Work and Health: Today, someone had explosive diarrhea in my bathroom at work... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 66

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 34

14/09/2018 18:30

Today, someone had explosive diarrhea in my bathroom at work and didn't clean it up. I'm the only female in the office and I have only one toilet with no window or fan, so I have to leave the door open to air it out. It's right beside the canteen. Everyone will think it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 117

Vulture

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Wakey wakey

29/12/2012 01:21

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 526

You deserved it 49 551

Sensory overload

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 15:01

Today, I visited my brother, and noticed that my 17 year-old nephew was being unusually cold and grumpy; a sign that he's having sensory overload. Because his parents are so loud, I knew they were responsible. When I confronted them, they responded by yelling at me and grounding him. Sorry, nephew, I tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 143

08/04/2013 00:00

Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 902

You deserved it 2 452

14/07/2018 15:00

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 391

You deserved it 312

09/08/2011 17:38

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 565

You deserved it 5 884

31/05/2016 03:17

Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 296

You deserved it 1 081

13/10/2015 01:53

Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 042

You deserved it 2 867

23/12/2009 20:24

Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 464

You deserved it 3 168

25/05/2010 23:33

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 751

You deserved it 39 619

Trashcan addiction

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally got my 18 month-old to throw away her trash and dirty diapers. Now she throws everything away, and I can't get her to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 397

03/08/2011 18:31

Spicy

Today, my father described my method of hiding porn on the computer as "extremely naive." I don't know what's worse, that he found my porn or that he's better at hiding his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 279

You deserved it 32 039

06/03/2015 01:34

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 062

You deserved it 2 986

06/05/2011 18:09

Spicy

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 647

You deserved it 51 931

Pay up

By Britishboy1991 - 09/12/2016 15:50

Today, I should be working on my big project for work due next week. Instead, I'm walking in and out of the block to get all my things from my flat. My roommate lied about paying the rent for months now and has actually spending all the money on lotto tickets. And no, he didn't win anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 504

You deserved it 758

18/06/2015 23:29

Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 247

You deserved it 13 824

25/05/2011 05:28

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 881

You deserved it 9 828

28/06/2009 17:30

Today, I finally got my yearbook for senior year in high school. I started what everyone does, which is count how many times I appear in the yearbook. I stopped when I found a prominent photo of me, picking my nose in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 640

You deserved it 50 356

12/01/2019 04:00

Today, like for the last year, I’ve been on Tinder. I was having a great conversation with a man and we were planning a date for next week when he asked for my number. When I politely responded that I’d rather wait to exchange numbers after meeting in person, he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 281

You deserved it 576

12/02/2011 16:29

Spicy

Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 177

You deserved it 3 512

13/12/2016 13:27

Today, I punished my new dog for going potty inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 170

You deserved it 3 313

15/11/2014 13:25

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 860

You deserved it 9 415

20/06/2009 07:37

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 428

You deserved it 4 920

13/05/2019 04:00

Today, I got up and walked to college for my only class which started at 9 a.m. after a night of restless sleep. Our exam is two weeks away, so I thought it would be better to attend. Apparently, my teacher thought differently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 194

01/12/2014 16:38

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 592

You deserved it 8 837

30/11/2013 05:58

Spicy

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 417

You deserved it 4 132

19/06/2011 17:51

Today, at the DMV, I was told to push my forehead against a vision testing device on the counter to activate a blinking light. When nothing happened, the employee started yelling for me to push harder. I tried again, only to knock the whole thing into her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 799

You deserved it 3 293

30/06/2016 20:42

Today, my boss threw me out of her office during a conference call for daring to correct her. The client fired the company because she subsequently got all the information on the call wrong, and plainly had no idea what was going on. From all the screaming, this is now all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 941

You deserved it 888

29/03/2018 19:00

Today, after a week on bed rest in a cast after ankle surgery, I got so bored and lonely I agreed to do an hour-long government phone survey just to have someone to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 728

You deserved it 372

20/02/2009 15:38

Spicy

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 204

You deserved it 27 648

Help!

By Agonised - 29/05/2021 00:01

Today, I went to the hospital for crippling back pain that made it impossible to walk. The doctor was more interested in telling me off for not taking a pill that he admitted doesn't help acute pain. He then gave me an injection that wore off in an hour, and sent me home, telling me to take over the counter meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 64

23/11/2014 00:10

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 098

You deserved it 5 943

24/02/2014 04:18

Today, a guy from work that I barely know gave me sunflowers for my birthday. He told me, "You mentioned they were your favorite." I mentioned it to my family at home a few days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 093

You deserved it 4 550

EXPLAIN YOURSELF!

By khamiya - 18/05/2021 13:59

Today, as always, I'm not allowed to like anything, be it a food, type of music, TV show, book, video game, or even a color, without my parents asking me to explain why I like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 86

My short hair!

By Trama1201 - 04/01/2020 14:00

Today, I went to the library to bring back some books, I walked up to the counter and the librarian turned to me and said "What can I do for you young man?" I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 302

11/09/2011 01:18

Today, I was at a pie auction. During it, I had to hold a pie in a glass case to be sold. In the middle of the auction, I raised my hand to scratch my face, and dropped the pie and broke the glass. It was worth $1000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 190

You deserved it 14 049

24/06/2009 06:13

Spicy

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 716

You deserved it 3 694

02/01/2016 16:09

Today, I found out that you can give your grandpa a Vietnam flashback when you set off a leftover firecracker from New Years. I also found out that a 76 year old hits pretty fucking hard when freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 197

You deserved it 8 303

21/12/2008 12:14

Today, I'm 65 years old, and I've been given a bottle of wine produced in the year I was born. The wine tastes foul; not a good omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 347

You deserved it 2 927

That one friend who changes once they're in a relationship

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 13:01

Spicy

Today, my best friend and my brother are in love. I've been her friend for 10 years, and she’s an absolutely horny whore. She treats me like shit 25/8 now. If I hadn't become friends with her, they wouldn’t have met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 215

Best teeth in the game

By floss can't skewer people - 22/09/2021 02:00

Today, my stepfather refused to drive me to the hospital after having a toothpick that was left on the floor lodge itself and break off in the bottom of my foot. He's the only person in the house that uses toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 58

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Top comments

Charlie Given 24

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Friday 14 September 2018 21:25

We need a follow-up OP was this supposed to be just your bathroom or is it everyone's 🤔

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Saturday 15 September 2018 3:42

Invest in some Febreze? It seems like whoever took the dump was in an emergency situation, so he ran to the nearest washroom, which happens to be the female one. A situation like this will happen again, so invest in some Febreze to cover up the scent.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 14 September 2018 18:56

Is this more of a shitstery or a scheiss-t?

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Friday 14 September 2018 20:12

I hate to be that guy, but with you calling it "my bathroom", could it be that you're coming across entitled and you've pissed off some people? On a side note, did you just assume everybody's gender in your office?

raven_of_azarath 34

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Friday 14 September 2018 21:30

Or maybe OP knows that all her coworkers use the men’s room, making the women’s room hers and hers alone? Where’s the entitlement to calling a bathroom only you use yours?

Charlie Given 24

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2018 21:25

We need a follow-up OP was this supposed to be just your bathroom or is it everyone's 🤔

Send a private message

Saturday 15 September 2018 3:42

Invest in some Febreze? It seems like whoever took the dump was in an emergency situation, so he ran to the nearest washroom, which happens to be the female one. A situation like this will happen again, so invest in some Febreze to cover up the scent.