Transportation: Today, I went to the eye doctor and they used dilating eye-drops...

By kraussy - 04/05/2009 06:28 - United States

Today, I went to the eye doctor and they used dilating eye-drops on me. After I left, my vision was still pretty blurry. I walked to the subway and when I went to step onto the train, I missed and my whole left leg got stuck in the gap. The train was delayed 10 minutes because of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 474

You deserved it 5 309

Transportation

Batman

Another great day to be alive

Too real

By bob - 01/09/2011 05:29 - United States

Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 350

You deserved it 2 704

By dinosawerr - 05/05/2009 12:42 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear a helmet when I'm with them. Some college age kids drove past and yelled, "Nice helmet!" My mother then told me, "They like you!" I'm sixteen and my helmet is blue. With flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 590

You deserved it 9 017

By Anonymous - 30/09/2014 17:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 219

You deserved it 4 789

By Punphmelch - 26/03/2014 08:45 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 059

You deserved it 5 582

Disgusting

By ocdeane - 01/10/2019 22:00 - Germany - Mainz

Today, I noticed a disgusting, cheesy smell and spent all day wondering what it was. I later found out that it wasn't coming from my feet, but from my belly button. My surgery wound got infected. I'm a germaphobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 245

By rj - 12/05/2012 14:42 - United States - Goddard

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 390

You deserved it 5 800

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 01:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, at a Christmas party, a cute girl was making a show of standing under some mistletoe. As I walked over, she quickly moved away in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 687

You deserved it 4 207

By igiveup - 21/06/2012 18:19 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 758

You deserved it 11 514

By Anonymous - 09/06/2012 02:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 562

You deserved it 10 311

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 108

You deserved it 3 571

By Anonymous - 26/07/2019 06:12

Today, during a driving lesson, I accidentally rear-ended a BMW at a traffic light. The number plate was "Law Man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 377

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 408

You deserved it 3 353

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 13:14 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a customer bitched me out, saying he wouldn't eat his vegetarian dish because it didn't "look vegetarian enough." He then demanded a refund and a plate of the same vegetarian dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 162

You deserved it 1 511

By Anonymous - 11/07/2011 07:42 - Australia

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 507

You deserved it 3 273

By myhairgetsfrizzywhenwet - 03/06/2011 08:55 - Australia

Today, my sister drove past me while i was walking home in the rain, she honked to let me know she was there, and kept on driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 678

You deserved it 3 503

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 669

You deserved it 2 608

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 06:06

Today, I was unable to go on my dream vacation because I thought I'd lost my passport. Feeling incredibly stupid, I had no choice but to watch my plane depart without me. Shortly after, my brother handed me passport, saying that since I wasn't going on my trip, I could use my refund to pay for his cat's surgery. My trip was non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 670

You deserved it 177

By Kimmikoto - 31/01/2017 07:00 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, the vet told me that my cat is too fat to be able to wipe her own ass. I had to go Walmart to purchase pet wipes to clean her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 855

You deserved it 3 506

By jreed509 - 03/07/2011 05:25 - United States

Today, while riding a roller coaster I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough it somehow managed to survive and fell down my shirt. It crawled around and bit me a few times before the ride ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 714

You deserved it 4 102

By LadyChristina25 - 05/06/2009 01:07 - United States

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 518

You deserved it 81 641

By SkiMaskFukd - 07/05/2010 13:25 - United States

Today, I just realized the harder my girlfriend comes during sex, the louder she snores after. I've tried earplugs but sometimes, like tonight, once I am up, I can't fall back to sleep. My choices are thus great sex and no sleep, or great sleep but no sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 137

You deserved it 5 788

By mommy - 14/03/2010 20:14 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my ex husband calls my son anymore, is to ask him to send him things on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 439

You deserved it 2 512

By knicksfan - 05/04/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 818

You deserved it 6 577

By kingpin7 - 30/03/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 256

You deserved it 10 199

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 10:38 - United States

Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 618

You deserved it 41 409

By Anonymous - 19/04/2015 14:04 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 792

You deserved it 3 573

By gazza - 26/05/2012 20:41 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, in the middle of a localised drought, and an accompanying hosepipe ban, my mother has decided that she still needs to water her lawn. To balance out the water usage, she's placed a complete ban on the use of our shower until the weather lets up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 370

You deserved it 1 740

Creepypasta

By terrifiedanon - 29/06/2019 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 131

