Health: Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

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Instadrama

Workaholic

Lobbied

By Miss<Younger>Beyoncé - Namibia - Windhoek

Today, I was boxing up all my brother's old stuff to take to the attic. I came across a box, and without checking what was inside, I took it up, just to have it fall on my head, to then find out it was filled with dead baby hamsters. FML

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By mypoolisstilldirty - Australia

Today, I found out that the pool boy has been stealing from me for over a year now. The latest things that he has taken are my laptop, the cash I hide in my closet and my wife. FML

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By ilovemom - Costa Rica

Today, after reading a very emotional article about always letting your loved ones know how much you love them in case it's your last time seeing them, I went to my mom and told her how much I loved her and how thankful I was for everything. Her reply? "Shut up kid, Vince Vaughn is on Ellen". FML

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By bail? - United States - Omaha

Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML

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By dollarstorepwnr - Canada

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

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By RahiYeah09 - United States

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

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By that's methed up, darling - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

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By UltraHoe69 - United States

Today, in gym class, we were forced to learn the "Hoedown Throwdown" dance, by Miley Cyrus. This will actually be counted toward my grade. I'm in high school. FML

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By Gumfanatic302 - United States

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

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By Looking4ajob - United States - Jackson

Today, I asked my manager what NSFW stands for. FML

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By Jason McGinnis - 22/9/2020 16:51 - Canada - Brampton

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Today, just like every other day, my company is so dysfunctional that local food chains require us to pay cash up front for our catering, because we routinely take 6 months or more to pay for a chicken sandwich. FML

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By littlegirl - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

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By Itchy Missy - United States - Denver

Today, I got more pleasure from itching the bed bug bites from sleeping over at my boyfriend's house than I got from actually sleeping with him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. The only person who remembered was the creepy guy in my English class who keeps trying to smell my hair. FML

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By Asl94 - 16/1/2021 05:01

Are you calling me a fatass?

Today, my mom asked me what I wanted as a gift, so I said a Cricut machine. She replied, "You don’t need exercise equipment, you need to eat healthier." A Cricut is a sticker maker. FML

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By nicole - United States

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

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By Lillian - 25/12/2020 01:58 - United States

Are you OK, hun?

Today, I walked into a store to buy a type of bread I like. The stuff was sold out, so I asked an employee when they'll be restocking it. The employee yelled at me, because, "They do have that bread," walks to the isle, and then when she saw that they really were out of the bread, she walked off. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted him to be a little more masculine and dominant in the bedroom. He broke up with me because I'm not "feminist enough". FML

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By Anonymous - Malaysia

Today, someone switched my hairspray with bug spray when I didn't notice. I used it. FML

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By The Bearded Woman - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was nervous as hell for my driving test. The instructor told me to drive a straight line in reverse. I forgot to put the car in reverse from drive and drove straight into a parked vehicle. Which happened to be owned by the instructor. FML

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By Spraylady - United Kingdom

Today, I think my unborn child has developed a sense of humour. The little cherub is usually very calm, but must have realised that if he/she kicks me hard enough in this particular place near my bladder, I'll piss myself on the spot like a race horse. It's happened twice now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Coldwater

Today, I am one year away from getting a university degree. Unfortunately, my parents just kicked me out because I wouldn't drop out and work for free at our family's gas station. I'm now broke, homeless and have no way to pay for school. FML

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By bitchimgay - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

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By Kelsey Dynes

Meat Market

Today, I had a doctor's appointment and my doctor had to examine my abdomen. I'm generally a pretty fit woman. After touching my abdomen, my doctor called me "the perfect specimen" and asked me if I was single because his son is also single. FML

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By eslteacher - Korea Republic of

Today, while teaching English in Korea, my boss gave me a birthday present from her and all of my co-workers. It was a really fancy box. It had very nice wrapping. It had a pretty bow. It was kind of heavy. It was 6 bottles of dandruff shampoo. FML

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By ET - United States - Glendale

Today, I was at a small secret Santa with a group of friends. Everyone got each other some amazing gifts, the first person got a homemade self portrait, the second person got some professional grade playing cards, the third person got an album of past memories, and I got a pack of pens. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I slipped and fell in mud while running from the car to inside to avoid getting wet in a torrential downpour. I was running from the limo, in my wedding dress, to the church for my wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

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By OhFseriously123 - Italy

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

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By itsbeenalongday - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen asleep in my arms and everything was perfect - until I noticed the water around us had started turning yellow as she pissed herself in her sleep. FML

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By Lunar-Spice

Free the Flow!

