Health: Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told...

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 660

You deserved it 20 832

Health

Can't do the time? Don't do the crime!

Damn kids!

Facebook's moderation sucks

By Anonymous - 01/01/2014 17:47 - United States - New Milford

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 021

You deserved it 9 468

Alexa, play "Hot Hot Hot" by The Cure

By Talented73 - 07/07/2021 16:01 - United States - Yonkers

Today, we're in the middle of a heatwave. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my scrotum was stuck to the side of my leg from all the perspiration. I had to actually peel it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 125

By belle_arina - 08/10/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 367

You deserved it 8 489

By Anonymous - 24/02/2015 15:10 - India - Tuticorin

Today, my fiancé and his family accused me of being with him only because he's rich, refusing to go ahead with the wedding. I accepted his marriage proposal 4 years ago, when he was penniless and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 074

You deserved it 2 944

By katie876 - 14/01/2012 13:34 - United States

Today, I had a band concert and my mum got kicked out. She screamed "BORING!" in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 083

You deserved it 3 440

By sharkiewarkiemoosey - 11/10/2013 18:22 - Switzerland - Gossau

Today, I tried to catch a train to get to my new job. I was stopped and told that I needed a pre-purchased ticket to enter the platform. The only way to get the ticket, they said, was by buying one on the platform. I arrived by taxi nearly an hour late for my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 423

You deserved it 4 000

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 08:04 - Canada

Today, I was in a dating auction. I was bought for $2. The man who won a date with me recited every dialog from the movie The Lord of the Rings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 573

You deserved it 8 321

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 15:59 - United States

Today, I lost my job to a girl that graduated with the same bachelor's degree from the same college as me. She also got a master's in an unrelated field. I've been working there 7 months, and her master's in maths apparently makes her a better athletic trainer than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 184

You deserved it 4 275

By AdamFoundHisEve - 25/05/2010 19:08 - France

Today, I had a dream about toasting with champagne. Whilst asleep, I extended my hand to toast, then brought my hand to my mouth to "drink the bubbly." I knocked over the glass of water I keep on my bedside table. My iPhone is now ruined, and in shock of my wet arm, I jerked backward headbutting my wife's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 629

You deserved it 7 548

By homealone - 03/05/2012 04:39 - Canada

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 714

You deserved it 3 800

By vargasm - 18/01/2009 12:12 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on decided she wanted to see a movie with me. I tried to hold her hand during the movie and it was great for about 4 minutes. Then she said "Can I have my hand back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 043

You deserved it 3 624

By bm - 11/02/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 2 618

By Pithegreat - 06/01/2016 04:48 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, I went to move a load of laundry out of the washer and into the dryer, but the clothes were already in the dryer. Normally, I would be happy about this. However, I am currently living alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 567

You deserved it 2 021

By flaggurl - 10/03/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 988

You deserved it 12 189

By DriedDeadFroggo - 04/06/2019 04:06

Today, my dog has figured out how to open screen doors on his own, by body checking them at full force, of course, like one does. This would be all fine and good, but we live by a lake with a considerable mosquito infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 155

By notpreggers - 15/04/2009 20:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was wearing a new 500 dollar dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted 500 dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 843

You deserved it 28 777

By Face fucking palm - 23/07/2014 03:36 - United States - Albany

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 215

You deserved it 13 385

By getting real crafty.. - 05/07/2015 15:51 - United States - Sanford

Today, my mother found out about the psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. Before leaving for her vacation this morning, she grabbed the internet router and took it with her to "get rid of distractions". I have one day to figure out how to access this online exam without Internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 997

You deserved it 2 001

By noboyfriend - 24/05/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend. I called him and started yelling at him over the phone. He told me that if I wanted to end the relationship I should just hang up the phone right then. Before I could say I still love him and don't want to break up, my phone battery died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 213

You deserved it 26 459

Contagion

By Girlygal32 - 13/09/2020 08:02 - United States

Today, my mother chewed me out for not wearing deodorant and smelling of B.O. I was wearing plenty of deodorant. My shirt just smelled like my boyfriend, whom I'd been cuddling with earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 469

By ajdown - 17/06/2011 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 813

You deserved it 2 507

By Jessica - 28/02/2012 19:38 - United States

Today, I got my score back for the monologue I performed. I got points taken off for "seeming nervous." My character was supposed to be nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 248

You deserved it 2 658

By ooh cat - 18/05/2012 21:50 - United States - Inglewood

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 761

You deserved it 4 738

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 620

You deserved it 38 934

By Anonymous - 15/08/2015 15:20 - United States

Today, just as I was putting my contacts in, a gnat landed on it. Its guts got squished between my eyeball and the contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 729

You deserved it 1 902

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 327

By AtLeastWeCan'tHaveKids - 02/10/2017 23:45

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years and I received our results from a DNA test. We're both very interested in history and ancestry, and wanted to see where in the world we both originated. It turns out we have the same father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 236

You deserved it 305

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 22:02

Today, what was meant to be a fun hour-long paddle with a friend turned into a 5 hour ordeal involving a coast guard helicopter, an ambulance, a hospital visit and a ruined canoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 849

You deserved it 1 364

By Dude - 23/10/2010 15:13 - Singapore

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 576

You deserved it 4 141

By hmb - 16/09/2010 18:50 - United States

Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 006

You deserved it 2 898

By JoshTheUnluckyFromKentucky - 14/11/2014 00:21 - United States - Folsom

Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 939

You deserved it 2 827

Cheap-ass lying bro-bro!

