Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the... - FML

By driver - 6/1/2010 14:55 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

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Proactive

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By unzucht - 30/5/2012 16:45 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

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By rmonk - 6/7/2016 12:17 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at an ice cream place, and a guy started chatting with us. As he eventually went to leave, he told me "That's a nice looking date you got there." Then he turned to my friend. "Wish I could say the same to you." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2015 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

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By onething - 8/7/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

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By Caution - 2/10/2018 22:00

Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML

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By proudestmonkey - 24/3/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2013 21:35 - Sweden - Staffanstorp

Today, at the reading of my mother's last will and testament, I found out that despite having cared for her for the final years of her life, she denied me an inheritance. She basically said I'm an embarrassment, because when she wrote it, I was 31 years old, with no wife or children. FML

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By Morgan Bailey - 18/9/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

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By flowerging - 11/4/2013 04:53 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I offered to pay my boyfriend to buy me flowers. He still refused. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2013 06:11 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

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By Nonbikerbiker - 8/12/2018 22:00

Today, while enjoying a nice drive on my motorcycle, I got into an accident. I was lucky to have minor injuries, but my bike was totaled. When I got home, I found the driver of the car that hit me sitting in my living room. My partner introduced us by saying, “and this is my gay lover, grandpa.” FML

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By ouch - 19/12/2009 15:15 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

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By Spraylady - 29/2/2016 21:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I think my unborn child has developed a sense of humour. The little cherub is usually very calm, but must have realised that if he/she kicks me hard enough in this particular place near my bladder, I'll piss myself on the spot like a race horse. It's happened twice now. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2013 17:06 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

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By Marine - 28/3/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend of over a year a text message telling him how much I loved him, how perfect he is for me and what I love about him. He sent me back a text saying, "I thought you had class." FML

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By suckstobeme - 16/4/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML

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By DevastatedWoman - 11/8/2015 15:30 - Belgium - Kalmthout

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2012 08:19 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my son turned 8. We watched as he unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new shoes and a school bag with his favorite TV character on the front and a action figure inside. As he finished he looked me straight in the eyes and says, "That's great ma, but seriously what'd you get me?". FML

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By - 9/1/2017 23:42

Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML

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By eyelashess - 29/6/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, our carbon monoxide detector started beeping. My mom started freaking out and made me go stand outside so I "don't die". I stood outside for 20 minutes, it was raining and it turned out that the detector was just low on battery. FML

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By rarara - 30/10/2012 21:26 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

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By daragnan - 10/1/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, I found out that last summer while my girlfriend worked on a Disney Cruise ship, she cheated on me with Tarzan. FML

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By thecatlady - 27/2/2013 07:12 - Australia - Kambalda

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

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By TJ - 8/8/2012 11:23 - United States - Lacey

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

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By potatohead - 1/11/2017 18:00

Today, I had a nasty headache so I tried to take a nap. Unfortunately, my college had a homecoming parade a block away from where I live. I never knew our marching band sounded that awful. FML

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By squirty_joe - 8/3/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

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By Fwick - 19/3/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

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By doilookold - 7/12/2018 05:00

Today, stopping at a rest plaza, the cashier at Wendy’s asked my best friend if I was her mom. We are only two years apart. FML

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By Megan - 17/6/2012 19:38 - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

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By shadowsorel - 30/8/2012 20:34 - United States - Chicago

Today, I have a cold, and was stuck sleeping in bed. My roommate decided to wake me up by sticking headphones in my ears and playing heavy metal on full volume. This is the third time this week. FML

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By Anon_a_mouse - 30/3/2011 19:59 - Reserved

Today, I came home from a week-long vacation, only to find my mother-in-law didn't just dog-sit while I was gone; she moved in, along with all her possessions, and seems to think it's a permanent deal. FML

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By Emma-Louise - 20/5/2011 19:46 - France

Today, the only positive thing my ex boyfriend left me was my pregnancy test. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2009 16:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

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By JT - 12/4/2011 14:19 - Canada

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

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By tylerlove361 - 11/2/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

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By oD_Ronan - 29/8/2013 07:39 - United States - Olympia

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

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By fryebaby623 - 13/11/2015 05:47 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, I was so tired when I got home from work, I took off my bra without removing my shirt which I've done so often it is second nature. I successfully removed the bra, then snagged the clasp on a loose shirt thread, causing my bra to take on a life of its own and slap me in the face. FML

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By themildthings - 21/9/2010 07:10 - Germany

Today, whilst working as a language assistant in Germany as part of my degree, some 9 year-old German kids asked me to please speak English to them because my German was so poor. FML

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By HoobidibooFox - 13/11/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom - Coseley

Today, I found out the one good thing about having fat rolls: when someone walks in on you sitting on the toilet, they hide your private parts. FML

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Top comments

By me5 | 0

#758718 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:17

The state of ilinois never lies!! Go back to your grave!

