Love: Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend....

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML

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Love

Out of it

People are strange

Cloth ears

By fuckkkkk - United States - San Francisco

Today, after getting my dream job and quitting old one, I was told my position is strictly "experimental" and will only last 2 months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. No one picked up. FML

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71279

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By Himynameisjacob - United States

Today, I was told that, although I was sick on the last day before break, they would still accept the 24 page essay that I had written. Tonight, as I went to print it out, I found that my dad had "cleaned up a bit" on my computer, including the documents from last semester. I have school tomorrow. FML

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By criley - United States - Los Angeles

Today, an attractive guy approached me and struck up a conversation. He was friendly and sweet, and gave me his number. As I walked away, my first thought was that someone had played a cruel joke on me. I've had such awful relationships that I can't recognize when someone is actually being sincere. FML

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By Rachel8896 - United States - Lakewood

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

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By annoyed - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I've been driving for almost two years and still get excited when I park between the lines on my first try. FML

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By choup - Australia

Today, I went to have a drink with my friend. On the way I withdrew 20 bucks and when I arrived at the bar I realised I had taken my credit card but not the banknote. FML

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By whatnot - Canada

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

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By anne - Canada

Today, my 20 year old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

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33326

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By TheMike23 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

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By TDCC - United States

Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML

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By fleatitting fame - Norway - Oslo

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML

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By campus pussy - United States - Ross

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

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By x - Canada

Today, I spent 65 dollars in cab fare and skipped half of my grade 12 classes, including a unit test, to see my girlfriend on our two year anniversary. I arrived just in time to see her kiss her other boyfriend of over a year good bye. FML

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44612

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By Michael D. - United States - Duluth

Today, while I was at work, my wife sent me a few pictures of her in a new lingerie, to "spice up" my day. She didn't realize that I have iCloud turned on so I can share files with my colleagues. My boss and a dozen other employees received the same pictures. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML

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By Awkwardly_dumped

You got mail

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. When we took a break and went downstairs, he checked the mail. He had received a letter from his ex-girlfriend, which he opened in front of me. He then began sobbing on my shoulder and broke up with me. He still had to drive me home. FML

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3278

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By bananaface - United States

Today, I stood in line for one hour to get a new phone. It then took me 2 minutes to drop it and shatter the screen, and 2 seconds for the employee to look at, laugh, and tell me, "That Sucks." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML

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By Triple F - United States

Today, I laced up my fabulous new boots and walked outside to find my hot neighbor, with whom I carpool every morning. I struck a pose, feeling quite confident. Upon taking my first step down the stairs, I fell forward. I woke up an hour later with 7 stitches in my head. FML

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By Jackmeister

Ouch

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

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By trick or not treat - France

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

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By justme - United States - Alliance

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while playing badminton, I was so distracted by my ex winking at me that I didn't notice the shuttle cock that hit me in the eye. FML

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By How? - United States - Glasford

Today, a bird crashed into my face. I didn't think that actually happened to people outside of cartoons. FML

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By fecurtis - United States

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

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By Lydlsis - United States

Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML

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By - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I made plans with my boyfriend for some "alone time" after work. I then stepped on some black ice in the parking lot, landed on my head, and got sent to the ER. Per protocol, until cleared by a specialist, I am not permitted to work. Or drive. Or drink. Or do anything "strenuous". FML

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By Joseph N - United States

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

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By poupi - France

Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lyons

Instagone

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost four years was breaking up with me when she captioned an Instagram post saying, "Who else besides me is going into 2018 single?" I had already bought an engagement ring. FML

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By Alyssa Charlotte - Mexico

Today, after being terrified for years, I went on a plane for the first time. It was also the first time I "emergency landed." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

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51982

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By Nola

Today, my fiancé got his associate degree in the mail. Wanting to surprise him when he got home, I opened it to display it before going out to buy groceries. His dog got a hold of his degree and shredded it to pieces. FML

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By Faluna - Sweden

Today, I found out that the mysterious yellow mould that won't come off my apartment floor is in fact the remains of a condom my room-mate used when she was f*cking her boyfriend in my bed. Afterwards, she apparently threw it on the floor and let it lie there. For three weeks. FML

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40126

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By Anonymous

Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML

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1523

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By Really - United States - Butte

Today, I told my mother that, after years of cheating and abuse, I'm finally getting a divorce. Her reaction was deep concern that my husband might not want to "be friends" with the rest of the family any more. FML

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By Hopeless - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and he was very upset, crying that he had been betrayed. He then began to explain that his friend had slept with his ex-girlfriend. I asked why he was so upset, and he said he still loved her, and really thought they were going to be able to work things out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I checked the facebook event page that I had set up for my 21st birthday at an awesome restaurant/bar which I had set up a week ago. Out of 39 invitees, the only person who said yes is my boyfriend. FML

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Top comments

By allyrn13 | 12

#4642054 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:56

Double check your calendar next time.