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 02:00 - Netherlands - Bergeyk

Today, I found out my boyfriend is booking my dream vacation to Bali with his brothers, 6 months after he told me we couldn't go on vacation this year because he doesn’t have the money. They planned this within a week. I had been planning it with him for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 933

You deserved it 168

By bitchsawmebuyit - 08/12/2012 17:12 - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, I realized the dress I bought yesterday still had the security tag on. I returned to the store to get it removed, only to realize my receipt was misplaced. The lady at the counter thought I stole it, called security, and had me escorted out, dress-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 196

You deserved it 4 591

By Anonymous - 21/09/2010 14:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I could see my own mustache out of my peripheral vision while I was eating. I'm a 23 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 285

You deserved it 14 618

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 14:24 - Spain - Zaragoza

Today, an old friend of mine landed in Spain, where he's visiting me. After a few minutes talking about where we should meet, we realized the reason he couldn't figure out where it was, was probably due to the fact that he was in Barcelona. I live in Madrid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 709

You deserved it 4 825

By itssdianaa - 29/06/2010 03:18 - United States

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 926

You deserved it 27 814

By ocroyalty - 01/02/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 421

You deserved it 2 644

By Anonymous - 12/11/2012 13:29 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 739

You deserved it 3 989

By alo1434 - 23/06/2011 08:54 - United States

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 519

You deserved it 3 305

By cherokeems - 26/03/2015 17:44 - United States - Harriman

Today, my girlfriend of a month told me that the only thing keeping her from swallowing a bottle of pills is being in a relationship with me, because she doesn't handle breakups well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 492

You deserved it 3 019

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Top comments

bigbill245 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 15:49

haha burrrn

blowhole 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 15:57

Wow #5...Just wow. He has tennis elbow because he spends all of his time at home beating the hell out of his meat. ...And no, I don't think he's a butcher.

bigbill245 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 15:49

haha burrrn

z620 0

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Wednesday 10 March 2010 4:06

haha u gotta funny doctor lmao

JamesM9794 0

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Thursday 25 March 2010 6:05

rotflol try w ur left instead of right. it's a whole new thing

TribalSeed 4

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Friday 2 July 2010 3:57

porn elbow

ImThePope 2

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Friday 17 December 2010 20:16

I don't know specifically, but it just like an inflammation in the elbow from the repetitive movements of swatting a tennis racket... or in th OPs condition, masturbating to much ^_^

enormouselephant 15

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Saturday 20 October 2012 20:20

I wonder if Docbastard has a picture of this one...

nomadxx7 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 15:51

Set yourself up for that fail didn't you? lol

bridgette5866 0

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Sunday 14 March 2010 21:24

Hahahhhahah

davinchidude123 0

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Saturday 14 August 2010 16:27

yeah dude if someone asks you if you a girlfriend you say YES, kind of like if someone asks you if you are a god

luigi23_fml 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 15:52

haha.. damn it i probely do too

King_of_Kings 3

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Saturday 4 April 2009 15:53

i'm going to be laughing at this one all day.

amy_shmamy 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 15:54

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

loveyoy22 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 4:56

he beats his dick.

zac12345 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 8:06

Step 1: Ready your palm and face Step 2: Slowly lower your face into the palm of your hand Step 3: Facepalm

benny2465 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 5:11

5 your an idiot lmfao

ilovemydoodle123 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 21:48

seriously #5?

SoFreshAndYetDep 0

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Sunday 21 November 2010 13:02

He polishes the pewter, spanks the monkey, chokes the bishop, husks his corn, beats the meat, whacks the mack, slaps the bull, need I say more? I think not.

cel514 0

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Wednesday 4 May 2011 7:55

well done

DalekScythe 0

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 21:12

I think you forgot choke the chicken.

fiblydinkerton 0

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Thursday 10 November 2011 3:48

Seriously....tennis players get all the ladies

CharlesScene 3

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Sunday 20 April 2014 19:32

All you sick minded people, cmon, what if plays to much rock, paper, scissors?

SomethingWitty 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 15:57

BURN.

blowhole 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 15:57

Wow #5...Just wow. He has tennis elbow because he spends all of his time at home beating the hell out of his meat. ...And no, I don't think he's a butcher.