Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my... - FML

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

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Family values

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Higher standards

By Fubar0906 - 19/5/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I'm on vacation. I spent $4000 to surprise my boyfriend on a trip to Hawaii. We have been together over a year. Turns out, he hates the outdoors. He's mad at me for bringing him here and is upset at everything. He's in the room reading, I'm at the bar drinking $10 Mai Tai's. FML

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By salt. - 28/2/2012 22:04 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2009 14:46 - Australia

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

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By ccgundum - 1/2/2014 07:47 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

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By scammed - 29/8/2013 18:48 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out after spending my life's income on paying for my grandma's cancer treatment that she has been faking it. FML

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By 282 - 29/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was sitting on my younger sister's bed while I was on my phone. She came in the room and pushed me off the bed, and I ended up slicing the skin under my eye. Now, my parents are forcing me to pay for the injury for "hanging off the bed". FML

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By forever alone - 9/5/2015 23:03 - Germany - Apolda

Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML

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By killer - 17/7/2010 14:54 - United States

Today, I was outside when a mouse ran toward my feet. There was a wall behind me, so I tried to jump over him. He changed course, and I landed on him. It crunched. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2010 18:33 - Canada

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

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By littl3storm - 11/7/2020 08:08

Dad of the month

Today, I found out that my 'dad', the man who couldn't afford to buy me a bed, despite sleeping on the floor for 3+ years, has spent well over $3000 on sex chat lines, as well as cheating us out of child payments. He doesn't understand why I refuse to talk to him. FML

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By Kan23 - 26/1/2016 03:37 - United States - Altus

Today, I got fired from my job. When I asked why, all that was said to me was, "We don't have to disclose that information, but you did nothing wrong. It's just not working out." FML

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By Noname - 11/3/2009 05:21 - United States

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2015 17:07 - United States - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

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By Rakoric - 16/4/2017 22:00

Today, my wife and I went kayaking for the first time in the ocean. She got seasick and just before she threw up, leaned over the side and tipped the kayak over. FML

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By shay786 - 5/5/2020 17:00

My eyes!

Today, I heard grunting and then realized it was my tenant with his boyfriend. When I went down to do my laundry, I caught them in the act. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, my husband decided to be helpful and do all the laundry, including pre-treating all the stains. He felt that Clorox Clean-Up with Bleach would be the most effective. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2013 02:28 - United States - Mclean

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

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By rattrap - 6/2/2012 01:13 - United States

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time my cats haven't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

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By mainche - 20/1/2009 07:13 - France

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

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By nevergonnatrust - 18/11/2010 09:23

Today, I found out that while I see a therapist for my trust issues, my husband sleeps with our nanny. FML

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By Lackadaisical - 15/1/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

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By kengu - 23/10/2011 21:02 - Norway

Today, I mopped all the floors in my house. When I was finally done, I accidentally knocked over an open bottle of soda. My cats took this as a perfect opportunity to chase each other around, step in the soda, and track sticky paw prints everywhere. FML

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By zevil - 18/11/2008 16:54 - Peru

Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression, I spend a lot of time getting ready and by the time I get to the place we were supposed to meet she isn't there anymore. I call her to see where she is. She's in bed with another guy and says "I was REALLY waiting for you". FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2009 11:49 - Malaysia

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2011 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

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By Brookie Bear - 4/4/2017 20:00

Today, I received a Saturday detention because the assignment I'd handed in had different handwriting. I've been practicing my handwriting skills for the past month. FML

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By carey33 - 4/6/2020 14:15

Quite the catch

Today, even though I’m having contractions, I’m still trying to clean up the house. My husband just got pissy with me because I was rolling the vacuum behind me instead of picking it up and carrying it to the closet. FML

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By Katie - 20/2/2011 08:35 - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

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By Myself - 6/9/2010 10:45 - United States

Today, after a few months of my neighbors friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML

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By speedstick - 7/9/2010 15:36 - United States

Today, I received an anonymous letter telling me that I smell bad, and suggesting that I wear more deodorant. Apparently my BO is so bad that someone feels the need to stalk me to point it out. FML

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By Carly4244 - 30/8/2017 01:30

Today, I was the Maid of Honor at my friend's wedding. Months earlier, we had a bitter fight, but she picked out a beautiful dress for me and I thought we were past it. When I began speaking, the lights changed to a weird brightness and my friend snickered. My dress was completely see-through. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2019 02:00