By J-Ro - 04/03/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 464

You deserved it 12 301

By loko0909 - 04/01/2016 04:57 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my ex-boyfriend admitted the reason he broke up with me was because he cheated and felt awful about it. The girl is now pregnant, but he swears it isn't his. Guess we'll find out in a few months if my daughter has a sibling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 736

You deserved it 2 499

By smarter than a mollusk, skinner than a hippo - 10/11/2010 17:33 - United States

Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 758

You deserved it 4 476

By Anonymous - 12/06/2012 10:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I got really bored at work. I decided to spin myself around and around in my chair until I got really dizzy. Apparently my boss decided to start watching me do this while I was in mid-spin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 292

You deserved it 30 052

By stink - 01/07/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 362

You deserved it 4 955

By parker1993 - 03/02/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, while waiting for a job interview, a woman sat down next to me and asked if I was here for the job too. Thinking she was also an applicant, I tried to demoralise her, and said the job was going to be a complete joke. With that, she stood up and said, "Do you still want to go into my office?" She was the interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 856

You deserved it 76 464

By lectro - 24/11/2008 06:08 - France

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 415

You deserved it 3 740

By Fatty1970 - 23/05/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 880

You deserved it 19 799

By Anonymous - 30/10/2015 13:27 - United Kingdom - Tranent

Today, I was invited to my friend's wedding. I wouldn't mind, but she chose her now fiancé over me, despite him being in prison for assault, a heroin addict and a general dick. This was all because I accidentally called her stupid three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 610

You deserved it 3 655

By Volume_control - 10/11/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 808

You deserved it 31 148

By LinaLinaYeah - 09/12/2011 16:26 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 849

You deserved it 28 415

By notmansbestfriend - 12/08/2013 16:09 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 178

You deserved it 7 785

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Roadrunner21 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 May 2009 16:08

Although you are pretty lucky the train didn't go off and tear your leg off along with it.

suaveneanderthal 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 May 2009 16:08

You ought to be praising god that the train didnt leave without you. I dont understand why you're bitching that they were nice enough to stop. Today, i got stuck in the gap between the subway and the walkway and the subway took off and ripped off my left leg. FML there's an fml

Roadrunner21 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 May 2009 16:08

Although you are pretty lucky the train didn't go off and tear your leg off along with it.

carpediem9_fml 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 May 2010 15:59

Exactly. Atleast it didn't chop off.

suaveneanderthal 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 May 2009 16:08

RoryStorm239 0

Send a private message

Thursday 1 April 2010 0:39

technically, the train WOULDbe leaving with her ;D

aubsx3 0

Send a private message

Sunday 21 August 2011 7:21

Op is a male jack wagon

eb0ny 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 January 2012 17:07

I've read this comment 10 times. I can't stop laughing.

primogen18 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 May 2009 16:11

Mind the gap!

twinscrplayer6 0

Send a private message

Monday 15 March 2010 4:51

lmao

TZS 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 May 2009 16:13

LMFAO #2

TheZephyrSon 3

Send a private message

Monday 4 May 2009 16:16

Agreed #2.

Crossfire718 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 May 2009 16:22

ROFLOL dat sux a lot did ppl stare?

_Adog2645 24

Send a private message

Monday 28 November 2016 21:08

Now that was obnoxious

anon12_fml 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 May 2009 16:27

Just because OP's leg wasn't ripped off doesn't mean this isn't an FML; I'm sure that wasn't the most comfortable position to be in for ten minutes

Wileypube 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 May 2009 16:30

Today, I went to the eye doctor and they used dilating eye-drops on me. After I left, my vision was still pretty blurry. I accidentally boarded an airplane instead of the subway. Moments later I was suited up for a skydive and tossed out of the plane. When I pulled the cord a tire came out. Luckily, a great white shark broke my fall. I had to wait 10 minutes in the water before boarding the rescue boat. FML See, Mr. Magoo is waaaaay funnier.

dirtyhippie 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 May 2009 16:30

That must have been a scary situation. It might have been worse but still, like #7 said.

rigorouswolf 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 May 2009 16:31

Lol how stupid can you be to step in a gap. Even if your vision is blury, its a fucking gap

Peachy2392 26

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 December 2013 8:58

Dilating drops don't make your vision blurry unless its an item that's up close. So unless he was on his hands and knees, even then its a GAP, he should have been able to see the gap just fine. Say the drops did cause blurry vision; if your vision is so poor you miss a decent sized gap, how did you make it there in the first place? I think OP is embarrassed he missed and is using the drops as a cover.