Transportation: Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the... - FML

By driver - United States

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

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Late term

Letting yourself go

Evil eye doctor

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02

Man child

Today, instead of being an adult, my husband was more hysterical than my daughter during a hissy fit. It makes me want to divorce him. FML

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By nick2.0 - United States

Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML

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By hubby - United States

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous, and not thinking, I made comments that included the words "killing", "dying", and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML

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By GreatAim - United States

Today, I was at my friends house for the first time in months. I saw her newest chihuahua dog, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit, straight into my eye. FML

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By **(: - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML

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By elcee1987 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. My niece won't stop making the same motion. FML

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By Mrs. Ned - United States - Incline Village

Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

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By AllieOops - United States

Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She shared this beauty tip with me when I caught her using my Lady Speed Stick on her snatch. FML

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By mintypoison - United States

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

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By TheyObjectToTheUnholyUnion - United States - Rochester

Today, I received yet another letter from a relative bitching me out for not involving my parents in my wedding. The parents who showed no interest in our relationship and then yelled at my fiancé and me when we announced it to them, calling us stupid, naive, heathens, and mentally ill. FML

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By duuuuude - United States

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

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By oops secretary

Today, after I had an excellent one night stand with a guy yesterday, I saw him at work. He was a client my boss was trying to talk into a deal. The guy recognised me and accused my boss of sending me to seduce him into signing the contract. The deal fell apart and my boss is livid with me. FML

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By Singleton - Canada

Today, it was my birthday dinner with my family. Everyone was making an effort to avoid a certain topic. Later my 5 year old cousin gives me a nice hand drawn card of me and my boyfriend. Apparently no one had the heart to tell her my boyfriend had broken up with me on my birthday. FML

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By MrSlav - 12/11/2020 17:57 - Lithuania - Siauliai

Litter

Today, I rubbed my heel raw with a new shoe, so I put a bandaid on and went to the pool. A few minutes later, I noticed the bandaid floating close to me. I'm not an ass so I quickly fished it out and put in the pocket of my swimming trunks. Later, I went to shower and noticed that my bandaid was still on my heel. FML

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By Misty Michelle Jones

Today, I purchased a rather expensive, self-cleaning litter box for my 4 cats. Now they're shitting outside of the box. FML

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By likwidsol - United States

Today, walking to work in a snowstorm since I don't own a car, a man rolled down his window and screamed, "what are you doing you f***ing freak? you stupid b**ch!", while I waited for a green light to cross. FML

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By

Romantic gesture

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

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By spasti-cunt - Ireland

Today, I was on my way to my first job interview in months. I wasn't even halfway to the place when a bunch of cockbites in a car drove past and hurled a bucket of paint out the window, drenching me and several other people on the street. FML

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By BangBangBzzz

Today, I went for a much needed relaxing massage. As I lay down, the renovation works in the next building started up. FML

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By cootiequeen - United States

Today, at work, a lady approached me asking if I'd found a used cloth diaper on a table, and I told her it was probably in the trash. She said "That's okay, I can wash it." So I searched through several bags of trash, and when I couldn't find it, she said "Oh never mind! It's in my bag." FML

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By u_n0_mE - United States

Today, I am finally dating the girl I have liked on and off for the past year. In the school play. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

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By EmbarrassedBather

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got yelled at for not taking an order correctly at work. I've been washing dishes all day and haven't taken a single order. FML

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By smurfpoo - Canada

Today, while cleaning the bathroom in a suite at the hotel I work at, I heard a couple come in, and then a marriage proposal. She said no, that she had been seeing someone else and left the room. I was then alone in the bathroom, listening to a grown man sob. FML

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By Anonymous - Romania

Today, in my journalism class, after trying hard to find some actual news to comment, we ended up talking about gay porn and fashion designers. FML

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By katybaby - United States

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

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By reyoflight - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after having my jaw wired shut for 2 months, I finally got to eat. During the first bite of my sandwich I pulled my jaw out of place. FML

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By Jean - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me love is like a drug. I started tearing up because this is the most romantic he has been in a while. He then went on to break up with me, telling me that my "prescription is up". FML

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By pottypattypeepants - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

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By chris

Frustration level 100

Today, I saw my bike locked outside a Starbucks down the street from my house. It was stolen about 10 days ago from my communal laundry room. There was even a cop parked across the street, but I have no proof to show that bike even belonged to me. FML

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By FlatFoot - United States - New York

Move, bitch! Get out the way!

Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

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By indecentcameraexposure - Canada

Today, I was using a Kodak Picture Maker in Walmart. I needed help using the machine so the lady that works there came over and tried to load my pictures. I heard some snickering behind me from the people in line. Turns out the pictures loaded. Even the nude ones I forgot about. FML

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By Vlad

Today, my uncle is on vacation with his friend, who sent us a video of their hotel room. He captured a glimpse of my uncle in the shower. Naked. This can't be unseen. FML

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By effinit - United States

Today, while I was on a second date with this guy, my roommate tried calling me and I ignored her. After dinner my date brought me back to my apartment and there was a waterfall gushing down from the balcony above our apartment. The guys above us had started a fire and our apartment was flooded. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

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Top comments

By me5 | 0

#758718 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:17

The state of ilinois never lies!! Go back to your grave!

By sucks2_beyou | 0

#758710 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:16

haha well maybe since ur dead u wont have to pay taxes! :)

COMMENTS

By ducigfran | 0

#758697 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:08

This comment FTW!

Reply

fatvader64 | 5

#1274371 - Friday 20 August 2010 7:32

hahaha wow country fail!!

By FMLoverAgain | 7

#758700 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

jasonsaied | 1

#918232 - Saturday 6 March 2010 6:20

lol

Reply

hannah1203 | 2

#1770484 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 1:08

win

Reply

ric4rolz | 0

#3506409 - Saturday 29 October 2011 1:23

Are you retarded?

Reply

pinky94 | 5

#4811717 - Tuesday 14 August 2012 7:11

I'd have to say yes plus mental :P

Reply

HollyDolly660 | 8

#5128856 - Thursday 8 November 2012 23:56

Pretty sure it was a joke...?

Reply

bluerhhajfk | 17

#5371959 - Sunday 17 February 2013 21:00

It's a funny joke, asshole.

By sucks2_beyou | 0

#758710 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:16

haha well maybe since ur dead u wont have to pay taxes! :)

Reply

fuckmrsoftee | 0

#2016361 - Friday 28 January 2011 13:52

that's awesome. and she could haunt people just by showing her death certificate... she gets to be an official ghost now. I would write a novel on that

Reply

teotsi | 28

#5921216 - Monday 21 April 2014 11:18

OP is a male.

By JIY537 | 0

#758717 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:16

WTF how'd that happen

By me5 | 0

#758718 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:17

The state of ilinois never lies!! Go back to your grave!

Reply

what_the_fail | 0

#790258 - Friday 22 January 2010 5:53

Lmfao #6 win

Reply

brianjman14 | 22

#833429 - Monday 8 February 2010 4:43

lmao that was hilarious #6

Reply

mayumm | 0

#1084532 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 13:33

hahahaha :)

By vendretta | 19

#758719 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:18

Happened where I work. Little girl came to get her scrips filled (I'd say about 13) and her insurance had her down as being dead. Even when we called, they wouldn't fix it. Country is ridiculous.

Reply

newlove_fml | 0

#3912302 - Friday 20 January 2012 4:39

How does that even happen? And why wouldn't they fix it?

Reply

MoodyBlue320 | 11

#4306929 - Sunday 15 April 2012 6:54

How do things like that even happen? ????

By acesarge | 0

#758727 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:24

ZOMBIE!

Reply

futbollova | 0

#1758067 - Saturday 27 November 2010 7:32

I've got my longshot stocked with 16,304,000 darts!!!!

Reply

monkji10 | 0

#2616671 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:16

f**k nerf i got the twelve gage at the ready!!!!

Reply

mibs3 | 11

#4643454 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:38

ive got 3 nerf maverics and two vulcan ebf 25s

Reply

swag2314 | 0

#4650822 - Wednesday 4 July 2012 23:52

Bath salts?

By clusterfungus | 3

#758732 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:27

Score! Go rob a bank!

Reply

baysidegurl | 0

#3020152 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 7:09

hahaha :)

Reply

pinky94 | 5

#4811697 - Tuesday 14 August 2012 7:06

Why not a jewelry store? >:3

Reply

capslockisgood | 19

#5057996 - Friday 19 October 2012 4:00

188 - Because banks carry more money.

Reply

holly_fly | 34

#6575965 - Thursday 7 April 2016 20:48

Not if you sell the jewelry.

By onnielief | 4

#758736 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:29

2nd person presumable dead, and all that in 1 day. Calling fake on this one as well.

Reply

newsgit | 0

#758804 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 21:16

it's a world wide website, buddy. Things happen.

Reply

yeezuschrist420 | 11

#7658117 - Saturday 7 July 2018 22:07

You don’t even know shit

By readersssssss | 0

#758763 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 20:45

You don't have the same insurance than my grandfather...they called him to ask "Are you still alive ?"
But, yes, FML

Reply

jutyjaty | 9

#3125810 - Wednesday 17 August 2011 14:35

L

F

Reply

SimpleMinds_fml | 7

#3444186 - Monday 17 October 2011 8:59

Haha, they have done that to people in my family too