Today, it's only been a week since I've been in my new apartment with my boyfriend, and I already caught him cheating. FML

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By sucky sucky - 7/7/2020 14:01

Oh, hai Mark

Today, my crush, who’s notorious for only dating skinny girls, walked out of the break room. I turned to my friend and joked, “I may not be skinny, but I can suck a jawbreaker through a boba straw!” Turns out he came back because he forgot his phone. He most definitely heard me. FML

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By boo - 27/5/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

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By nothanks - 1/5/2011 14:30 - United States

Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2015 07:30 - Canada - Delta

Today, I found out the name on my driver's license is incorrect. I don't know what's worse: the fact the government can't even copy a goddamn name correctly, or that it took me three months to notice, when a cop nearly arrested me for carrying a "fake" license. FML

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By authentic - 18/2/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, my tattoo artist boyfriend of five months gave me my first tattoo in celebration of my 18th birthday. It was supposed to be a heart with my name in script. He spelled my name wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 05:05

Quite the catch

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me with more guys than I can count on one hand. I'm not sure what's worse, realizing this only after she's moved in, realizing two of the guys were my close friends, or realizing I'd given up my dream career for this. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2017 02:00

Free Playboy for the guy that can't even use it. Oh, cruel fate.

Today, I received a Playboy magazine that I never ordered, and now my husband won't stop laughing at me or calling me a closet heterosexual. FML

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By gymbob - 6/5/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML

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Top comments

By clockworklolita | 3

#632320 - Thursday 22 October 2009 2:37

you absolutely MUST speak to a proper therapist. from the sounds of things your anxiety and worries have gone beyond the point of your academic counsellor being able to help. get help, and pronto.

By tingting1 | 0

#632192 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:34

even better,
try some weed :)

COMMENTS

By NGM_47 | 0

#632173 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:26

Maybe you need a therapist?

Reply

22cute | 17

#4051579 - Saturday 18 February 2012 13:34

I had the same thing happen only with IBS. The Dr told me to try yoga & exercise which I used to do daily but had to quit because it upset my colon.

By dcbog123 | 0

#632175 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:26

thats cuz your weak little p*Ssy

By aaaaa2p | 0

#632178 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:27

Your "counselor" is an idiot. Disregard what it says and talk to someone with a high school diploma, at least.

Reply

dundermiflax34 | 0

#632322 - Thursday 22 October 2009 2:39

i have the same problem, excluding the actual vomiting, but the nausea, and the therapist i was sent to told me the same thing about exercising.

By Hydra_fml | 0

#632180 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:28

Try pills. Can't go wrong with pills.

Reply

tingting1 | 0

#632192 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:34

even better,
try some weed :)

Reply

DemonicAngel151 | 0

#632195 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:35

Pills FTW!

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#632225 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:47

From my experience, a good bowl of pot helps a lot with anxiety.

Reply

thematt_fml | 0

#632378 - Thursday 22 October 2009 3:10

its called MASTURBATION

Reply

BisFitty | 7

#1686858 - Friday 12 November 2010 10:49

#9 and #20 have the right idea ;-)

Reply

Uramonkey | 11

#4003520 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 5:46

I agree that both pot and masturbation help reduce stress. yes, thumb me down but you all know i'm right.

By Sashiko | 0

#632185 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:29

I'm in a similar boat. I don't throw up when I exercise but I don't sleep because I always thing my boyfriend is going to die in a nuclear attack so I always have to check the tv and internet.

Reply

MagicMeds | 0

#632763 - Thursday 22 October 2009 8:06

What is this? I don't even...

By shanedawsonfan | 0

#632187 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:30

Woah

By yasmeenjonasx3 | 0

#632194 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:35

FYL.

By Bloodknight | 22

#632197 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:36

Well this is one big convoluted mess of an FML! Whatever...YDI.

Reply

0_FYL_0 | 17

#5502742 - Wednesday 22 May 2013 22:10

I don't think you realize that she can't help it. How can she deserve something that's completely out of her control. You wouldn't be saying that if you had her dissorder

By powersmoke | 0

#632213 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:42

Grow a pair.

By Sickillsells | 0

#632215 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:42

Few remedies come to mind, and most are a waste, better off hanging out in the DMV.