Money and Geek: Today, I got my hair trimmed to look fresh for my sister's wedding...

By Anonymous

Today, I got my hair trimmed to look fresh for my sister's wedding this week. The woman messed up so badly that the manager had to step in and fix it. I lost 8 inches of hair and my dad keeps telling me I look like a medieval stable boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5077

You deserved it

354

Favorite

Money

Geek

Vulture

Walk on the wild side

And today, on Dr Phil…

By Anonymous - United States - Midland

Today, I was talking with a very attractive co-worker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as the moth lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11229

You deserved it

925

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15171

You deserved it

50959

Favorite

By failedparenting - United States - Bronx

Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15769

You deserved it

1706

Favorite

By Anonymous - Argentina

Today, my boss showed me a two-page letter from a customer, complaining about me because I couldn't honor a coupon that expired in 2009. He agreed that I did the right thing by refusing it, but said it would be a black mark on my record anyway due to the complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31253

You deserved it

1935

Favorite

By Ouchithurt - United States

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49853

You deserved it

20982

Favorite

By badluck_jean - France

Today, at a ski resort, I tried to impress an attractive girl on the slopes and failed, horribly. I ended up with a mild concussion and some serious cuts after tripping, tumbling and hitting my head against the ground. I don't think she was impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24693

You deserved it

11037

Favorite

By FedExMan - United States

Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41627

You deserved it

2605

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30968

You deserved it

3589

Favorite

By TheTruthofWomen - United States

Today, at work, I had to explain to my co-manager at work what a period was, after he refused to let an employee go change her tampon. Afterwards, he panicked, saying he thought women made that up so they didn't have to have sex, before trying to send her to the hospital and fainting. We're 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70023

You deserved it

4647

Favorite

By alexander - United States - Longmont

Today, my girlfriend really needed to take a pee while we were fishing in my boat. Rather than go to shore, she decided to she could just go into a Snapple bottle. I watched as all her pee went straight onto the floor of my boat, soon realizing she had never even taken the bottle's cap off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7630

You deserved it

1027

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31296

You deserved it

9296

Favorite

By sarahcurtis213 - United States

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26925

You deserved it

5310

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Bloomington

Today, I received a birthday card from my dad, over a week late. It was addressed to me using my maiden name, the enclosed check also made out to me using my maiden name. I've been married for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15135

You deserved it

1540

Favorite

By Michael - 13/2/2021 09:30 - Australia - Southport

Another birthday ruined

Today, my girlfriend of one year broke up with me because I started having PTSD induced night terrors. On my birthday as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

941

You deserved it

Favorite

By EpicFail - United States

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24792

You deserved it

2345

Favorite

By Eric Rivera - 29/1/2021 23:01 - United States - Philadelphia

I've just got one of those faces

Today, while walking to the corner store, I noticed a car full of teenage girls. As I got closer to the store, one of them who was still getting in, says, "Hurry, here comes a pedo!" I turned to look and see who they were talking about, but there was no one behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

869

You deserved it

Favorite

By vey - China - Beijing

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43685

You deserved it

5228

Favorite

By Nataly - 24/12/2020 23:02 - United States - Rahway

Stay at home

Today, after I bought a ticket to Colombia back in April this year to travel in December. I was waiting for my passport to get mailed. My flight was on December 17; I received my passport on December 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

771

You deserved it

303

Favorite

By cbrocks - United States

Today, it was the first day of fall break from college, and I was really excited to sleep in and relax the entire weekend. Apparently my boss caught wind of my happiness and scheduled me 8am-2pm each day of break, "seeing how I don't have anything else to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33089

You deserved it

3862

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to give a speech but I wasn't prepared. I decided to give it anyway. While giving the speech, I got so nervous I passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24744

You deserved it

8540

Favorite

By rhythmbandit - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a beautiful pair of very expensive diamond earrings, along with a card that read, "To my beautiful brown eyed Princess." My ears aren't pierced, and my eyes are green. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46040

You deserved it

4066

Favorite

By promoted - Australia

Today, my boss quit his job and stopped coming in without warning. Guess who just inherited his tasks and responsibilities without the training or pay associated with his manager role. I was hired last year as a junior system admin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27589

