Today, I got my hair trimmed to look fresh for my sister's wedding...

By Anonymous - 24/1/2018 01:30

Today, I got my hair trimmed to look fresh for my sister's wedding this week. The woman messed up so badly that the manager had to step in and fix it. I lost 8 inches of hair and my dad keeps telling me I look like a medieval stable boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5047

You deserved it

351

Favorite

Money

Geek

Social distancing gone wrong

That'll be Kevin in accounting

TMI

By Anonymous - 19/4/2012 04:46 - United States - Sparks

Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21784

You deserved it

4612

Favorite

By yosmurf - 13/8/2018 23:31

Smooth.

Today, I finished taking a huge dump at the public restroom at the mall. When I got up to wipe, my wrist clipped my butt and knocked my brand new Apple Watch into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2044

You deserved it

1147

Favorite

By Munkeh - 12/4/2012 20:42 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Faithful

Today, I found out that my partner thinks love is more meaningful than sex, so it's okay to stick his penis in someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40357

You deserved it

4030

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/9/2017 07:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1775

You deserved it

4847

Favorite

By [email protected] - 28/9/2014 15:30 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56442

You deserved it

4830

Favorite

By Dudeman5000 - 21/1/2009 06:59 - France

Today, I get home and there's a package waiting for me. I ordered something online 2 weeks ago for a girl I like. She's not available anymore. No refunds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22539

You deserved it

5806

Favorite

By douchetard - 26/3/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38460

You deserved it

134283

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/11/2018 22:00

Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6114

You deserved it

251

Favorite

By preggersss - 19/7/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I got sick in the airsick bag as my flight landed. The woman next to me, trying to make me feel better, says "Don't handle landings too well?" I responded "No, I actually fly fine, I'm just 8 weeks pregnant." She looked at my left hand, noticed no ring, rolled her eyes and looked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51509

You deserved it

17107

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/12/2017 06:00

Today, the gas company had to be called into work for a possible gas leak. The pipes are fine. I had White Castle for dinner last night. I'm the gas leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3736

You deserved it

1175

Favorite

By pizzafaceinc - 2/3/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26640

You deserved it

3022

Favorite

By Karmas3itch - 12/5/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

84722

You deserved it

6719

Favorite

By MsConfusedd - 1/9/2012 04:30 - United States - Hazlet

Today, I learned that my 76 year old great aunt likes to swim naked, even when I have friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25649

You deserved it

2010

Favorite

By badluck_jean - 17/1/2015 13:54 - France

Today, at a ski resort, I tried to impress an attractive girl on the slopes and failed, horribly. I ended up with a mild concussion and some serious cuts after tripping, tumbling and hitting my head against the ground. I don't think she was impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24684

You deserved it

11020

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 21:49 - United States

Today, my mother woke me up and asked to borrow money. Still groggy, I mumbled where my money stash was. She took all $300 and refuses to pay me back because I'm her son and I "owe" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36091

You deserved it

6753

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/12/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, at work, one of my 6 year old students who has had intense speech therapy since kindergarten, told me "I can tell you're hot, because you rolled your sleeves up." I was very pleased with his articulate sentence, until he said "Your arms are hairy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24258

You deserved it

4343

Favorite

By waitingformyfoodstamps - 24/1/2009 10:50 - United States

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31016

You deserved it

8317

Favorite

By spider-sarah - 8/10/2016 09:35 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out the hard way that if you leave your sheets on the washing line too long, spiders will go and make their new home in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8783

You deserved it

2051

Favorite

By Gone With the Wind - 12/5/2014 03:29 - United States - Omaha

Today, the tornado sirens went off so my family went to the basement and turned on the TV to the local news. The station goes to their sky cam as a trampoline flies by. Quite the sight. When the storm passed, I looked outside to see our trampoline was gone. It was the one flying by on TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53565

You deserved it

4854

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 17:38 - United States - Monroe

Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46053

You deserved it

3814

Favorite

By flowerging - 11/4/2013 04:53 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I offered to pay my boyfriend to buy me flowers. He still refused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44390

You deserved it

16209

Favorite

By Confused - 23/9/2020 17:01 - Australia - Perth

Suspicious

Today, I texted my boyfriend, asking him to meet me when he finished work. Paranoid as he is, he took this to mean that I wanted to break up with him, and is ghosting me into oblivion. All I wanted was to see him on our 4-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1081

You deserved it

133

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/9/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33406

You deserved it

7699

Favorite

By Morgan - 3/2/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him "about a dollar?" He said "wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39362

