Miscellaneous: Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. After... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 32

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 134

01/09/2009 15:18

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. After hundreds passive aggressive comments, my boyfriend and I went into the kitchen. I started complaining to him about how his parents were horrible and mean. Little did I know, his parents had followed us in and were right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 337

You deserved it 48 500

Best teeth in the game

Family heirloom

Cognitive dissonance

27/11/2009 16:43

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 907

You deserved it 6 106

15/12/2016 22:49

Today, I turned off my boyfriends Xbox while he was playing because I wanted to talk to him about getting more serious with our relationship. As I did so, he said, "that's not the only thing you just turned off" and promptly broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 760

You deserved it 14 090

Best to check

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 08:00

Today, I was offered a "rust and accident free“ used car at the dealership. By chance, I managed to track down the previous owner, who was quite surprised I was asking about it, saying, "That one was totaled, I thought it had been scrapped!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 51

18/04/2009 07:20

Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 165

You deserved it 7 003

19/10/2018 15:30

Spicy

Today, after explaining that I never want kids, I was asked, "Are you sure? I have really strong swimmers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 629

You deserved it 266

One nation, under rod

By LaLa - 20/09/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 184

You better shape up

By anonymous - 18/07/2012 04:02

Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied, "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 001

You deserved it 4 706

13/01/2009 06:41

Today, I'm a 23 year old girl who often has to wear two pairs of socks. I don't have four feet, but I have no boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 168

You deserved it 6 513

22/07/2017 01:33

Today, my prom date and his family came over to take pictures. His dad happens to be my mom's gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 753

You deserved it 395

04/08/2013 19:09

Today, a customer screamed at me, because her iced coffee tasted exactly like coffee, and she hates coffee. Sadly, this isn't even the most insane person I've had to deal with at this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 466

You deserved it 3 136

Anxiety

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 08:02

Today, and for the last 5 days, I’ve been waking up between 5:30 and 6:30 a.m. Perfect time to get into work early, right? Except I’ve been unemployed for months and the one thing I’m trying to work on is my lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 112

19/12/2016 21:58

Today, I noticed that my two cats have been urinating on my Christmas tree skirt more frequently than in their litter box. I've tried to get them to stop, but I don't know how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 000

You deserved it 1 036

19/12/2011 18:01

Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. It wasn't all that embarrassing, until I walked two more feet and slipped again. The second time, a man pulled over and loudly asked if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 259

You deserved it 3 378

26/06/2014 15:11

Today, someone stole my laptop from my car. However, they were nice enough to relock the doors after they smashed in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 964

You deserved it 6 079

31/05/2011 00:33

Today, I finally found out what that weird smell in my apartment was. My ex-boyfriend had been breaking into my apartment and hiding rotting fruit all over the place. I found this out when a ceiling panel fell and a swarm of fruit flies attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 359

You deserved it 4 069

08/05/2015 02:18

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 762

You deserved it 9 196

Sinning is winning

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 18:01

Spicy

Today, I came home early from work and walked in on my husband in bed with his two young female "bible study students" from his church. Now I remember why he explicitly said to never interrupt his, "Sunday School Studies" with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 85

03/09/2010 05:05

Today, I had a volleyball game against our rivals. I hit myself in the face with the ball 3 times, fell flat on my face against the court, and later had an asthma attack with no inhaler in sight. We lost the game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 665

You deserved it 6 717

17/02/2017 06:00

Today, at the hairdresser's, I fell asleep while my hair was being washed. My barber had to shake me awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 073

You deserved it 1 052

04/11/2016 13:59

Today, I really didn't want to go to work. Still, I showed up for work early on the busiest night of the week and stayed back until past 10 p.m. Exhausted, I went to sign off the roster when I realised that, in fact, I was not rostered on for today at all. I'm on tomorrow, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 813

You deserved it 3 500

08/05/2013 16:59

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 689

You deserved it 16 125

With friends like these…

By dpimente - 17/12/2020 11:05

Today, I checked my bank account online and noticed two checks that I didn't write had gone through, so I got copies of them and recognized the handwriting. It was my best friend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 52

Thanks

By Appelflap - 29/03/2013 22:18

Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 553

You deserved it 2 784

21/07/2011 11:14

Today, my dad came home and said that he was so inspired by hip hop dancers on TV that he decided to take a hip hop dance class. He signed up for the class that my girlfriend teaches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 374