Today, I went to take a shower. I noticed a funky smell, but I just assumed it was from whoever had been there last. When I pulled the shower curtain back, I found out that my sister has stopped using feminine hygiene products for her period. It looked like someone had died in the bathtub. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Ilkeston

Today, I got rear-ended because my ultra-clingy girlfriend wouldn't let go of my hand long enough for me to shift gears. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Torrance

Today, I was over at a friend's house feeding her cats while she was on vacation. After feeding the four of them, I found an extra cat under the sofa. Thinking it was an intruding stray, I kicked it out. She actually has 5 cats. FML

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By ihatespiders - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

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By Mintspice

Today, a girl I've liked for months agreed to go to a movie. We were going to see Captain Marvel, but missed the show time, so we saw Five Feet Apart. Blessing in disguise, right? Wrong. She cried while holding my hand as she talked about how in love she is with another girl. FML

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By inosehowthatgotthere - United States

Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML

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By WhyM3¿?¿

Today and so far not a good year. I'm still taking care of my mom who is sick from cancer and I seem to be the only one to help her (I'm the youngest btw). I pay the bills, clean, cook, work, bathe and feed my mother I'm exhausted I'm only 18... But it's not that my sis called me SELFISH Today...FML

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By Country - 12/2/2021 14:30 - United States - Huntsville

Happy Valentine's…

Today, I finally got my stimulus check and was big excited to be able to cash it and buy Valentine's Day gifts. The very second turn out of our driveway, dude and I got T-boned. Our only vehicle, with only two payments remaining, appears totalled. FML

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Top comments

By clockworklolita | 3

#632320 - Thursday 22 October 2009 2:37

you absolutely MUST speak to a proper therapist. from the sounds of things your anxiety and worries have gone beyond the point of your academic counsellor being able to help. get help, and pronto.

By tingting1 | 0

#632192 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:34

even better,
try some weed :)

COMMENTS

By NGM_47 | 0

#632173 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:26

Maybe you need a therapist?

Reply

22cute | 17

#4051579 - Saturday 18 February 2012 13:34

I had the same thing happen only with IBS. The Dr told me to try yoga & exercise which I used to do daily but had to quit because it upset my colon.

By dcbog123 | 0

#632175 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:26

thats cuz your weak little p*Ssy

By aaaaa2p | 0

#632178 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:27

Your "counselor" is an idiot. Disregard what it says and talk to someone with a high school diploma, at least.

Reply

dundermiflax34 | 0

#632322 - Thursday 22 October 2009 2:39

i have the same problem, excluding the actual vomiting, but the nausea, and the therapist i was sent to told me the same thing about exercising.

By Hydra_fml | 0

#632180 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:28

Try pills. Can't go wrong with pills.

Reply

tingting1 | 0

#632192 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:34

even better,
try some weed :)

Reply

DemonicAngel151 | 0

#632195 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:35

Pills FTW!

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#632225 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:47

From my experience, a good bowl of pot helps a lot with anxiety.

Reply

thematt_fml | 0

#632378 - Thursday 22 October 2009 3:10

its called MASTURBATION

Reply

BisFitty | 7

#1686858 - Friday 12 November 2010 10:49

#9 and #20 have the right idea ;-)

Reply

Uramonkey | 11

#4003520 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 5:46

I agree that both pot and masturbation help reduce stress. yes, thumb me down but you all know i'm right.

By Sashiko | 0

#632185 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:29

I'm in a similar boat. I don't throw up when I exercise but I don't sleep because I always thing my boyfriend is going to die in a nuclear attack so I always have to check the tv and internet.

Reply

MagicMeds | 0

#632763 - Thursday 22 October 2009 8:06

What is this? I don't even...

By shanedawsonfan | 0

#632187 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:30

Woah

By yasmeenjonasx3 | 0

#632194 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:35

FYL.

By Bloodknight | 22

#632197 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:36

Well this is one big convoluted mess of an FML! Whatever...YDI.

Reply

0_FYL_0 | 17

#5502742 - Wednesday 22 May 2013 22:10

I don't think you realize that she can't help it. How can she deserve something that's completely out of her control. You wouldn't be saying that if you had her dissorder

By powersmoke | 0

#632213 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:42

Grow a pair.

By Sickillsells | 0

#632215 - Thursday 22 October 2009 1:42

Few remedies come to mind, and most are a waste, better off hanging out in the DMV.