Love: Today, I went to my best friend's wedding. All my friends and...

By singlegirl - 27/11/2009 18:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my best friend's wedding. All my friends and their boyfriends were seated at one table, while I, as the only single girl in the group, was put on a table with all the other single people. They were all over forty years older than me. I feel like I have seen my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 491

You deserved it 3 094

Love

Compromises

The smell detective is on the case

Sorry…

Toxic Managers

By impishsamaritan - 07/09/2019 22:00

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 303

By Anonymous - 22/12/2014 16:27 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I spent a quarter of an hour trying to figure out why my car wouldn't unlock, then why my number plate had changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 096

You deserved it 25 910

By Chris - 13/02/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I put my hamster in his ball, and spent about an hour cleaning his cage. When I came back, I realized he wasn't even alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 825

You deserved it 7 353

By thatfatkid - 10/08/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 714

You deserved it 6 680

By Anonymous - 14/08/2009 01:36 - United States

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 304

You deserved it 3 035

Am I a ghost to you?

By AJ. - 19/08/2021 14:01

Today, at work, I thought I’d sneak a wee fart out, but ended up shitting myself. I just left work without telling anyone, went home, showered, then went back to work. No one missed me being away for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 280

By malebonding - 17/08/2009 13:50 - United States

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 227

You deserved it 14 879

By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 23:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I'm recovering from a brain injury that occurred a few months ago. The newest challenge I'm facing is thinking the floor is moving any time there is a change in colour or texture. My house has patterned tile floors and carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 751

You deserved it 1 225

By notyouraverage - 03/04/2018 19:00

Today, I was doing a PowerPoint presentation in front of my whole class, when I accidentally clicked on the folder that has zillions of pictures of my crush. He's one of my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 439

You deserved it 6 815

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 01/08/2020 17:00

Today, my idea of partying is vacuuming the house. Because that’s the only time when I have a legitimate excuse to wear headphones, listen to music and not be available for my grandma to call out to me because she wants something or other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 129

It's Thursday!

By horriblefashionsense - 26/09/2013 15:20 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 519

You deserved it 6 240

By Anonymous - 21/04/2015 15:40 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 287

You deserved it 2 901

By Anonymous - 12/08/2011 00:49 - United States

Today, I finally figured out why my mechanic was so cheap; he wanted to sleep with me. After I politely declined, he charged me regular price plus extra for "humiliating" him. He's 60. I just recently turned 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 534

You deserved it 3 392

By a816090 - 27/05/2019 18:09

Today, I got written up because I took a dump at work that lasted longer than 5 minutes, and I didn't punch out for it as a "paid break." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 003

You deserved it 129

By helloimkylieee - 25/01/2016 01:04 - United States - Tracy

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 639

You deserved it 1 540

By Not Worth a Lunch - 02/02/2015 14:25 - United States - Durham

Today, my boss told me they were letting me go because they "could no longer afford to pay me." Never mind the catered lunch they had the day before, which cost more than a week's worth of my salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 503

You deserved it 2 490

By Z88 - 21/04/2010 20:29 - South Africa

Today, a customer came into the music shop I work in to look at guitars. After calling the customer "Dude," and "Man," numerous times, they stalked off suddenly. When I asked if everything was okay, they responded with, "I'm female, you asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 847

You deserved it 43 134

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I gave a carpet shampooing demonstration in a stranger's home. To my surprise, the white expensive carpet was dyed grey due to something in the solution. The owner held me hostage in her house by barracading the door until my manager got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 480

You deserved it 9 041

By Fat Jon - 29/10/2015 19:43 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I went to a costume contest as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. I won, which was nice, until I was told that the only flaws in my "Samwell Tarly" outfit were my long hair and wrong sword. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 671

You deserved it 2 797

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 17:25 - Belgium

Today, I went to see a movie. While buying tickets, the girl behind the counter asked to show my ID card to proof I'm at least 16 years old. Not wanting to make a drama, I showed it. She took a look at it and declared it as fake. That ID is real and I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 945

You deserved it 3 321

By vishuzzbabe77 - 22/08/2011 06:04 - United States

Today, I bought a Halloween costume for my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 424

You deserved it 41 601

By KiDCuSHi - 20/08/2011 04:58 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend sexted me for the first time in months. Half way through reading it I was getting kind of hot. Then I found a spelling mistake and all I could think to do was correct her. She won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 042

You deserved it 76 370

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 03:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he can't remember the last time he took a shower. He then told me he doesn't see the "need" of taking showers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 126

You deserved it 4 923

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 11:28 - United States - Manhattan Beach

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 879

You deserved it 2 090

By usmcpain - 23/06/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 861

You deserved it 5 036

By Lori - 04/11/2015 18:46 - United States - Littleton

Today, I agreed to go on a date with this really nice guy. Halfway through the date he starts talking about his wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 696

You deserved it 1 963

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 12/02/2019 00:00

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 164

You deserved it 205

By convict possibly - 26/05/2017 18:00

Today, I got to try on a stunning suit that made me the handsomest man in the world. Upcoming prom? No. Wedding? No. I attended a date... A court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 344

You deserved it 2 045

Some friends you've got there

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 10:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I wrote a post about how I was thinking of attempting suicide. Not one single person contacted me to see if I was alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 542

