Animals: Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and... - FML

By rabbitkiller - 20/06/2015 10:42 - China - Wuhai

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 630

You deserved it 5 710

Taking stock

Yada yada yada

Too passionate for me

Stay in school, kids...

By Anonymous - 30/12/2017 01:30

Today, my son told me he got a tattoo to honour our German heritage. The bloody fool got an eagle and swastika on his arm. I had to explain to a 20-year-old what WWII was. He’s now researching laser removal. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 580

You deserved it 1 270

By anal-retentive - 23/06/2016 20:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 173

You deserved it 4 220

By One Angry Vegan - 03/06/2017 12:00

Today, marks 2 weeks since I got Oral Allergy Syndrome, a.k.a. randomly becoming allergic to apples, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, grapes, mangos, carrots, celery, beets, sunflower seeds, fennel, my toothpaste, and more things I just haven't tried yet. I'm vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 775

You deserved it 2 192

By Checkless chick - 08/05/2013 22:21 - United States

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 084

You deserved it 54 380

By yeetyeet - 06/01/2019 12:00

Today, we had an emergency lock down drill. The closest room to me was the bathroom, so I rushed in and went into one of the stalls, like I was supposed to only to find out that a girl in the stall next to me was shitting. And it didn't seem like she was going to be done anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 319

Casual racism

By seeking new employment - 07/01/2016 01:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my coworkers never invite me anywhere. Apparently, I "made a face" when one of them used the N-word, and it makes them uncomfortable to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 746

You deserved it 2 097

By Anonymous - 17/06/2010 22:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I turned myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 208

You deserved it 15 925

Siren king

By drreeeewwww - 25/11/2014 20:44 - United States - Salem

Today, I found out that my dog likes to howl when he hears sirens. I live next to the fire station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 568

You deserved it 3 726

By Anonymous - 28/01/2012 09:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 920

You deserved it 2 813

By pokeballbra - 17/10/2011 05:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 793

You deserved it 4 047

Chill out, man!

By Marcowalker95 - 07/08/2012 04:16 - United States - Panorama City

Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 600

You deserved it 7 065

By KayleeXLoVe21 - 03/11/2011 23:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 820

You deserved it 9 698

By solyana vr1 - 15/03/2012 01:32 - United States

Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 799

You deserved it 9 514

By woopwoop - 18/04/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 116

You deserved it 10 842

By Frazz - 10/06/2013 05:09 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 910

You deserved it 5 223

Technique

By jlowder2 - 11/12/2009 02:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 122

You deserved it 30 557

By iloveZELOS - 05/07/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, my boss told me he is a superhero. He has written countless comics about his crusades and adventures. I make fifty dollars an hour less than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 958

You deserved it 4 449

By bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh - 21/06/2013 21:00 - United States - Washington

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 129

You deserved it 7 213

By Fairy31 - 01/03/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, the boy I tutor failed his math test. As a result, the family fired me. The boy failed because he forgot to write his name at the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 061

You deserved it 2 291

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 01:28 - United States

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 355

You deserved it 3 951

By kingmetal42 - 09/02/2010 19:10 - France

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 956

You deserved it 27 806

Monday morning blues

By desperate905 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 384

You deserved it 28 808

By sucked_in - 23/07/2015 02:32 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 732

You deserved it 37 816

By Hm - 20/03/2015 00:54 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I was sitting in the airport, watching the baggage handlers load the plane I was about to get on. They were being really rough with it, one bag came open and all the clothes spilled out onto the tarmac. The clothes looked familiar. They were mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 884

You deserved it 2 290

By dca101 - 20/03/2013 02:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me because our "political views don't match" when I told her we needed to share house chores now that we live together. I know, I'm lost too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 442

You deserved it 2 919

By Greg - 03/06/2010 15:45 - United States

Today, I had to sit and listen to the guy in the next cube brag to his wife about the promotion he just received. The promotion my boss told me last week that I was going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 099

You deserved it 2 611

By roseland - 07/07/2013 20:07 - United States - Hilton

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 024

You deserved it 6 180

By mcdonalds - 06/08/2013 04:11 - United States

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 127

You deserved it 4 825

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 215

You deserved it 17 843

By Bacon0426 - 04/07/2016 21:03 - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 700

