwithoutu | 0

#864190 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 4:12

Sounds like something my sister would do. Smack her when u get home.

Reply

mylifeblows32 | 0

#864391 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 5:03

take a dump on her when she us sleeping. that's what I do to keep my girl in line

Reply

jamiebuczko | 0

#864765 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 7:22

lmfao!

Reply

BM13HC | 0

#865950 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 17:48

@ 34 Averizzle, you're going to hell, man

Reply

gingersnapper | 0

#867648 - Thursday 18 February 2010 4:17

Don't forget the_!

Aww, you remembered! :D

Reply

KaylaCrow | 4

#873534 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:32

I think that's almost incest. Sticking anything in your SISTER'S vag is.

Reply

wordgirl | 0

#873718 - Saturday 20 February 2010 0:30

Averizzle: YOU ARE DISGUSTING. you gross, immature asshole. How old are you? Twelve? And do you, by any chance, have alcoholic/drug abusing parents? Maybe you live in a bad part of town? I mean, something's got to be wrong with you...

Reply

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#910818 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 12:47

YDI for being around to protect her from ACTUAL creeps.. I hope you learnt your lesson.. Now, you gotta let her learn hers.. but that could take a while.. In the meantime, #141's plan is sounding nice..

Reply

MiSTERmAttt | 0

#1218992 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 22:16

roflolcopter I would stick a DVD player I her vagina I've done it great revenge

Reply

chahat | 0

#2856604 - Saturday 9 July 2011 18:55

WTF?! just .... WTF?!

Reply

stephanieeDawnx | 0

#3676024 - Saturday 3 December 2011 5:21

Op; Ha! Let's see who's laughing now! >:)
*drives away as sister is coming out of store*
sister; >:( *phone* MOM!!!!!
Op; -_- fuck. Get in.

Sister always wins. :D

Reply

ScottieJo | 8

#3730378 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 15:40

Shut up you spaz. He obviously wasn't serious.

By ZombieBunnies | 0

#862038 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

deathcab7 | 0

#862619 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 19:54

haha^ and op, thats hilarious! thats something I would do.

By Invioletlight | 0

#862042 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:08

In today's society, be lucky you weren't hauled away to spend the night in jail (at least).

Reply

Vayant | 0

#862218 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 17:01

Haha, true.

Reply

thoughtcrimeno1 | 0

#862902 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 22:09

in my home country you would be stoned to death for your insolence, or maybe harpooned...depends on the weather really

Reply

st0815 | 9

#863439 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 1:20

The harpooning is when it rains, I assume?

Reply

Tdoodle | 0

#864605 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 6:14

r u from Canada?

Reply

prepayedtank | 0

#4256648 - Wednesday 4 April 2012 5:07

In Canada, we just put you in a cage with out pet moose (I'm actually Canadian so no hatin)

By Geckofreak97 | 0

#862048 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:09

That sort of thing has happened to me on more than one occasion. FYL

Reply

ianl87 | 0

#862056 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:11

I've never felt better to be an only child

Reply

koolitaliano | 0

#862105 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:25

true, I'd get revenge on her somehow, like stashing a bunch of dildos in a place the mother would look, so she looks like a sex addicted freak

Reply

Averizzle | 0

#862287 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 17:23

rofl. ^

Reply

repyourcliche | 0

#862324 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 17:38

rofl. ^

Reply

omgitsdomonique | 0

#862441 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 18:29

rofl. ^

Reply

mochi_fml | 0

#862493 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 18:49

rofl. ^

Reply

x_HELLo_tHERE_x | 0

#862495 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 18:51

Was that a rofl train?

Reply

willrh102291 | 0

#862551 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 19:15

rofl^

Reply

Averizzle | 0

#862618 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 19:54

rofl^

Reply

ringmybell_fml | 0

#862814 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 21:21

I like to say rofl, 'rolf.'

Reply

thoughtcrimeno1 | 0

#862910 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 22:12

rickrolled obituary funds lasagna

Reply

LauraTheKiwi | 0

#863288 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 0:24

rofl. ^

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#863400 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 1:06

rofl ^

Reply

demoon_fml | 7

#863473 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 1:32

Rofl

Reply

mcgugs | 0

#863622 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 1:56

c-c-c-combo breaker! (again)

Reply

EastonxStealth | 0

#864191 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 4:12

lmfao^

Reply

xlostwithoutu | 0

#864199 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 4:14

rofl. ^

Reply

stlcardsftw | 0

#864470 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 5:23

rofl

Reply

Gumblebum100 | 0

#864533 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 5:40

rofl^ Roadkill, Only For Luck!! lol idk

Reply

gods_hunter10 | 0

#864545 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 5:46

rofl

Reply

matau32 | 0

#864680 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 6:43

rofl^

Reply

HelloAnna | 0

#866623 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:10

Rofl^

Reply

mahamii_93 | 0

#869291 - Thursday 18 February 2010 18:37

rofl ^

Reply

chloelovestoswim | 6

#964906 - Saturday 20 March 2010 13:39

rotflmfao^

Reply

Link5794 | 16

#1208422 - Sunday 8 August 2010 18:46

Roflcoptermfaowtfbbq
BTw, u should bitch-slap the... bitch

Reply

FFYL334 | 0

#2356563 - Saturday 16 April 2011 7:50

rofl^

Reply

Splayd | 10

#3341711 - Sunday 25 September 2011 2:28

rofl ^

Reply

musicalducky | 21

#4958999 - Saturday 22 September 2012 11:40

rofl ^

Reply

Feklfekl2222 | 32

#5332353 - Sunday 20 January 2013 20:39

PMSL ^

Reply

ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6124157 - Friday 21 November 2014 4:31

rofl^

By chellzrox | 0

#862049 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:09

lol. that's messed up.

By maph3rs | 0

#862052 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:10

that's awesome. but yeah lucky you didn't get a kicking!!

By clib542 | 0

#862053 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:10

I guess she will be walking home

Reply

mabs91 | 0

#862806 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 21:19

Exactly what i was thinking.

By samantha_durano | 5

#862057 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:11

hahah, I love your sister.

Reply

do20ss | 4

#862130 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:36

that was clowning, she got u pretty good, op is prolly a nerd and still let her in the car and took her home and ur parents prolly laughed at u too, then u went to ur room and watched AS A FISH EATS A BEAR???

Reply

puedominican | 0

#862280 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 17:22

lol

Reply

fisheatsbear | 6

#862297 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 17:27

you called?

Reply

do20ss | 4

#862432 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 18:27

yea I called to say get a life

By MISStaken43 | 0

#862058 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:11

hahah priceless.

By Invioletlight | 0

#862059 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:11

@Fisheatsbear

You were first because you didn't actually comment. You being first will have some value at least when your comments are
actual viewpoints or opinions related to the FML.

Reply

fisheatsbear | 6

#862068 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:14

shhhh. and think about this: fish eating a bear

Reply

Juggalette_623 | 9

#862139 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 16:37

piranha? >.>

Reply

steffex | 0

#863126 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 23:42

thats one hungry fishhh....