By sucks2_beyou | 0

#758710 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:16

haha well maybe since ur dead u wont have to pay taxes! :)

Comments

By ducigfran | 0

#758697 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:08

This comment FTW!

Reply

fatvader64 | 5

#1274371 - Friday 20 August 2010 7:32

hahaha wow country fail!!

By FMLoverAgain | 7

#758700 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

jasonsaied | 1

#918232 - Saturday 6 March 2010 6:20

lol

Reply

hannah1203 | 2

#1770484 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 1:08

win

Reply

ric4rolz | 0

#3506409 - Saturday 29 October 2011 1:23

Are you retarded?

Reply

pinky94 | 5

#4811717 - Tuesday 14 August 2012 7:11

I'd have to say yes plus mental :P

Reply

HollyDolly660 | 8

#5128856 - Thursday 8 November 2012 23:56

Pretty sure it was a joke...?

Reply

bluerhhajfk | 17

#5371959 - Sunday 17 February 2013 21:00

It's a funny joke, asshole.

By sucks2_beyou | 0

#758710 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:16

haha well maybe since ur dead u wont have to pay taxes! :)

Reply

fuckmrsoftee | 0

#2016361 - Friday 28 January 2011 13:52

that's awesome. and she could haunt people just by showing her death certificate... she gets to be an official ghost now. I would write a novel on that

Reply

teotsi | 28

#5921216 - Monday 21 April 2014 11:18

OP is a male.

By JIY537 | 0

#758717 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:16

WTF how'd that happen

By me5 | 0

#758718 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:17

The state of ilinois never lies!! Go back to your grave!

Reply

what_the_fail | 0

#790258 - Friday 22 January 2010 5:53

Lmfao #6 win

Reply

brianjman14 | 22

#833429 - Monday 8 February 2010 4:43

lmao that was hilarious #6

Reply

mayumm | 0

#1084532 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 13:33

hahahaha :)

By vendretta | 19

#758719 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:18

Happened where I work. Little girl came to get her scrips filled (I'd say about 13) and her insurance had her down as being dead. Even when we called, they wouldn't fix it. Country is ridiculous.

Reply

newlove_fml | 0

#3912302 - Friday 20 January 2012 4:39

How does that even happen? And why wouldn't they fix it?

Reply

MoodyBlue320 | 11

#4306929 - Sunday 15 April 2012 6:54

How do things like that even happen? ????

By acesarge | 0

#758727 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:24

ZOMBIE!

Reply

futbollova | 0

#1758067 - Saturday 27 November 2010 7:32

I've got my longshot stocked with 16,304,000 darts!!!!

Reply

monkji10 | 0

#2616671 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:16

f**k nerf i got the twelve gage at the ready!!!!

Reply

mibs3 | 11

#4643454 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:38

ive got 3 nerf maverics and two vulcan ebf 25s

Reply

swag2314 | 0

#4650822 - Wednesday 4 July 2012 23:52

Bath salts?

By clusterfungus | 3

#758732 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:27

Score! Go rob a bank!

Reply

baysidegurl | 0

#3020152 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 7:09

hahaha :)

Reply

pinky94 | 5

#4811697 - Tuesday 14 August 2012 7:06

Why not a jewelry store? >:3

Reply

capslockisgood | 19

#5057996 - Friday 19 October 2012 4:00

188 - Because banks carry more money.

Reply

holly_fly | 34

#6575965 - Thursday 7 April 2016 20:48

Not if you sell the jewelry.

By onnielief | 4

#758736 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:29

2nd person presumable dead, and all that in 1 day. Calling fake on this one as well.

Reply

newsgit | 0

#758804 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 21:16

it's a world wide website, buddy. Things happen.

Reply

yeezuschrist420 | 11

#7658117 - Saturday 7 July 2018 22:07

You don’t even know shit

By readersssssss | 0

#758763 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:45

You don't have the same insurance than my grandfather...they called him to ask "Are you still alive ?"
But, yes, FML

Reply

jutyjaty | 9

#3125810 - Wednesday 17 August 2011 14:35

L

F

Reply

SimpleMinds_fml | 7

#3444186 - Monday 17 October 2011 8:59

Haha, they have done that to people in my family too