You deserved it 1 092

By Iguana - 12/09/2012 02:35 - Canada - Oromocto

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 664

You deserved it 28 642

By cbarr98 - 06/06/2015 01:00 - United States - Orange City

Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 765

You deserved it 2 988

By carnivore - 22/09/2009 21:48 - United States

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 474

You deserved it 5 876

By Anonymous - 27/12/2009 03:09 - Canada

Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 495

You deserved it 71 309

Generic Happy Birthday gif

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 14:15 - United States

Today, I'm still trying not to cry. Yesterday was by birthday. I got an e-mail from my dad with three words, "Happy Birthday (nickname)". I got a Facebook post from my mother. No card. No phone call. No gift. I have become nothing more than a Facebook friend to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 136

By Awkward - 25/04/2011 18:38 - United States

Today, while driving on the highway, I got stuck in a traffic jam. Upon glancing over at the car in the next lane, I saw it was my ex as of a week ago. We sat in barely moving traffic right next to each other for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 757

You deserved it 4 289

A teenage dream's so hard to beat…

By parenting fail - 20/09/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, my stepdaughter proudly showed off her new tattoo. It says "Jace’s place" in sloppy script on her lower belly. She’s 15. Jace is a boy she’s been seeing for 3 months. She got the tattoo in "some guy’s garage." It happened during her weekend visit with her father. Hello teenage rebellion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 797

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 04/08/2015 21:42 - United States - Utica

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 069

You deserved it 2 697

It's a conspiracy!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I had to very clearly explain to my mother, in public, why you cannot get cancer from eating too much ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 940

You deserved it 2 493

By mike h - 10/08/2012 04:37 - United States - Mcadoo

Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 369

You deserved it 4 793

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Top comments

Cads1 24

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Sunday 21 June 2015 13:19

No Easter for you.

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Sunday 21 June 2015 13:31

Bright side... Your boyfriend's parents will not be forgetting you anytime soon.

Comments

Cads1 24

Send a private message

Sunday 21 June 2015 13:19

No Easter for you.

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Sunday 21 June 2015 13:46

She (I'm assuming it's a female) has nearly a year to redeem herself.

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Sunday 21 June 2015 15:46

All the redemption in the world can't make up for this. The bunny is dead. Who else will deliver the eggs?

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Sunday 21 June 2015 15:48

Easter bunny. just wait three days. it'll come back to life.

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Sunday 21 June 2015 18:11

Took me a second. Now that's how you make a joke.

katherinebby17 28

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Sunday 21 June 2015 13:19

Oh my god I can only imagine how horrible that was for you and his family. Hopefully they'll forgive you.

sturschaedel 27

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Sunday 21 June 2015 20:26

I don't know. They are probably really crushed about losing their pet.

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Sunday 21 June 2015 21:28

Was that supposed to be a pun?

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Sunday 21 June 2015 13:19

not the best thing to do but could have been worse

LuluRichards 20

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Monday 22 June 2015 0:47

I honestly don't know how that situation could've been made any worse! FYL op!

ribx 16

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Sunday 21 June 2015 13:21

Don't worry, it's all part of the circle of life, I once had a rabbit that sat on a baby bird I rescued, crushing it to death :') Now someone will sit on you...

nonsensical 26

Sunday 21 June 2015 15:30

Perhaps an elephant seems fair.

DraconicFeline 31

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Sunday 21 June 2015 20:13

...Was that supposed to cheer us up?

ribx 16

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Sunday 21 June 2015 23:57

Did it sound like it was supposed to cheer you up? :')

WhatsMyLineAgain 8

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Monday 22 June 2015 5:22

That is not at all how the circle of life works.

slingerslasher 24

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Monday 22 June 2015 21:22

The circle of life: get born, grow up, maybe reproduce, get sat on and die. Textbook stuff.

SammieIsabella 15

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Sunday 21 June 2015 13:25

Need to learn to look before you sit.

FieldLeftBlank 20

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Sunday 21 June 2015 13:25

Is this what they mean when they say true love requires sacrifices?

strugglingatlife 14

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Sunday 21 June 2015 13:26

That does suck! Just make sure to look next time

Mynamewontfi 40

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Sunday 21 June 2015 13:28

Poor little bunny. Didn't they warn you about the rabbit being loose?

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Sunday 21 June 2015 13:31

Bright side... Your boyfriend's parents will not be forgetting you anytime soon.

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Sunday 21 June 2015 15:49

it's still rather de"pressing"

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Sunday 21 June 2015 19:53

In response to your profile bio, #29, you're not just funny to yourself.

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Sunday 21 June 2015 13:33

Well, next time take a good look before you put your ass on something.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 59

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 67

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 130