Love: Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play.... - FML

By irishbitch

Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play. I knew that he'd be kissing his female opposite at the end of the show and I was okay with that. I snuck into his dressing room at intermission to find him "rehearsing" with her half naked. FML

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Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

There's no helping some people

Miscommunication

By anon - Australia - Glenfield

Today, my boyfriend was so drunk at a New Years party that he approached me and asked me who I was. FML

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By super maman - France - Montauban

Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML

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By I'm_Not_Interested - United States - Reno

Today, I found out the only reason why a friend of mine even bothered talking to me. He thought that I'd sleep with him if he was nice enough. FML

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By lily - 13/9/2020 14:01 - United States

Disinterested

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML

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By kufan1324 - United States

Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML

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By slut - Canada

Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

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By I didn't though - United States

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

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By Brokenheartz - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Happy Valentine's Day anyway

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's Day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday." He works in a bank and helps "capitalistic consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

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By roomie487 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my new roommate. I also met her stuffed animals, who introduced themselves to me. My roommate makes inanimate objects talk. FML

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By martin1022 - United States

Today, recent construction has created a manhole that cars slam over every single morning. This normally starts at 4 a.m. as people make their early commute on my busy street. With every car that hits it, there's a huge echoing slamming noise. FML

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By not_trained_for_this - United States

Today, I was working at the school when one of the kids came crying to me about needing help with his zipper after a little "accident". Forbidden by a district ordinance to touch them in certain areas, there was nothing I could do; to which he cried and pissed his pants. Again. FML

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By KlutzyFarmGirl - United States

Glamorous...

Today, I went into the farm where I work. Within the first 30 minutes I slipped on a fresh cow pie and broke my ankle. FML

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By ssydneyy - United States - Lakewood

Today, I was working as a character at an amusement park. I was walking with another character and we went over to a baby girl. She smiled and laughed at my co-worker. When she saw me, she started screaming and crying. FML

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By 2for1 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

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By da man - Canada

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML

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By AnnaWusHere - United States

Today, my 72 year old Grandmother informed me she's running for mayor. She's been going around town with home made signs all day campaigning to win mayor. She lives in my town. My friend called me asking me if she was high. FML

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By Cassie

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

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By mother to be - United States

Today, while talking to my sister, I explained to her that the reason I hope I end up having a girl is I want my daughter to love me the way I "used" to love my own mother. I didn't mean to say it in the past tense. My sister told my mom. She's planning my baby shower. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

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By Lisa - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

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By noonotme - United States

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

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By Anonymous - Brunei Darussalam

Today, my crush walked me home. As my mom opens the door, she tells me in Russian how ugly he is, and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. FML

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By Stan - United States

Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML

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By mel - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

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By embarrassedinretail - Australia

Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - York

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

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By mislead - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

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By pyook

My Bucket

Today, my college class has a strict rule that ANY absence, even if it's because you're sick and have a doctor's note, will drop your grade a letter grade. I have a chronic illness. Today is the second time in the first two weeks that I've had to show up to class with a bucket. FML

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By Anonymous

Clean me, humanoid

Today, I had to wash my cat. Twice. The first time was because he decided to roll over in the litter tray after using it. The second was the result of him pissing on the floor, then rolling in it right after I'd dried him from the first time. FML

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By Melie-Melo - United Kingdom

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

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By razgriz1 - United States

Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there, to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride: 1 - Getting Laid: 0. FML

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By Rude awakening - 28/10/2020 14:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Black out

Today, I blacked out while riding my electric scooter. Luckily, I was quickly jolted awake when my chin hit the tarmac. FML

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By PulledOver - United States

Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML

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By creepster - Canada

Today, I was hit on by an older man. I rolled my eyes at him and informed him I was 16, hoping that would get him to leave me alone. He shrugged and said, "We're both human." FML

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By beautifulme - United States

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

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By swervelol

Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Escalon

Today, my insane war veteran great-uncle punched me in the throat for not laughing hard enough at his stupid joke. FML

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Top comments

By emilysanftwsom | 0

#672642 - Sunday 15 November 2009 12:34

I hope you dumped him.

By Funambulist | 0

#672661 - Sunday 15 November 2009 13:11

Well i hope thats the end of you and him being together. FYL.

COMMENTS

By emilysanftwsom | 0

#672642 - Sunday 15 November 2009 12:34

I hope you dumped him.

Reply

RipIt | 0

#672704 - Sunday 15 November 2009 12:53

Yep. me too

Reply

dcbog123 | 0

#673221 - Sunday 15 November 2009 21:32

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

phiniusmaster | 0

#673347 - Monday 16 November 2009 0:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

zakkyzebra | 11

#2536132 - Friday 20 May 2011 1:09

which half...

Reply

ilovecamp | 2

#2844577 - Friday 8 July 2011 5:12

your an ass

By Funambulist | 0

#672661 - Sunday 15 November 2009 13:11

Well i hope thats the end of you and him being together. FYL.

By Kappaa | 0

#672696 - Sunday 15 November 2009 12:44

I hope you joined in?

By analltimelow | 0

#672699 - Sunday 15 November 2009 12:47

lol at #3
did he actually say they were 'rehearsing'?

Reply

ThuNDeY | 23

#6196553 - Sunday 8 February 2015 20:31

You are #3

By StaticDown | 0

#672706 - Sunday 15 November 2009 13:04

Hmm... I think the rehearsing part is what she wanted to believe... I'd dump him right on the spot!

Reply

MaydayParade1476 | 14

#5108223 - Friday 2 November 2012 16:13

She didn't actually mean they were rehearsing, nor was that what she thought. She probably was stating his "excuse"

By Thespade_fml | 0

#672715 - Sunday 15 November 2009 13:37

Bravo lmao

By Peroxide | 3

#672729 - Sunday 15 November 2009 14:09

and the award for "this is totally not what this looks like" goes to....

By ygdrassil | 17

#672737 - Sunday 15 November 2009 14:23

is that how he will kiss her in the play?
at least give him thevbenefit of the doubt

Reply

Nezumi04 | 20

#6285360 - Friday 8 May 2015 18:42

Are you stupid?

By contrastive | 0

#672740 - Sunday 15 November 2009 14:27

All you have to do is listen to Bad Romance, and you'll feel 10000x better. :)

By xoconnie | 8

#672760 - Sunday 15 November 2009 14:51

WHAT A JERK. dump him ASAP ! :(