You deserved it

3088

Favorite

By LilPie - United States - Fort Washington

Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28911

You deserved it

2285

Favorite

By chacha - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38360

You deserved it

5488

Favorite

By Crushgonewrong - United States - Compton

Today, I told the cute girl in my office that she looked like she listened to country music, as an icebreaker. She blankly stared at me for what felt like forever, and responded with, "That's the worst thing you could say to a person," and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9421

You deserved it

12765

Favorite

By AFH2O - United States - Visalia

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46448

You deserved it

3867

Favorite

By MBoomer

Today, I found a great parking spot but I wasn't sure if it was restricted by any means or of I could just park there for free. I asked a police officer walking by and he told me it was alright, only to come back 4 hours later to find a ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11331

You deserved it

940

Favorite

By Oy Vay - United States - Sparkill

Today, my daughter, whom I consigned a credit card for, told me she was in a bit of financial trouble. It turns out that she was trying to pay off her credit card with the same credit card her bill was for, and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9817

You deserved it

1175

Favorite

By Chris - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20162

You deserved it

46014

Favorite

By Anonymous

Oh, hai!

Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it's my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1521

You deserved it

485

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/6/2021 10:59

Pass the parcel

Today, I went to my son's friend's birthday party and felt really proud of giving a great gift. It just so happened that I regifted the same gift that his friend's mother gave to my son the month before because I forgot to check the name on the bag. It looked like she was about to faint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

164

You deserved it

1375

Favorite

By anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27816

You deserved it

7423

Favorite

By Lovestupid - Australia

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11983

You deserved it

29002

Favorite

By oicwydt - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to a car show. I told him to hold on, I had to ask my mom. I quietly asked her to say no for me. She said "Sure!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

9742

You deserved it

37020

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out that the lump in my wrist that keeps getting inflamed and sore is caused by sketching and using my laptop too much. Good thing I'm in my fourth year of studying to become a designer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34868

You deserved it

3064

Favorite

By ellieinc - United States - Stacy

Today, my boyfriend bought me Cards Against Humanity because he thinks it would give me some motivation to make friends since I only have one and need three to play. Sad thing is, he's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13923

You deserved it

1384

Favorite

By anonymous - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, while riding my bike in the rain to a counselling appointment about my depression, my shoelace came untied and got caught around my pedal, causing me to go flying off my bike directly in a huge muddy puddle right in front of a busy street of people. No one offered to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19034

You deserved it

1678

Favorite

By Wino - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8760

You deserved it

34440

Favorite

By stoprubbingitinmyface - United States - Tacoma

Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay at my apartment, cry and eat chocolate in peace. My roommate decided to have loud sex with her boyfriend in the apartment. She refused to quiet down, saying "My body, my rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34409

You deserved it

4716

Favorite

By dorrisdoes - New Zealand

Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38249

You deserved it

10127

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By pjsr | 32

#7590094 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 1:36

Neigh, laddie, you look just fine!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7590152 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 6:59

Persuade your sister to have a medieval themed wedding.

COMMENTS

By pjsr | 32

#7590094 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 1:36

Neigh, laddie, you look just fine!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7590120 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 3:26

The good news is the bridle be much less worried that the groom will dump her for you down the stretch.

He still might want to horse around a bit!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7590152 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 6:59

Persuade your sister to have a medieval themed wedding.

By graayfox215 | 15

#7590184 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 9:11

Arya stark is that you?

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7590243 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 12:14

Demand free hair extensions?

By psycobunnymamafox | 13

#7590383 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 18:46

I would have thrown a fit and demanded they fix it to the way it was supposed to be or some kind of compensation

By chosha_fml | 25

#7590448 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 21:51

I guess you’re sticking to the rule of not outshining the bride. That hair salon should agree to style your hair into lovely curls for the wedding day. Just get the boss and not the one that screwed up.

By Takegami | 22

#7590469 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 22:38

You need a go-to person. I girl I’ve known since hit school has been cutting my hair and she does a great job

By JudgeComrade | 17

#7590488 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 23:44

Arya? Arya Stark?

By Seymore Collins | 7

#7591023 - Friday 26 January 2018 8:31

Did you go to a new hairdresser? For a big event like that? n00b mistake. Next time you'll know :)