By awkwardencounters - 12/11/2013 11:18 - United States - Belleville

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 207

You deserved it 49 221

By Username - 31/03/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 552

You deserved it 11 140

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, my older brother and I were teasing our mom about her age. When we jokingly told her it was hard for us to watch our parents get old, she responded by saying "yeah, well, it's hard for me to watch my kids grow up and not have anyone who wants to marry them". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 308

You deserved it 47 351

By lonelyhubby - 08/07/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 358

You deserved it 12 039

By EmbarrassedMess - 23/05/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had what I thought would be an important (and formal) interview. Not only did I turn up completely overdressed, the man who was interviewing me arrived 30 minutes late. To top it all off, I was so distracted by his mysterious total lack of eyebrows that I forgot everything I had to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 109

You deserved it 485

By unemployed - 24/08/2012 18:00 - United States - Alhambra

Today, my mom called while I was at a job interview. I ignored the call, but the interviewer was so offended by the fact I'd rudely left it on at all, that he threw me out. I found out from my mom later that she'd called to wish me good luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 163

You deserved it 25 857

Counterstrike

By Anonymous - 30/01/2010 05:40 - United States

Today, I took my 8 year-old nephew to Laser Tag for his birthday party. I reluctantly was forced into playing one game. Apparently, no one explained the rules to one child, and instead of 'shooting' me with his laser pointer, he kicked me straight in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 306

You deserved it 3 474

Going medieval

By hurley - 27/02/2011 10:10 - Australia

Today, I had my friends help me put on a suit of full plate armor for a medieval re-enactment. After the battle, my friends left. I can't get the armor off by myself and will probably have to sleep in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 986

You deserved it 9 910

By queenmeme - 08/10/2014 06:02 - United States - Redlands

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 290

You deserved it 3 714

By lpara89 - 20/06/2017 00:00

Today, my 7-month pitbull chewed up a framed picture of my parents and another framed picture of my other pitbull. Maybe he's mad I don't have any pictures of him framed yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 085

You deserved it 913

What about me?

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 14:00

Today, my younger brother got in engaged. When we had a conversation about the wedding, he asked why the hell would I be involved with any of it! He used to be my best friend. I don’t know what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 132

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Top comments

jchansfan 0

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Friday 27 November 2009 22:58

lol At least your FML didn't end with "And that didn't stop them from hitting on me. FML." :P

rockhopper 0

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Friday 27 November 2009 23:11

That must have sucked for the old folks too, being lumped together with other divorcees/widowers/widows - like they need a reminder of being on their own! Your friend is really inconsiderate!

tessitada 0

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Friday 27 November 2009 22:54

ROFL

BeeSkwaird 0

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Saturday 28 November 2009 5:18

More like ROTD. Did they put you "on" the table so you'd entertain the fogies?

MireKrisma 0

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Friday 27 November 2009 22:58

Don't feel the need to rush things. :/

time4coffee 3

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Saturday 28 November 2009 11:59

No that's how seating usually goes at wedding. Sit couples, if there's leftover, then throw in the single friend. Maybe try to group singles who know each together if you can. If not, next time bring a date so you'll be with the couples. Hire someone if you have to.

starberries 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 3:43

No, it's rude. They could have found her a spot with people her own age. It was very inconsiderate.

jchansfan 0

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Friday 27 November 2009 22:58

lol At least your FML didn't end with "And that didn't stop them from hitting on me. FML." :P

Yooh_Plus_Meh 0

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Friday 27 November 2009 23:05

The sad thing is that they were once married and now are either widowed or divorced.

zaq857 0

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Friday 27 November 2009 23:09

well why r u writing this on this website when you could be out trying to actually get a boyfriend 

123sploosh 0

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Saturday 28 November 2009 1:55

thats...dumb

did_it_4_lulz 0

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Saturday 28 November 2009 5:21

No, it's not. People hook up with people they meet at weddings, and sometimes end up getting married themselves.

Ootori 0

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 4:29

ever seen the wedding crashers ;D?

rockhopper 0

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Friday 27 November 2009 23:11

That must have sucked for the old folks too, being lumped together with other divorcees/widowers/widows - like they need a reminder of being on their own! Your friend is really inconsiderate!

DameGreyWulf 0

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Friday 27 November 2009 23:17

Agreed with 2, 3, and 6. Why do some people CARE SO MUCH about these things, anyway? Oh bawww I'm young and single, somehow this determines that I'll never get a boyfriend/girlfriend! I need someone to validate my being!

did_it_4_lulz 0

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Saturday 28 November 2009 5:23

For real, people are in such a hurry to be paired up. Just remember guys, 50% of marriages end in divorce. So don't jump in too quickly.

the_raf 0

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Friday 27 November 2009 23:43

I'd panick if I were you, settle for the next ok thing that comes along

perdix 29

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Saturday 28 November 2009 0:19

You must be one of these stuck-up bitches that has [airquotes] standards [/airquotes]. Lower them until you can find some douchebag in need of sex and sammiches. I could also read this to mean that you met Prince Charming at the "singles' table." It kinda worked for Anna Nicole Smith for a while, until it didn't. It may suck for you, but you could make some old guy VERY happy and let him shuffle off this mortal coil with a BANG and not a whimper. That could be good for some sweet cash! ;)