You deserved it 3 911

05/02/2014 02:25

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 408

You deserved it 5 285

18/05/2009 17:05

Today, I went onto my band's MySpace just to check if we had any new comments or anything like that and I noticed that I was listed as a past member. Nobody ever told me I was replaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 184

You deserved it 4 775

Procrastination

By Anonymous - 23/04/2021 17:01

Today, I planned a busy day of errands: cycle 16 km, pick up a thing I bought online, go to the gas station, pharmacy and 3 different shops. I’m totally exhausted now. Maybe tomorrow I’ll find the energy to actually do all those things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 310

23/06/2013 23:48

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 267

You deserved it 28 750

03/12/2011 02:06

Spicy

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 260

You deserved it 4 804

27/02/2016 06:03

Today, I found out that the money I spent on a very specific degree was wasted, because apparently, I don't qualify for a job at the place that told me I had to have that degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 549

You deserved it 2 033

24/04/2015 17:09

Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 871

You deserved it 13 509

31/05/2016 18:05

Today, after seeing a cute girl on the bus, I tried to look cool by flipping my hair, only to smack the side of my head into the bus window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 050

You deserved it 10 036

17/04/2011 21:12

Today, I got a postcard from my boyfriend who is on vacation in the Caribbean. He's breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 747

You deserved it 3 788

13/02/2011 02:17

Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 610

You deserved it 3 701

05/09/2011 19:19

Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 215

You deserved it 10 090

04/08/2011 08:30

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 969

You deserved it 4 104

13/01/2014 19:48

Spicy

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 838

You deserved it 12 640

Picture game

By Anonymous - 01/12/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 2 089

11/01/2011 03:27

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 102

You deserved it 4 342

18/02/2011 01:47

Today, I was forced to attend a fire safety class, as required by my job. Last year, I completed the fire academy as a volunteer fireman. The class was not only insulting, but wrong in many ways. I got kicked out for pointing them out. I now have to take it again, or be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 389

You deserved it 5 841

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:05

Always wait until you leave to say things like that. And you probably should've said something more like "Wow, they're making me feel kinda bad in there. I don't think they like me, I feel as though they're trying to be mean."

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:05

...And then you all had an orgy. The end! You're dating him, not his parents. Ok, so they're assholes. They obviously don't like you either. Move on.

Comments

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:04

That sucks.

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:17

It truly does suck. I dated a girl with outright racist parents so I know how awkward it is meeting parents who intentionally try to make you uncomfortable. Keep your head up, OP.

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:04

that really sucks, but what were you supposed to do you know

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:59

YDI for not observing your surroundings

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 2:55

she deserved it for insulting a guys parents not just in front of him, but also in front of them she completely deserved it for being a bitch

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 8:42

That's BS, the parents deserve it for being @ssholes and he deserves it for not standing up for her... she should dump them all!!!

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:04

hahah that suckkss.

BLooDYxNiGHTS 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:04

...That shit sucks. I'm sorry.

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:05

Always wait until you leave to say things like that. And you probably should've said something more like "Wow, they're making me feel kinda bad in there. I don't think they like me, I feel as though they're trying to be mean."

Moemoemoe_fml 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:46

Yeah, I second that too. There's always a way to turn it to make it better and less like you're the one being mean. ^^;

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:54

You keep your mouth shut about his parents at least until you're out of the house, duh.

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:05

...And then you all had an orgy. The end! You're dating him, not his parents. Ok, so they're assholes. They obviously don't like you either. Move on.

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:19

Because he'll take all his pent-up aggression out on her during sex? Eh, you make a good point, Plexico.

XxMuSiKxMaNxX 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:05

ouch.. that sucks.. yeah not such a great thing to say at their house..

dark_sunlight 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:06

daammn that sucks, but it is partly your fault for not waiting till you were out of the house or a safe distance xD

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:09

Hundreds... of?

ChickInGreenVans 12

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Wednesday 6 June 2012 13:26

hundreds of what??

pancakebunny 19

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Thursday 23 June 2016 4:58

We want to know!!!!

lendmeyourteeth 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:12

you didn't hear them follow you..?