By nanny1010 | 12

#4642065 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:59

At least he knows you are really excited to see him :-)

COMMENTS

By allyrn13 | 12

#4642054 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:56

Double check your calendar next time.

Qandol | 26

#4642123 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:07

Sometimes we do forget things, such as date, time, when we are in excitement mood. So thats what may happened to OP.

beanybabe | 13

#4642128 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:09

hahaha aw op you must be gutted but hey, only 7 more days to wait

xcarxcrashx | 9

#4642138 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:10

Unless it was in the calendar wrong which is how she wound up early. I've done that before.

doctorhook86 | 24

#4642218 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:25

If your calendar is wrong, it's an honest mistake... but still your own fault.

FurryPride | 9

#4643417 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:29

Watch it be some creep.

shift_love | 13

#4643449 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:37

At least you weren't a week late

bertman21 | 5

#4643550 - Monday 2 July 2012 23:14

Hey could have been worse he could have gotten off the plane with his new girlfriend

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4643581 - Monday 2 July 2012 23:29

#87 - That's exactly where I thought this FML was headed. :P

iLOLatURpain69 | 7

#4643864 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 1:18

You wouldn't check with him to find if he was leaving? YDI, for being stupid. Shouldn't be that hard to figure out what day the plane lands.

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#4644936 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 7:00

Geez, calm down. She was eager to see her Long Distance boyfriend, not legally stupid as hell. Mistakes happen.

By eoko | 12

#4642061 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:59

Oops.

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4642659 - Monday 2 July 2012 21:25

I did it again.

allard | 14

#4643497 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:51

You played with my heart.

hockeyoceancity | 13

#4643538 - Monday 2 July 2012 23:07

I shaved my head!

PeeblesWiggins | 0

#4643637 - Monday 2 July 2012 23:54

I shrunk the kids again!

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4643644 - Monday 2 July 2012 23:56

You killed it.

Damn you.

hecallsmedarlin | 7

#4643907 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 1:50

Oh baby, baby..

By stephan18 | 23

#4642063 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:59

Stuff happens, no big deal, the wait will be worth it I bet.

onlychildFTW | 33

#4643369 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:14

Waiting is normally the most exciting part because you know it'll be awesome when it finally happens.

Rommel1942 | 9

#4643697 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 0:13

Ya, I'm in a long distance relationship too. Seeing my gf in december. Haven't seen her besides Skype in 1.5 years. So stoked for it, it's totally worth the wait

brownov6969 | 4

#4643823 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 0:59

Fucking pussy

brownov6969 | 4

#4643832 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 1:02

Soft as baby shit you pussy

SOD_sonofdixie | 5

#4649286 - Wednesday 4 July 2012 16:56

Yea I've been dating a girl for 8 months and I'm about to move so were about to have to go through all this so say a prayer for us please.

By nanny1010 | 12

#4642065 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:59

At least he knows you are really excited to see him :-)

nanny1010 | 12

#4642692 - Monday 2 July 2012 21:36

Agreed! I would have been talking with him before hand to confirm, but I guess she was just so excited she didn't think about it. I've done stuff like this too though. It happens to the best of us.

daminantion | 14

#4643507 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:56

I wasn't aware people can use cell phones when on an airplane, I thought Airplane mode was made for such occasions.. Lest I'm over thinking it

MustangGirl72 | 9

#4643859 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 1:16

83: you can text and call before you get on the plane

MDTeddy | 13

#4644741 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 5:53

And so can Op.

By MrRayBans | 8

#4642074 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:01

Next time double check your email so you don't waste your time. Time=money. So technically you wasted money as well.

stephan18 | 23

#4642083 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:02

What's money got to do with her being there for her boyfriend?..! If she went to pick him up, she probably wasn't working and had free time.

ydi_4_suking | 20

#4642225 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:27

The only thing I can get from the money thing is wasted gasoline. But no that comment didn't really make sense

MidnaLink | 32

#4642374 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:53

22 thats the same thought I had

CyborgBanana | 12

#4642439 - Monday 2 July 2012 20:11

We also don't capitalize the first letter of every word in a sentence in the 21st century. Welcome.

mishaparis | 7

#4642558 - Monday 2 July 2012 20:33

How is that a habit? Isn't it annoying to press shift every word you write?

By dav3800 | 7

#4642078 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:01

Well... being early is a good thing in life.

TarieBoo | 2

#4642649 - Monday 2 July 2012 21:19

gosh...i dont know what it is...but a sex joke can be made out of that^ comment

GuessWhatKids | 13

#4644620 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 5:15

Having a child early isn't a good thing...
Busting a nut a minute in isn't a good thing...
Dying early isn't a good thing...
Your comment doesn't make sense.