Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

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Always ask for documentation

Grow up

Some winners…

By LunaRayne13 - 10/9/2020 08:02

Ghosted

Today, I realized it's been over a month since my last therapy session. My therapist canceled on me and never got back in touch to reschedule. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

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By FrozenAnonymus - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

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By Vassy - Canada - Montreal

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

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By nazooer - United States

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

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By LasagnaRawks - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

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By aprouddaddy - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

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By not on life, that's for fucking sure - United States

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

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By OmniVore - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a great vegan guy in my class. We went to a vegi-restaurant, I dutifully ate all the meatless dishes, but he seemed pissed about something, and other diners kept giving me angry looks. After we left, I realised I'd worn my leather jacket to the date. FML

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By HP_22 - United States

Today, I was the only employee at a video store where I work when it got robbed. After crying, shaking and spending two hours and dealing with the police, my boss called and told me it was good experience and I would know what to do next time, then made me finish my shift, the night shift, alone. FML

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By gdog10122 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

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By beanpole - Canada - Canning

Today, I had to cancel plans to go to the movies with the guy I've had a crush on for months due to a sudden case of the flu. This was already rescheduled from yesterday, when I had to cancel due to bad weather (after he had already left home). He thinks that I'm just making excuses not to see him. FML

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By likesboys - Canada

Today, my entire family thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm straight. I'm embarrassed and don't know how to tell them that I've been single for so long because I can't get a guy. FML

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By buryuntime - United States

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML

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By Oh_Well - United States

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Castle Rock

Idiots on bikes

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

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By sassman - United States

Today, I was in class. I am an older student going back for my PhD. I was kicked out of class for "sassing" my instructor for telling him he was wrong about what took place at an event I was actually present at. My instructor is a 22 year old TA. FML

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By Amy (grossed out) - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we ran the Skype call all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML

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By poopEVERYWHERE - United States

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

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By Anonymous

Weird flex, but OK

Today, I asked the girl who has a crush on me if she was autistic. She replied without hesitation, "I can be whatever you want me to be." FML

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By Sarahfizzeller - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is moving out to California to be with a girl he met while on Chatroulette. We broke up because he thought we were moving too fast. FML

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By night_fox88 - 27/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Camden

Go out please!

Today, I woke up to my overly religious grandmother trying to shove salt down my throat yelling "DEMON BE GONE!". Why? I didn't wear the cross neckless she bought me. FML

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By ThreeMoreYears - 3/3/2020 03:01

Jesus, take the wheel

Today, during my religion class, my instructor decided to use the state of the class's cars as a metaphor for our relationship with God. When I told him my car had been totalled in an accident last week, he yelled at me for being an "agent of Satan." One class down, 59 to go. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

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By Idiot32

Today, I saw my dad driving our red Dakota, and I thought it would be funny to tail him around town. It wasn't until I saw cop lights flashing in my rear-view mirror that I remembered that we'd given away our red truck. I'd scared an old lady so badly that she called the police. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Erie

Today, I learned not to take sex tips from virgins seriously. "Have sex in the shower", they said. "It'll be fun", they said. Well they didn't take slippage into account. One busted nose and concussion later, I'm not seeing the "fun" part at all. FML

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By anon - United States - Commack

Today, at my daughter's ballet recital, after she was done dancing, grown adults booed. She's five. FML

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By - 5/11/2020 23:03

Crashtony Cartano here

Today, my husband sped my car up to 80 in a 30, and almost crashed, which would have killed us both. What did I do to set him off? I played a song he didn't like. FML

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By embarrassed niece - United States - Cumming

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

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By sammsamm56 - United States

Today, I found out that my over protective brother is going to move in with me when he gets out of jail. My chances of ever being in a relationship are now next to zero. FML

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By Sarge9774

Today, I found out that my uncle does not like my step daughter because she likes Star Wars. He stated that Star Trek was better and went on to verbally attack a 6-year-old. FML

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By InnocenceBlue

Today, as always, my mother hates my life choices. Particularly my hair for some reason. As she's always whinging about it being dyed blonde, I dyed it back to my natural colour again to appease her, and stop the constant bullying. She hates it. FML

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By Anonymous

Halved

Today, I went to the hair salon to get a fresh trim before receiving my master's diploma. The hairdresser managed to shave off half my eyebrow. FML

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By chris - United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my wife and I almost got a divorce over a game of Yahtzee. FML

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By anon - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

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By Trollface - Canada

Today, while cuddling in bed, I tried to tell my girlfriend she was cute. It came out, "I wish you were cuter." FML

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By brokeandiknowit - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I installed an app that notifies me of every purchase on my credit card. Now I'm being tormented by notification after notification as my wife decimates our finances. FML

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Top comments

By clockworklolita | 3

#632320 - Thursday 22 October 2009 2:37

you absolutely MUST speak to a proper therapist. from the sounds of things your anxiety and worries have gone beyond the point of your academic counsellor being able to help. get help, and pronto.

By tingting1 | 0

#632192 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:34

even better,
try some weed :)

COMMENTS

By NGM_47 | 0

#632173 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:26

Maybe you need a therapist?

Reply

22cute | 17

#4051579 - Saturday 18 February 2012 13:34

I had the same thing happen only with IBS. The Dr told me to try yoga & exercise which I used to do daily but had to quit because it upset my colon.

By dcbog123 | 0

#632175 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:26

thats cuz your weak little p*Ssy

By aaaaa2p | 0

#632178 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:27

Your "counselor" is an idiot. Disregard what it says and talk to someone with a high school diploma, at least.

Reply

dundermiflax34 | 0

#632322 - Thursday 22 October 2009 2:39

i have the same problem, excluding the actual vomiting, but the nausea, and the therapist i was sent to told me the same thing about exercising.

By Hydra_fml | 0

#632180 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:28

Try pills. Can't go wrong with pills.

Reply

tingting1 | 0

#632192 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:34

even better,
try some weed :)

Reply

DemonicAngel151 | 0

#632195 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:35

Pills FTW!

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#632225 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:47

From my experience, a good bowl of pot helps a lot with anxiety.

Reply

thematt_fml | 0

#632378 - Thursday 22 October 2009 3:10

its called MASTURBATION

Reply

BisFitty | 7

#1686858 - Friday 12 November 2010 10:49

#9 and #20 have the right idea ;-)

Reply

Uramonkey | 11

#4003520 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 5:46

I agree that both pot and masturbation help reduce stress. yes, thumb me down but you all know i'm right.

By Sashiko | 0

#632185 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:29

I'm in a similar boat. I don't throw up when I exercise but I don't sleep because I always thing my boyfriend is going to die in a nuclear attack so I always have to check the tv and internet.

Reply

MagicMeds | 0

#632763 - Thursday 22 October 2009 8:06

What is this? I don't even...

By shanedawsonfan | 0

#632187 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:30

Woah

By yasmeenjonasx3 | 0

#632194 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:35

FYL.

By Bloodknight | 22

#632197 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:36

Well this is one big convoluted mess of an FML! Whatever...YDI.

Reply

0_FYL_0 | 17

#5502742 - Wednesday 22 May 2013 22:10

I don't think you realize that she can't help it. How can she deserve something that's completely out of her control. You wouldn't be saying that if you had her dissorder

By powersmoke | 0

#632213 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:42

Grow a pair.

By Sickillsells | 0

#632215 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:42

Few remedies come to mind, and most are a waste, better off hanging out in the DMV.