Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend....

By Anonymous - 2/7/2012 15:45 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML

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Love

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By pocketrocket90 - 8/8/2014 06:05 - Australia - Capalaba

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

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By - 16/3/2019 09:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, My girlfriend dumped me because of a game... No that because I was playing the game... Cause she got addicted to a game and decided that the game was more important than our relationship. FML

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By WPA2 OR DEATH - 7/12/2012 21:49 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my dad got a warning from our ISP for going well over their fair usage limit. I barely use our wifi, and I keep telling him he should password-protect our router to stop people leeching our Internet. He's blaming me anyway, and says I'm grounded until January. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2016 01:36 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML

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By no, YOU raised him - 3/4/2015 21:15 - United States - Concord

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

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By Adam - 16/1/2017 08:00

Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2014 21:56 - United States - Hermiston

Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2020 02:02

Freaked out

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML

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By BRELLA - 3/2/2009 19:58 - United States

The wrong kind of banging

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 23:59 - United States - Eugene

Today, I knocked an old-school slide carousel off my desk, scattering nearly 100 individual slides everywhere, including the specific slides my professor asked me to digitally scan, which were placed carefully on top. None of them are numbered. FML

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By sy123 - 29/7/2012 23:34 - United States - Frankfort

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2012 17:12 - United States - Salem

Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2016 18:50 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently deceased dog. He said: "Only time I've seen someone get that upset over someone dying, they were fucking each other. Just sayin'." FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2017 04:00

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

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By Grandmas lost it - 28/8/2013 04:48 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML

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By birchbeer - 11/5/2015 19:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2016 03:26 - United States

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

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By happydoctor123 - 28/6/2018 01:30

Today, I took an Uber from work to my friend's home. My water bottle, which was in my backpack in the back seat, leaked and left a little water on his fabric seat. I got an $80 "professional cleaning" bill from Uber. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 21:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

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By FML - 19/1/2016 06:41 - United States

Today, I found out my fiancée has been sleeping with the salesman I bought her engagement ring from. He knew. FML

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By blairheir721 - 17/5/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML

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By robertsonjimmy - 14/6/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, I let my new puppy outside for the first time. When I went to get him, I saw a man running off with him. FML

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By sherronj - 7/6/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

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By graham - 11/1/2020 14:00

Very mean

Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

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By hugedissapointment - 9/8/2009 12:43 - United States

Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2013 22:53 - United States

Today, I had to sell over $400 worth of china at a flea market. I barely got paid enough to refill my gas tank. FML

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By a.baybay - 7/1/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2009 15:15 - United States

Today, my husband and I were looking for a new house. The open house we were in had a strange floral scent to entice the buyers. I am three months pregnant and have horrible morning sickness. I threw up all over the living room. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2011 18:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up to me crying. He asked what was wrong, but before I could answer, he'd already rolled over and started snoring louder than ever, making the migraine I was crying about even worse. FML

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By Pooper scooper - 28/1/2014 08:22 - Guam - Yigo

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

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By laydeegaga - 7/3/2010 08:13

Today, my mom cleaned my room, while doing so she found a very detailed sex book I got from an ex boyfriend as a "gift". For years I had her convinced I was still a virgin, until today. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 06:06 - Canada - Guelph

Today, a woman started giving me grief because we didn't have any Boxing Day sales. As I explained to her that dollar stores don't usually have sales, she tried to lamp me. It ended by her getting dragged out of the store. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

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By placard3 - 2/10/2019 20:02

Cruel Summer

Today, I went to the hospital to get a cast that I have been wearing for the past three months removed from my wrist. Thanks to said cast, I couldn't have any summer fun at all. The doctor took a final X-ray and said, "Well look at that, your wrist wasn't fractured to begin with." FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

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By Ferniferousfern - 20/8/2018 18:30

Today, I sat down to use the bathroom after a long day of work. My toilet, however, had other plans, as a spontaneous, ear shattering crack flooded the entire bathroom, soaking the outer carpet and shorting out my bathroom scale. FML

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By Brooklyn - 5/11/2012 22:11 - United States - Newport

Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML

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By Stank - 6/5/2018 19:00

Today, my husband is going on his 5th consecutive day without a shower. He’s been working 16-hour shifts, and though I'm empathetic to his exhaustion, his foul body odor has overtaken the bedroom and his excretions have discolored his side of the bed. I fear the worst. FML

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By Noname - 23/2/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I had to tell my super-conservative parents that I had just gone to visit the boyfriend I'm not supposed to have so that I could tell him I am pregnant. FML

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By Shiverice - 13/10/2012 11:22 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

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Top comments

By allyrn13 | 12

#4642054 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:56

Double check your calendar next time.