You deserved it

3033

Favorite

By Really? - 10/7/2010 14:57 - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was late. I was late because I had no alarm. I had no alarm because my roommate got mad and broke my phone when I beat her at scrabble. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46727

You deserved it

6386

Favorite

By soupcrackers - 7/10/2020 04:57

Persona non grata

Today, I spoke to Friend A and Friend B, with whom I'd had arguments with in the past. Those arguments caused me to leave a group chat. When I want to settle things with Friend B, they told me, "Don't come back to the group chat. It'll make everyone happier if you stay out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

738

You deserved it

361

Favorite

By ballerphilip23 - 15/5/2009 17:11 - Austria

Today, I was standing on the packed bus home when I had a speck of dust in my lenses. As I couldn't rub it out, I tried blinking it out for the next five minutes. Then the hot girl opposite me screams "Stop winking at me, you bastard! Don't even think about it, you ugly fuck!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39787

You deserved it

2941

Favorite

By Ange - 15/1/2012 19:34 - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32360

You deserved it

5059

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 14:45 - Malaysia

Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27769

You deserved it

4658

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/3/2017 22:00

Today, at my engagement party, I overheard my future father-in-law saying he was happy his son was marrying "the dumb, pretty one" because all the "smart ones" he dated at university were "nerds with small tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4487

You deserved it

362

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/5/2019 14:15

Today, I walked into work on time, went into my office, sat down and turned on the computer. After working for about 4 hours, my wife called and told me to look at the clock on my computer. I put it off until after lunch, when I realized today is Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1540

You deserved it

1221

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/3/2015 19:00 - United States - Point Pleasant Beach

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33744

You deserved it

4895

Favorite

By - 18/11/2019 20:00

Hopeless

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4875

You deserved it

293

Favorite

By thanksfamily - 18/9/2012 11:22 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I got engaged. My family is already placing bets on how long it will take for my fiancée to "wise up and ditch" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26218

You deserved it

2355

Favorite

By heytherexo - 5/4/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41846

You deserved it

93077

Favorite

By Shadyblood - 15/8/2009 04:32 - Puerto Rico

Today, my drunk uncle threw my brand new iPhone 3GS into my pool, ruining it completely. When I asked him to pay for the 600 dollar replacement cost, he said he wasn't responsible for his drunken actions. All of my family members are on his side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74867

You deserved it

4420

Favorite

By eightleggedtictac - 8/6/2014 15:10 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48674

You deserved it

6831

Favorite

By Stinky and Single - 6/8/2015 23:14 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24658

You deserved it

6612

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/6/2009 13:50 - South Africa

Today, I went to a huge party. My ex boyfriend was there who I still have feelings for, so I decided to make him jealous by making out with the really drunk guy next to me. While we were making out, he threw up in my mouth and all over me. Everybody found it hysterical including my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17715

You deserved it

95168

Favorite

By paperbagofdoom - 29/5/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line, who looked at me and exclaimed, "Hey look, its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, "No, he's way too fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43569

You deserved it

5112

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By pjsr | 32

#7590094 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 1:36

Neigh, laddie, you look just fine!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7590152 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 6:59

Persuade your sister to have a medieval themed wedding.

COMMENTS

By pjsr | 32

#7590094 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 1:36

Neigh, laddie, you look just fine!

By RichardPencil | 28

#7590120 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 3:26

The good news is the bridle be much less worried that the groom will dump her for you down the stretch.

He still might want to horse around a bit!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7590152 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 6:59

Persuade your sister to have a medieval themed wedding.

By graayfox215 | 15

#7590184 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 9:11

Arya stark is that you?

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7590243 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 12:14

Demand free hair extensions?

By psycobunnymamafox | 13

#7590383 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 18:46

I would have thrown a fit and demanded they fix it to the way it was supposed to be or some kind of compensation

By chosha_fml | 25

#7590448 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 21:51

I guess you’re sticking to the rule of not outshining the bride. That hair salon should agree to style your hair into lovely curls for the wedding day. Just get the boss and not the one that screwed up.

By Takegami | 22

#7590469 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 22:38

You need a go-to person. I girl I’ve known since hit school has been cutting my hair and she does a great job

By JudgeComrade | 17

#7590488 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 23:44

Arya? Arya Stark?

By Seymore Collins | 7

#7591023 - Friday 26 January 2018 8:31

Did you go to a new hairdresser? For a big event like that? n00b mistake. Next time you'll know :)