Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the beach. I was in the ocean and I looked over... - FML

By Thalassophobic - United States

Today, I went to the beach. I was in the ocean and I looked over my shoulder and saw a big black spot. Knowing that there were big crabs on the beach, I screamed. Everyone in the water heard including the lifeguards. It turns out it was just my shadow. FML

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Commando

Tock follow tick follows tock…

Carless whisper

By stuck - Sweden - H?gersten

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He decided to lock me in the apartment until I say that we are in fact still together. This is the 4th time he has done this. FML

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By fulloshit - United States

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

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By Adam

Today, while I was walking home, I noticed an elderly man in a wheel chair trying to paint his garage so I went over to help. His response was verbal abuse and a slap to the face with a wet paint brush. FML

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By boyfriendless - United States

Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML

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By Anonymous - Hungary - Szeged

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

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By seriously - United States

Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML

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By Dumped - United States

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

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By theorifice - Canada

Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML

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By QuestionMyLife - United States

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

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By lambxox - United States

Today, when I signed into Amazon, their top recommendation for me based on past purchases was "The Brave Little Toaster" on DVD. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

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By Anonymous - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

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By russianfail - United States - Dallas

Today, I'm not getting paid 400$ per month because I failed my Russian language proficiency test. Russian is my first language. FML

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By Velian - France

Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML

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By cinemasaddo - United Kingdom

Today, I was let down for a movie date. As I'd already paid for the tickets, I got my narcoleptic sister to come and sit next to me while she slept, so it didn't look like I came on my own. FML

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By slayerdeath - United States - Valparaiso

Today, my girlfriend went in for a kiss too fast and broke my front tooth. FML

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By go snope yourself - United Kingdom

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

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By DomesticPatrol - United Kingdom - London

Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML

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By BustedEgo - United States - Norway

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

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By fack - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

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By mylovelifeisanepicfail - United Kingdom - London

Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML

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By ModernDayMaid

Today was just like any other normal day. Spent the day cleaning the house from top to bottom. I felt great until I went into just about every room I’d cleaned and saw that it was messed up again with zero attempts from my stepdaughter to clean it back up. I really hate preteens. FML

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By sonja_n - Australia - Kew

Pentaxed

Today, I lost my balance while crossing a creek and fell in. I had my camera on me at the time. It's fried, and I don't have the $2K I need to replace it. FML

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By thanxguys - United States

Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML

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By crazyclumzy - Canada

Today, I had lunch with a co-worker, and after having a good talk and enjoying each others company, we got up to leave. Right before we said goodbye, she looked me right in the face and looking legitimately confused said "you know, I really don't understand why no one at work likes you." FML

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By Teenagemum

Today, my father calculated that the only way we can afford to keep the house was if I get pregnant and claim child benefits. My family now won't speak to me because I refuse to do it. I'm 15 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML

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By Potential Bridezilla - United Arab Emirates

Today, a week after my fiancé and I got engaged, his mother is already complaining that she isn't involved enough in the wedding arrangements. We haven't even set a date yet. FML

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By Sam - Australia

Today, in a desperate attempt to get my business "out there", I dropped a few of my cards on a station floor. I got a call, even a quote. A $500 fine from the transit for public littering. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Conway

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

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By savanna(: - United States

Today, a police officer gave me a ticket for smoking. He told me that my parents would have to be contacted to come pick me up. My drunk dad came to the rescue, and almost hit the police car. Way to go dad. FML

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By ahhh - United States - Northbrook

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

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By alerra - United States - Baton Rouge

Not mine

Today, my roommate's parents came over to our one room apartment. They found condom wrappers. My roommate tried to say they were mine. I'm still a virgin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wahiawa

Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML

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By that girl. - United States

Today, instead of having my friends come pick me up, my dad drove me over to visit them. He insisted on walking me up to the door, hugging me goodbye, and making sure my friends were appropriate enough to hang out with. I'm in college. FML

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By SphereMaiden

Today, after ignoring me for about a week, my boyfriend finally broke up with me. Why? He discovered that I use prescription deodorant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

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By Joey

Today, I stepped outside my house for the first time in a year, trying to socialize again. I broke my leg. FML

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By RiceCrispyTreats - United States - Pelham

Today, I left my phone outside on the grass while I went inside to get a drink. I didn't expect my dad to run over it with the lawn mower. FML

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Top comments

By daarlingdamsel | 0

#416110 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 15:23

If I were you I would keep that kind of stupidity to myself...just a thought.

By DirtyParkBench | 0

#415857 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 12:14

You act like you've never had crabs before.

COMMENTS

By lottofee | 0

#415826 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 12:06

hahahahhahaha this made me laugh. not realy fyl, but its funny.

Reply

Anonanimal | 0

#416429 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 17:23

it's fake.

Reply

seb12992 | 0

#417092 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 21:54

First, to the OP, YDI.

To number 25, I don't see why you'd think it's fake. I've seen stuff like this happen before, and 99.9% of the time it's a woman.

Reply

Enoch134 | 0

#814592 - Monday 1 February 2010 5:00

my cuzin was terrified of his shadow for 6 years!!!!

By zymn | 6

#415827 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 12:06

why would you even do that? what dangerous things are there that are black in obviously shallow water?

Reply

Spyingcheeseman | 8

#6194813 - Friday 6 February 2015 20:11

Idk. Big crabs maybe

Reply

ExtremeEncounter | 32

#6245283 - Saturday 28 March 2015 0:14

Her username is thalasophobic. I also have that phobia.

Reply

pheonixfire13 | 17

#6567365 - Friday 25 March 2016 22:33

Stingrays or sharks?

By gorguz14evar | 0

#415843 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 12:10

There are so many FMLS about this, yet so many stupid people in the world do this like me. I thought I was being stalked once. It was my shadow. FAIL.

By codyxfail | 0

#415844 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 12:11

I knew she was a woman right when I read it.

Reply

timtam24 | 0

#415956 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 13:34

yeah coz guys scream when they see crabs, well done

Reply

womanjesus | 0

#2312029 - Friday 8 April 2011 3:11

stfu you fruit

Reply

LaRee | 0

#2506012 - Saturday 14 May 2011 3:50

wow. youre a dick.

Reply

katiemarie62996 | 4

#5295893 - Sunday 30 December 2012 16:31

sexist cocksucker...

Reply

pugpuggy | 21

#6126155 - Sunday 23 November 2014 17:00

Suck my female dick!

By fnool | 0

#415851 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 12:12

Silly paranoia. Nice username, though.

By DirtyParkBench | 0

#415857 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 12:14

You act like you've never had crabs before.

By kellbelle26 | 0

#415861 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 12:15

Not an FML, but it's kinda funny. Who's been letting the shitty stories in lately?

By gamerdude94 | 0

#415878 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 12:19

That sounds like something I would do...

By WonderBlunder | 0

#415895 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 12:36

Why would you be scared of a crab if you're a girl? you don't have a wiener to worry about!! And I know crabs can't resist clamping wieners!! >:

By _Noon_ | 0

#415917 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 13:01

This one is boring. Not an FML, hardly funny. Next.

Reply

womanjesus | 0

#2312036 - Friday 8 April 2011 3:13

if it's not funny don't comment retard