By nanny1010 | 12

#4642065 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:59

At least he knows you are really excited to see him :-)

COMMENTS

By allyrn13 | 12

#4642054 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:56

Double check your calendar next time.

Qandol | 26

#4642123 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:07

Sometimes we do forget things, such as date, time, when we are in excitement mood. So thats what may happened to OP.

beanybabe | 13

#4642128 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:09

hahaha aw op you must be gutted but hey, only 7 more days to wait

xcarxcrashx | 9

#4642138 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:10

Unless it was in the calendar wrong which is how she wound up early. I've done that before.

doctorhook86 | 24

#4642218 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:25

If your calendar is wrong, it's an honest mistake... but still your own fault.

FurryPride | 9

#4643417 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:29

Watch it be some creep.

shift_love | 13

#4643449 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:37

At least you weren't a week late

bertman21 | 5

#4643550 - Monday 2 July 2012 23:14

Hey could have been worse he could have gotten off the plane with his new girlfriend

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4643581 - Monday 2 July 2012 23:29

#87 - That's exactly where I thought this FML was headed. :P

iLOLatURpain69 | 7

#4643864 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 1:18

You wouldn't check with him to find if he was leaving? YDI, for being stupid. Shouldn't be that hard to figure out what day the plane lands.

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#4644936 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 7:00

Geez, calm down. She was eager to see her Long Distance boyfriend, not legally stupid as hell. Mistakes happen.

By eoko | 12

#4642061 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:59

Oops.

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4642659 - Monday 2 July 2012 21:25

I did it again.

allard | 14

#4643497 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:51

You played with my heart.

hockeyoceancity | 13

#4643538 - Monday 2 July 2012 23:07

I shaved my head!

PeeblesWiggins | 0

#4643637 - Monday 2 July 2012 23:54

I shrunk the kids again!

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4643644 - Monday 2 July 2012 23:56

You killed it.

Damn you.

hecallsmedarlin | 7

#4643907 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 1:50

Oh baby, baby..

By stephan18 | 23

#4642063 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:59

Stuff happens, no big deal, the wait will be worth it I bet.

onlychildFTW | 33

#4643369 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:14

Waiting is normally the most exciting part because you know it'll be awesome when it finally happens.

Rommel1942 | 9

#4643697 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 0:13

Ya, I'm in a long distance relationship too. Seeing my gf in december. Haven't seen her besides Skype in 1.5 years. So stoked for it, it's totally worth the wait

brownov6969 | 4

#4643823 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 0:59

Fucking pussy

brownov6969 | 4

#4643832 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 1:02

Soft as baby shit you pussy

SOD_sonofdixie | 5

#4649286 - Wednesday 4 July 2012 16:56

Yea I've been dating a girl for 8 months and I'm about to move so were about to have to go through all this so say a prayer for us please.

By nanny1010 | 12

#4642065 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:59

At least he knows you are really excited to see him :-)

nanny1010 | 12

#4642692 - Monday 2 July 2012 21:36

Agreed! I would have been talking with him before hand to confirm, but I guess she was just so excited she didn't think about it. I've done stuff like this too though. It happens to the best of us.

daminantion | 14

#4643507 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:56

I wasn't aware people can use cell phones when on an airplane, I thought Airplane mode was made for such occasions.. Lest I'm over thinking it

MustangGirl72 | 9

#4643859 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 1:16

83: you can text and call before you get on the plane

MDTeddy | 13

#4644741 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 5:53

And so can Op.

By MrRayBans | 8

#4642074 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:01

Next time double check your email so you don't waste your time. Time=money. So technically you wasted money as well.

stephan18 | 23

#4642083 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:02

What's money got to do with her being there for her boyfriend?..! If she went to pick him up, she probably wasn't working and had free time.

ydi_4_suking | 20

#4642225 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:27

The only thing I can get from the money thing is wasted gasoline. But no that comment didn't really make sense

MidnaLink | 32

#4642374 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:53

22 thats the same thought I had

CyborgBanana | 12

#4642439 - Monday 2 July 2012 20:11

We also don't capitalize the first letter of every word in a sentence in the 21st century. Welcome.

mishaparis | 7

#4642558 - Monday 2 July 2012 20:33

How is that a habit? Isn't it annoying to press shift every word you write?

By dav3800 | 7

#4642078 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:01

Well... being early is a good thing in life.

TarieBoo | 2

#4642649 - Monday 2 July 2012 21:19

gosh...i dont know what it is...but a sex joke can be made out of that^ comment

GuessWhatKids | 13

#4644620 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 5:15

Having a child early isn't a good thing...
Busting a nut a minute in isn't a good thing...
Dying early isn't a good thing...
Your comment doesn't make sense.